Breathing In Lightning
by WaveGoodbye
Summary: Spencer Carlin & Ashley Davies have been inseparable since diapers, so how did life tear them apart? Can they grow up without each other to lean on? They both know you can't hide from someone you've known forever.
1. Introductions

**I have ongoing fics that are in dire need of an update, I know, but this has been sitting on my laptop for a while and with the fandom dying out, I figured I should just begin posting the new material I have. Updates should come regularly. It's at 97K at the moment, so I'm quite a bit ahead. I think this story really kicks in at about chapter six, but every chapter has been fun to write, even if some have been a total pain in the ass, lol. **

**Thanks so much for all your previous reviews and alerts. I still get messages about past fics, so that's always lovely and very much appreciated. Cheers, guys.**

**Enjoy! :)**

_

* * *

_

_Little size twelve feet rushed down the stairs and headed straight for the kitchen. It was barely seven o'clock in the morning and the small brunette was almost climbing the walls. She pulled open the drawer her candy was always kept in and frowned. It was gone._

_Ashley's eyes rolled. She wasn't going to fall for that again. Deciding on a course of action, she crossed the room quickly and dragged a chair back with her. Standing on it for height, Ashley pulled open the cupboard doors and smiled when she found what her parents had so clearly tried to hide from her sitting right at the back of the cupboard behind the large jar of peanut butter._

_"Mom, I'm going to see Spencer!" she yelled upstairs to her mother over the sound of the chair being dragged back over to the table._

_"No, sweetie. Wait for mommy!"_

_"Okay," she drawled out unconvincingly as she went about unlocking the back door as quietly as possible._

_"Ashley, I mean it. It's too early!"_

_The door was pulled open. "I said okay!" she shouted back._

_Ashley looked down and turned her arm, watching the thinnest hand tick the seconds on her watch. She let it move five times before she impatiently rushed from her house to the one next door. It took her until she reached the grass to realise she'd forgotten to put shoes on, and pulled a face when the early morning dew began to soak through her socks._

_Her small fist knocked on the door quickly, and she grinned when she saw who was on the other side of it. She barged inside. "Morning, Spence."_

_The blonde closed the door quietly and ran to catch up with Ashley who was already almost in the kitchen. "Hey, Ash."_

_"Where is everyone?"_

_Spencer shrugged. "Still asleep, no doubt," she answered her as she walked over to the counter. "I was just making juice, you want some?"_

_"Not if it's got bits."_

_Turning around with her small cup of juice, Spencer smiled to Ashley who was standing with her hands behind her back. "What's in your hands?"_

_"Something for me and something for you. I found them when my mom took me to get groceries last night."_

_Blue eyes widened in excitement before she grinned and put her cup back on the counter top. "What is it?"_

_Ashley walked forward and placed the large item into the blonde's small hand. "It's called a Ringpop. It's candy. You put it on your finger and wear it as a ring, but you can eat it, too."_

_Spencer gasped and threw her arms around her best friend. "I love it!"_

_"You gotta hide it," she said with a big smile, hugging her back. She loved when Spencer gave her a hug. "Mom tried to hide them so I wouldn't eat mine for breakfast."_

_"Where should I hide it? Glen might find it..."_

_"Hide it where I'm hiding mine," the brunette answered as she pulled back from her and set off in the direction of the living room._

_Watching her go, Spencer rushed across the room to grab her cup of orange juice and made a face when it tipped over, spilling over her arm and onto the floor. "Great," she whispered to herself._

_"Spence, bring the Cheerios in!" Ashley yelled in a whisper, pushing the button on the remote until she found the cartoons._

_"Kay!" she whispered back._

_A few seconds later, Spencer hurried into the living room with her arms full and kneeled next to Ashley, pushing her arm out towards her. "I couldn't carry the milk and spoons."_

_"It's okay. They're better dry, anyway," Ashley said as she pulled the box from her arms. "Why's your arm wet?"_

_She put her drink on the floor next to them both and shrugged. "I spilled some of my juice."_

_Ashley craned her neck and looked to the couch behind her. There was a crisp white shirt just draped across the arm of the couch. "What's that doing there?"_

_"That's just daddy's shirt for work. Mom has to get the creases out before he can wear it," she answered, leaning closer to Ashley to undo the box of cereal._

_Pulling the shirt down to the floor, Ashley rolled it up and wiped it across Spencer's arm until it was dry. "My feet are wet, too," she told her. "Forgot to put my shoes on."_

_"Who forgets to put their shoes on?"_

_"Me," the brunette replied, not doing anything to hide her impish smile as she lay back on the floor, sticking her foot in her friend's face. "Mom was like, 'Ashley it's too early to see Spencer, she'll be sleeping!'" she told her, putting on a voice to imitate her mother's. "And I'm like, 'whatever, mom, who knows Spencer better: me or you?', and then I just forgot to put my shoes on before I ran over here."_

_As she was drying one of her feet, Spencer laughed. "You didn't say that."_

_Ashley smirked and pushed her now dry foot into Spencer's face, wiggling her toes all over her cheek. "You don't know that."_

_Her foot was quickly slapped away before the other one was wiped clean and dry from Mr. Carlin's shirt. Once it was flung away from them, both girls moved next to each other, sitting close enough for their thighs to be touching. They were crunching on small handfuls of Cheerios when Spencer wiped a sticky hand across her knee and looked to her candy on the coffee table._

_"When are we going to hide our Ringpops?" left her lips impatiently. "'Cause it's light and everyone's gonna wake up."_

_Ashley shovelled the last of her cereal into her mouth and moved her head from left to right as she chewed quickly. "I'm going to hide mine in there," she said, pointing a finger to her stomach._

_"Didn't Christine say you couldn't have it for breakfast?"_

_She shrugged, undoing the wrapper to the candy. "I didn't have it for breakfast. I had Cheerios, remember?"_

_Unable to help herself, Spencer smiled at her friend's __mischievous tone and followed suit, unwrapping her candy. "We have to eat 'em quick. Since its summer vacation, mom keeps giving me strawberries and stuff for breakfast."_

_"I know, that's why I got you a strawberry one," Ashley said as she slid her Ringpop onto her finger and raised it to her lips. "Mine's grape."_

_"It looks expensive..." Spencer murmured before she had her first taste._

_Ashley nodded as a response, suddenly absorbed in her candy and the episode of Tom and Jerry that was on._

_"It's good!"_

_"I know," she replied smugly, turning to look at her._

_Five minutes later, engrossed in cartoons, the smile on Spencer's face fell away when she heard someone knocking on the front door. She glanced to the door and then back to Ashley. "Do you think that's your mom?"_

_"Probably." Ashley sighed. "I don't want to go."_

_"I don't want you to go, either."_

_"I'll hide!" she exclaimed in a whisper as she stood up._

_Quickly following suit, Spencer got to her feet and watched as Ashley found her hiding spot behind the curtains. "Be quiet," she whispered to her, walking over to the door._

_As she got closer, the knocking became a little harder and more insistent. She opened the door quickly, not wanting the sound to wake her parents, or worse —Glen. She swallowed thickly when she saw who was on the other side of the door. It was Ashley's mother._

_Spencer held her hand behind her back and greeted the woman with an innocent smile. "Good morning."_

_Looking down to the small child, Christine couldn't help but smile. Spencer was still wearing her PJ's and her blonde hair was in disarray. Her tongue was also stained red. "Good morning Spencer."_

_Spencer's grin fell away slowly. She used the tone, the one that said she was busted. "Uh, if you're here to see my mom, she's still sleeping."_

_"I'm not here to see your mom, sweetie. I'm looking for Ashley."_

_She shook her head emphatically. "Ashley's not here."_

_"Can I come in for a minute?"_

_"But...no-one is up."_

_"I won't stay long, I promise," she assured her._

_Swallowing thickly, Spencer had no choice but to nod and allow her inside._

_Christine walked into the living room and took one look to the carpet. A box of cheerios, a dirty white shirt, an empty cup, two candy wrappers, and Ashley's wet and dirty socks lay in front of the sofa. She turned to look at the guilt-ridden face of the seven-year-old behind her. She was still holding her hand behind her back. "Show me your hand?"_

_Spencer quickly waved her hand in the air for Ashley's mother to see._

_"And the other?"_

_Her eyes widened. "It fell off."_

_"It fell off?" she asked, amused._

_"Yep."_

_"Let me see your hand, Spencer."_

_The young girl exhaled heavily and revealed her hand to Christine, showing her the piece of red candy sitting atop her middle finger. She hoped her own mother didn't ground her when she found out._

_Christine shook her head and sighed. Ashley was quite obviously hiding. Looking around the room, she rolled her eyes when she saw the toes of her only child poking out from underneath the curtains and walked over to her. She heard Ashley's breath catch as she stood directly in front of her and slowly pulled the material to the side, exposing her four feet tall daughter._

_Ashley looked up to her mother unsurely. "Hi?"_

_She looked to the candy on Ashley's finger. "I thought I said no candy for breakfast."_

_"I didn't have candy for breakfast. I had Cheerios."_

_"You had cereal for breakfast?" she asked disbelievingly, crossing her arms._

_Ashley nodded, smiling over to an unsure-looking Spencer. "Didn't we, Spence? Tell her we had cereal."_

_Spencer nodded. "It's true, we did."_

_Walking over to her, Ashley put her arm around Spencer's shoulders and stared at her mother. "See? Now you can't do anything," she said smugly. She was showing off a little bit._

_"Don't you speak to me like that. I said not to come over here and you ignored me." She pointed to the door. "Home. Now."_

_"Can't she stay?" Spencer asked Christine hopefully. "Please?"_

_"No, honey. You'll see her later." She looked to Ashley. "Say goodbye, Ashley."_

_Ashley gave Spencer a quick hug and pulled back with sparkling eyes. "Goodbye Ashley," she said to her, delighting in the way Spencer burst out laughing._

_When her mother put her hand on her back and began pushing her towards the door, Ashley turned around and waved with a smile, smiling even wider when Spencer held up her hand and mouthed 'thank you' while pointing to her ring._

_#########_

Inhaling deeply, Ashley stared the door in front of her and rolled her eyes up towards the sky, exhaling cautiously. Her closed fist knocked on the door like it had done every day since she could remember, except it had long lost its hurried pace.

The familiar sound of the lock being undone caused a polite smile to appear on her face right in time to see who was on the other side. "What's up, Doc?"

The older blonde woman smiled fondly. Paula Carlin adored Ashley Davies. "Morning, Ashley. How are you?"

She shrugged. "It's Monday. Prison calls."

"Spencer said the same thing not five minutes ago," Paula said as she leaned against the doorframe. "I'm telling you, you'll both miss the simplicity of that place once you graduate."

"I find it difficult to trust you implicitly when you say things like that, Paula," the brunette said, a teasing smirk on her face. "So, is she almost ready? We're going to be late if she doesn't put a rocket up her ass."

Spencer walked into view and stared at the girl waiting for her. "Unnecessary."

"Unlikely." It was true, they didn't have time to waste unless Spencer was comfortable being marked down as tardy, and Ashley knew she wasn't.

Blue eyes glanced to the clock before the younger blonde adjusted the straps to her backpack and checked her teeth in the mirror by the door. She leaned forward to kiss her mother's cheek. "See you tonight," she said tiredly, wanting nothing more than to get back into her bed. Sleep hadn't come easily lately.

Paula watched them head off for school with a smile, remembering the days when she would head to school every morning with Christine. They'd been best friends since they were sixteen and had both fallen pregnant at twenty-four with girls. Their daughters were going to be best friends too and judging by the smiles and carefree laughs already escaping them, they still were. Even now.

Nearing the end of the driveway and out of earshot from her mother, Spencer looked Ashley from head to foot and smiled. "Laundry day?"

The brunette smiled and glanced to her face a second later. "Halloween?"

"Your fake laugh is so obvious."

"Yet none of our parents notices it." She shrugged casually. "I guess I still have the angelic face of a seven-year-old. It's a burden, I swear."

Spencer raised her brows and let out a short laugh of mockery. "Your face was never angelic."

"No? How would you describe it?"

"Most days, retarded. Occasionally, inbred."

Mindful of Mrs. Carlin's eyes still on them, Ashley smiled widely and gently bumped into the blonde's arm. "Oh Spencer, you do have a death wish."

"It only comes out when I'm with you. Go figure."

"There's one thing we actually agree on," she said as she looked behind, her tone almost in awe. It was gone in a second. "Why is your mom still looking? This isn't the first time we've walked to school."

No, that number was in the thousands.

Spencer drew her eyebrows closer together and looked back to see her mother watching them. As she turned around, she allowed her eyes to travel down the brunette's exposed legs. "Maybe she's trying to figure out why you're wearing a belt as a skirt?"

"It's called fashion."

"It's called fall in Ohio. You want pneumonia, or something?"

"Or something."

"You can't ever give someone a simple answer, can you?" Spencer asked, mildly annoyed.

"Where's the fun in that?"

She pulled her backpack tighter against her body. "If Sheriff Pete sees you, he's going to think you're a hooker."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"And what's he going to do about it? Give me a disapproving head-shake? The fossil is weeks away from retirement, he doesn't scare me."

"You love Sheriff Pete."

Ashley turned to look at her. "Used to."

"Oh, right, I forgot; you 'changed'," she said derisively, air-quoting the last word.

"_Things _changed, so I did."

"So it wasn't your fault?"

"Nope."

"That's an interesting way to look at it."

"It's the only way to look at it," Ashley replied nonchalantly, looking down to the last house on the street. It was still unoccupied; had been for a month.

Spencer shivered as the wind picked up and tugged upwards on the zip to her red jacket. Ohio had just had one of the hottest summers in two decades and the drop in temperature was still difficult to get used to. Her feet absentmindedly kicked a pebble as she reached into her pocket.

Hearing the crinkle of a wrapper, Ashley's attention was pulled from the old house to Spencer. She raised her eyebrows at the sight almost instantly. "It's a little early to be rotting your teeth, isn't it?"

Ignoring her, Spencer slid the strawberry-flavoured Ringpop onto her index finger and used her free hand to put the wrapper in her backpack. Ashley had never cared what time she ate candy before. It was just another excuse to begin yet another fight.

Ashley waved her hand in front of the blonde's face. "Earth to Miss Ignorant."

She raised her hand with the candy on. "You know, I'm suddenly remembering the time I hit you and almost broke one of your teeth with these things."

"You really want to open that can of worms? 'Cause believe me, I—"

"No," Spencer cut in softly, looking at her as if for the first time. "I don't want to do anything with you."

Inexpressive brown eyes stared back for several seconds until she shrugged carelessly. "An early Christmas present?"

"Yeah, for me."

"Big spender."

"Just...shut your mouth," Spencer settled on. "Why is it so difficult for you to understand the concept of silence? I have no desire to talk to you, or even breathe the same air. So either stop talking or stop breathing. I'll let you pick."

Ashley was irritated. "What's difficult for me to understand is why we're still putting on this lame-ass show of 'Best Friends Forever'. It's been long enough. Things change. _People _change."

"Do they?"

"Every single day."

Spencer rolled her eyes and looked away quickly. "God, that's so typical coming from you."

"What?"

"People never change. They might seem like they have but it has to have always been there. Nobody just changes overnight."

Ashley almost smirked. "Do you know how naive you sound right now? I'm a little embarrassed for you."

As they both rounded the corner —away from any prying eyes— to the next street, the blonde shrugged. "I don't sound naive at all," she answered, picking up her pace to pass Ashley. "And if one of us should be embarrassed of them self, it's you."

"What was that?" Ashley raised her voice over the sudden gust of wind. "I couldn't hear you due to the _extreme _shock of you walking away!"

With a clenched jaw Spencer kept her pace and swiftly lifted her arm in the air, raising one choice finger to the girl behind her.


	2. Bambi on Ice

**Aw, thanks for the positive reviews, guys :). I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter. Hopefully this doesn't disappoint. Flashbacks, as always, are in _italics_.  
**

Tugging back and forth on the zip to her bag, Spencer looked to the clock. It was ten minutes past the usual time Ashley was at her door annoying her. She scraped her nail across the material for a few, impatient seconds until she sighed and stood up from her chair. She wasn't going to be late on account of her.

She pulled open the front door and was startled when she saw Ashley standing right in front of her. "God, lurk much?"

Spencer's voice was like a railroad spike through her head and instead of speaking to her - inflicting more pain upon herself, Ashley merely stepped out of the way so the blonde could move out of the house and lock the door.

At the end of the driveway, Spencer slid the keys into her pocket and looked over to Ashley's pale face. She was holding a banana, wearing aviators, and taking big gulps of chocolate milk. It could only mean one thing: she was badly hungover.

She opened her mouth to speak when she heard Ashley's father yelling his daughter's name.

Wincing, Ashley took a deep breath, praying she didn't vomit over the sidewalk. Her dad always spoke too loud early in the mornings.

Raife smiled to Spencer who had just turned to face him. "Morning, trouble-maker!" he yelled to her, a nickname from childhood that had stuck.

She noticed Ashley hunched over, holding her hand across her stomach and smiled. "Good morning!"

"Are you two off to school?"

She nodded. "Unless you want to write us a note?"

Ashley straightened up and glared at Spencer before turning to her father. She pressed the pad of her middle finger to her lips, motioning two silent requests.

Raife rolled his eyes at his daughter. If Ashley was going to drink, she'd suffer the consequences. "Maybe next week!" he yelled to Spencer. "Have a good day, girls!"

With a throbbing head and nothing but contempt for her father, Ashley set off down the street struggling to put earplugs in without dropping her hangover remedies all over the floor.

Walking faster to catch up, Spencer smiled to herself. "I love that man."

Ashley felt slight relief when the painful sounds were muffled some. She opened her banana and took a bite, hoping it would make her feel better than the slice of dry toast did.

"You look pretty stupid," Spencer told her. After all, Ashley was wearing sunglasses when dark grey clouds loomed over their heads. She looked down to her jeans. "But at least you decided to wear weather-appropriate clothing. Bravo."

Feeling another intense wave of nausea, Ashley closed her eyes as she walked, willing herself not to vomit. Again.

"I know you can hear me," Spencer said after a moment. "And you could at least pretend to be sorry for being ten minutes late."

"And you could at least take a hint," Ashley replied quietly, carefully opening her eyes. "Be quiet."

"Why were you late?"

She sighed and took her earplugs out. "I overslept."

"You know what helps with that?"

Ashley took another bite of her banana. "I'm sure you're going to tell me."

"Not drinking half a bottle of vodka on a school night."

"Stellar advice, Spencer. I'll be sure to remember that one."

"I kinda hope you don't," she replied, shrugging. "I like seeing you like this. It's not often you suffer any consequences."

"Okay, you know what?" Ashley began, holding her hand up, chocolate milk splashing up the sides of the cup. "I'm really not in the mood for that this morning, so don't even bring it up."

Her reaction was typical, but it still stung. "I hope you hurl in class," Spencer spat.

Ashley nodded her head softly, now chugging her chocolate milk in an attempt to ease her stomach quicker. "Maybe it'll be over you," she said after she'd finished, dropping her empty cup into someone's garbage can.

Spencer picked up her pace and then turned around, walking backwards. "P.E should be fun with your killer headache."

She laughed falsely and quietly. "Can't wait."

"My thoughts exactly," she replied happily as she spun back around and walked away from her.

And all Ashley could do was watch her go.

###

The day had passed unbearably slowly for Spencer and Ashley felt like she'd been in prison for eons. She'd fallen asleep in math, the food at lunch made her feel worse and every time the bell rang she felt like crying. It seemed to go on forever.

There was one class left and if it wasn't one she shared with Spencer, she'd skip it and head home to bed. She just hoped none of her team mates expected her to be on top form today, or any kind of form, really. She hated softball and just wanted to stand there and look on at Spencer being as competitive as usual.

She tried not to ignore various people shouting greetings to her from down the corridor, and tried even harder to smile at them in lieu of any verbal exchange. She was at her locker to drop a book off and get her change of clothes for P.E.

Down the hallway, Spencer came out of the restroom with her friend Emily and noticed Ashley immediately. She thought the brunette looked worse than she did when she saw her at lunch.

"So?"

Spencer looked to her friend. "So, what?"

Emily rolled her eyes. "You wanna hang out after school, or are you doing something with Ashley?"

They lived in a small town and if people at school knew something was out of the ordinary with Ashley and Spencer, Glen would know. And if Glen knew, her parents would know. And that just wasn't an option.

"Ashley doesn't feel good, so, no, we're not hanging out," she said softly. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well..." Emily began happily, putting her arm around Spencer's neck as they walked down the corridor, closer to Ashley.

Upon seeing the redhead draped all over Spencer, Ashley grabbed her bag and slammed her locker shut, not caring that the sound was echoing in her head, getting louder each time. She hadn't liked her for a long time and Emily knew it. She played on it every time they saw each other.

The bell rang loudly and Spencer couldn't help a small smile when she saw Ashley drop her bag and cover her ears, squeezing her eyes shut. She'd always been so dramatic.

Feeling sluggish, Ashley took her time getting changed for class and strolled into the gym nearly five minutes later than everyone else. She was glad she wore her hoodie. It was freezing in there.

Coach Shaw looked to her watch. "Nice of you to join us, Ashley."

Her voice echoed and Ashley closed her eyes as she sat down on the open bleachers. "Anything for you, coach," she sighed out.

Facing away from Ashley, Spencer smiled faintly at her tone and threw the ball into the air, catching it again. She didn't realise what she'd just done.

The coach stared at Ashley for a few seconds. "Uh, Ashley, you are participating in this lesson, correct?"

"Well, I definitely didn't wear these ugly shorts to school."

"Great, then maybe you could get up and join the rest of your team?" she suggested, watching the brunette as she exhaled softly and stood up on unsteady legs. "And take off those sunglasses. This isn't the beach."

"Really?" Ashley asked, her teeth chattering. "I didn't notice with how hot it is in here, and all."

"What was that? You want to play outside?" Mrs. Shaw turned to the rest of her students who were talking amongst themselves. "Guys, pack it up. Per Miss Davies request, we're taking this outside."

Her announcement was met with loud groans all around, even from Spencer. It had been raining all morning and it looked like it was about to start again any second. She didn't look at Ashley as she passed her, heading out to the field.

"Nice going, Davies," Ramona, the left-fielder on her team muttered as she walked past.

Covered in a light sheen of sweat, Ashley pulled her hoodie off and rested her hands on her hips as she tried to catch her breath. She was centre-fielder in the softball game currently taking place and playing her best, she was still worse than the usual worst player. She'd fallen over three times and the wet grass was not helping her to stay upright, nor was the constant gripes from the girls on her team. They were losing.

The main highlight of the game for her had been when Emily had fallen over while running for the ball she had batted.

Ashley tilted her head to the sky and thanked Mother Nature for the blissful breeze helping to dry her skin and cool her down.

"Okay, Carlin, you're up!" someone yelled.

Her team mates cheered Spencer on as she sauntered up to the home plate, twirling her bat around in confidence. She watched Ashley adjust her cap and move into a ready position and couldn't help a pity chuckle.

Ashley squinted, wondering if Spencer was actually laughing at her or if it was her imagination. But no, behind the bars to the blonde's protective helmet, there was an undoubtedly smug smile. Her face was set in determination as the ball was pitched over to Spencer.

"A swing and a miss!" the brunette yelled, hoping to distract her.

Her childish antic just gave Spencer the extra momentum she needed to bat the ball harder than she had all game and she set off running, smiling at Ashley sprinting after her ball.

Looking up to keep sight of it, Ashley's legs were working harder and faster than they had all day and she was gaining on the white ball.

"What are you waiting for, Ashley? Run, already!" Ramona yelled to Ashley.

"What does this look like?" she yelled back. The girl had been irritating her all game.

"Like my grandma jogging! Hurry it up!"

Seeing the ball's descent, she held open her gloved hand ready to catch it. "I don't have a NOS shoved up my ass, Ramona!" she hollered back a split second before her foot slipped on the grass and she fell hard with no grace, her head slamming down onto the grass and mud, bouncing once.

The ball landed next to her.

Spencer jogged past the home plate and accepted a congratulatory high-five from Emily who was laughing.

The blonde smiled while arching a brow. "What's the joke?"

"Bambi on ice!" one of her other team mates answered, nodding to the field.

Her shared amusement was gone when she spun around and saw Ashley lying on the floor, unmoving. "Is she okay?"

Coach Shaw blew a whistle that shut everyone up. "Davies?" she bellowed. "Wave an arm if you're with us!"

Breathing heavily, Ashley stared up at the grey clouds and took a few moments before she sluggishly lifted her arm in a mock-salute. After a second, it fell heavily back to the grass. "Ow."

Spencer's shoulders relaxed before she re-joined Emily.

"Excellent!" the coach shouted. "Anything damaged?"

"Just my pride," she mumbled, wincing as she got up. Worse than the bump forming at the back of her head was the thick layer of dirt over her clothes and skin. She leaned down to pick up her fallen cap and groaned in displeasure, holding the small of her back.

"I'll take that as a no," she said, smiling when she could see her on her feet down the field.

The brunette trudged back to her spot and flicked a thick wad of mud off her elbow before wiping her nail on her t-shirt. Adding personal injuries to the self-inflicted mother-of-all headaches, Ashley really wasn't having a good day.

Emily was standing in position and had her bat poised when Ashley frowned and pulled her glove off, moving her hand to the small of her back before she arched it. She was oblivious to Emily hitting the ball, but she was very much aware of the painful cracking of her back. She thought she'd be sore tomorrow. And she would.

Emily didn't hit the ball as hard as Spencer, but the strong force behind it was heading directly for the brunette.

"Ashley, heads up!" the right-fielder yelled to her.

As the ball began its descent in the air, she quickly leaned forward and covered her head with her hands without question.

It bounced off her shin, leaving her to cry out and drop back to the floor.

Spencer looked on as Ashley curled up, grabbing at her shin with both hands, and laughed into her bottle of water.

"Walk it off!" Coach Shaw told her.

Wincing at the pulsating, sharp pain in her shin, Ashley thumped a fist off the grass and stood up. Her leg wasn't bleeding, but it was sure as hell going to bruise. She glared at Emily who had just run home, taking Spencer's team to an even greater score.

She picked up the ball and threw it back to the pitcher as hard as she could to alleviate some of her frustration. She held her hand up to gain Emily's attention. "Thanks for that, Emily!" she shouted sarcastically. "Yeah, remind me to return the favour!"

"Sorry!" she replied, looking at her leg, thankful she couldn't see blood. "But hey, at least it's just a bruise, huh?"

Ashley frowned. "If I wanted to look like Barney and Lisa Simpson all in one week, I'd make sure it was October!"

Rolling her eyes, Emily looked to Spencer for help. "She's pissed. Can you tell her I'm sorry?"

"You just said sorry," she pointed out.

"I know, but she always listens to you."

The blonde looked over at Ashley who still looked furious as she put her glove back on. It was the same angry expression she'd worn since Spencer could remember.

Ashley was exhausted. The day had gone on forever and she just didn't have the energy to run anymore. Everything hurt.

Spencer had just batted the ball right over Ashley's head and she just stood there watching the determined blonde sprint past every base until she was home again. She'd been playing well all lesson and her flushed cheeks showed it.

"Hey!" Ramona yelled to Ashley, waiting until she turned to face her before she shouted, "Wake the fuck up, dipshit!"

Ashley never could ignore anyone talking to her like that, and this time was no different. She rolled her eyes, tired of the other girl's attitude. "Shut up and eat the grass, you cow."

"I'll shut up when you start playing!"

Ashley pulled at her now dirty top and gestured down her body. "What the hell does this look like? I've _been _playing."

Spencer pulled her helmet up when she heard Ashley's raised voice which, for the first time in a long time, wasn't directed toward her. Her eyebrows furrowed when she saw Ramona walking closer to Ashley.

"It looks like you've been throwing yourself on the ground to avoid doing any actual work."

"Get out of my face," the brunette told her firmly. She really wasn't up for any drama in her state.

"Or what?"

"You'll see," she warned her, turning to walk away.

Ramona grabbed Ashley's wrist and pulled her back around, missing sight of the blonde who was already storming in her direction. "Maybe I do want to see. I mean, we've lost this game because of you, so why don't you show me something you _can _do."

Ashley shrugged out of her grip and walked into her, invading personal space. "Unless you want to get another nose job, I'd seriously recommend you get the hell away from me."

She held up her hands. "Whatever, Ashley. Next time we have a game, try not to look like Amy Winehouse."

"What?"

"You look like shit and my older sister saw you looking cosy with some guy at one a.m. last night. If I were you, I'd learn to close my legs and open my eyes, instead of the other way around. Maybe then you wouldn't be so tired and we'd win a game or t-"

Ramona's sentence was abruptly cut off when Spencer's hands harshly connected with her shoulders, pushing her so hard she was thrown to the ground.

"Eat shit and die," the blonde spat hotly.

Ashley looked over to the rest of the blonde's team in search of Spencer, not believing her eyes, or ears, for that matter. When she didn't see her, she looked back in time to see Ramona getting back up looking far from amused.

_###_

_"Ramona stole my lunch yesterday," Spencer confessed, more than a little bit ashamed of herself for not being able to take care of the situation._

_Ashley frowned, her cheeks protruding with the oreo she was eating. "She _stole_ your lunch?" she asked with her mouth full, unintentionally spitting out crumbs of her cookie._

_The blonde nodded._

_It happened when Ashley was at the dentist and she'd never challenge Ramona Castro without Ashley by her side. The girl was almost a head taller than her and she was always with her friends._

_Ashley took a sip of her milk and slammed it down on the table, her little face furious. "Come on, Spence."_

_She grabbed Ashley's hand and tugged downward. "No, sit back down. She'll pummel us!"_

_"No she won't," Ashley assured her, holding her hand. "Come on, let's go make her cry."_

_Spencer laughed, now following the brunette willingly. "How are we going to do that?"_

_"Not 'we', you."_

_"Me?" She shook her head. "I can't make her cry."_

_As they approached Ramona's table, Ashley smirked. She'd put the TV on at ten o'clock the night before and heard one of the characters in a film say the funniest thing. "You can do anything."_

_With a shadow now cast over her tuna sandwich, Ramona frowned and turned around to see what was blocking her light. She kept her frown when she saw Ashley and Spencer. "What?"_

_Spencer nervously looked at her unfriendly face before she turned to Ashley. "What do I say?" she whispered to her._

_Ashley smiled and leaned into her ear, whispering the phrase she remembered from the night before, and laughed when Spencer gasped and burst into laughter._

_"I can't say that!" she whispered back to her._

_It was unheard of for a third-grader to say something like that. Even the sixth-graders wouldn't say it. Well, maybe one of the scary ones..._

_"You can."_

_"What do you want?" Ramona asked again, annoyed with their presence._

_"It's about yesterday," Ashley replied, staring her right in the eyes._

_Ramona smiled and looked to Spencer. "What about it? You want me to take something else off your hands?"_

_"No," Spencer struggled to get out, feeling the heat of the stares from the girl's friends._

_"Then, what?"_

_"I just wanted to say..."_

_When she stopped, Ramona laughed with her friends. "What a wimp."_

_Spencer looked to Ashley who was smiling in assurance. She took a deep breath. "Eat shit and die!"_

_Silence fell across the food hall while Ashley and Spencer looked on in satisfaction as Ramona burst into tears._

_"What a wimp," Ashley commented._

_Angry and upset, Ramona stood up and raised her hand to hit the blonde who had hurt her feelings only to be blocked by Ashley and shoved down to the floor._

_Ashley picked up a half-empty carton of orange juice and squeezed it over the girl's face until it was empty, just spitting out air and tiny splashes of liquid. "Ooops."_

_Seeing Ashley sticking up for her widened Spencer's smile even further and it only fell away when she saw the principal heading right for her._

_They were done for._

###

Ashley stepped forward and grabbed her fist before it had chance to make contact with Spencer. Stepping in front of the blonde, Ashley shoved Ramona with all the strength she had left and watched as she fell down to the floor.

"Back where you belong, huh, Mon?"

With people running over to them to see what was going on, Ramona's embarrassment grew. "Fuck you, whore."

Hearing her, Spencer stepped forward threateningly and was grabbed from behind.

"This isn't a battlefield, Spencer," Coach Shaw told her, keeping grip of her shirt. "Game's over, your team won."

"Great," she said sarcastically, glaring at the girl on the floor.

"Indeed," the woman agreed happily, releasing the grip she had on her t-shirt. "Now go home and shower. You smell."

Untroubled by the girl's insult, Ashley looked around to see the blonde stare at her for several seconds before she stalked off. When she was sure she was out of earshot, Ashley turned her attention back to the girl getting up off the floor who yelled;

"You're dead tomorrow, Carlin!"

Ashley stared at her. "I dare you to even try."

Mrs. Shaw walked closer and rolled her eyes. "Shut up, both of you. Class is over, go home."

The brunette stared into hard green eyes before she turned and walked away slowly, ignoring her body screaming at her to lie down.

With a hand at the small of her back, she sighed quietly when she finally reached the empty locker room and threw her dirty hoodie onto the bench, along with the cap that was annoying her.

She walked over to her locker and turned the lock until she heard a click, and then pulled it open. Reaching inside, she brought out the clothes she'd put on that morning.

Ashley threw her top over her locker door and set the rest of her clothes on the bench behind her. Pulling her dirty t-shirt over her head proved to be more painful than she'd imagined, and she wasn't ashamed to groan quietly.

Cursing her painful body and the wet grass, Ashley snatched her top off the locker door and had barely finished pulling it down over her torso when Spencer suddenly appeared, making her jump.

"God, Spencer," she complained. "Make yourself known."

"People were watching," the blonde said.

Ashley pulled her hair out from inside her top. "What?"

"People were watching and it would have looked suspicious if I just stood there doing nothing."

The brunette made a face. "Okay?"

"So don't use it as something else to piss me off with. I did it to avoid questions."

"You're cracked," Ashley said with a hint of a smile. "I did kind of like you getting all macho on her, though."

Spencer made an annoyed sound. "You're an ass."

At the other girl's annoyance, Ashley's hint of a smile grew. "Yeah," she said, turning around. "See you in your dreams, Spencer."

Spencer slammed the door shut in her haste to get away from her.


	3. Worst Nightmare

**Thanks for the positive response, loves :). I would post multiple updates but there are only eighteen chapters written so far (they just start to get really long soon. I guess this one is lengthy compared to the other two. One chapter is 11,000+ words). But I will post regularly, so no worries :)**

* * *

Ashley lay on her bed and sighed. Worse than being at school all day, her mother grounded her until the end of the week and had taken her guitar off her when she found out about the fight she and Ramona had.

All of her pleads of self-defence and Spencer-defence fell on deaf ears. Ashley wasn't to react with violence, no matter what the circumstances were.

She pressed pause on her music and frowned at another text message received. They were all from people she didn't care to spend time with and instead chose to spend her time avoiding them. Her ego wasn't particularly large, but most of them undoubtedly wanted to have sex with her, so she switched her phone off and flung it across the bed away from her.

The blind to the balcony across the room was pulled down to keep the luminous sun out of there, yet despite her efforts to keep it out, and much to her annoyance, the deep orange glow of the late September sun continued to filter into her room.

She turned on her side and looked to the empty space on her bed, remembering the last time it had been occupied. The sun had cast the same orange glow then, but it somehow seemed much duller now.

Ashley let her hand rest on the cool material and imagined it wasn't cold at all. She imagined it was warm and soft and she couldn't get enough of it. The corners of her lips turned upward when she remembered the surprised laugh that met her ears whenever she'd tickle warm, soft skin and not stop until she was forced to.

The scene playing in her head faded away when she heard the familiar sound of her guitar. She frowned and walked over to open her bedroom door, listening downstairs to see if, for some reason, her mother had taken a sudden interest in a musical instrument. But downstairs was relatively quiet.

Ashley closed the door and stood still, listening. She could still hear it.

Darting across the room to pull the blind up, Ashley held a hand over her eyes to shade them from the still-blinding sun and squinted into Spencer's bedroom. Her mouth hung open when she saw the blonde sitting on the floor.

Spencer was playing _her _guitar.

Ashley ripped open the door to her balcony. "Hey!" she yelled.

From the corner of her eye, Spencer had seen Ashley's blind suddenly spring up and she definitely heard the enraged screech emanate from her mouth. She looked down to smile.

Ashley's jaw clenched tightly when saw the blonde look down to smile. It wasn't a joke. She would ruin the new strings!

"Hey!" she yelled again, angrily flailing an arm to grab the girl's attention.

When she realised her screams were merely adding fuel to the fire and making Spencer smile even further, she disappeared into her bedroom and reappeared moments later. Gripping the tennis ball in her hand, she drew her arm back and flung it against Spencer's window.

The blonde's smile dropped from her face. She shot up and wrenched the balcony door open. "Why did you do that?"

"Why the hell do you have my guitar?"

Spencer looked to the acoustic guitar she was holding. "Oh, this is yours? I thought it was from a yard sale, or something."

Ashley scoffed. "Right, because you'd _find _an acoustic Les Paul at a yard sale in this town."

Turning around, Spencer leaned down to inspect her window and ran a finger over the glass. "You're lucky that didn't break," she said, turning back to face the brunette.

"Give me the guitar," Ashley demanded.

"No."

She raised a brow. "No?"

"Maybe if you ask me with a smile," Spencer suggested, unable to help a small smile at the growing frustration on the other girl's face.

"Screw yourself, Spencer. Give me the guitar."

Spencer stared over at Ashley and let her eyes drift over her glowing skin for a moment, and then she stepped forward and leaned over the balcony, swinging the guitar from her hand. "If you can reach it before I let go, it's all yours."

"If you even _scratch _it, I'll dismember you," Ashley replied with a fast-beating heart, beginning to panic. She knew she deserved much more than a broken guitar from Spencer.

She smiled. "Yeah?"

With her frustration growing, Ashley gripped the steel railing that wrapped around her balcony. "I'm going to kill you. I mean seriously, _seriously _kill you."

"Because there's dead, and there's _dead_, right?" Spencer mocked.

Ashley's eyes narrowed, and not because of the sun shining in her eyes. "I'll choke you in your sleep."

"I thought you were going to dismember me," the blonde challenged, swinging the instrument carelessly.

"I'll do both if you don't stop fucking around!"

"At least I'll make the front page of the papers," she drawled happily, pretending to drop the guitar.

Ashley gasped and leaned over her own balcony, her arms stretched out in vain until she realised she had just been teasing her.

Spencer smiled when she saw the frame rattle to Ashley's door. If she'd have slammed it shut any harder, the glass could have broken. A laugh escaped her seconds later when she caught sight of the brunette angrily heading over to her house.

Ashley took a second to calm down and then pounded on the door. She breathed in deeply when it was being pulled open and managed a faint smile to Paula. "Hey, Paula."

"Ashley," she said, returning the smile. "You know you don't have to knock, just come right in."

"I'll remember that."

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, it's great," she answered politely. "But, uh... I lost my book —my history book— and I wondered if I could borrow Spencer's."

Paula smiled and stepped back to allow the girl inside. "Well, you'll have to ask her, but I don't think she'd have a problem helping her best friend in need."

Ashley grinned. "Sweet, so is your youngest around? I think I saw her hovering above ground in her pit a few minutes ago."

Mrs. Carlin chuckled and gestured to the stairs. "You know where it is."

After walking up the stairs at a leisurely pace, Ashley looked down to see Paula re-enter the kitchen and allowed the anger to appear on her face before she burst into Spencer's room. "I want my guitar."

"And I want a pony. Get over it."

Ashley stepped further into the room and narrowed her eyes unwillingly. "You're going to want a neck brace in a minute," she warned, spotting the guitar behind the blonde's back. She strode over the floor and wrapped a hand around the neck of her guitar, tugging hard.

Spencer furrowed her brows and tightened her grip on it. "I can't believe you're getting this upset over a guitar."

"For God's sake Spencer, just let it go!"

When she felt her own grip wavering, Spencer turned her body away from Ashley, clutching the guitar to her chest, and was able to get a better hold of the instrument. "You could apologise first. You almost broke my window."

Ashley struggled against Spencer, using her best efforts to re-claim her guitar. What was it doing at Spencer's house in the first place?

"Do you want a broken nose?"

"Do you want to wear a fake tooth?" the blonde retorted.

She scoffed, tugging her arm back. "Oh, like you could take me. Your arms are pathetic."

"As opposed to your Schwarzenegger's?" Spencer laughed. "You can't even get a stupid guitar off me."

Ashley forcefully pulled it from the blonde's tight grasp but didn't have the chance to wear a victorious smile before Spencer's loud cry caused her to wince. She stepped forward and covered her mouth. "Shh!"

"Spence, y'okay?" her mother yelled from downstairs.

"Tell her you stubbed your toe," Ashley insisted.

Spencer pushed the brunette's hand away from her and winced at the small cut on her finger. "Shut up."

"Spencer," Ashley pressed.

Paula frowned at the silence. "Spencer?" she shouted.

She sighed at Ashley, giving her anything but a pleasant look as she passed her. "Yeah, just stubbed my toe, mom!" she replied, leaning against her open door as she heard Ashley tell her that her hands were too soft.

Watching Spencer move away from the door, Ashley carefully placed her guitar down against a set of drawers.

"You can go now," the blonde said. She wanted Ashley in her room about as much as she wanted Mr. Bates' face in her head before going to sleep. "In fact, you could have gone the second you got here."

Ignoring her, Ashley walked over to Spencer and stopped directly in front of her. She cut in when she saw the blonde open her mouth to say something. "Let me see," she said, taking Spencer's hand to observe the damage.

Spencer snatched it back. "Really, you can go."

She reached for it again. "Let me see how bad it is," she said, carefully holding the blonde's hand as she looked at the cut on her finger.

Spencer snatched it back again. "I don't need you playing nurse."

Ashley frowned. "You wish."

"Whatever, just get out."

"Look, your mom would kill me if I hurt you, so just shut up and let me see how bad it is, okay?"

"Its fine," Spencer insisted.

Ashley sighed, growing frustrated with how stubborn she was being. "God, why are you always so stubborn?"

"Why are you always taking things too far?" she retorted.

"What?"

"I'm bleeding to death because you're obsessed with a guitar. My mom said it was only going to be here till Friday. You couldn't wait two days to use it again?"

Ashley stood there shocked for a moment. "Okay, one, you're _really _dramatic, and two, its play, not 'use'."

Spencer sighed and left the room, heading to the bathroom. She hoped Ashley would be gone by the time she got back. The cold water gave relief to the sting of split skin and she watched the small amount of blood mix with the water until it disappeared down the drain. Pulling open the cabinet above the sink, she grabbed the first-aid kit for a band-aid.

Ashley picked up her guitar and left the bedroom, almost bumping into Spencer in the doorway. She stopped and looked to the band-aid covering the blonde's finger before she remembered she'd told Paula she needed to borrow a book. "I'm borrowing this," she told Spencer, swiping the History book off the desk before she continued out of the room.

"I need it back tomorrow," she replied, following her downstairs.

"Yeah..."

"I'm serious. I have a test on Friday."

"Sure."

Spencer clenched her jaw. "Ashley," she started, frustrated.

Paula appeared from out of the kitchen and smiled at them both. "Going so soon, Ashley? I was going to ask if you wanted to stay for dinner."

Ashley smiled at Spencer's horrified face. "I'd love to, Paula."

"But she ordered pizza before she came over, so..." Spencer continued smoothly, staring into brown eyes.

"I could cancel my order," she suggested.

"I think they still charge you for that."

Ashley shrugged. "So? What're a few bucks when I get to have dinner with you?"

Spencer forced a smile. "But you ordered extra pepperoni and garlic. How will I be able to tell it's you at school tomorrow if you don't smell worse than a dog?"

Ashley mirrored it before she turned to Paula. "I think I'll take a rain-check on dinner, Mrs. C."

"That's a shame," Paula replied, disappointed she wouldn't be joining them for dinner. She looked to Ashley's hand and her disappointment turned to surprise. "Uh, honey, are you supposed to have that?" she asked.

Ashley held her guitar tighter. "Oh, yeah, it's fine. I did laundry for the first time ever today, so this is the reward."

Spencer rolled her eyes.

Paula appeared skeptical but didn't challenge her on it.

Mindful of her mother's presence, Spencer walked over to Ashley and wrapped her arms around her neck, trying her best not to recoil when she felt Ashley unwillingly wrap an arm around her waist. "See you later," she said aloud. Leaning into the brunette's ear, she whispered, "If you don't give me my book back tomorrow, I'll tell Christine I want to sleep over on Friday."

Ashley saw Spencer's mother smiling at them and was forced to wear one herself before she leaned into her ear. "Put your hands on my guitar again and I'll cut them off."

###

_"So, can I?" she asked, staring up at her mother expectantly._

_Paula sighed. "How many times, Spencer? No."_

_Spencer stomped her foot on the floor. "But _why_?"_

_"You know why."_

_"Even if I say 'please'?" she asked hopefully._

_"You can say please a hundred times, sweetie. My answer is still going to be no."_

_Spencer threw her arms around her mother's waist. "Pleeeeeease?" she tried, anyway._

_Paula smiled despite herself and ran her fingers through her daughter's hair. "Spence, I said no. Maybe tomorrow night."_

_Dejected, the blonde headed back upstairs to her bedroom and closed the door before she went out onto the balcony. "She said no."_

_Ashley sighed loudly and hung her head. She looked back up a second later. "Did you remember to say please?"_

_She nodded. "Yep."_

_"Why did she say no?"_

_"She said your daddy's too sick and that he wouldn't want us making noise when he's trying to sleep."_

_Ashley frowned. "Us? How about the noise _he_ makes when he barfs? I can't hear the TV because of it!"_

_"I know."_

_"We won't even see him. Go tell her we'll stay in my room and we'll be quiet."_

_Spencer nodded and hurried back inside her house. She reappeared a minute later looking even more dejected than before. "She said no, and to go to bed."_

_"Sneak over," Ashley suggested off-handedly. She brightened up a second later. "Yeah, sneak over!" she whispered excitedly._

_"Now?" Spencer asked with raised eyebrows. "You're crazy."_

_"Please? I want you to come over and they won't expect it now. Meet me in the back yard."_

_"I don't know, Ash..." she said, chewing her bottom lip. If her parents caught her, she'd be grounded till middle school._

_Ashley looked back when she heard a knocking at her door. "I'll be there in two minutes," she whispered to the blonde before hurrying inside to open her door._

_Though she was worried about the consequences her actions would surely bring, Spencer never could say no to Ashley and dashed to the bathroom. She stood on her tip-toes to reach her toothbrush from the holder and gripped it tightly before she took a deep breath and left the bathroom._

_Keeping to the side closest to the wall, the blonde crept down the stairs slowly. When her mother walked past the stairs with an empty bowl, Spencer threw herself against the wall and held her breath. Only when Paula headed back to the living room with a full bowl of popcorn did the nine-year-old's heart beat regularly._

_When the back door closed quietly behind her, Spencer exhaled in relief._

_She carried a chair over to the fence and stood on it before looking around the dark garden fearfully. She hated the dark. "Ash?" she whispered a few seconds later._

_Ashley, who was crouched down on her own side of the fence, sprung up. "Boo!" she said loudly, quickly grabbing Spencer's wrists before she tipped back off the chair in shock._

_When the horrified expression fell off Spencer's face, it was replaced with genuine happiness. She giggled. "You scared me!"_

_Ashley smiled, looking up to her as she moved her hands down to hold Spencer's properly._

_"I like being taller than you," Spencer said as she squeezed her friend's hands. She wasn't scared of the dark anymore._

_Ashley pulled a funny face and then pushed her chair against the fence. "We're gonna get caught if you don't stop horsing around."_

_Spencer placed her hand on the fence and lifted her leg up until her foot was firmly planted on top. "I'm so going to fall," she said after she pulled herself up, wondering if she'd break her arm or leg, or both. She was stuck._

_"No, you're not," Ashley replied, climbing up onto her chair. "Come here." She gripped the fence tightly and put an arm around Spencer. "On the count of three, I'll pull you over, 'kay?"_

_She nodded. "Okay."_

_"One -"_

_Spencer instinctively wrapped her arms around Ashley's neck as she was suddenly pulled down to her chair. "Ashley," she complained half-heartedly._

_"What?" she asked innocently. "You're over here now."_

_When the brunette jumped down from the chair, she reached up for Spencer's hand and helped her down. "Mom's watching some movie in the living room, so you've gotta sneak upstairs. I'll get us a Coke."_

_After sneaking upstairs, Spencer kicked her shoes off and jumped up onto Ashley's bed, propping the pillow up against the headboard. She patted her legs for a few seconds, looking around her friend's bedroom. She loved that room. When her eyes fell on the large video collection, Spencer jumped back off the bed and chose a film for them both to watch._

_She was just getting back on the bed when Ashley entered the room._

_Ashley closed the door with her back and smiled widely to Spencer as she hurried over to her. She handed her a Coke and a Ringpop before she climbed up on the bed, placing her own can of Coke on her bedside table._

_Delighted with the candy she'd been addicted to for two years; Spencer leaned over and kissed Ashley on the cheek. "Thank you."_

_Ashley smiled and shrugged it off. "So, what are we watching?"_

_"The Goonies."_

_"Again?" Ashley laughed._

_"We haven't seen it since last week," the blonde reasoned, handing her can of Coke to the brunette._

_Ashley opened Spencer's can for her and handed it back. "Okay," she said happily, not too bothered what film her friend chose. At least she was there._

_Almost an hour passed where both girls laughed at the funny parts as quietly as they could, not wanting to draw attention to themselves. Ashley hadn't long opened her own Ringpop and was annoyed that they'd changed the recipe so her lips wouldn't stain from it._

_She made a disgusted sound when she heard her father rush into the bathroom and vomit. "He's been barfing like that all day. It's gross."_

_Spencer lowered her hand, pulling the Ringpop out of her mouth with a small pop. "I don't think he can help it, Ash. I mean, who likes throwing up?"_

_"He's too loud," she complained. "I don't make that much noise when_ I_ barf."_

_"That's 'cause you're little."_

_"It's 'cause I don't want other people not to be able to hear what they're trying to watch on TV."_

_Spencer smiled. "Sure it is."_

_Ashley stuck her tongue out before she jumped off the bed and pressed pause on the VCR. "Do we have to watch the rest?"_

_She shrugged. "What else are we going to do? We can't go downstairs 'cause your mom will call my mom."_

_Ashley looked around her room in search of something to do. "Wanna play a board game?"_

_"Not really..."_

_Spotting something interesting, Ashley walked across the room and picked up a pair of binoculars she got in a Spy set she couldn't live without two weeks ago. She'd only used the one item from it. "Wanna spy on the neighbours?" she asked with glee._

_Considering her offer for a moment, Spencer's face began to light up. "Yeah!" She rolled off the bed and hurried over to Ashley, taking the binoculars from her hand._

_"Hey," Ashley whined, taking them back. "They're mine. I get to look first."_

_"Please?" Spencer asked, wearing her best puppy dog eyes._

_With a huff, Ashley handed them over to her. "Fine."_

_They went out onto the balcony and stood beside each other, facing out into the street. Spencer brought the binoculars up to her eyes and pointed them straight ahead. "Mr. Reed is cleaning his windows again," she commentated after a while._

_Ashley rolled her eyes. "Well I can see that for myself," she said. "What's he watching?"_

_"He's cleaning the windows. He isn't watching anything."_

_"But the TV's gotta be on, doofus. Have a look."_

_Spencer's mouth hung open in concentration as she adjusted the lenses and peered inside her neighbour's house. The television screen was a still picture of a sweaty Sylvester Stallone. "It's on pause. He's watching one of those Rocky movies our dad's watch."_

_"And he's doing chores?" She looked to Spencer who had lowered the binoculars and was gazing at her. "Cuckoo."_

_Spencer roared in laughter at her friend's high tone. "Shh!"_

_Ashley held out her hand. "My turn."_

_She slapped the small binoculars into the brunette's hand and gripped the steel railing. "Nobody ever does anything interesting around here. I wish we could find a treasure map and go on a hunt."_

_"We do interesting things all the time," Ashley replied, looking around the street through her binoculars. After a few seconds, she squinted and pulled a face. "You know Mr. and Mrs. Whitbeck?"_

_Spencer nodded. "Yeah. Mom said they've lived here since before we were even born."_

_"Yeah, well, he's trying to eat her face and scratch an itch she has _down there._"_

_"Gross."_

_"I know," Ashley replied disgustedly, lowering the binoculars into her lap. "Everyone else has their curtains closed," she complained._

_"Should we brush our teeth and go to bed?" Spencer asked, crunching on the last part of her Ringpop. "It's getting really late."_

_"It's not."_

_Spencer gave Ashley a look that told her not to argue. She turned Ashley's watch around on her wrist. "It's after nine!"_

_"So? I'm not tired."_

_"You're lying," she stated, looking to Ashley's tired eyes._

_Ashley sighed at how well Spencer knew her. "Five minutes."_

_"Okay." Spencer shifted closer to her, linking her arm through Ashley's. "You know, we're pretty lucky your mom hasn't caught—"_

_"Who's that?" Ashley interrupted, spotting a large van pulling up at the last house of the street. "At the old-looking house."_

_Spencer leaned forward to look past her. She could see the vehicle parked outside it. "That house has been on the market forever. Did someone buy it?"_

_"Must have." Ashley raised the binoculars, pointing them in the direction of the white van. "Some redneck guy is getting out."_

_"Who moves into a new house at night?" Spencer whispered._

_"Vampires."_

_"Redneck vampires?" She smiled. "Don't be stupid."_

_Ashley chuckled, spying on the man walking to the front door of the house. "Oh my God," she said a few seconds later, alarmed._

_The blonde clutched her arm in fear, unable to see what Ashley was talking about. "What?"_

_"He's looking over here."_

_"Here?" she whispered, horrified. "Why?"_

_"I don't know..."_

_Spencer moved behind Ashley and threw her arms around her neck, squeezing tightly. "Can he see us?"_

_"Spencer, he's looking right at you," Ashley said flatly, trying to keep the smile out of her voice as her friend squeezed even tighter, burying her head in her shoulder._

_"Tell him to get a life."_

_"He's walking over here," Ashley continued, putting enough fear into her voice for Spencer to gasp. "Spencer, run!"_

_As Spencer let go of her and ran back in the house, Ashley laughed quietly and pulled the binoculars away from her eyes. Spencer was such a wimp sometimes. _

_Half an hour later Christine burst into her daughter's room with the phone pressed to her ear, her shoulders visibly relaxing when she caught sight of Spencer snuggled up in bed next to Ashley. "She's here, Paula," Christine sighed out. "No, it's fine. No use disturbing her." She laughed quietly, mindful of the children sleeping. "I should have figured it out. Ashley's been far too quiet to have been up to anything good tonight. She's barely made a peep."_

_Christine left the room and closed the door quietly, not spotting Ashley's smile._

_When it was safe, Ashley put her lamp on and turned on her back, looking over to smirk in triumph at Spencer. "See, what'd I tell you?"_

_Spencer smiled. "I still say I'm grounded when I get home." She thought back to when they were spying on the neighbours and slapped Ashley's arm. "I'm going to have nightmares because of you."_

_"No, you're not."_

_"I so am."_

_Ashley held Spencer's hand without thinking. "I had a nightmare last night. I was drowning and a rubber duck saved me."_

_"I know, you told me," Spencer replied with a sleepy smile, pushing her fingers through Ashley's._

_"Oh..." She snickered. "He wasn't even yellow, he was black."_

_Spencer closed her eyes. "Who was black?"_

_"The duck, duh."_

_"Cool."_

_"Yeah," she sighed out, knowing the blonde was going to tell her she wanted to go to sleep soon. "What's your worst nightmare?"_

_"Not having any hands."_

_Smiling, Ashley reached to the side and switched the lamp off before turning on her side, kissing Spencer's cheek. "Night, Spence," she whispered, keeping hold of her hand._

###

Ashley smiled when she caught sight of Spencer waiting for her outside. "Morning, sunshine," she greeted happily.

Spencer turned away, unimpressed. "You need to set an earlier alarm. We're almost late every day."

"Almost is not late," Ashley pointed out, picking up her pace to reach the blonde.

"Do you have my book?" she asked flatly.

"What book?" Spencer shot her a look and Ashley raised her hands. "Okay, jeez. It's in my room. I'll get it later."

"You better."

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning," Ashley said.

"Just shut up."

"It was a joke. Lighten up."

Spencer scoffed under her breath. "You're the joke."

"See, this is why I get out of bed every morning," Ashley sighed out. "Conversing with you is the highlight of my day, you know. Especially when you're a bitch."

Frowning, Spencer asked, "Why are you so happy this morning? You hate getting up before eleven."

"I had the _best _dreams," Ashley said contentedly. She nudged her as they walked. "Want the details?"

"About as much as I want a hernia."

"Your loss," the brunette sing-songed.

Spencer turned to look at her. "No, it's definitely your loss," she said quietly; seriously.

Holding eye-contact, Ashley saw a flicker of something in Spencer's eyes and opened her mouth to speak when an engine revved loudly, the tyres squealing across the asphalt before they stopped in front of the old house at the end of the street.

They both looked over to the source of the sound and couldn't help the shock appearing on their faces.

"Is that..." Spencer began.

Ashley's voice was strong when she replied, "It better not be."

Across the street, a man exited his car and smiled to himself when he saw the girl's looking over in shock. He loved that neighbourhood. He opened the trunk and pulled out a box before setting it on the roof, and then closing and locking his car. A smile was first directed at Spencer, then a bow.

Avoiding his stare, Spencer kept her attention on the path in front of her. She and Ashley hadn't seen that man since summer.

Ashley frowned, pushing her teeth together to keep herself in check, keep her emotions concealed. The method was as effective as ever. "_What_?" she yelled over to him, unable to help herself.

Spencer sighed as they rounded the corner to the next street. "Ashley, don't."

He leaned against his car and crossed his arms, his smile never faltering. The brunette was still _so _easily riled. He didn't even have to open his mouth and she still found a way to take offence.

Looking back, Ashley's eyes narrowed when she saw his smile widen even further and she darted back to confront him.

Spinning around, Spencer's arm shot out and grabbed Ashley by the shirt, pulling her back around before she shoved her forward, further along the path they took to school.

"Douche," Ashley spat out.

"Bitch."

She raised her eyebrows. "I wasn't talking to you."

"Oh," the blonde said. "Hmm. Reflex, I guess."

"Yeah, whatever," Ashley replied distractedly, turning around to walk backwards. "I don't know what his problem is, but he's already pissing me off!" she said, her sentence starting out quietly until she was full-out yelling.

"You really think he'd come back and try anything? Don't be ridiculous."

Ashley spun back around. "For someone who believes no-one ever changes, that was a pretty _ridiculous _thing to say."

Realising Ashley had a point; Spencer kept her eyes ahead and gripped her backpack tighter, unconsciously drifting closer to the brunette as they headed to school.


	4. Selfless Ashley?

**You have to have a little patience with this story, guys. It unfolds at...not necessarily a slow pace, but everything in between is important too, I promise. Stick with it. I really think you'll love the way the story is told in the end. :)**

* * *

Spencer smiled when she heard the expected knock on the front door. It was Saturday night and because her mother and Christine had barely had chance to see each other in two weeks, they'd arranged a dinner party to catch up. She loved Ashley's parents.

"Mom, they're here!" she yelled from her laying down position on the couch.

"Are you going to get the door?" Paula replied from the kitchen. "I'll just be a minute."

Spencer rolled off the couch and threw her magazine on the coffee table. She opened the door and smiled brightly to Mr. and Mrs. Davies. "You live right next door and you're..." she trailed off, looking down to her watch, "seven and a half minutes late. I think that's some sort of record."

Smiling fondly, Christine pulled Spencer into a warm embrace. "You get more like your mother every day."

"You're late _and _you insult me before you've even said hello. Yeah, you're definitely in the running for some sort of award," she said cheekily, waving her arm for them to go inside. "They're in the kitchen and...around, so..."

"What's up, Spencer?" Raife asked as he entered the house.

"Usual." Looking to his hair, she smiled before lifting her hand to mess it up. "Your hair gets whiter every time I see you."

"It's all bleach, babe."

"It's gonna fall out quicker."

"Don't scare me."

With her mood decidedly chipper, she pushed the door shut without looking back and heard a loud thump. Frowning, she turned around to see Ashley, who, if possible, looked even angrier than usual. Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Ashley."

"You remembered. I'm touched."

Raife gestured towards his daughter. "Spencer, say hello to the reason we were late."

With her father there, Ashley walked inside and closed the door before she leaned against it casually. "Hey."

"Hi," she replied, purely for Raife's benefit.

"I'm gonna find your dad, Spence. So I'll see you kids later," he said before he left.

Ashley gave his retreating figure a cold look and crossed the room. She jumped over the back of the sofa and sat in the seat she knew the blonde liked the most. "Thanks for slamming a door in my face," she said sarcastically, not bothering to turn to face her.

Spencer crossed her arms. "Anytime, believe me."

Ashley picked up the gossip magazine and began flicking through it. "I can't believe you still read these trashy things." She paused. "Actually..."

"Why are you even here?"

"Because I can't stand not seeing you every day."

"Right," she spoke to the back of Ashley's head, her good mood gone.

"My mom made me," the brunette answered evasively.

Spencer scoffed. "Someone finally made Ashley Davies do something she didn't want to? I should mark it on the calendar, or something."

"Very funny."

"I think so," Spencer replied, unable to hide a smirk.

Rolling her eyes, Ashley asked, "Aren't you supposed to ask guests if they'd like a drink?"

"Welcome guests, yeah."

Ashley smiled at the tone of Spencer's voice and turned the page of the magazine she wasn't paying attention to. "Don't pretend you're not ecstatic to see me."

Stepping towards her, Spencer roughly shoved Ashley's head forward. "That's about the extent of my ecstasy," she said before stalking off.

Turning around and moving her hand to the back of her head, Ashley chuckled and ran her fingers through her hair, watching the blonde all but stomp upstairs.

Spencer burst into a bedroom and saw her brother standing in front of his mirror, putting gel through his hair. "Please tell me you're not going out," she said pleadingly. After a few seconds she frowned at his apparent ignorance of her presence and clicked her fingers loudly. "Glen."

He didn't turn to look at her. "What?"

"Will you stay in tonight? I'm going kill Ashley, otherwise."

"No can do, sis. I've got a date."

"Cancel," she said bluntly.

He laughed. "Right."

"Please?"

Glen, who was now satisfied with his hair after ten minutes of grooming, finally turned to look at his sister. His eyebrows rose. "You're kidding, right? It's with the hottest girl in school, there's no way I'm cancelling."

Spencer seriously doubted she was the hottest girl in school. In fact, she'd bet her life on it. "I don't care who it's with. Can you just...not be an ass for _one _night?"

He frowned. "What's the emergency? It's just Ash. You two have a fight, or something?"

Realising she'd slipped up, she gritted her teeth. "Yeah, but I'm sure we'll make up."

Glen swung his jacket around his shoulders and slid his arms through. "So, what's the big deal? Let her tell you you're being a bitch, and vice versa, and move on." He rolled his eyes. "Girls; you always have to make everything complicated, don't you?"

She wanted to laugh at the simplicity of his suggestion. She'd lost count of the amount of times she and Ashley had called each other a bitch in the past couple of months —and far worse things. She'd go downstairs and call her a bitch a hundred times if she thought it would help. But it wouldn't. They'd just fight.

"It won't be tonight."

"Huh?"

"We won't make up tonight," she clarified. "Please cancel your date, or just take her out tomorrow."

"No," he said firmly. "God, what's up with you tonight?"

"Nothing," Spencer replied as she turned and left his room. She stopped after a second and turned back. "Not even if I give you a twenty?"

He slammed the door shut.

Spencer sighed deeply and found herself more irritated when she heard her father calling her from the kitchen. "What?" she yelled back.

"Can you come here?"

She descended the stairs slowly and stopped when she saw Ashley laughing at something on her phone before she began repeatedly pressing various keys. Snapping out of it, she hurried to the kitchen, not wanting the brunette to know she'd seen her.

With the adults in the garden around outside heaters, Spencer had a mouthful of wine from her mother's glass. She was just swallowing when Paula walked back in and raised her eyebrows at her. Spencer looked to the glass in her hand and then back to her mother. "Um...not what it looks like?"

Paula took the glass off her. "Very convincing."

"Sorry," she said, her smile genuine. "What does dad want?"

"He wants you and Ashley to set the table."

"I can do it myself," she replied, already moving across the room to the cutlery drawer.

"Don't be silly, I'm sure Ashley doesn't mind helping." Mrs. Carlin turned her head away from Spencer. "Ashley, can you come here for a second?"

Spencer frowned as she grabbed a handful of knives and forks. "Mom, really, I know how to set a table."

Ashley entered the room a few seconds later and raised her eyebrows to the older blonde. "Yeah?"

"Spencer needs you to help her set the table."

She smiled politely. "Sure."

Paula returned her smile and rubbed her arm as she walked past her to check on the food in the oven, oblivious to the heated glare her daughter was sending her way.

After turning her glare to Ashley for several seconds, Spencer set off towards the dining room. She closed the door after the brunette was inside and carelessly put the cutlery down in the middle of the table, ignoring the noisy crash.

Ashley looked at her and allowed a tiny smile to show on her face before she pulled open a drawer for the table mats. When she turned back, Spencer was staring at her. "Haven't you got enough pictures of me to stare at?"

Ignoring her, she held out her hand for the mats. "I know how to set a table."

"Your mom said you needed my help."

"I don't need anything from you," Spencer replied bluntly, dropping her hand.

Ashley's phone sounded and she held eye-contact with Spencer for long seconds until she turned her attention to her phone, laughing when she read the text message. She put the mats down and began to reply.

Snatching them up, Spencer didn't even look at the brunette before she began setting the table for dinner.

With candles in her hand, Paula opened the door and saw Spencer slamming the mats down on the table with a face like thunder. "Something wrong, honey?"

"Nope," she answered, not even looking at her.

"Are you sure?"

"Yep."

Paula put the candles down and looked to Ashley who was putting her phone down in the windowsill. The brunette shrugged in response to her unasked question.

Glen walked into the room and smiled at Ashley. "Hey, Ash."

"Hey."

He looked to his mother. "I'm going out. Cell's on, so..."

"That's fine, honey. Have fun."

Glen looked over to Spencer and noticed her dark mood instantly. "Why the Cheshire cat, Spence?"

She looked up slowly, her eyes unfriendly.

Paula sighed at her son. "Glen, that's enough."

He smiled at the tension and looked over to the brunette who was setting down the cutlery next to the mats. "God, Ash, just say sorry, already."

"What?" she asked with a frown, placing a fork down.

"You two fighting isn't a big deal. Apologise to each oth-"

"Shut up, Glen." Spencer cut in harshly. "I thought you were going out."

He looked at her. "I am."

"Then go."

Paula frowned. "You two are fighting? Why?"

Spencer quickly met Ashley's eyes and dared her to open her mouth. "We're not," she said, staring at the brunette.

Rolling his eyes, Glen turned to leave the room. "She tried to bribe me with twenty bucks to stay in tonight. They're fighting."

Spencer sighed and glared at the back of his head. "You are such an _ass_!"

Paula looked between the two girls, and judging from Spencer's entire demeanour and the way Ashley was now slamming down the silverware onto her table, something was definitely wrong with them. "So?" she said to her daughter.

"So, what?"

"Why are you fighting?"

She sighed again. "Don't make a big deal out of it."

Ashley set the last piece of cutlery down on the table and walked right past Spencer without looking at her. "I don't think Spencer needs my help with the rest," she said to Paula.

Spencer watched her leave and couldn't help but wonder if she'd genuinely hurt her, or if it was just another act.

###

In half an hour the food had finished cooking, drinks had been drunk and topped back up, and Ashley had made herself so scarce that Spencer wondered if she'd actually left the house. That was until she dragged herself back inside away from the patio heaters and walked back into the dining room.

She swallowed thickly. It was only minutes until the room would be full but sometimes minutes alone with Ashley felt like hours, and tonight she wondered if they'd feel like days.

She pulled her chair out and sat down without shuffling closer to the table. Leaning back against the wood Spencer lifted her eyes to the girl across from her. Her brown eyes were staring back, not in the least bit friendly but not exactly hostile, either.

"Do you want a drink?" Spencer asked her.

"No."

"I don't know why you're acting so put-out," she said a few seconds later with a frown, leaning closer to the table. She spoke in a hushed voice not to attract any attention. "I'm the one who should be hearing non-stop apologies coming out of _your _mouth."

Ashley arched a brow. "When did you apologise to me? I must have zoned out."

"I asked you if you wanted a drink."

"And that constitutes as an apology to you?"

Spencer leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. "You should be glad I didn't throw you out as soon as you got here. Why _are _you here, anyway?"

"I told you," Ashley began, frustrated, "My mom made me."

"I think you just came here to tick me off."

Ashley's phone sounded again. "I think you should shut up. Your mom already knows we're fighting but if she comes in here and we're actually throwing punches, I don't think we'll get away with a few, quick questions."

As she watched Ashley pick up her phone and smile to whoever kept texting her, the blonde sighed and left the room. It was an action done in an attempt to escape her, except it didn't work. It never did. There wasn't a single part of that house or town that didn't have a memory of her and Ashley attached to it in one way or another. It was one of the most frustrating aspects of their current situation.

The main frustration, however, came from three things: having to pretend things between her and Ashley were fine when they were so far from it; Ashley putting up her biggest walls; and her having to act like she didn't give a damn.

She leaned against the doorframe to the kitchen and watched Christine helping her mother dish up the food and wondered, for a second, how everything was so simple with them. Then she thought of Ashley and her answer was right there, practically slapping her in the face.

Christine turned around to face Spencer and smiled. "You want to help with this?"

"No," she answered softly, walking into the room. "I just wanted something to drink."

Paula didn't turn to look at Spencer when she said, "Maybe Ashley would like something?"

She didn't really want a drink, but she'd rather sip at a Coke than have to make small-talk with anyone. "Sure," she replied, grabbing an extra glass and can.

She didn't want to go back into the dining room with Ashley, but there was nowhere else to go without receiving questions she wasn't ready to answer.

###

Dinner was eaten with plenty of discussion and laughs followed by polite mouthfuls of soda, wine and beer. The two youngest occupants of the table were silent throughout and only dared to look at each other once.

With everyone on the way to the living room for more drinks, Spencer made her way to the kitchen to top up her glass of Coke and then headed to join everyone else for a polite few minutes before she would excuse herself upstairs.

She stopped in her tracks when she saw there were no free seats left. "I guess I'll head up, if there's nowhere to sit."

"Don't be silly," Christine began, "You can squeeze in next to Ashley."

She met Ashley's eyes instantly and moved her weight to the other foot. "Uh..."

Ashley was silent as she moved over as far as she could, leaving barely enough room for the other girl to sit. Her breath was held as Spencer walked closer and carefully squeezed in between Ashley and her father, unknowingly doing the brunette a favour.

It was such a tight fit that Spencer had to sit on one side, her legs crossed facing Ashley.

The blonde's appearance didn't affect the flow of conversation in the slightest and she took a sip of her soda to avoid potential any small-talk with the brunette.

Ashley turned to face her, bringing their faces close together. "This is cosy."

Spencer's eyes clearly told her to shut up.

"Come on, you can't tell me you're not comfortable," she whispered to her.

She looked her dead in the eyes. "Keep talking and you'll be wearing my drink."

"You owe me an apology."

Spencer raised her eyebrows. "And how many do you owe me? Do you even remember how to count that high?"

Ashley looked at Spencer's face so close to her own and remained quiet for a few seconds. Then she did what she always did: she played ignorant. "Bribing your brother with twenty bucks? That's pretty low, even for you."

"Even for me?" she replied in a loud whisper, ignoring the laughs and chatter from the adults in the room. "Do you even _hear _the words that are coming out of your mouth?"

Hearing her voice raise, the brunette looked to the other occupants of the room and then back to the girl who was practically sat in her lap. "You wanna keep your voice down?"

"Why? You've never cared if they knew why we were fighting before." She paused. "Oh, wait, no, that changes a lot too, doesn't it? One day you care, one day you don't."

Ashley shrugged nonchalantly. "Doesn't feel like the day we break their hearts."

Spencer's heart was beating hard and fast. She already couldn't stand being so close to Ashley. Not after everything that had happened. "Selflessness does _not _become you." She raised her glass to her lips and then changed her mind. She lowered it back down to her leg. "And since when did you put others before yourself?" she asked, not attempting to keep her voice hushed.

Ashley was growing frustrated. If Spencer caused a scene when she was in this mood, everyone would find out. "Keep your voice down."

"Or what? What could you possibly do to me that you haven't already?"

In one last attempt to calm the blonde's growing temper, she put her hand on her thigh. "Spencer, I'm serious. Be quiet."

It was the last straw.

"Don't touch me!" she exclaimed, pushing herself off the sofa to get away from her.

Ashley appeared as shocked at Spencer's outburst as everyone else and Paula's eyebrows were considerably higher than usual. She stared at her daughter who was standing in front of the brunette. "What's gotten into you?"

Spencer had no intention of answering her mother. She was perfectly fine screaming at Ashley with just her eyes. She had no right to purposely come into her house to talk and act this way to her.

With the blonde silent, Christine looked to her daughter and willed her not to make this an even larger scene than it was. "Ashley, what's going on?"

"Nothing," she replied, her eyes on Spencer.

"Nothing," Spencer echoed hollowly, setting her glass down on the coffee table. "I wouldn't say it was nothing. I don't know, maybe I'm alone on that. How about we get a vote?"

"Shut your mouth," she told her sharply, panicking. "I mean it."

"Ashley," Christine chided. "Apologise."

"Oh, she doesn't remember how to say that," the blonde said sarcastically. "Yet one more thing that changed when she did."

Both father's decided to stay quiet, while both mother's wore concerned frowns and asked what she meant by that. Before Spencer had the chance to open her mouth, Ashley shot up off the sofa and pushed her toward the stairs.

When they reached Spencer's room, Ashley slammed the door behind her. "Okay, what the hell was that?"

"Get away from me, Ashley."

She walked closer to her. "Pull a stunt like that again and it'll be the last thing you ever do."

"Ditto," she replied harshly. "Now get out." When Ashley didn't even attempt to move, she frowned. "What, are you deaf _and _dumb now? I said get out."

Ashley stared into blue eyes for long seconds before she turned and walked to the door. It was strange to be in there when there wasn't daylight outside or guitars to distract them. She thought back to the last time she had been in there during the night. "You're so fucking blind," she muttered angrily, not giving Spencer chance to respond before she slammed the door behind her.


	5. Me or You?

**Thanks for the feedback, loves. I appreciate it.**

* * *

Draping an arm across her eyes to shield them from the harsh light streaming through the window, Spencer held her breath through an agonising stomach cramp and cursed the shrimp she'd eaten the day before. She'd vomited eight times since three a.m. and it was barely seven forty-five.

Glen walked into the living room and rolled his eyes when he saw his sister lying on the sofa. "Why is Spencer down here?" he yelled to Arthur in the kitchen.

"Shut up," she groaned back, instantly wishing she hadn't. There was a railroad spike inside her head.

"Glen," Arthur warned from the kitchen. "Your sister is sick, let's be respectful."

He frowned. "Screw that. She needs to be quarantined before we all catch it."

"Food-poisoning isn't contagious," Paula pointed out as she reached the bottom of the stairs, catching the end of his sentence. "But it does make you want to die, so please be nice to your sister, okay?"

Glen looked down to a deathly pale Spencer who had her eyes closed. "Fine. Feel better, I guess," he said half-heartedly. "But don't go near my room. I don't care if you're contagious or not."

"I'd rather mooch through garbage than go in your bedroom," she retorted monotonously, not bothering to open her eyes.

He smiled. "Look at that, she's feeling better already."

Paula gave him a look of warning before she kneeled down next to Spencer and rested her hand on her forehead, frowning at the temperature. She didn't want her to spend the day alone but there was nobody she could ask to watch her. Everybody had work they couldn't get out of, unless...

Feeling better; that was a joke. Spencer didn't know a body could feel so much pain and not be dying, somehow. She was exhausted but her head and stomach hurt too much to sleep, and when she did manage to, she woke up ten minutes later feeling like it had been hours. It was hell.

Kissing Spencer's head before she stood up, Paula cast a worried glance to her husband who was now standing in the doorway. "I think we should ask Chris if Ashley can take the day off school. I don't want Spence alone today."

"No," Spencer said as loudly as she could manage. "I'm fine by myself. Just go to work, both of you."

"When we know you'll be looked after," Arthur said.

Any response was cut off when Spencer's stomach began to cramp so much she couldn't think.

**###**

Ashley closed her eyes and furiously tapped her pen to the beat of the song she was listening to while catching up on an assignment due later that morning. She still had four hundred words to write and less than ten minutes to do so. When the chorus was over and she began writing again, Ashley smiled knowing she'd be late leaving the house. Spencer would be mad.

Christine placed the phone back on the receiver and crossed the floor to reach Ashley. She pulled her earplugs out. "I need a favour."

"Yeah, I do, too. Don't disturb me when I'm trying to concentrate," she replied as she hurried to write down the sentence in her head before it was forgotten.

"Ashley."

"I'm sorry, I know that was rude," she said when she finished her sentence. "But I've gotta get this done."

Christine sat down at the table and took a sip of her coffee. "I know honey, but I still need that favour."

"Ask your husband."

"He's working."

"And I'm trying to," Ashley pointed out. She shrugged. "Don't make me feel bad, mom. You know I don't do homework unless it's important."

"How about if I told you the favour involves you staying home from school?"

Ashley smiled faintly as she continued writing. "I'd ask which planet you're from and where you're holding my mother hostage."

"No body swap, I promise. You do me a favour today and I'll call school and get you excused, plus an extension on anything you need."

"Seriously?" she asked skeptically.

"Seriously."

Ashley dropped her pen with a smile. "Have I told you how much I love you lately?"

Christine smiled through another mouthful of coffee.

"Seriously, you just got major mom points," Ashley said as she got up, leaving one leg bent, resting on the chair. "Okay, so what am I doing today? I'll do anything but pick up your dry-cleaning. That old pervert always hits on me."

"Paula was called into work and Spencer is sick. The poor thing has food poisoning."

"Oh? That sucks," she said quietly, praying her mother wasn't going to ask her what she thought she was.

"And I know you're still fighting for however many reasons, but I figured you'd like to stay home and take care of her. Paula says she's really not looking too good. It'll be a good chance to make up and forget all this silly fighting business. You can apologise."

Ashley sighed. She was torn. She couldn't stand being at school if she knew Spencer wasn't there, but she couldn't stand sick people, either. She'd probably make Spencer feel worse.

"I don't know, mom. You know how I get around vomit. I only have to see someone gag and I run for the bathroom."

"Ashley, please. It's Spencer, one of your closest friends. Why am I reminding you of this? Can't you put your animosity to the side for just a day? There are more important things in this world. Take this opportunity."

"I can't help how my body reacts. Is Paula sure she isn't just throwing water down the toilet? 'Cause believe me, she's done it before."

"She's sure."

"Well, can't Mr. C take the day off?"

"No, there's nobody but you."

The brunette bit her lip in thought. If she didn't stay home, it could be almost a week before Spencer was well enough to be back at school. It was too long to be away from her.

**###**

Ashley closed the front door quietly after promising to call Paula if Spencer got any worse. She'd caught a quick glance of her a few minutes prior and she had to admit how sick she actually looked.

Ashley walked back over to the sofa and stopped in front of it, looking down at her carefully. Spencer looked vulnerable. A minute later, the back of Ashley's finger stroked a downward path over a flushed cheek. When Spencer began to stir, Ashley, not wanting to be caught standing over her, walked over to the armchair and sat down heavily.

Spencer held in a soft groan when she felt her pulled muscles shift and lay there, staring at the ceiling while she willed the throbbing in her head to leave. One thing she was thankful for was the silence throughout the house. For once her parents had listened to her when she'd insisted she didn't need to be looked after.

"If that bucket is full," Ashley began suddenly, holding back a smile as she saw the blonde practically shoot up. "I really think you need to crack a window."

When the room started to spin and she felt the familiar gut-wrenching pain in her stomach, Spencer closed her eyes and lay back down. "God, this really is hell."

"I'll say," Ashley said, looking at Spencer's pale, clammy face. "You look like Pinhead." She paused. "You know, without the pins."

"Shut up, unless you want me to throw up on you."

"What?" Ashley shrugged innocently. "At least I didn't say Sloth."

"I'm serious, Ashley."

"I'm not here because I want to be. My mom's making me stay here." She looked over at Spencer. A sofa was no place for her when she looked so ill. She should be in bed. "I don't think you should be spreading your germs all over the house either. Shouldn't you be in —"

"Funny, I was going to say the same thing to you." She curled up in her blanket, a deep frown on her head. She had cramps. "Can you go?"

"Aw, so soon?"

"I'm really not in the mood for you today."

Ashley sighed. "I forgot my keys, so it's either here or school. And as much as I don't want to be here, I'd rather be here than there."

"As touching as that was, I don't care. Please just go. There's a spare key hanging up in the hall."

She stood up, biting her lip. "Well, if you're okay, then..."

The blonde cursed silently and took slow, deep breaths. "I'm fine, go," she said eventually.

Ashley stared down at her for several seconds until she made her way out of the room, grabbing her jacket from the hall. Before putting it on, she re-entered the living room and moved behind the sofa Spencer was lying down on. She closed her eyes and sighed quietly. "Are you sure?"

"I'm _fine_."

"I see that," left her lips sarcastically as she watched Spencer quickly reach for the bucket.

"Go," the blonde demanded, moving to a sitting-up position. "Don't make me throw you out," she said quietly, her voice choked.

Ashley set her jacket down and climbed over the back of the sofa so that she was crouching next to her, waiting until she knew Spencer wouldn't be able to protest before she laid her hand on her back and moved it in gentle, large circles.

On the third gag, she covered her mouth and made her own dash for the bathroom.

**###**

When Ashley was satisfied she'd used the mouthwash enough times, she left the bathroom and found the living room empty. Spencer had gone back to her bedroom.

She rested her weight on one foot and rolled her eyes when she saw the present Spencer had left for her. "Great," she said, staring at the bucket in disgust. Her head tipped towards the ceiling. "Thanks for that! You know, 'cause it's not like I have anything better to do!"

Breathing through her mouth, she picked it up and held it at arm's length as she made her way back upstairs to Glen's room. She set it down by his window and pushed it open to let some fresh air inside.

**###**

Two hours later Ashley closed the front door quietly and kept her jacket on, still feeling the cold from outside. She took a quick look to the empty living room and then made her way to the kitchen and set the plastic bag on the counter, pulling out the cans of store-brand cola —the only liquid she knew Spencer could stomach when she'd been vomiting.

After putting them in the fridge to keep cool, she pulled the Ringpop from her mouth and grabbed her guilty-pleasure gossip magazine. They were trash, she knew, but the reports on celebrities' lives were an acceptable distraction and there was one person who would read it after her when she'd conveniently leave it at the Carlin residence.

Fifteen minutes later when Ashley was halfway through her magazine and done with her candy, she heard the creak in the third-from-bottom step on the stairs and resisted the urge to sit up a little straighter.

Spencer's teeth chattered as she pulled the comforter tighter around her body and went inside the front room. She couldn't believe only a little over two hours had passed since she'd gone upstairs. Lifting the covers up a little, she sat down on the sofa and wrapped them back around herself as best she could.

When she'd read three pages and it was still silent, Ashley looked up from her position on the floor and hid a smile at how well the blonde was wrapped up. "You okay, Yoda?"

"I was," she replied, opening her eyes to look at her.

Ashley stared back a second longer than necessary before she looked back down to her reading material. With her fever, Spencer's cheeks were still a deep pink; eyes a bright blue.

It wasn't long before Spencer's teeth began to chatter again and she clamped her jaw shut, sick of the sound of it.

Pretending to focus on the article, Ashley was trying to remember how much the blonde had had to drink since she'd been there. She couldn't recall her having anything. "You want something to drink?" she asked nonchalantly, tossing her magazine to the carpet.

"If you promise not to spit in it," Spencer replied, equally thrilled her mouth soon wouldn't feel like she'd eaten sand and she hadn't had to ask Ashley for anything.

"I make no promises," Ashley answered on her way to the kitchen.

She grabbed a can of cheap cola for Spencer and opened it before picking up a bottle of Mountain Dew for herself.

"Your mom called when you were asleep," the brunette said, re-entering the room. "Three times, actually. I'm starting to doubt her faith in me."

"What did she want?"

"To talk about the appendectomy procedure."

Spencer frowned. "What?"

"Why do you think she called?" Ashley asked as she handed her the drink. "She was just checking to see if you were still breathing."

"Oh..."

Ashley sat back on the floor, leaning against a chair. She picked up her magazine and flicked to the page she'd left off at.

Ignoring the rational part of her brain that told her to sip her drink to avoid seeing it again within fifteen minutes, Spencer gulped more than a quarter of the contents straight down. When she registered the taste, she looked to the logo on the can.

"It was at the back of the fridge," Ashley said indifferently.

Spencer set the can down on the floor and snuggled down into her duvet with a small smile. They hadn't had that brand of cola in the fridge in over two years.

**###**

"Where's my bucket?" Spencer asked after a few minutes of light sleep.

Ashley's head shot up. "Are you gonna barf?"

"Not right now."

"It's in Glen's room," she answered, now relaxed as she reached for her drink.

"Why?"

"I didn't want it to stink out the place," she replied through a shrug and a mouthful of soda.

Spencer laughed quietly. "He's going to kill you when he gets home."

She smirked, knowing Spencer was right. "I opened the window."

"Ah, that makes it better."

Ashley smiled at her light-hearted sarcasm and studied her closely. "You look uncomfortable."

"I am."

"Why don't you go back to bed?" she suggested gently, unsure of why they were suddenly having what could be passed as a civil conversation, though she wasn't going to complain.

"I'm comfortable here," she mumbled, her eyes still closed.

"You just said you weren't."

"Did I?" the blonde asked, surprised.

Ashley smiled. "Yeah, you did. Are you okay?"

"I'm peachy."

"That was a stupid question, I guess."

"You said it."

"Are you awake?" Ashley asked curiously after a moment. "Properly, I mean."

"Yeah, I'm awake."

She wasn't fully convinced and her teeth worried her bottom lip as she decided to ask, "Can I sit on there with you?"

"You don't have to ask," Spencer reminded her.

As she got to her feet, the brunette tried to decide if she was relieved Spencer likely wouldn't remember any of the only civil conversation they'd had in a while. She sat down carefully at the opposite end of the sofa and raised her arm unsurely when Spencer moved closer to her.

When she'd gotten her duvet comfortable, Spencer waited until they'd both lied down before she laid her head down on Ashley's chest and placed her arm across her stomach.

"You're always comfortable," Spencer said contentedly after a couple of minutes. "It's like lying on a giant marshmallow."

"I'm trying to take that as a compliment," Ashley replied, hesitant in putting her arm around her in case it would jolt the blonde out of her stupor.

"You should because it was," she said with her eyes closed, listening carefully. "A giant marshmallow that's going to have heart-failure if it doesn't relax soon."

"Sorry."

"Don't be, it's okay," Spencer assured her, stroking the material underneath her thumb and then wrapping her arm around the brunette properly, hooking it up against the side of her body. "Are you warm enough?"

Ashley smiled gently. "You're like an oven, so..."

Spencer mirrored it. "I'm going back to sleep now. Sorry if I drool all over you."

"I think I can handle it."

"Good."

Ashley closed her eyes. "Spence?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry I'm not always nice to you."

"Me too."

**###**

Due to another phone call —that time from Arthur, Ashley had to detach herself from Spencer before she woke up and registered where she was and who she was sleeping on. It would be World War III and she wasn't sure she'd leave with her head.

After re-assuring him that Spencer was indeed okay and she hadn't vomited in three hours, she hung up the phone and ran a hand through her hair, sighing. Everything was such a mess and she was to blame for it.

Because of Spencer's high body heat and the thick duvet that was covering them both, Ashley still hadn't gotten used to the drop in temperature as she sat casually draped across the armchair eating lunch.

Spencer stirred quietly and did a double-take when she saw how much she'd spread out since falling asleep at the other end of the sofa. She sat up slowly and frowned at the throbbing in her head before directing her annoyance towards Ashley.

"I can't believe you're eating around me."

"You were asleep," Ashley said evenly, refraining from looking at her. "And it's not like its mac & cheese. It's just a sandwich. I'm almost done."

Seeing how she was avoiding looking at her, Spencer frowned even deeper, wondering what had happened. She prayed she hadn't talked in her sleep. God knows what she could have unwillingly admitted. "If you want, you can go when you're done with that. Glen's going to be home in an hour and I'll just be lying down."

Ashley chewed slowly, in no rush to reply. "I'm all right here."

"Without intending to sound immature, it's my house, so..."

"I'm not going anywhere. Your mom asked me to stay until Glen was home."

"And I said you can go. I don't need you."

Brown eyes found blue. "You really think that?"

Spencer held eye-contact; unsure what kind of tone Ashley was using. Still, she had no right to use any kind of tone with her. "Go away, Ashley. Try to find someone who wants you around."

"I'm sorry," Ashley said seriously. It was the first time she'd said it when she thought it mattered, when Spencer could grasp what she was saying.

"What?"

"I'm sorry."

"Why, what did you break?" Spencer asked sarcastically.

"You."


	6. Mask

**Thanks so much for the response, loves. The last chapter wasn't supposed to be a cliffhanger, it just ended that way, lol. Here's an early update for your lovely reviews. It's also a lot longer than the previous chapters, so I hope you enjoy. **

* * *

Ashley cracked her back to realign her vertebrae and smirked at the amount of teenage boys walking into the movie theatre wearing 'Scream' masks. It never got any more original, but somehow it didn't really get old either. Even her friend Zach was sat next to her wearing one of them. He was a year older and a foot taller.

Her feet were up on the seat in front of her as she shovelled popcorn into her mouth, waiting for the previews to start.

Zach nudged her arm. "Ten bucks says you crap yourself before half way."

"Thirty says you move closer at least twice before the credits roll."

He scoffed. "Everyone's seen the original. It borders on the level of chick-flick."

"Then why are you here?" Ashley asked lightly. "It's Halloween. Shouldn't you go somewhere _to _be scared shitless?"

"If all else fails, the lame acting should do the trick."

Ashley shrugged. "At least they're hot."

Zach lifted up his mask and grabbed a handful of popcorn, blue eyes brightening up at the comment. "Yeah, there's always that."

A couple walked down the row in front of Ashley and stopped directly in front of the seat she had her feet perched on. She sighed and put her feet back on the floor. Not only would she be uncomfortable for at least ninety minutes, she'd have a stiff neck from having to look around the male's large head and shoulders, too.

She looked across to the group of people passing her on their way to their seats and suddenly sat up straighter. Spencer was there and she wasn't alone. Ashley didn't recognise the girl she was with.

She shouldn't even be there. Since when did Spencer do something different on Halloween? She should be at home with classic horror movies, snuggled up under a blanket with masses of candy and popcorn.

Any trailers to upcoming releases didn't register in her head, her eyes fixed on the blonde and the girl with her who had sat down three rows ahead.

Zach snapped his fingers in front of Ashley's face. "Hey."

"What?"

"Who's got your attention? You're staring."

"I'm not," she disagreed, dragging her eyes away for a few seconds to look at him.

"You're the creeper in the theatre."

Ashley exhaled quietly, not wanting to talk about Spencer. Having only met Ashley a month ago and attended a different school, Zach didn't know anything about the blonde and she wanted to keep it that way. "The movie is starting."

When he pulled his mask back down and focused his attention on the giant screen, Ashley looked back over to where Spencer was sitting and kept her eyes on the girl next to her, ten questions already on the tip of the tongue.

After several, long minutes, she forced herself to look away before she drove herself insane. She looked to the screen she could only see three quarters of, due to the tall, broad-shouldered man sitting in front of her. He didn't even have the decency to slouch down in his seat a little.

**###**

Halfway through Spencer shifted in her seat, unimpressed with the movie so far. It was a remake of a classic that was by far superior. Its sudden loud music was succeeding in making Lydia, the new girl at school, jump but not her. The only saving grace was the attractive cast.

Lydia wasn't very good to watch a movie with. She spoke and asked questions at the wrong times and rustled wrappers too often. Spencer missed the Halloween tradition she'd had since she was ten. It was strange not eating mass amounts of candy and popcorn with Ashley, snuggling under a blanket while they watched truly frightening movies. But then again, it would be even stranger to do that with her this year, especially after everything that had happened over the summer.

Lydia rustled the wrappers to her bag of Reese's Pieces again and Spencer took a big sip of her drink to stop herself from saying anything.

"Whoever is making that noise over there better shut the hell up!" came from someone behind them.

Spencer recognised it instantly and sighed. She could never get away from Ashley when she wanted to. "Great."

Chewing her last peanut butter cup, Lydia screwed the bag up into a ball and raised an eyebrow to Spencer. "What's great?"

"Hey, are you deaf up front?" Ashley continued sarcastically. "Seriously, nobody came here to listen to that."

Spencer turned around in her seat and looked around for Ashley. She found her quickly, sitting several rows behind. "And nobody came here to listen to you, so why don't you can it?"

She fought not to smile. Spencer's retorts were always so...Spencer. "And deny you the pleasure of the sound of my voice? Wouldn't dream of it."

"Please. The only person who likes the sound of your voice is you," the blonde replied.

When they received multiple, unfriendly demands to 'shut the fuck up' Spencer turned back around in her seat and leaned closer to Lydia, very much aware of the fact Ashley was watching.

Ashley nudged Zach on the arm. "Get up, we're leaving."

"What? No, it's not finished."

"So? The movie sucks, let's go. We'll find something better to do."

"My ass is toasty here, thanks."

Ashley took one last look of Spencer practically draped across another girl and sighed. "Please?"

He made an annoyed sound and took off his mask. "Whatever, fine, let's go."

She jumped out of her seat and ushered him all the way to the door. "Love the enthusiasm, by the way."

Zach looked at her through the corner of his eye. "You suck, you know that?"

"News to me."

"So, who was the chick?" he asked casually as they headed back through the theatre, glancing at the upcoming movie posters.

"A friend, and don't call her a 'chick'."

Zach raised his eyebrows. "She's your friend?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yeah," Ashley replied defensively.

"Uh...does _she _know that, 'cause I almost got shivers from the way she was looking at you."

"Whatever. Do me a favour and change the subject, okay?"

He shrugged in apparent acquiescence to Ashley's request and allowed her to walk ahead for a few seconds before he caught up. "Did you sleep with her boyfriend or something? The guy she liked?" he couldn't help but ask.

Ashley kept her eyes directly in front of her. "Are we going to your cousin's party, or is it past your bedtime?"

Zach decided to drop it. Ashley was worse than some of his male friends when it came to talking about something important. He reached over her and pushed the door open for her. "As long as the cops didn't shut it down already."

With no response necessary, Ashley picked up her pace and headed towards his car.

**###**

Twenty minutes later, she leaned back in her seat and made a frustrated sound. Zach hadn't been able to start the car and there was no sign of the help arriving.

"You need to change your breakdown cover service," she said with a sigh. "We'd freeze to death if it was November or December."

"It is November," he pointed out with a sigh, also tired of waiting. "Technically."

Ashley looked to her watch. It was one fifty-three a.m. "Hmm, so it is," she responded, seeing people exit the movie theatre, finally. Spencer and Lydia were among the first out of the doors. She watched them and saw Spencer give her a hug. It was a quick, polite hug; one with a brief back-rub before she stepped back and smiled.

Lydia walked to a car that had just pulled up and got in the passenger seat before shouting a reference from the movie they'd just seen. Ashley rolled her eyes.

Spencer laughed and Lydia promised a call later on that day when the sun was out before waving her goodbye as her sister drove off.

"What?" Ashley asked aloud, frowning as she turned in her seat watching the car Lydia got into drive away without Spencer. "Is she serious?"

Zach frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"That loser just left her to walk home alone. It's almost two in the morning!"

He shrugged. "There's room in the back if your friend needs a ride."

"Thanks, but this ride don't ride so good right now," she said, imagining Spencer sat in the back, all of them sitting in uncomfortable silence. She saw Spencer begin walking in the direction of her house. "Will you be too scared if I leave?"

He stared at her before leaning over, pushing her door open. "Bye."

After saying her goodbye's to him Ashley stuck her hands deep in the pocket of her coat and hurried towards the blonde who was walking with a rushed pace. She caught up with her relatively quickly and, thanks to her choice of footwear -nothing with a heel, the blonde didn't even suspect she was being followed.

Ashley watched the way Spencer walked, the way her body moved and how her hair was being blown by a delicate breeze. It had been too long since she'd just looked at her without saying a word.

When they both rounded a corner, Ashley jogged forward and leaned as close to Spencer's ear as she could. "Boo," she said suddenly, her voice low.

Gasping, Spencer spun around on her heel and backed up several paces before she even registered who it was. When she set eyes on the brunette, her heart thumped a little harder. "What do you want?"

Ashley shrugged carelessly. "I thought you'd appreciate actually being scared on Halloween, even if I am a couple hours late."

"That's nice. You know what else I'd appreciate? You leaving."

Ashley smiled sardonically. "A dagger to the heart."

"Too bad that was just metaphorical," Spencer said as she turned her back, resuming her journey home.

The brunette fell in line next to her, walking quickly. "So, how was your big date?"

"Excuse me?" she asked, turning to look at Ashley.

Upon seeing her deep frown, Ashley shrugged innocently. "What, it wasn't a date? You looked cosy enough."

"How is that any of your business?"

"There's no need to get all defensive, I'm just making conversation," she replied, kicking a pebble out of her path. When Spencer didn't respond, she asked, "Did you get a kiss, or are you two just _friends_?"

"You never did learn when to shut that big mouth of yours, did you?"

"Guess not."

Spencer shook her head in disbelief. "Can you just go? Bug someone else. It's late and I'm tired. I don't need this from you now, or ever."

"But you're my favourite," the brunette replied, prolonging the last word. She knew Spencer wasn't tired. She stuffed herself with so much candy on Halloween that she was up until at least five a.m. the next morning. It had been that way for years.

Spencer checked the road before she crossed it, wishing she lived closer. "So you're a stalker now, too?"

"If you're talking about the movies, I was there before you."

"Sure you were."

"You and your date walked right past—"

"You and _your _date?"

"Zach wasn't my date," Ashley stated. "He's a friend."

Spencer glanced at the egged car she was walking past, and scoffed. "Right."

"What?"

Spencer shrugged. "Nothing."

"Didn't sound like it." Ashley waited and continued when she didn't receive any sort of response, "I can't have friends now?"

Turning to look at her, Spencer couldn't prevent a frown from forming. "You can have whoever you want, remember?" she replied as evenly as she could, echoing Ashley's past words to her. "And since when have you needed my permission for anything? It's not like you ever take any notice."

"Why are your panties in such a bunch? I went there to watch hot people die, not to have you bitching or see some girl whispering sweet nothing's in your ear."

Spencer smiled. She and Lydia were just friends and she hadn't whispered anything to her during the movie. "Did it bother you?"

"PDA's make me nauseous, so yeah, little bit."

She shrugged. "That's too bad."

Ashley looked away to grit her teeth and rubbed the side of her neck in frustration. They were twenty minutes from home and the air was stiller than it had been in a long time. The loud, thumping bass from a house party down the street was echoing throughout, along with girly squeals and laughter.

"So, why the change of plan tonight?" Ashley asked her after a minute of silence.

"What?"

"You chose new over old. How come? Classics not doing it for you like they used to?"

"Give it a rest," Spencer responded, her tone irritated.

Ashley stared at her. "I was just asking a question."

"Why?"

"Why? Uh, 'cause I was interested?" she replied dumbly.

"Yeah, well I'm not. You don't get to ask what's 'doing it' for me anymore. You seem to be under the impression you can pick and choose whether or not you talk to me and how you do so, and its bull."

"Like you don't act the same way," Ashley reminded her.

"Sometimes, maybe. But you... you've got _multiple _personalities, let me tell you. And they all suck." There was also the added fact that Ashley deserved her attitude, and sometimes she didn't have it in her to fight, no matter how much she wanted to.

"Gee, thanks for the enlightenment," the brunette answered derisively, making no effort to get away from her.

"Why are you still here?"

Ashley shrugged, keeping her eyes ahead, unfaltering in her pace. "Don't want to walk home by myself."

"That's too bad. Walk a different way."

"Why?" she questioned her in the same manner as before.

"I'm tired of being around you," the blonde answered honestly. It was too hard to be around Ashley, especially when they were alone.

"That's too bad," Ashley echoed mockingly, raising her voice a little over the music from the house they were walking past. It was difficult to be around Spencer, but it was even more challenging to be away from her and act like she was perfect with it.

Losing her temper, Spencer gritted her teeth. "God, sometimes I _swear _I could beat you to death."

"Me too."

"I'm serious! God, sometimes I want to just shove you against the wall and -"

"And what?" came from a male behind them.

Entirely in the wrong mood, Spencer spun around with a glare. "Shut your disgusting, perverse mouth! Nobody was talking to you!"

Her anger and irritation was rapidly replaced with an almost overwhelming sense of fear. The man bared an uncanny resemblance to Anthony Perkins. He was dressed in smart pants and a shirt, identical to his character in 'Psycho'.

She stumbled back to Ashley. "Uh...never mind. Sorry."

Resuming their walk home, Ashley looked to Spencer and bit her lip to keep from smiling.

Feeling the brunette's eyes on her, Spencer shot Ashley a glare. "Shut up."

"Whatever you say, pumpkin."

**###**

_Ashley looked down to the play-dough and building blocks on the table with unadulterated disdain. It was Halloween and they were stuck in the hospital day-care centre thanks to Paula being called into work unexpectedly and all of the neighbours being too busy to watch them. "Spence, how old are you?"_

_"Ten," she replied, already smiling at how painfully bored her friend looked. She could never hide it very well._

_"And how old am I?"_

_"Ten," was her echoing response, just finishing up making a little man out of play-dough. He was pudgy and blue, she called him Chunk._

_Looking up to Spencer, Ashley raised her eyebrows. "Exactly. Between us, we're twenty. Why are we in this dump with the kids?"_

_"Because we're fire hazards and targets if we stay home alone," Spencer said, repeating her mother's words._

_Fire hazards Ashley could partly understand, given her love of lighting matches, but targets? She'd never let anyone lay a finger on Spencer. "Well, I can't stay here," she stated, looking around at all of the babies and the children who didn't look a day past four-and-a-half._

_She spotted the day-care workers huddled around a pregnant colleague, fussing over her, and carefully stood up, holding her hand out to the blonde. "I'm not leaving you, so come on."_

_Spencer looked to her hand and bit her lip, torn on whether or not to leave. Her mother would have her head if they were caught. "I don't know, Ash. My mom's gonna kill us if we're not here when she checks in."_

_"Do you want to stay? We can if you want. "_

_She shook her head. "No, but..."_

_"Then come on, it's Halloween. Let's find an OR and watch your mom cut people open. You have to see as many operations as you can if you're going to be a surgeon too. Maybe we'll see something really gross."_

_"Are you crazy?" Spencer whispered with a smile, holding Ashley's hand as they ducked under the sign-in desk._

_"You're right, we can do better. Morgue it is."_

_"No way!"_

_Ashley made a dash through the exit, never letting go of the hand she was holding, and sighed in disappointment once they were in the corridor. "Spencer, don't be a wuss. They're just people."_

_"Uh, yeah, _dead _people. Cold people." She let go of Ashley's hand and walked behind her. "People who will wait until your back is turned before they do this!" she rushed out in a raised whisper before she jumped onto Ashley's back and pretended to bite her neck._

_Ashley laughed loudly and leaned over, tipping Spencer forward. "Get off me, you freak!"_

_Spencer rolled off her back with a laugh and stuck her hand inside her hoodie pocket, bringing out three different bags of candy. "Fine, but if we run into Frankenstein, I'm pushing you in front of me," she said lightly, examining the bags. "Want some of my brains?"_

_"Brains?" the brunette questioned. "You barely have _one,_" she teased, nudging her arm._

_Spencer looked at her through the corner of her eye, smiling. "Gummy brains, loser," she replied, kicking her in the ass._

_"Yeah, I'll have some," Ashley agreed, holding out her hand to accept them. "What else you got?"_

_"Gummy brains, candy corn and jelly bones."_

_"Pig."_

_Flashing her a quick grin, the blonde shovelled a handful of gummy brains into her mouth —enough to cause her cheek to protrude out— and put the bags back in her pocket. "We can't just walk around here," she told her. "Someone's gonna recognise us soon."_

_In agreement, they walked directly behind a middle-aged couple who were on their way to see their daughter. When they all entered the lift and were on their way to the third level, the couple looked down to innocent-looking children and smiled uncertainly._

_"Are you all right?" the woman asked._

_"Yes, thank you," Spencer replied brightly, quickly swallowing the now chewed-up mass inside her mouth._

_"Are you here by yourself?"_

_Before they were caught, Ashley shot her hand forward and pressed the 'two' button. The elevator dinged quickly, signalling its arrival, and the girls made a hasty exit, hurrying down a mostly-empty corridor._

_"Nosey parker," Ashley commented with a frown. "Are you here by yourself?" she mocked. "Uh, no, she was with me, lady. Am I invisible?"_

_"Never," Spencer answered without thinking. "And I think she was talking to both of us."_

_Natalie, a plastic surgeon, heading down the corridor towards them smiled brightly at her. "Hey Spencer, does your mom know you're here?"_

_Ashley threw her hands up in the air. "I rest my case."_

_She cast a sideways smile to the brunette's dramatic action before turning her attention to the woman talking to her. "Yeah, of course."_

_"Are you sure?" she asked skeptically._

_"I'm sure. Ask her if you don't believe me," she said cheekily._

_Natalie smiled. "Okay, but if you're lying..." she trailed off as she walked away._

_Ashley scoffed. "Talk about rude. She didn't even look at me."_

_Linking her arm through Ashley's, Spencer led them towards an empty room. "Forget about it."_

_"Are you sure you can see me?" she asked as she closed the door behind her, overlooking the fact they'd just linked arms._

_Spencer waited until Ashley had climbed up onto the high bed with her before she smiled at her sad pout. "Like I'd ever not see you."_

_"I'm serious," she complained with a sigh._

_"So am I."_

_"I think you should wrap my head up," Ashley suggested._

_"I don't know how it's going to help," Spencer began unsurely, "but if you think it's going to make you feel better," she finished with a shrug, leaning forward to Ashley. She jerked her forward and wrapped her arms around her head, cradling it to her chest. She swayed to the side and laughed when she felt Ashley begin to struggle. "There there."_

_"Spencer, you loser," Ashley laughed into her chest, the sound muffled. "You're suffocating me!"_

_After squeezing tighter for a few seconds, Spencer relinquished hold of her and helped smooth out her untidy hair. "Better?" she asked with a grin._

_Giving her a look, Ashley jumped off the bed and went to a trolley left in the corner of the room. She picked up three large rolls of gauze and turned around, holding them up like trophies. "Wrap my head up with _this_,"_ _she emphasized._

_"Why?"_

_"Because it'll take too long to do my entire body," she replied, hauling herself back up on the bed. "I'll wrap your arms up, or something."_

_Spencer took the gauze off her. "You'll definitely be seen with this."_

**###**

_As Spencer raced down the corridor with Ashley in a wheelchair, her shoes came to a squeaking halt as she attempted to round a sharp corner without tipping her friend out onto the floor._

_When one wheel left the tiles, Ashley laughed and instinctively grabbed and leaned to the opposite side. "That's it, break my skull open again!"_

_When the chair was stable again, she gently smacked Ashley around the back of her wrapped-up head. "Can it, mummy-wannabe."_

_"Your wrists are supposed to be slashed," the brunette reminded her, reading the signs on the wall. "And slow down, we should be coming up to the morgue any second."_

_Stopping, Spencer tucked a hanging strip of gauze away on her wrist and lifted a hand to her head, pushing back the hair from her eyes. It was quiet. Much quieter than it had been on every other corridor they'd been on. There you could at least hear people walking past. "Maybe it's closed."_

_"A hospital morgue doesn't have opening hours, Spencer," Ashley said, pulling a face as she got out of the chair. "Don't be so scared, okay?"_

_"Why aren't you scared? Hang out with the dead a lot, do you?"_

_"I am scared," Ashley confessed as she threw an arm around Spencer's shoulders. "But you'll be there, right? And I know you wouldn't let anything happen to me, just like you know I won't let anything happen to you, so we're both gonna be safe." _

_"As houses," she said, feeling much better all of a sudden._

_"Exactly," Ashley smiled happily, removing her arm from the blonde's shoulder. "Just think of them as sleeping."_

_"I'll try."_

_"Good." She held out her hand to Spencer. "Hold my hand."_

_Spencer reached down and held Ashley's hand tightly as they headed down the hallway. The morgue had two, large doors and a black sign spread across the both of them, indicating which department the visitor was about to enter._

_They pushed the doors open and walked inside, both feeling the drop in temperature as soon as the doors closed behind them. The black and white tiles on the floor, accompanied with the stainless steel freezer drawers and body trays somehow made the room even colder._

_"It's weird in here," Spencer whispered._

_Ashley nodded in agreement. The air even felt different in there. Thicker. She felt like she was being watched by an audience, somehow._

_"So, we see a body and then go?" the blonde asked._

_"That's the plan," Ashley answered. "Find a drawer and...I guess we open it?"_

_"Well, yeah. I don't think the occupier will be lending a helping hand."_

_Ashley smiled at her sarcasm. "Shut up."_

_Spencer inhaled and exhaled deeply as she let go of Ashley's hand and bravely went off in search of the freezers._

_As soon as she realised her hand wasn't being held anymore, Ashley darted after Spencer and grabbed her hand again. "You know, it's not nice to leave someone _alone_ in a morgue."_

_Her apology came in the form of a reassuring squeeze. "Look," she said, leaning her head to the side._

_Looking to the side, Ashley saw the freezers. She'd never seen so many drawers lining a wall before. "Holy crap!"_

_"I know!" she agreed. She nudged Ashley forward. "Go on, then. Pick one and open it."_

_Ashley reached back for Spencer's hand again and pulled her forward. "Me? What about you?"_

_"You're the brave little toaster with the big ideas."_

_"So?"_

_"So, you open it," Spencer said, realising how close they were to a corpse._

_Opening the drawer alone wasn't an option. She couldn't do it without Spencer. "Together?" She wore a pout. "Please?"_

_Spencer exhaled nervously. "'kay." She pointed a finger to the brunette. "But don't even _try_ to make me jump."_

_"I wouldn't!" Ashley protested._

_"You so would," she disagreed. "I'm serious, okay? I'll push you in there if you use any sound effects."_

_Ashley laughed and grabbed her finger, moving it out of her face. "Okay, fine, I promise."_

_"On the count of twenty-eight?"_

_"Or three."_

_"Okay," the blonde agreed as they walked over until they were directly in front of a drawer. "One," she began, her eyes planted on the large lever._

_"Two," Ashley continued after several seconds, her pulse rate increasing as she lifted her eyes to Spencer._

_Refocusing her attention, Spencer looked Ashley in the eyes. "Three."_

_Holding hands tighter than before, the girls pushed down on the lever and simultaneously heard the sound of the seal breaking and saw the door swing open half way. Though the inside was relatively dark, they could see a white sheet covering the body and a rubber tag was wrapped around the big toe._

_Breathing heavier, Spencer turned into Ashley and rested her free hand on her forearm. "I don't think we should have done that," she whispered nervously._

_Ashley mutely shook her head in agreement. She didn't care if people at school found out they ran away before they actually saw anything, it was too weird and she was too afraid._

_"Spencer Carlin!" was shrieked from behind them, causing both girls to scream and grab hold of each other._

_Paula Carlin stood in disbelief as she saw her youngest child and best friend standing in a morgue in front of an open freezer drawer._

_Hearts beating furiously, they spun around to face someone far scarier than the body behind them. "Uh-oh," left Ashley's lips._

_"You're damn right 'uh-oh'," Paula began firmly. "What on earth are you two doing in here?"_

_Spencer cringed at the echoing question. "You don't have to yell, mom," she said meekly, suppressing the urge to throw in a quip about 'waking the dead'. It would be much too ill-timed._

_"_What_ are you doing in here?" she repeated when she wasn't answered, looking between them. "One of you better start talking, I mean it."_

_"It's Halloween," Spencer said with a shrug._

_"So that makes it alright for you to leave your sitters and skip merrily to the nearest morgue?" she yelled, walking past them to close the drawer. "Jesus, do you know how many things are wrong with that sentence?" she asked rhetorically, holding her hand to her head._

_"We didn't leave, we escaped. That place was a baby prison!" Ashley replied as she turned around to face her. She swallowed when she saw the woman's unamused face. "But... I'm sorry if we scared you," she finished sincerely._

_"Oh, you're _going_ to be sorry. Both of you."_

_Spencer frowned. "How did you even find us?"_

_Paula sighed. "This is a hospital, Spencer. Staff may go on breaks but the cameras are still rolling."_

_"There are cameras in here?" Ashley blurted out with a disgusted expression. "Sick!"_

_"In the corridors, Ashley."_

_The brunette's mouth formed an 'o' shape._

_Paula raised her arm and pointed a finger towards the exit. "Let's go," she said firmly._

_Spencer sighed and gave Ashley a look that said her mother wasn't a force to be reckoned with, at least at that moment, and set off towards the doors. "We're so sorry," she apologised again, trying to sound as sincere as possible. Her mother sounded angry enough to cancel their plans to trick-or-treat, for God's sake!_

_Choosing not to respond to her daughter, Paula put a hand on Ashley's shoulders and gently pushed forward, hurrying her along. She frowned when she registered the messy gauze covering her head. It clearly wasn't done by a professional. "Ashley, why is your head bandaged up?"_

_"Spence did it."_

_The blonde spun around to see her mother looking at her with raised brows. She didn't want to get into any more trouble. "Yeah, because you told me to!"_

_Paula looked down to Ashley. "Is that true?"_

_She nodded. "Yep."_

_"I see." Mrs. Carlin glanced down to her daughters wrapped wrists and then back to Ashley. "And you're responsible for those?"_

_"They look awesome, don't they?" she asked with a self-satisfied smile._

**###**

_"It's your fault," Spencer said grumpily as she hung off the edge of the sofa upside down, pretending to be a bat. "You're the reason we're in prison."_

_Ashley crossed the room with her re-filled glass of Coke and rolled her eyes. "What are you talking about?"_

_"We're caged like animals, all because of you and your freaky quest to see a crusty body."_

_"You're so dramatic, Spencer," Ashley stated as she sat down next to her and took a sip of her drink._

_After her shift had finished Paula had taken the girls home where Christine was waiting for them and it was decided that the girls miss trick-or-treating that year. They needed to learn the importance of respect, both to the living and the dead._

_She and Arthur were joining Christine and Raife next door, and Glen was to keep an eye on Spencer and Ashley until they got home._

_Reaching the bottom of the stairs, Paula looked in on the girls in the living room and saw the disappointed frown on her daughters face._

_"I don't care, it's still your fault," Spencer replied._

_Ashley rolled her eyes. "Okay, fine, it's my fault. I accept responsibility, let's move on," she suggested hopefully._

_Spencer tried her best to shoot her friend a look without making her eyes cross - the blood was rushing to her head faster than she would have liked. "How about you move _over_?"_

_"It's not that bad. So we aren't going to freeze outside for an hour tonight, what's the big deal?"_

_"It's _tradition_! I love freezing my ass off, thank you."_

_Paula had to stifle a laugh when she glanced to the brunette and saw the scowl on her little face._

_Ashley set her drink down and opened the front door as wide as it would go before doing the same with the living room windows. "Fine, freeze," she spat out, walking back over to the sofa and sitting down a seat away from her as requested. "But get over yourself while you're at it."_

_"Girls, that's enough," Paula said as she walked into the room, not wanting their small fight to escalate. Crossing the floor, she closed the door, shut the windows and pulled the lid off the pumpkin, lighting the tea lights inside to cast a soft glow across the room._

_Spencer frowned and swung her legs around to sit up properly. "I don't even get to light it this year?"_

_"Light your face on fire. You've got the personality of a pumpkin tonight," Ashley muttered to her._

_"Shut up," she retorted hotly._

_Paula sighed. "Girls," she warned again. "I'm sorry you're upset, but these are the consequences. You have next year, Spencer."_

_"Super," she answered sarcastically, not even looking at her._

**###**

_With one leg up on the sofa Ashley tapped her knee, wondering whether it was safe to speak to Spencer without having her head bitten off. Arthur and Paula had left ten minutes ago and she'd gotten bored of arguing an hour earlier when they were eating dinner in front of the TV._

_She chanced a look to her sulky friend and gently bit down on her thumb. "Spence?" she whispered carefully._

_Spencer shot her a look through the corner of her eye._

_"Spence?" she whispered again._

_"What?" she asked flatly._

_"Are you going to say it?"_

_The blonde looked over to her slowly, a look of confusion on her face. Ashley must have hit her head. "I'm sorry?"_

_Ashley smiled brightly. "I'm sorry, too. I officially declare this fight over."_

_"Wait, I wasn't apologising to you!"_

_"Ya just did," she drawled._

_"Well, I take it back!"_

_"You can't take back an apology, Spencer. And you won't want to when you find out the surprise I have for you."_

_That gained her interest. "What surprise?"_

_Ashley grinned and bounced over so she was sitting next to Spencer. "You're sorry, too?"_

_Spencer stared at her sparkling eyes for a long moment and eventually allowed a smile to break out across her face. She hated arguing with Ashley, anyway. "Yeah, I'm sorry."_

_Ashley jumped off the sofa and pulled Spencer with her as she head into the dining room. "Do you know how much I love your mom for grounding us tonight?" she asked, turning around to face her as she reached the table._

_"Um...not a whole lot?"_

"This_ much," she replied, stepping out of the way._

_Spencer's mouth dropped open. Ashley's movement had revealed the largest bowl of candy they'd ever had for Halloween. "Oh my God!"_

_Ashley grabbed a miniature Hershey's bar from the top of the pile and threw it to Spencer. "Just in case you get any ideas; we're not answering the door to any trick-or-treaters."_

_Sharing the candy with anyone other than Ashley, and, at a stretch - Glen was the farthest thing from what Spencer had in mind. "Lock the door."_

_"Why are you locking the door?" Glen asked, suddenly behind her._

_She spun around, startled. "What are you doing here?"_

_"You mean other than the fact I live here?" He rolled his eyes and, in doing so, caught sight of the bowl of candy. "Jackpot!"_

_"Not yours," Ashley informed him as she struggled to pick up the bowl._

_"Yeah, get fat on your own. This is ours," Spencer agreed, now standing next to her._

_He laughed and walked over to them, easily prying it away from both of them. "Kiss my ass, grasshoppers," he said on his way out of the room._

_Spencer shot the back of his head a glare and kicked his ass as hard as she could. "Jerk," she retorted, snatching a handful of candy out of the bowl as she and Ashley walked past him._

_He laughed, not letting on how much his sister's kick had hurt him. He wasn't going to eat the entire bowl by himself; he just wanted to let them know he could if he wanted to. "Ash, lock the door and I'll make three piles out of this," he said, gesturing his head down to the bowl._

_"Yes!" she exclaimed before she took off running through the house._

_"Sorry if I hurt you," Spencer apologised, thrilled he wasn't taking the entire bowl up to his room._

_Glen scoffed. "As if you could."_

**###**

_Sitting on the sofa underneath a blanket between his sister and Ashley, Glen pressed play on the remote, hiding his smile. He hated Halloween but he couldn't resist giving Spencer and Ashley a night they'd never forget._

_Ashley unwrapped her seventh snack-size peanut butter cup and bit half of it. "What are we watching?"_

_"The Addams Family is still in from this morning," Spencer replied through a mouthful of Tootsie Rolls._

_"Like I'd watch that crap," Glen said, screwing up a wrapper. "Turn the lights off, Spencer."_

_After giving her the most candy she'd ever received in one night, she obliged to her brother without question and stole a piece of candy off Ashley's giant pile as she headed back to her seat._

_"What are we watching, then?" Ashley asked, pulling a face at Spencer. "Pass the popcorn, Spence."_

_She frowned. "Do I have slave written on my forehead?"_

_Not wanting them to be talking when the movie came on, Glen reached forward and set the large bowl of popcorn on the blanket covering Ashley's lap. "Psycho."_

_"I don't have psycho on my forehead," the blonde stated. "I was being sarcastic."_

_He rolled his eyes. "The movie. The movie is called Psycho, now be quiet, both of you. You don't want to miss any of it."_

_Ashley stopped mid-chew and looked to Glen with wide eyes. "Wha?" she asked her mouth full._

_"I'm not watching that!" Spencer exclaimed, picking up her bowl of candy as she clambered across Glen to squeeze between him and Ashley. Her older cousin Mia had told her about that the last time she stayed over. She said it was only a mediocre thriller, which really meant it was one of the most terrifying movies of all time. Nothing ever scared Mia, not even Aunt Mildred who was built like Frankenstein. _

_"Ow!" Glen yelled when Spencer elbowed him in the face in her haste to get back under the blanket._

_Ashley smiled and moved closer to her, putting the popcorn back down on their legs._

_Glen picked up the fallen remote which had fallen to where his sister had been sitting. "Are you ready?" he asked them._

**###**

_The movie was almost finished and aside from a few creepy scenes where she'd had to lean closer to Ashley, Spencer had almost been bored throughout it. Mia was right, it wasn't very scary. However, she loved the fact it was in black and white._

_She tore her eyes away from the screen to unwrap a piece of candy and looked back up in time to see Lila walking inside the Bates house. "She's toast!" she exclaimed._

_Ashley furiously nodded her agreement, mouth otherwise full._

_Spencer shook her head at the woman's stupidity. "What an idiot."_

"_Mama's gon' kill you," Ashley struggled to mumble out without spitting melted chocolate all over the place._

_Spencer frowned when Lila reached Norma's bedroom and saw the view of the body-shaped mould in the bed. It deepened when Sam and Norman returned to the screen. Norman was really starting to freak her out._

_Ashley licked the chocolate from her lips and got up, holding her half-empty bowl of candy. She really needed a drink._

_Spencer's hand shot forward and hauled her back down to the sofa. "Where do you think you're going?"_

"_I'm thirsty," she protested, lying half across her._

"_You can have some of mine," she offered, handing Ashley her drink._

_Glen shot them both a dirty look. "Do you mind shutting up? It's almost finished."_

_As Ashley moved off her and back to her own seat, Spencer frowned, turning to face him. "You shut up."_

_She was mildly surprised her brother didn't have a comeback but re-focused her attention on the television. Norman wasn't doing a very good job at appearing normal and Spencer unconsciously pulled a face of anxiousness as she took her drink back off Ashley, her eyes never straying from his guilt-ridden face._

_Knowing the best parts were coming up, Glen turned up the volume._

_Spencer jumped as she saw Norman punch Sam, causing her arm to jerk and send the remaining contents of her glass over Ashley._

"_Oh my God," the blonde muttered with her fingers over her lips._

_Ashley sat there with her mouth open, stunned. Spencer wasn't even looking at her. "Sorry Ashley, I'll clean it up," she said sarcastically._

_Spencer frowned, feeling something wet against her right thigh. She looked towards Ashley. "Ash, did you just...get scared?"_

"_Get real. You threw your drink all over me!"_

"_I'm sorry. You can borrow some pyjamas if you need..." she trailed off half-heartedly, looking back to the screen. Her eyes widened when she saw Lila going down to the basement and Norman rush up the steps leading to the house. She sunk down further into the sofa, her pulse increasing._

_Glen looked down and smirked outright._

_Ashley rolled her eyes, peeling the wet blanket off her legs. Fantastic, her legs would be sticky. The movie wasn't frightening her but she had to admit the shower scene made her uneasy about the next time she'd have to. She took the empty glass off Spencer and set it on the floor._

"_Oh my God," Spencer began, both palms on each side of her face, smushing her cheeks in. "She's going to die," she finished sadly, shaking her head._

_Her eyes widened even further when she saw Lila walking towards Norma sitting on a chair in the basement, her heart continuing to thump harder with the suspenseful background music playing loudly._

_Between the theme playing loudly, Lila spinning the chair around to find a mummified Norma Bates and Norman running into the room dressed as her as he attempted to murder Lila, Spencer screamed as if her life depended on it while simultaneously managing to climb onto Ashley's lap._

_Ashley screamed silently as Spencer's bony knees dug into her thighs, making marks that would surely leave bruises__._

_Spying the fallen bowls of candy covering the floor as well as the trembling mess his sister was in, Glen laughed unabashedly._

_Wrapping her arms around Ashley's neck as tightly as possible, Spencer squeezed her eyes shut and allowed the brunette to put her arms around her, rubbing her back reassuringly until she was told it wasn't working and she had to hug her, squeezing with all her strength._

**###**

"_I'm scared," Spencer whispered to Ashley who lay next to her in bed. "Put the light back on."_

_Ashley rolled her eyes. "I'm right here, Spencer. You do know it was just a movie, don't you?"_

"_Just do it," she said bossily. It wasn't the time for anybody to point out the obvious. Every time she closed her eyes she could see his psychotic smile from the final scene, his mother's voice inside his head._

_Fulfilling her friend's request, Ashley leaned over the side of the bed to put the lamp on, ignoring Spencer's death-grip on the back of her pyjama top. "See, nobody here but me and you."_

_After scanning the room just in case, Spencer relaxed against the brunette next to her. "I can't believe he showed us that. I'm telling my mom in the morning. He'll be grounded till Christmas."_

"_He'll love you for that."_

"_I don't care; he's taken away at least a month's worth of sleep."_

_Ashley smiled. She was wide awake even though it was past midnight. "You do love to exaggerate."_

"_I can see Mr. Bates' face," Spencer said, frustrated._

"Norman_ Bates."_

_"Whatever." Spencer turned around so that she was looking at Ashley instead and placed her hand on her cheek, wearing a silly smile several moments later when she'd realised her thumb had slowly been moving back and forth over soft skin the entire time she'd been looking._

"_Better view than a psychopath?"_

_Spencer hid a smile and tucked her hand back under the covers, holding it close to her chest. "Barely."_

"_I'm sorry you didn't get to go trick-or-treating tonight, Spence. Next year, I almost swear I won't get us into trouble."_

"_Almost?"_

"_I can't promise a miracle, but it doesn't mean I won't try."_

_Looking into mischievous brown eyes, Spencer laughed. "You know what's scarier than Norman?" she asked after a while._

"_What?"_

"_Fighting with you."_

"_I know," Ashley agreed. "But at least they never last long and we always make up."_

"_Thank God."_

"_Sorry I said you had the personality of a pumpkin."_

"_It's okay, I kinda did," she admitted._

"_Yeah, but still..." Ashley began, leaning forward to kiss Spencer's cheek, "I'm sorry."_

**###  
**

Spencer narrowed her eyes at the nickname. "Kiss my ass, Ashley."

"Now there's a temptation."

"Shouldn't you be off somewhere pretending you have a life?"

Ashley smiled as she crossed the road. "I believe that's your department."

Looking over her shoulder to check the Anthony Perkins look-a-like wasn't following them, Spencer scowled. "It's too bad you're so selfish that you won't graduate a year early and leave me alone for one blissful year."

"You're right, it is too bad."

Processing her response, Spencer frowned due to a mix of confusion and curiosity. "Why won't you?"

"Do you need a pin to burst that ego? Why would I even _try _to move up a grade? It's pretty hard and I'm doing just fine where I am."

"Why won't you leave me alone?" she clarified bluntly.

Ashley raised her brows. "Seriously, deflate the ego. It's not a good look on you."

"See, this is exactly what I meant," Spencer began. "Your moods change so fast I feel like I have to keep my arms and legs inside the ride at all times. What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing is wrong with me." She shrugged, plastering a smile on her face. "I'm perfect."

"Then why are you still here?"

"I already told you."

The blonde nodded. "Right, you didn't want to walk home alone. Congratulations, that was about as convincing as 'my dog ate my homework'."

"It's not my fault you have trust issues," Ashley replied without thinking.

Spencer stared at her in disbelief, her chest tightening before she swiftly increased her pace and walked away from her.

Ashley closed her eyes and set her jaw in anger. "Spencer," she called after her. "God, what's wrong with you?" she asked herself when she clearly wasn't going to get a response.

Watching her get further and further away her, Ashley jogged forward and managed to wrap her hand around the blonde's arm for half a second before Spencer whirled around and pulled away from her. Ashley saw the anger in her eyes and looked away. "I didn't mean to say that."

"You can't even look at me," Spencer stated, shrugging when brown eyes instantly met blue. "It wasn't an objection. Honestly, I don't know how you do it. I don't know how you can stand there and look at me without looking even remotely ashamed of yourself."

The brunette swallowed thickly and set her jaw, her eyes moving away from her.

Spotting the tell-tale signs of Ashley starting to close up, Spencer smiled mockingly, ignoring the wind picking up almost violently. "You don't have anything to say? I should alert the press."

"Stop acting like you know me," she replied, beginning to get angry.

"Acting?" The blonde repeated, coldly staring back into penetrative eyes. "Who's acting?"

"We're not kids anymore, Spencer. Grow up."

"I'm not the one who needs to."

"You don't know me," Ashley stated resolutely after several moments. "Not anymore."

"I'm the _only _one who knows you," Spencer responded heatedly. "Don't you understand? All of this is _because _I know you, and I know you're not who you keep pretending to be," she finished, hurt.

"Maybe this is who I've been all along. Did you ever think about that?"

"Do you ever think about being honest with yourself?"

Ashley frowned, angry. "Do you? Things change, Spencer. I don't know how many times I have to say that before you finally get it through your head."

"_You_ don't change. I don't care if you want to believe me or not but the fact is, I know you. I know when you're hiding behind something."

Heart pounding, Ashley stepped forward and grabbed her by the shoulders. "God, do I need to shake it out of you? I'm _not _hiding!"

"Yes, you are!" she yelled, pushing her away. "And I'm so _sick _of seeing you try to be someone you're not." It was the main reason she was still so angry with her.

Ashley looked away and blinked away tears that had nothing to do with the rain that had just began to fall heavily.

Spencer wasn't so shy. "Why won't you just admit it?" she asked, indifferent her tears were making their way down her face.

"Because there's nothing to admit," Ashley replied impassively.

"What you said about me last week...that I was broken. You were wrong," Spencer stated, shaking her head. "You're the one who broke." She took one last look at the brunette who she could tell was desperately trying to remain unaffected before she turned on her heel and began walking away.


	7. For Sale

_"Ashley?"_

"Hmm?" she replied distractedly as she walked, her arms spread out as she attempted to keep her balance on the three-foot high wall she was walking across.

Spencer looked up at her friend and squinted against the sun. "Why are you only nice to me?"

"Yeah, that sounds good."

"You're not even listening," Spencer complained, rolling her eyes.

"I'm sorry," Ashley laughed, jumping off the wall. She threw an arm around Spencer's shoulders and gave her undivided attention. "What did you say?"

It had been a long, boring day in an environment Ashley hated and she was eager to get home and change her clothes so they could sneak down into the woods to the den they'd built several weekends earlier with branches, boards of wood, and anything they found in the vicinity that could act as shelter. They were lucky their mother's hadn't seen them creeping out of the house with backpack's full of expensive bed sheets they used as make-shift voile's or doors, keeping the unwanted sunlight, bugs, cold and intruders at bay.

They'd also sneaked out other necessities such as cushions to sit on, two brand new bathroom mats to be used as rugs —Ashley figured her mother would think she'd left them at the checkout, cups, paper plates, two forks, two spoons, one knife, and a can opener. Spencer had borrowed her father's cooler to store their items in. It was only last weekend when Ashley had managed to get a portable radio out of the house.

Spencer had taken the half-empty tin of red paint from her father's shed the same day she took the cooler, and took great pleasure in the hysterical laugh that emitted from Ashley when she saw, "A cereal killer lives here" that she'd written in red paint across a two-hundred and eighty dollar Egyptian cotton sheet that acted as a banner.

It was gone when Ashley informed her—gently—that she'd misspelled it.

"I said," Spencer sighed out. "Why are you only nice to me?"

"Not just _you."_

"It seems that way."

Ashley shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know... Is anyone other than you really, really nice to me?"

"I don't know about really, really nice. But sometimes a few are really nice."

"When they want something from me, yeah. It's not like I hate them; I just don't really care about them. And why should I? You're my favourite everything," Ashley said easily as she played with Spencer's hair. "Favourite person to hang out with, hold hands with, dance with, make fun of, trip up, pick _up, hug, build a house with, steal things with, walk with, have breakfast, lunch or dinner with, have sleepovers with, go on vacation with, go to the beach with, watch The Goonies with, buy a Ringpop for. There's more but I don't like to ramble on, you know that."_

Spencer was wearing a large smile, fruitlessly trying to keep a blush at bay.

Looking up the street they lived on, Ashley spotted her and Spencer's mother's talking by Paula's car that was parked on the side of the road instead of the driveway or garage. They were drinking coffee, talking amongst themselves. They stopped when they spotted their daughters.

"They look worried," Ashley said, her arm dropping to her side. "Or mad? Did we do something we weren't supposed to?"

Spencer worried her bottom lip in thought. "Do you think maybe they found the den?"

"No," Ashley dismissed. "If my mom found her sheets out there, she'd be dragging me back to the house by my hair." She smirked, remembering the serial killer banner. It fell away when she imagined her mother seeing it. What an ugly picture that _was. "Besides, why would they_ _go into the woods?"_

Spencer shrugged. "Did you break something valuable?"

"I don't think so... Not after last time."

"Did you bother him again?" The blonde gestured to the creepy house with newspaper taped up at the windows, blocking sunlight and nosy neighbours' attempts to see inside. The owner, Mr. Foster, was rarely seen, not even to mow the lawn or go to work. But when he was, he wouldn't talk to anybody. He would just stare until the recipient would become uncomfortable and look away.

And Ashley did_ like to knock on his door and run away._

He was a strange, almost sinister man, and strange people had no place in a suburban neighbourhood as far as Ashley was concerned. They belonged in the city, forced to live in miniscule, damp apartments in areas where crime rates were rampant and the blood lining the streets was no more unusual than seeing ketchup on fries. Perhaps when she was older she would recognise her naivety and come to realise the strangest of them all lived in suburbia.

"No." Her mouth fell open when Spencer dubiously raised her brows at her. "I swear!" As punishment for her lack of faith, Ashley stuck out her tongue immaturely.

_Accepting her response and knowing when to play along with a joke, Spencer responded with sticking her own out before she looked to her mother and frowned softly at the look on her face as she got closer. Then, she looked to the right, spotting a large "For Sale" sign that had been hammered into her lawn._

Her movements came to a grinding halt and she gasped softly.

Ashley only got two paces ahead of her before she stopped and looked back. "What's up?"

Fear coursed through her veins as she imagined moving away, never seeing Ashley again. The fear was accompanied by betrayal when her mother and Christine began walking towards them both. They'd known for months, they'd planned all of this without saying a single word.

_Tears pricked her eyes and only gathered in excess and fell when she looked to Ashley's face._

"Girls," Christine greeted them when she was close enough, her arm going around Spencer's shoulders. "Are you all right?"

"No," she spat out, directing her glare to her own mother instead, her chest all-but heaving at the sudden surge of adrenalin. "What the hell is that_?"_

"I thought you'd be happy," Paula said with her own arm around Ashley, her tone defensive. "Think about it; a brand new place to explore, new people...a new bedroom. Doesn't it sound like fun?"

"No_," Spencer replied heatedly. "We're not going. I'm not going."_

Ashley made a face. "What's going on?" She felt like she'd come into the conversation half-way through. "A new bedroom? What do you mean? Like...renovating?"

Paula rubbed Ashley's arm. "No, sweetheart," she said gently.

She made crazy eyes, not getting the hint. "Okay?" Ashley thought hard for a second. "Are we going on vacation together ag—"

Ashley's question died on her tongue when she saw Spencer staring at something behind her and turned around mid-sentence. The "For Sale" sign was like a physical blow and she stared at it in horror, her heart thumping inside her chest.

Spencer sensed and shared her panic and put her foot down, decision already made. "Don't worry, I'm not going."

"Yes, you are," Paula insisted. "It's not that far away. You'll see each other every weekend."

"Every weekend?" Spencer was appalled. "No!" she objected.

"It's only fifteen minutes away by car," Christine added.

"It's too far!" She broke free from her hold and rushed to Ashley, grasping her hand urgently. "I'm not going," she reassured her. "I'll live with you."

Paula smiled. "Spencer, honey, Christine doesn't have the room, you know that."

"Yes, she does!" Spencer screamed back defiantly. "I'll share Ashley's room."

"That's not a good idea," Christine told her lightly. "It's going to be all right. I've spoken to Raife; we're getting Ashley her own phone line, so you can talk to each other whenever you want to."

Paula looked over and smirked subtly.

"You can shove that phone line where the sun doesn't shine!" Spencer shrieked before running over to the sign. She wrapped her arms around it and tugged with all of her strength, trying to pull it out of the ground in case someone drove past and saw it. It didn't budge, so she tried again and heaved audibly, gritting her teeth and closing her eyes.

"Ugh!" she exclaimed, settling on kicking it with the heel of her foot when it wouldn't move.

"Spencer, moving the sign isn't going to change anything," Paula said. "It's still going to be in the newspaper tomorrow."

"Don't you dare talk to me."

"And there's no need to be rude."

"I can't believe you didn't tell me!" the blonde shouted angrily, still trying to kick the sign down. "That we didn't even talk _about this_ once _before you got this stupid sign."_

"I didn't know how you'd react."

"Oh, please!" Spencer fumed. "Ash, help me with this." As soon as her request was verbalised, she turned around for her and frowned when she saw nothing but empty space where Ashley had been standing. She looked to her mother for an answer.

"Ashley?" Paula called, looking around.

Christine sighed. "It's okay. She's probably gone inside to her room."

"Ashley!" Spencer shouted. "Get back out here; we have a newspaper building to burn down!" A loud sigh escaped when there was no sign of her. "Ash!"

"Let's leave her alone for a while, Spence," her mother suggested. "Give her some time to deal with this." She looked to Christine and gave her a loaded look. "I'll call you later to see how things are."

Christine smiled. "Okay, hun. Drive safe."

"I always do." She held her hand out for her daughter. "Come along, Spencer."

Spencer scoffed. "You're cracked if you think I'm going anywhere _with you."_

"I don't have time for games, honey. The grocery shopping won't do itself, now get in the car."

She scowled as she brushed past her, and even jerked away when her mother tried to stroke her head as she walked past. "I'll be back soon, Ash!" she yelled behind her.

###

_Spencer walked next to the cart as she and her mother headed down one of the aisles closest to the checkouts. She'd sulked for the past hour and showed no sign of cheering up any time soon. She grabbed two Ringpops, one grape for Ashley and one strawberry for herself, and threw them into the cart without a single word._

_She hadn't asked if she could have something from every aisle as she usually did; instead settling on two necessary items she had the money for herself, and anything else she felt like buying. She wasn't going to ask her mother for anything._

"Spencer?" Paula tried again, for the countless time, to get her daughter to speak to her, so she could come clean.

"I have my own money," she said flatly.

"Are you talking to me again?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Why do you think?"

Mrs. Carlin placed some microwavable popcorn into the cart. "Can I tell you something?"

"I don't care what you have to say," Spencer replied honestly. She was furious and absolutely not _going anywhere without Ashley._

"I think you might once you hear it."

"Fine, what?"

Spencer grabbed a four-pack of 100 Grand bars for Ashley and threw them into the cart, too. They would make her feel better. Paula sighed and pulled them back out when Spencer wasn't looking.

"You know Christine and I have been friends for a very long time?"

She scuffed her shoe on the floor as she scanned the aisles for anything else she thought the brunette might like. "Duh."

"And you know how hilarious she can be when we've both had too much wine and your father and Raife have to take it away?"

"Yes," Spencer answered uninterestedly.

"She can be just as funny without it. Last week, she came over for coffee and brought up the fact she knew a realtor who could help us play a joke to see how you girls would react," Paula confessed.

"Oh."

Paula grabbed Spencer's hand and tugged her closer, leaning down to her level. "Sweetheart, it was a joke."

"What?"

"We're not moving," she clarified. "The sign is...well, real, but not ours."

Spencer's smile was brighter than it had been in months. "What?" she asked happily.

Paula smiled and held the side of her face before standing back up, pleased it was over. It had been a genius idea; one she'd remember to tell at Christmas and when the girls were older. "Your father and I would never keep you or your brother in the dark about a situation like that. It's not even on the cards."

_"Oh my gosh, that's so great!" She beamed. "I have to tell Ash!"_

Paula caught her arm as she bound off in search of the payphone to call Ashley. "I'm sure Christine has already informed Ashley. Help me pack the groceries and you can go over there after dinner, okay?"

"Okay."

**###**

Dinner and clearing up had passed and Spencer shoved a grape Ringpop inside her coat pocket as she raced towards the front door. "Going to see Ashley, mom!" she turned her head to call out.

And she bumped straight into Glen, colliding painfully.

She groaned and thumped her closed fist off his chest. "Watch where you're going."

Glen punched her back —lighter than he punched his friends. It was his baby sister, after all. "Right back at you, ugly duckling. Where are you going?"

"To see Ashley, now move," she demanded, frowning as he blocked her way to the door. "Move, Glen."

"Make me."

Spencer scowled. "Mom, tell Glen!"

"Glen," came half-heartedly from the kitchen.

He smirked in triumph and she returned it prior to stepping back and kicking him in the groin, satisfied when he sank to his knees in agony.

Spencer ran all the way to the Davies' back door and barged her way inside without so much as a knock. "Ash!" she called when she was in the kitchen, fast-moving towards through the house to the stairs. "It's me!"

Christine smiled when she saw her by the staircase. "I take it you know?"

"Yeah, good one, Chris," she praised her. "Can I see Ashley?"

Christine smiled at her fondly and then nodded. "Of course. Although, she wouldn't even come down for dinner. Maybe if you're here she'll come down for something to eat," she thought aloud. Walking to the bottom of the stairs, she called, "Ashley, honey. Spencer's here!"

"With gifts!" the blonde added. She showed Christine the Ringpop.

After a while, they noticed there wasn't any sign of movement from upstairs, not even from Spencer's voice. It made her mother frown, heart-rate increasing ever so slightly. She tried again, "Ashley, come down. Spencer is here."

"Ash, it was just a joke!" Spencer shouted up the stairs. "I'm not going anywhere."

After several seconds, they exchanged worried glances and hurried up the stairs to Ashley's room, bursting inside without an invitation. It was empty, everything as it had been when Christine had tidied her room a few hours earlier.

"Oh, God," she murmured, rushing past Spencer on her way out of the room.

Spencer's heart was in her throat until she remembered a conversation she and Ashley had almost two weeks prior. Still, extremely worried, she followed Christine who was frantic.

"Raife!" she yelled, snatching the newspaper from his hands. "Ashley's gone."

If it had been any other time, Spencer would have smiled at the sudden sight of his puffy, white hair sticking out at every angle. He looked ridiculous, especially for a hair stylist.

Raife frowned. "What do you mean 'she's gone'?"

"What do you think I mean?" she screamed at him, flinging the door open and she raced next door. She got there in record time and knocked on the door with urgency, nearly knocking a still-pale Glen off his feet when it was finally opened. "Paula!"

Paula emerged from the kitchen, her face etched with worry. "Chris, what is it?"

"Ashley, she's gone. She's...she's not in her room. I just assumed that's where she went and I was giving her time to cool off. I was going to let Spencer tell her."

Paula reached for her hand and spoke calmly when she said to her son, "Glen, tell your father to turn off the TV and come in here."

Glen rolled his eyes at yet another order from his parents and trudged towards the living room to give his father the message.

"It's going to be okay," she promised as she reached for the telephone. "We'll call Peter. He'll find her in no time."

By that point, Christine was in tears, hysterical with worry. "If anything happens to her, I'll never forgive myself."

_Spencer snuck in through the back door, biting her lip at the sight of Ashley's mother so upset as she crept around them and pulled out the ingredients to make a crunchy peanut butter and jelly sandwich._

Four adults were soon talking behind her, suggesting all the places they and Sheriff Pete would search when he got there, pulling out flashlights and even spoke of rallying the neighbours. It was decided they would and Glen reluctantly went outside in his tracksuit pants, Ninja Turtles top and slippers to knock on everyone's door, re-telling the tale of how Christine Davies' daughter Ashley had been missing for hours and it was strength-in-numbers on the search party.

All concerned with Ashley, nobody noticed Spencer walking right past them with a wrapped-up sandwich, stealing a flashlight as she went. As soon as she was outside, she jumped on her bike and sped past oblivious Glen while desperately trying to ignore the knot in her stomach.

Ten minutes later when her legs were burning and tired, she sped up. Those minutes had been long enough to conjure up the most horrific images imaginable to her young mind, and she was crying. It was so dark outside.

**###**

Ashley sat cross-legged on a cushion and sipped at a bottle of water from the cooler, de-hydrated from the amount of crying she'd done. Whenever she thought about Spencer moving away —even rationally, a fist seemed to punch through her chest and squeeze her heart.

She had other friends, but they were definitely not Spencer Carlin. None of them compared. The only person who did was her father, and she could hardly spend most of her time with him doing the things she did with Spencer. She loved him as much as Spencer, but it wasn't the same.

Ashley had spent the past few hours in a state of frenzy, unashamed to sob by herself in the den her and Spencer had built. Her bottom lip trembled pathetically and her puffy eyes were filling up again when she heard a twig snap close-by.

She held her breath, silently putting the bottle down and grabbed a large stick she had next to her. Heart thumping, she crawled across the bathroom mat masking as a rug and ripped the sheet back, holding the stick above her head as she glanced around for her attacker.

All she saw was an arm before a flashlight and a sandwich in a bag flew right past her, skidding to a stop inside where it was aglow with camping lanterns. Her eyes were wide when another arm appeared and were both suddenly wrapped around her neck as they pushed their way inside the den.

She was about to scream at the top of her lungs —just like her daddy told her to do if a stranger ever laid a hand on her— when she smelled the familiar scent of Spencer. Instead, she relaxed, wrapping her arms back around her. Having her there again was almost like another physical blow. Soon she would be leaving.

"Ash," Spencer sighed through her tears of worry, and now relief.

"Sorry if I scared you for a second."

"Remember last year when we saw Psycho and I was so scared even my heart wanted to jump out of my chest and hide behind the couch?" She felt a nod from the brunette. "Remember how hard you had to hug me to make me feel better?"

"Yeah."

"Do it now."

Ashley held her as tightly as her arms could manage. "You knew I'd be here," she said softly. "I told you when we built this place, remember? When I don't want anyone but you to find me, this is where I'll always go. Unless it's late and I want ice cream," she added. After a second, she sighed at the state the blonde was still in. "I'm going to get a job," Ashley said. "I'll wash cars, walk dogs, do chores for people...anything. Next year I can start delivering papers. We'll buy your house with my first pay-check."

"Our mom's were joking. We're not moving."

Ashley pulled away to look at her face for any signs of a lie. "Really?"

Spencer nodded sadly. "Yeah, I swear."

The brunette could do nothing but smile and thank God. However, her mother wouldn't be forgiven for a long time.

"I was so scared," Spencer confessed as she looked at Ashley who was suddenly so happy. "It's really dark. I thought something had happened to you."

Ashley shook her head. "I'm fine. No-one's been here but you." She held her hand. "I'm sorry I scared you."

A nod was her only response until Spencer handed her what she'd made for dinner after hearing her stomach grumble. "It's your favourite."

Ashley all-but ripped her hand off before taking her first bite. Unwilling to acknowledge it, she'd been starving for the past few hours. "Thank you," she said with her mouth full. Leaning across, she pulled out a can of Pepsi from the cooler and opened it prior to passing it over to Spencer. "Are they mad?" Ashley felt the need to ask.

Spencer bit her lip and took a sip of her drink. "I don't think that's the right word."

"Have they been looking for me?"

A Ringpop was handed over, also. "Everyone is; even the neighbours and Sheriff Pete. My mom said he would have everyone he can spare out looking for you."

The brunette groaned. She was definitely in trouble despite it being a reaction she neither could nor wanted to control. She had to run; get away from everyone who wasn't Spencer. "Does anyone know you're with me?"

Spencer shrugged. "Yes and no."

"What does that mean?"

"Where else would I ever be?"

**_###_**

_Ashley inhaled deeply and stretched, adjusting her head on Spencer's shoulder to find the comfortable spot again when she felt the pain in her neck and groaned. Her eyes adjusted to the brightness and she sat up wearily, one hand pressed to her neck._

Then she realised it was morning.

"Shit," Ashley murmured. "Spence, wake up," she said gently while she rubbed her arm. "We fell asleep."

The blonde gradually opened her eyes and blinked slowly.

"We fell asleep," Ashley repeated.

"Hmm?"

She remained patient. "We fell asleep."

Spencer gasped, shooting to her feet. "Oh, my God, we fell asleep!"

Ashley followed suit, rolling the blanket into a ball prior to tossing it to the corner of the den. "We have to go right now."

"We're going to be in so much trouble."

They closed up their den the best way they could and began making their way back home when Ashley said, "No, it's all right. It's all right because we were kidnapped."

Spencer smiled tiredly as she picked up her bike from where she'd skidded to a stop the night before, throwing it to the ground without concern. "Oh, we were?"

"Yes, we were. And I'd appreciate it if you were a little more convincing when we tell our parents. It's all that lies between us and a month's worth of being on house-arrest."

Her yawn was record-length. "Okay, who kidnapped us?"

Ashley smirked. "The Fratellis, duh. Who else?"

Spencer smiled. "My mom won't believe that for a second."

"Okay, um...we didn't see their faces because they threw bags over our heads and pushed us in the back of a van when we were on our way home with flowers. Make it sound like we were totally innocent, you know?"

She chewed her bottom lip, her face contorted. "I don't know about lying like that. You know how I get when I bend the truth. My face always goes really red. Remember the time I broke that vase and told my mom it was Glen? It felt like it was on fire."

Ashley laughed at Spencer's expense. That had been hilarious.

"I guess we're grounded either way," she surmised.

Spencer nodded in agreement as they climbed up a small slope, pushing her bike over various rocks obscured by weeds and dirt. "Everyone was really worried about you last night, Ash."

"You're not leaving, are you?" Ashley asked again, needing the reassurance to silence the voice at the back of her head that said she was only saying it to make her feel better.

"What, ever?"

She caught Spencer from behind when she slipped on some mud. "No, I mean...as long as I'm here."

"There's your answer," she said, muttering her thanks as she straightened up.

"What?"

"Ash, as long as you're here, why would I ever want to leave?"

**###**

_By the time they reached their neighbourhood, a gazebo was set up on the Carlin lawn where coffee and doughnuts littered the tables, along with posters with recent photographs scanned onto them._

_The entire neighbourhood, excluding one man, was there, rallying around for information and where they hadn't been successful in checking._

Ashley hoped her father wasn't angry with her. She hated to disappoint him. 

_Sheriff Pete had just gotten off the radio with a colleague who had updated him on the search; so far nobody had seen them. He sniffed, slumped back in his seat as his lower lip trembled. Peter had been the Sheriff for the past thirty-one years. He'd been friends with Spencer's grandfather at school and now his granddaughter and her best friend were missing and he couldn't do a damned thing to help. Some psychotic pervert could have taken them._

Walking closer, Spencer caught sight of Pete in his car and smiled widely. She waved to catch his attention; also gaining Ashley's whose eyes almost bugged out of her head. She grabbed it and pulled downward.

"Don't," Ashley hissed. "We're going to be mauled in a minute," she said, looking down to the blonde's dirty, used-to-be-white shoelace that was dragging on the floor. "Stay still, you're going to trip over."

Spencer didn't have chance to speak before her shoelace was being re-tied.

Taking a sip of his coffee, determined not to go home and sleep until the girls were safe, Peter looked up and saw Ashley and Spencer at the bottom of the street and then back to his notepad where facts pertaining to their disappearance were written down. He knew them by heart now.

He gasped loudly, knocking his coffee over as his hands shot to the wheel and pulled himself closer to the windshield to see more clearly. "Girls!" he beamed, reaching for his megaphone.

Peter ran as fast as his frail body would allow, eventually wrapping them both up in a hug, holding them close. "You're safe!" He cleared his throat and turned away from them. "Cover your ears, ladies." They did as they were told. "They're back!" he shouted through the megaphone, his weaker voice now booming up the street. "Christine, Paula, they're here!"

Ashley grabbed his thick white moustache and tugged. "It's nice to see you too, but this still makes me feel kinda sick."

He did nothing but hug her again, telling them both he was just over the moon. That was enough for her. She loved him; he'd always been funny and nice to everyone, and every once in a while he let her sit in the car and turn the sirens on. Once he'd even put the lights on and trailed after Ramona Castro for an entire block. That had been something to remember.

"Girls!" was shrieked hysterically from somewhere inside the tent and they both groaned.

"On a scale of one to ten, ten being furious, how mad are they?" Spencer asked him.

He laughed. "Ooh. I don't think I'd like to say," he said as he slowly got back to his feet, knees protesting in the process.

Christine and Paula raced towards them in tears, nearly knocking them off their feet, and then crushed with forceful hugs, blubbering their names over and over again, and they didn't know how worried they were.

Almost a full minute of hugging, kissing their faces all over, crying and asking them if they were okay or hurt —yes and no respectively, the women pulled away and wiped their faces dry. As soon as they did, Spencer cast a worried glance to the girl next to her.

"I guess we're in big shit now, right?" Ashley asked bluntly.

Christine and Paula exchanged glances before looking back to their children.

Oh, yes.


	8. Confession

**Apologies again for the chaos that was chapter seven, specifically its formatting. I have absolutely no idea why it screwed up as royally as it did, but I think I fixed everything that needed fixing.  
**

* * *

Spencer was woken from her sleep when she heard the sound of a car engine outside her house and frowned softly, drawing her legs up in an attempt to warm her feet that felt like blocks of ice. She opened her eyes when she heard music begin to play loudly and sighed, trying to figure out if she could be bothered to see who it was and remember to return the favour some time.

The music was switched off quickly and she heard a car door open and close quietly soon after.

Her eyes drifted shut once more and was about to settle back into dreamland until she heard another car door slam shut, destroying her chance for a peaceful slumber. Scowl in place, Spencer threw her covers off her body and walked over to the doors leading to her balcony, harshly tugging down on the blind for it to suddenly spring up. She looked down to the street and sighed when she saw Ashley leaning against someone's car looking far from sober. It had been almost a week since they'd spoken to each other, silent on the way to and from school every day.

Grabbing her robe, Spencer pulled it around her body and made her way downstairs, stepping into her mother's slippers before quietly leaving through the front door. She shivered instantly, watching her breath leave her lips in clouds.

Now she was closer, she recognised the male who was now holding Ashley up. It was the boy she'd seen at the theatre with Ashley last week.

Ashley sighed, spotting the blonde instantly. She wasn't so drunk she couldn't stand up straight, but she was drunk enough not to spot a patch of ice on the floor. Zach just caught her before she hit the ground.

"Spencer," she drawled. "What's up?"

Zach turned around to face Spencer and looked down to her tired eyes. "Sorry if we woke you."

"Don't worry about it."

Ashley frowned and stepped away from the car. "If I was the one who said that, you'd chew my head off."

Spencer sent her a look that shut her up almost instantly. "Then I guess you should be grateful you kept your mouth shut for once."

Zach, feeling somewhat uncomfortable, cleared his throat and looked back to Ashley. "You gonna be okay to get inside?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Call me tomorrow?"

He nodded. "Goodnight," he said, looking between them both before he got into his car and drove away.

Ashley looked at the blonde's attire and smirked at her ugly, worn pig slippers. "And then there were two," she declared, dragging her eyes back up to meet Spencer's.

Noticing her reaction to her footwear, she sighed. "You know they're not mine."

"I didn't say anything about your piglets."

Spencer stared at Ashley and saw all the tell-tale signs of her being drunk. She opened her mouth to speak when she was cut off.

"Save the lecture, Spencer," Ashley sighed out before walking off.

She closed her eyes. "A baseball bat would be so good right about now," she muttered, turning around to follow her.

"Let's talk about something else," the brunette suggested.

"What are you doing?" Spencer asked seriously.

Ashley shrugged carelessly. "What's anybody doing these days?"

"Do you know what time it is?"

"Too early, too late? I can't really tell anymore."

A gust of ice-cold wind caused goosebumps to form on the blonde's body. She crossed her arms in an attempt to keep warm in single degree weather and looked to the girl walking beside her. "You should go to bed. It's late."

Ashley knew it was late but she couldn't care less if she tried. She shrugged impassively a second before her foot found patch of black ice, sending her down to the ground. "Whoa, who put that there?" she asked after a moment, dazed.

Spencer withdrew her arm that had instinctively reached out to help Ashley before she hit the ground, and sighed. "That would be Mother Nature."

Ashley laid her head back down on the driveway. She couldn't feel how cold it was. "Mother Nature is a bitch!"

Looking down, Spencer resisted the urge to help her back to her feet. "Keep yelling like that and you'll wake your parents."

"Ah, who cares? All anyone needs is a drink and they'll loosen up."

"That's a solid plan you've got there."

"Except for you," Ashley said as she got back to her feet. "A gallon of vodka wouldn't be enough to loosen you up."

"No, but I think it'd do a great job of destroying my liver and killing me."

"Maybe, but you ever notice how no-one is really alive until they're about to die?"

Spencer rolled her eyes. "Go to bed, Ashley."

"I'm not tired."

"You will be when you get into bed."

Stepping closer to her, Ashley looked down to her lips. "I don't know about that, I'm pretty wired."

"Trust me," she began, turning away to go back in the house, "get into bed and you'll fall asleep."

"I should stay at your house."

With her back to her, Spencer smiled humourlessly in disbelief. She turned around. "I don't think so."

"Why not?"

"Because it's not a good idea."

Ashley shook her head. "No, it is. It's perfect," she whispered, smiling as though the blonde had already said yes.

"You wouldn't be comfortable on the floor."

"True, but you know where I _would _be comfortable."

The blonde stared back unwaveringly.

Ashley sighed dejectedly. "Okay, so, what's new with you?" she asked, wanting to prolong the conversation as long as possible.

"What?"

"It's okay, I won't remember any of this in the morning."

"How reassuring," the blonde replied sarcastically. "Just go inside. If you don't want to go to sleep, get some water or coffee and sober up."

"I know what you're thinking," Ashley said confidently, ignoring her repeated suggestion of going home.

Spencer raised her brows. "I seriously doubt that."

"I don't. Not even a little bit."

It was unnerving speaking to Ashley when she was drunk. She was looking at Spencer how she always used to. "So I guess instead of being invincible when you're drunk, you're what, psychic?"

"You're wondering why I keep doing this."

"Why do you?"

Ashley exhaled softly. "It was just a friend's party. I didn't even want to go out but I couldn't say no to them, so..." she trailed off.

"I hope you learn to," Spencer said softly, trying not to shiver in the cold. "Goodnight."

"Wait." Ashley reached out and grabbed the material covering the blonde's arm, tugging it back. She let go before Spencer turned around to face her. "Don't go. We can hang out."

"We can't just hang out."

"Why not? Because it's too late? It's only..." she dragged out the last word and looked to her watch. "Three a.m. Okay, ouch, but who cares?"

"It's too late."

Ashley frowned in disappointment. "It's closer to three than four," she tried to reason, deep down knowing Spencer wasn't really talking about the time. "Come on, just for an hour?"

"I can't."

Ashley shrugged. "Half an hour?"

Spencer shook her head. "No."

"Fifteen minutes? Ten? God, even five? I don't care how long; I just don't want you to go yet."

She sighed gently. "Stop, okay? I'm sure I'll see you tomorrow. You can annoy me then."

"I don't want to piss you off. I just want to talk."

"What about?"

"Anything you want." She saw the look Spencer gave her and exhaled cautiously. "Us."

"No."

Ashley frowned softly at the simplicity of her tone. "Just like that?"

"No, not 'just like that'. You're drunk, Ashley."

"Right, I'm so drunk I don't know what I'm saying," she replied mordantly.

Though part of her didn't care what made Ashley bring their situation up, a larger part of her wasn't interested in what she had to say if it wasn't coming from a sober mouth."You don't know what you're saying. You'd never bring us up if you did."

"I do know what I'm saying," she insisted. Her mind was clouded but things had never been clearer. She stepped closer to her. "Spence..."

The blonde backed up and turned around. "Goodnight," she said softly.

"You can ask me anything," Ashley said quietly.

Spencer tried to sigh out the tension in her chest before she re-faced her. "I don't want to."

"Yes, you do."

"Not when you're drunk."

Ashley sighed in frustration. "Please."

"I can't, Ashley. Not like this."

"You're still all I ever think about," Ashley confessed, walking closer to her.

"Don't," Spencer demanded, her voice taking on a much sharper tone. "I mean it. Not now."

Ashley stopped when she was in front of her. "Please, Spence, just ask me. I promise I'll say it. I'll tell you everything."

Spencer clenched her teeth momentarily. "I can't, Ash. If you can only say it when you're drunk, I don't want to hear it."

"But I _can't_ say it any other way," she said, beginning to get upset. "Why can't I just say it now? It'll be the truth, I swear."

Spencer reached forward and held her hand gently, feeling Ashley hold back tighter. "I know, but you can't. Not until you can tell me when you're sober."

"But..."

She squeezed her hand in reassurance. "Tell me in the morning."

Ashley looked at her with disappointment, knowing she'd never be able to.

"Night, Ash," the blonde said softly as she let go of her hand and headed back inside the house.


	9. Fear Itself

"_What do you think about the Spice Girls?"_

_Ashley shrugged carelessly. "Not a lot."_

_"Why not?"_

_"I don't know," she replied, keeping her eyes on the man at the bottom of the street —Mr. Foster— who was carrying in groceries from his weekly shop. It was a miracle he was actually seen. Ashley just hoped he could see the dirty look she was giving him from such a distance._

_Spencer reached around and pulled Ashley's head around to face hers. "Stop staring."_

_"He flipped me off! He at least deserves some sort of a glare."_

_"He was scratching his face."_

_Her eyes rolled. "That's what he wants you to think, Spencer. I thought you hated him, anyway. You said he makes you want to gauge your eyes out."_

_"That was you." She rolled her eyes. "C'mon, Ash. It's Sunday. Let's ignore him and his weird behaviour and have fun."_

_"We are having fun," Ashley stated. She turned her body to look at her friend without straining her neck. "Right?"_

_Spencer nodded slowly. "Right, because my idea of fun is seeing you throw your death glares across the street."_

_"Want to go ice-skating?"_

_"You're asking me if I want multiple bruises and a broken wrist? Hmm, let's think."_

_"Or you could make a suggestion..."_

_The blonde thought about it for a moment. "Wanna see if Emily wants to hang out?"_

_She frowned in confusion. "The girl three blocks away who eats her hair?"_

_"No, the one who walks her cats on a leash."_

_"Gee, Spencer. What a wonderful idea."_

_She was offended with her sarcasm. "What? She's nice!"_

_"She walks her cats on a leash," Ashley repeated slowly, eyebrows raised._

_"You need to stop being so judgemental. People are different, get used to it."_

_"And you need to pick better friends."_

_Spencer scoffed. "Clearly."_

_Ashley smiled and looked to the other end of the street, spotting someone approaching. "Jerk alert."_

_Ramona Castro rolled her eyes whilst whishing she'd taken another route to her friend's house. "Pretty big gutter for you rats to be in, isn't it?"_

_Spencer gave Ashley an amused look before she turned to Ramona. "Are you lost, Sasquatch?"_

_"You wish. For your information, I have a birthday party to attend. Something you losers wouldn't know anything about."_

_"What, as the clown?" Spencer asked sarcastically._

_Ashley nudged her arm. "Come on, Spencer, don't insult her looks. She's the donkey."_

_Spencer guffawed immaturely, portraying her twelve year-old innocence, before she looked to the raven-haired girl. "Too bad you're not the piñata. Maybe then I'd crash the party."_

_Ramona's eyes narrowed in their direction. "Stay away from me, freaks."_

_"Stay off our turf," Ashley challenged._

_As Ramona hurried away, Spencer lay back on the grass and regretted her sudden backbone. "Ugh, she's going to tell the other girls to get us tomorrow."_

_"'Get us'? Whatever. Who cares? We can take them."_

_"I care."_

_The brunette followed suit and lay down next to her. "Judging by the size of your mouth, I've taught you everything I know. You'll be more than a match for those losers."_

_"I can always count on you to make me feel better."_

_Ashley smiled and turned on her side, looking at her. She looked at her friend's tanned hand resting on her stomach and moved hers across until they were touching, slowly but continuously moving her fingers across and underneath Spencer's._

_Spencer had her eyes closed to shield them from the harsh rays of the sun. "Did Mr. Foster really flip you off?"_

_"I couldn't make this stuff up!"_

_"I asked my mom why he always has newspaper up at his windows and she said he's just private. Like that's any excuse."_

_Ashley rolled her eyes, still moving her fingers across the blonde's. "What did you say?"_

_"I said maybe he should get curtains like any normal person would."_

_She smiled. "Let me guess, and then she told you to leave him alone and stop being nosy again?"_

_Spencer nodded. "Your mom said that, too?"_

_"Yeah. I guess they're tired of us asking. It's been forever."_

_"Glen's on our side. I heard him talking to his friend the other day; he said he'll kill Mr. Foster if he ever bothers us. Cute, huh?"_

_Ashley nodded her agreement. "I always appreciate an offer of violence."_

_"What are you scared of, Ash?"_

_"Scarring my knuckles?"_

_Spencer rolled her eyes. Ashley always avoided those kinds of questions. "No, I mean seriously."_

_She held her hand tighter. "Really. My grandma says I have skin like hers. Any fights and they'll scar me for life."_

_"Forget fighting. In the whole world, what scares you the most that if you even just think about it, you get freaked out?"_

_The brunette thought about it and shrugged evasively. "Nothing."_

_"Liar."_

_"My answer is always going to be the same. What's the point of being scared of something? It doesn't change anything."_

_"Nobody thinks like that."_

_"Well, maybe I'm an exception."_

_Spencer sighed softly and sat up, pulling her hand away. "Whatever."_

_"I don't want this to turn into a fight. I just... I don't know how to answer you any other way," the brunette said, looking up to Spencer._

_"You're not scared of anything, remember? A fight is like pie to you."_

_Ashley sat up and brushed the blades of grass off her legs. "You're acting like I've done something wrong."_

_"I'm sorry," she admitted begrudgingly after seeing the look on her face. "I just want you to trust me."_

_"I do," Ashley insisted. "I'd let you point a loaded gun to my heart, you know that."_

_"So, you're scared of being shot?"_

_"I'd prefer it not to happen," she clarified, as if it wasn't already obvious. After all, what kind of self-respecting person would wish otherwise?_

_"Would you let me point a gun to your head, too?"_

_Ashley shook her head. "A bullet to the head is nothing."_

_Spencer smiled. "Kind of like the way an eighteen-wheeler crashes into a Toyota? Minimal damage."_

_"No, seriously. With a fatal bullet to the head, most don't even register anything. You're just dead. But if you're shot in the heart, it takes longer for you to become worm-food. You choke and eventually drown in your own blood."_

_"Gross."_

_"You see how much I trust you with now?" she asked dramatically._

_"Yes," Spencer replied with a firm nod of her head. She threw her arms around Ashley's neck and pulled her close. "I'm sorry I doubted you."_

_###_

Ashley leaned against the doorframe and smiled to Mr. Carlin who mirrored it on his way past her to the car.

"Morning, Ashley," he said, turning around and walking backwards so he could see her face. "Everything good?"

"Always."

He flashed a grin. "Glad to hear it."

She waved lethargically. "Have a good day with your crazies, slash repeat offenders."

"You have a good day at school. Think of your brain as a sponge waiting to absorb knowledge," he said, turning back around to make his way to the car. "It'll take you far!"

"I will do that," she replied sarcastically before moving around to see what was taking Spencer so long. If she thought there was any chance of a lie-in, however short, she would have taken it instead of standing in the cold with a headache.

A banana was promptly shoved in front of her face.

She frowned and slowly reached up to take it. "What is this?"

Spencer adjusted her bag and, out of habit, checked her teeth in the mirror before she left the house. "It's a banana."

"I see that. Why am I holding it?"

"Because I'm in a good mood and you're no doubt hungover. The potassium will help."

Ashley peered at the blonde's straight face as they walked. "You're in a good mood?"

"I am."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

Ashley decided not to challenge her further and accepted the fruit which would hopefully make her feel better. Though, she had to admit, somehow she wasn't as hungover as usual.

"Okay," the brunette said quietly.

Spencer inhaled deeply. "You don't look your usual shade of green after a party. Didn't you have fun?"

"I don't know, I must have started to sober up before I fell asleep, or something. I guess I should apologise to the neighbours if I was loud getting home..."

She nodded, half listening. "So, did you want to tell me something?" she asked, feeling her heart beat faster in anticipation of a miracle.

Ashley's eyebrows drew together in confusion. "Oh," she said after a moment, holding the fruit up. "Thank you."

It was nice Spencer wasn't treating her how she knew she deserved to be treated. They hadn't spoken to each other since Halloween and that night didn't exactly end well. It had been a long week.

As soon as she'd seen her, Spencer knew there was little hope of Ashley remembering anything about the night before. It was in her eyes. Ashley could never keep anything hidden from her there.

She shrugged it off and they walked the rest of the way in silence, even when they spotted Mr. Foster watching them walk past his house. Ashley, surprisingly, didn't say a word. She just sent him the most baleful glare she could muster, daring him to approach, daring him to talk to Spencer.

###

The noise of the cafeteria was causing Spencer to become unfocused when the lunch lady asked what she wanted on her tray. "Um..."

"She'll have fries," Emily Cooper stated, suddenly appearing next to her. "We can share, right?"

"Or, you could get your own? I could wait with you if you wan-"

"No, thanks," she cut her off. "Can't stay long."

Emily ushered them across the room to an empty table and pulled her chair over to sit next to the blonde. She picked up a handful of fries and began eating them one at a time. "Who are you having lunch with?"

"You?" she replied, watching Emily eat her lunch.

"I just told you I can't stay, I'm sorry. Where's Ashley or that new girl, Lydia? Do you even see her anymore?"

Spencer shrugged and crossed her legs, resting her chin on her hand. "Ashley's around, I think. And not really, she made other friends."

"Well, that's not vague," she answered teasingly, seeing her forced smile a second later. "Can I ask you something about her? Ashley, I mean."

"Depends..."

"Is she using anything? She's always angry lately, especially to me. And I know I haven't done anything wrong."

She frowned. "God, Em. Don't even suggest something like that."

Emily took a small handful of fries. "Fine, consider the subject dropped."

"Good," Spencer said after taking an angry sip of her water.

Ashley reluctantly looked around the cafeteria in search of somewhere to sit where she wouldn't have to breathe through her mouth due to their lack of personal hygiene, or be forced to pretend to listen to each mindless sentence that left their lips. Some of them were total over sharers and she didn't have the energy for either.

She spotted Spencer sitting next to Emily and sighed. Her only other option was the pot-head table and she hadn't sat by Spencer in three days. People had probably already noticed that no words were exchanged the last time they'd been forced to keep up the pretence.

Ashley soon found herself sitting down at their table and ignored the look of surprise on the blonde's face. "What's up?" she asked casually, avoiding looking at Emily.

Spencer sat up straighter in her seat. "Hey."

Spotting the raised-eyebrow gesture from Spencer —an indication that good manners should be expressed, Ashley sighed and leaned back in her seat. "Hey," she said flatly, turning her attention to Emily who was fast making her way through Spencer's fries.

"Hi," she replied in the same tone.

"Don't let me interrupt what I'm sure was a fascinating conversation," Ashley said as she salted her fries and began picking at them.

"That's a heart-attack waiting to happen, you know," Emily chimed in, referring to her lunch.

"Says the girl inhaling someone else's?"

"We're sharing, there's a difference."

Ashley glanced at Spencer who, so far, hadn't eaten anything and then back at the redhead. "Is that what that's called?"

Emily frowned and brushed her hands clean, leaving Spencer with almost a quarter of her lunch. "What is your problem?"

She shrugged, taking her time to chew. "Don't have one."

"I think you do."

Spencer sighed. "Guys, really, do you have to do this now?"

"It's obvious you don't like me," Emily continued, "I'd just like to know what kind of party favours you're on to make you act this way, or what I've done to annoy you so much."

The brunette made no attempt to hide an amused smile. "Are you serious?"

"I'm very serious. I want you to say it."

"Well, I don't know what to say to you, other than the truth..."

Emily crossed her arms. "I'm listening."

"You're right, I'm on Coke."

Across the table, Spencer rolled her eyes.

"I knew it," Emily replied, looking disgusted with her. "How often?"

"Two, maybe three times a week? Sometimes more. Whenever I can get my hands on it, I guess."

The redhead looked at her phone for the time and began to stand up from her seat, looking down on her. "You disgust me. If you think I'm letting you spend any more time with Spencer, you can think again."

Ashley swallowed her food and looked up to Emily. "Are you challenging me to duel, or something?"

"I have somewhere to be. Make the most of the next thirty minutes because I assure you it's the last time you bring those habits around her."

"Does Spencer get a say in any of this?" she asked, looking to the blonde.

It was about time, Spencer thought. "Emily, Ashley's not -"

"Fit to be around you. Or any of us, for that matter," Emily butted in. "And I'm going to be late, otherwise I'd get rid of you," she stated, looking down to Ashley with cold eyes. "See you after school, Spence."

"Bye," Spencer replied flatly.

Watching her leave the cafeteria, Ashley turned back around with a smile and picked up another fry. "As awkward as this is right now, I'm so glad I sat here," she said with a chuckle.

Spencer looked to the bottle of Coca Cola in front of Ashley's tray and looked away to smile.


	10. The Importance of Pie

As she lay on the floor of her bedroom staring up at the ceiling, Ashley made a solid decision that she hated the colour white. It was boring to look at and gave her headache: the kind between her eyes that refused to leave even when she took a pill. She turned over and laid her head down in the crook of her elbow, wondering how to spend her night. It was getting late but she knew she'd never be able to sleep.

All that was on TV was lifetime movies and she was in no mood for anything stereotypical and sappy, no doubt made worse by bad acting.

She ignored another reply from an acquaintance; Megan. She'd text to ask Ashley if she wanted to hang out earlier, considering her parents had gone on vacation, and wondered if she would be free tomorrow night. Ashley said no.

She heard a knock at her door and turned over. "Yeah?"

Raife popped his head around the door and smiled. "You still up, hun?"

"Duh?"

He ignored her rude response and entered the room properly. "Feel like a bloody horror and some ice cream?"

Ashley rested her head on her arms behind her head. "No."

It had been one of their rituals since she was ten. Raife had never had an issue exposing his daughter to films she was too young to watch. He made sure she understood how they were made to look real and were all fictional, made purely for entertainment purposes, and the cussing wasn't to be repeated when her mother was around.

It had been one of his favourite ways to relax and bond with his daughter, sitting with his arm around her when she was engrossed in whatever was on the screen, or when she'd look up at him to ask a question or simply just smile because she loved him; because she enjoyed his company.

They hadn't watched anything together in months.

"Okay... is there any reason in particular why you're being an angel child?" he asked; his voice laced with sarcasm.

She shrugged as best she could. "Same reason you're going to win an award for the 'best dad ever'."

Raife frowned in confusion. "What's up with you? Another fight with Spencer?"

"You are what is up with me. Can you get out of my room?"

"We're talking," he pointed out.

"No, you're talking. I'm imagining you aren't here."

"Correction: you're being rude and I'm doing my best to ignore it."

"I really wish you wouldn't."

On her way up to bed, Christine heard part of the conversation and made her way inside her daughter's bedroom. "Ashley, that's enough," she said softly.

The brunette sighed and got up off the floor, making no attempt to look at her father. "I'm going out," she said to her mother. She couldn't breathe in there.

"It's late."

Ashley kissed her cheek on her way out of the room. "I'll be fine. I've got my keys, don't wait up."

Raife followed her and stood at the top of the stairs, watching her walk away. "Ashley, get back here."

She smiled almost vacantly as she reached the bottom of the stairs and picked up her jacket. "Yeah, okay."

"I mean it!"

"Me too," she replied falsely, leaving through the front door. She heard her name being yelled and rolled her eyes as she pulled the hood up on her jacket and made her way down the street, getting further away from the root of all her problems.

###

Swinging back and forth at a leisurely pace, Ashley looked away from the tube slide across the park and closed her eyes, tipping her head back; feeling the unbalance she was experiencing was more than apt for her current state of mind. The ice-cold metal chain was biting into her skin.

She sighed quietly when her phone began to ring and reluctantly put her foot on the floor to halt any movement. It was her father, no doubt intending to give her a piece of his mind. She didn't answer, just in case she gave him a piece of hers.

Even outside, she still couldn't breathe. Her head was so full she didn't know what she was thinking.

On his way home, Glen glanced across the park and did a double-take when he saw Ashley sitting by herself. He pulled out his earplugs and made his way over to her.

"Are you lost?"

She'd seen him walking over and put on her people face. A smirk appeared on her face. "Depends on your definition."

"Want me to walk you home?" he asked, putting his arm out. "We can even link arms."

Ashley smiled. "Tempting."

"You're gonna turn me down, even after the arm-link offer?" Glen asked rhetorically. He put his hands in his pockets and shrugged. "So, any reason you're out here on your own this late at night?"

"I'm not alone," she replied. "Can't you see the girl next to me?"

"Your imaginary friend on the next swing? No, I can't see her."

"She prefers the term 'ghost' and she hates your hair."

The perfectionist in him made him put a self-conscious hand to his head. "Yeah? Well, I'll do something about that, then. Right after you get therapy."

Ashley rolled her eyes at his predicted reaction. "Like I'd sit with Sam Wheat and not go running in the opposite direction."

"You said it was a girl."

She shrugged. "Whatever."

"Okay, better offer: how about _you _walk _me _home?" Glen asked.

"Don't be such a girl. Run if you're that afraid of the dark corners," she said in jest.

He sighed. "You sure you're good?"

"I'm great," she lied with a perfect smile. "Goodnight, Glen."

After he'd left, Ashley closed her eyes and saw the only person she wanted to see.

###

Arriving home, Glen shrugged off his jacket and made an attempt at a smile when he saw his sister walking downstairs dressed for bed. "You're still up?"

Spencer raised her brows. "Are you only just getting in?" It was after eleven-thirty on a school night, after all.

"Yeah, I was with the guys," he replied to her retreating figure as he began to follow her into the kitchen, meaning his basketball teammates. "Why are you up?"

She shrugged carelessly. "Just wanted some water."

In actual fact, Emily had unexpectedly turned up on her doorstep four hours prior and went over her concocted little scheme to keep herself with Spencer at all times during school hours. She'd protested, of course, but it fell on deaf ears.

When Emily left a copy of her class timetable, she'd suggested they talk about their plans for a party over the weekend. Spencer stopped her when the topic of boys came up; said she had a migraine. She was only partly lying.

With most of her night wasted, she didn't want to succumb to sleep, feeling restless. The Goonies was paused halfway. She'd never get too old to watch that.

Glen watched her fill her glass with the clear liquid and take a sip before he casually said, "Saw Ashley on the way home. She was at the park."

Trying not to look like a fish out of water, Spencer swallowed her drink carefully. "Who was she with?"

"Some ghost chick. I think she was trying to be funny."

"What?"

"She wasn't with anyone."

Putting her glass in the sink, Spencer passed Glen and made her way to the hallway.

"Where are you going?" he asked her.

"To get changed."

"Why?"

"I'm going to the park."

Glen rolled his eyes at his sister. If she thought he'd let her out at that time of the night, she could think again. Creeps were out and she had a lousy right-hook no matter how many times he tried to teach her otherwise. "Yeah, right." He grabbed her arm to make her stop. "She wanted to be alone, Spence."

"It's an act," she replied confidently, freeing herself from his grasp.

Paula Carlin frowned when she saw her two children still up and apparently arguing. "What's going on?" she asked as she made her way downstairs.

"Nothing," Spencer answered swiftly, daring her brother to open his big mouth.

"Spencer wants to take a trip down memory lane and go to the park. I said no."

She glared at him.

Paula nodded in agreement with her son. "The only place you're going is bed."

Turning her stare icy, the blond stomped her way upstairs, knowing it was immature after the second step, but stopping would have looked sillier; kind of like the way one looked when they attempt to storm out of a room and bang their arm hard against the doorframe, or slam the door shut on their own heel. Not that either of those had happened to her before.

As she got into bed, her thoughts drifted to Ashley and after quick deliberation, switched off her TV and listened for conversation downstairs.

Several minutes later Glen poked his head inside her room to check she was in bed. She was, and the lights were off.

"You're an ass," she informed him.

He smirked. "Love you, too," left his lips before he quietly closed the door.

Spencer let a couple of slow minutes drag past before she threw the covers off her fully dressed body, kicking them off when they got caught around her ankles. She pushed her balcony door open quickly, knowing if she didn't, a loud squeak of the hinges would protest. It was closed to in the same manner.

Climbing up on the railing, Spencer held on to the side of the house and breathed deeply. "Please don't break, please don't break," she repeated to her skeleton before she dropped almost twenty feet below.

Falling on unsteady feet caused her to fall to her knees and then on her side, relatively unhurt. She thanked God for her miracle and got to her feet before taking off in the direction of the park.

More than ten minutes later, breathing heavily, Spencer slowed down as she neared the park. It wasn't like she'd never been out at that time of night before, but someone had always been there with her. It wasn't exactly comforting being alone on the streets on a cold November night.

She almost wished Emily was with her.

Almost.

Getting a lungful of air, Spencer was confident she wasn't going to keel over and walked briskly until she was inside the park looking for Ashley. Not that she knew what to say when she saw her. Not that it mattered.

The park was empty.

Her shoulders slumped, deflated. Where would she be at midnight without her?

She perked up. Midnight. Ashley always craved ice cream at strange times, especially during fall and winter.

###

Ashley leaned back in her booth, the taste of Rocky Road ice cream thick in her mouth. Frankly, it was too cold to be outside for hours on end with nothing to do, so naturally ice cream was her solution. Killing two birds with one stone, and all that.

She was mentally counting the change she had in her pocket —dying for a cup of coffee— when she saw a familiar blonde sitting alone at another booth, desperately trying to cover her face with a laminated menu. She looked on in disbelief and shook her head.

The menu hadn't changed in ten years, Spencer thought idly as a shadow was cast over her.

"What are you doing here?" Ashley asked bluntly.

Spencer lowered the menu, trying to appear normal. "What are _you _doing here?" she echoed.

Ashley raised her eyebrows. "Seriously, why are you here?" she asked, even more serious.

"For the pie."

"You hate pie," Ashley pointed out.

She didn't look put-off. "Why are you here?"

"For the pie," the brunette answered mockingly as she slid in the booth opposite her.

Spencer looked out the window and then turned back to Ashley who was looking at her intently. "Are you suddenly adverse to sleep, or something? You're always...out."

"So?"

"Why are you here alone?"

"I'm not alone." She looked around the diner to make a point. "There are like fifteen people in this place."

"And how many of them care about you?" Spencer countered.

Ashley shrugged, unmoved. "It's not like I give a damn about them, either."

"You shouldn't be here alone at this time of the night. Go home."

"No."

"You can't keep walking around this town like you don't give a crap about anything. You need to go home and you need to get some sleep. You don't look good."

The brunette leaned back casually. "Thanks for the concern mom, but, really, I'm good here."

Spencer sighed at how much she was about to sound like her mother. "Go home or I'm calling Christine."

Ashley smiled. "Does Paula know you're here? Maybe I should call her and tell her she should stock up on some of the pie you love so much."

Spencer saw the look in her eyes and ignored her. "I'll walk home with you," she offered as nicely as she could. Things were still far from okay but she couldn't leave her there.

Ashley glanced to the right and saw a truck driver of the creepy variety staring at Spencer. She glared until he averted his attention to a waitress. "It's late, Spencer. Go home. If your mom finds out you sneaked out, she'll kill you, and then she'll kill me. And if she doesn't succeed, you know my mom will."

"I'll go home if you go home."

She frowned at Spencer. "Why?"

"Look, just…meet me halfway."

"Right by the borderline?"

Spencer cocked her head to the side, hardening her stare. "Mature."

Ashley shook her head, genuinely confused. "Why even bother?"

"To act mature? I don't know, maybe because it's expected in civilised societies?"

She repeated the action. "No, why would you meet me halfway? After Halloween and the way I've…" A sigh escaped. "Why?"

Spencer looked at her for a moment, wondering if she could be any more obvious. She opened her mouth to respond when Ashley spoke again;

"You're still in that good mood?"

"Yeah," she murmured, noting that Ashley had already averted her stare. "I guess I am."

"Okay," the brunette sighed out after a minute, like it was a difficult task.

"Okay, what?"

She stood up, her hands staying far away from the bacteria-infested surface of the table. "Okay, I'm going home."

Spencer followed and hurried through the door Ashley had held open for her —not even realising she'd done it, and was about to mumble something that could pass for gratitude when she felt the temperature outside. It was freezing. She hadn't felt it as she was running, but she'd since cooled down and had forgotten a coat.

"It was Glen, right?"

Spencer frowned softly and turned to look at her, her arms crossed tightly over her chest.

"The rat-out," Ashley clarified. "It was him? I don't want to kick the wrong ass in the morning..."

She tried hard not to smile. "You, kicking ass? What about scarring those hands of yours?" the blonde countered.

"Why would one use their _hands _to kick an ass?"

The way Ashley was looking at her, trying hard not to smile using her mouth, made her face appear lighter. "Oh, you were being literal? Who would've known you to get right down to business?"

Though slightly unnerved, her features showed no sign of it. "I was being literal," she confirmed, "which explains why you'd look for me at the park, but not at a diner."

Spencer shrugged, trying not to shiver too much. It was a miracle her teeth weren't chattering. "I was...really in the mood for some pie."

"You said that before. You hate pie."

Ashley had also said that not long ago.

"So, you've run out of things to say and now you're recycling past words? I think I should be terrified," the blonde said, only partially in jest as she thought of some of the words Ashley had said to her before. The kind that had practically made her melt into her and the kind that rendered her speechless with the effortless way in which they broke her.

"I bet ten bucks Paula is going to be waiting on the porch for you," Ashley said, changing the topic.

"Ten? Someone doesn't have much faith."

"Fifteen on the fact she's called Sheriff Pete, too," she said, his name making her want to go anywhere but home.

Still walking, Spencer turned the top half of her body towards her; arms still crossed her chest to block out some of the cold. "You think I'm stupid enough not to cover my tracks? Everyone is in bed, blissfully unaware while they drool into their pillows."

"You seem...fairly certain."

"I am," she confirmed. "Why are you out alone at this time of the night?"

Ashley looked away from her, keeping her eyes straight ahead. "Alone? That's kind of self-depreciating, isn't it?"

"You know what I mean."

She shrugged carelessly. "I wanted some air."

"You couldn't open a window?"

"No."

Spencer frowned at her cavalier behaviour, almost looking concerned. "Do you know how many freaks would attack a girl like you? She's not supposed to, but my mom tells me stories of these girls who come into the ER, or even the _OR, _and it's disgusting what people will do t-"

"A girl like me?" Ashley questioned. "You say that like I haven't studied martial arts."

The blonde willed herself not to smile. Ashley had watched the _Three Ninja's _movies over and over again every day for a month when they were nine and liked to think she could take on Stallone, Schwarzenegger and Van Damme all at the same time —and win. "I forgot," she replied softly.

Ashley gave her a look to say she knew she hadn't. "So, the fam' is all tucked up in bed? How did you get past the creaky stairs without anyone noticing, you go down the banister?"

"Yeah, right," she answered, looking away at their surroundings as they got closer to home with each step.

"Don't tell me; you flew?"

"I'm so transparent!" Spencer replied with a falsely exasperated smile.

Dangerously close to one of those herself, Ashley bit her lip. "No, seriously, how'd you get away?"

"It's not prison."

"But the place is on lockdown after a certain time. I love her, but your mom's like a prison warden."

Spencer sighed. "I jumped off my balcony."

Ashley laughed for a second, unable to help herself. It fell away when a thought occurred to her. "Wait, you don't really think you can fly, do you? I think there's a name for that condition."

"Shut up."

She bit her lip again, not knowing if Spencer's confession was serious. "You jumped off your balcony?"

"Don't make it sound like some sort of suicide attempt. I was really...in the mood for pie," she finished evasively.

"You could've broken your neck, you know."

Spencer uncrossed her arms, letting one hang down by her side while the other cupped her neck unconsciously. "Yeah, well, one can dream. I really don't want to go to school tomorrow."

"So, don't," the brunette replied simply, knowing she would.

"Yeah..." she trailed off, unable to stop her teeth from chattering.

Ashley rolled her eyes and unzipped her jacket, pulling her warm arms out of it before she practically threw it to Spencer. "I'm hot," she stated, goosebumps forming everywhere.

"No, you're not."

When she held it back out to her, Ashley shook her head. "I'm hot," she repeated. "Seriously, I just had ice cream to cool down, remember?"

Too cold to argue any further, Spencer accepted it gratefully and slid her arms inside, feeling its warmth sink into her skin.

Paula wasn't waiting for them.


	11. As It Was

**Thanks for the reviews, loves. I'm so glad you're enjoying this and I genuinely appreciate the time you take to tell me :). Just to let you know, I'm going away on Tuesday so there will be a short 10/11 day hiatus. Updating will resume as normal as soon as I'm back :]**

**

* * *

**

_The radio was on for background noise as Ashley sat on Spencer's bed and watched her across the room as she went about picking up various magazines, books and items of dirty laundry that always seemed to miss the basket._

_She had been noticing things about the blonde for the past couple of weeks. They weren't overtly obvious things that anyone noticed, but subtle. Like the way she walked, the faces she made without conscious thought, how she'd check her teeth in the mirror every time she left the house, how she'd absent-mindedly bite her lip and run a hand through her hair in math class when a particularly difficult problem stumped her, how she'd started to blush around her at random times._

_Ashley had also begun to notice that she would look at Spencer for longer when she wasn't looking back. Both of their bodies had changed a lot over the past couple of years and she thought Spencer's new, developing body suited her._

_Spencer was in front of the mirror now, mouth hung open as she applied mascara for only the third time in her life. Ashley smiled at how ridiculous she looked; though she knew she pulled the exact same face when she was applying hers. It was the only way to apply mascara, her mother had told her. "Look at your face."_

_Spencer laughed with her mouth still hung open. "Putting me off," is all she could mutter. After a few seconds, she put the mascara back on her dresser and peered closer to her eyes in the mirror, blinking experimentally. She wiped a tiny black smudge from underneath her eyebrow and turned to Ashley. "How do I look?"_

_"I can't see when you're a mile away."_

_Spencer walked across her room and jumped on the bed, crawling up it from the bottom end. "I swear to God, you're blind," she said._

_Ashley didn't say a word as Spencer failed to stop in front of her, instead crawling onto her lap, putting her legs either side of her. She smiled, embarrassed but not uncomfortable._

_"How do I look?" Spencer asked again, closing her eyes so the brunette could see her entire face. It always took so long to put makeup on. She supposed she'd learn how to do it faster with time._

_Ashley didn't know where to put her hands, so she kept them beside her legs. She looked up ever-so slightly to Spencer's face and let her eyes roam. Her makeup was getting worse every time she tried to improve, but it was endearing nonetheless._

_It had been quiet for longer than Spencer had patience for. "Well?"_

_"You look nice."_

_She opened her eyes unsurely. "Really?"_

_Ashley nodded and couldn't resist wiping her thumb just underneath Spencer's bottom lip, clearing lipgloss that had been applied a little unevenly. "Yeah, like one of those Hollywood actresses from the fifties."_

_Spencer was coy as she brushed some hair behind her ear. When she looked back, Ashley was still looking at her and she soon found her hands on the brunette's face. She brushed her thumbs over the skin underneath and just smiled at her._

_"Spencer, time to go!" her mother yelled from the bottom of the stairs._

_It caused her to snap out of her brief trance. "I gotta go," she said regretfully, climbing off her a second later._

_"Can I come over later?"_

_"Yeah, of course," Spencer answered, walking over to her mirror to look at her teeth. "I'll call you when I'm back."_

_She was going clothes shopping with her mother. She'd wanted to go to the mall with Ashley but she was —hopefully— getting a new wardrobe and her mother would never give her that amount of cash to walk around with._

_Ashley nodded. "Bring me something back."_

_"What do you want?"_

_"An acoustic guitar."_

_Spencer chortled. "Okay."_

_Ashley's request wasn't serious, but she was almost positive her parents were getting her one for her birthday, anyway. So either way she'd get one that year. She wasn't one to write music, but she liked to strum on her father's vintage Fender when he was at work or out with his friends, and she wanted an instrument for herself._

_Ashley figured she'd learn how to play properly and maybe she'd have another genuine talent (other than getting herself in trouble) after some hard work. Talents, it seemed, made people feel free, if only for a few minutes. They become immersed and exist somewhere within their own mind; maybe safe in a memory or dreaming of the future. It didn't matter where she went, as long everything stayed the same as much as it changed._

_###_

_Blood ran and the squelch of a knife sliding through layers of skin, flesh and muscle made Ashley's face contort in disgust. She laughed through it and gripped onto the strong bicep she was holding onto. "Daddy, this is disgusting!"_

_"Is it too much? We can watch something else," Raife insisted, leaning down to kiss her head._

_"No, no, I like it. I can tell Spencer about this one." The main reasons she liked it were because she loved to spend time with her father and his favourite movies were that containing violence, and because it was fun to talk about and watch them with Spencer if they turned out to be good._

_He leaned forward and had a sip of beer, only just sitting back when his hand was held. He smiled. Ashley had always liked to hold his hand, ever since she was little. She said they were the only man's hands she knew that were the perfect size, big but not too big, strong, and rough but not too rough; and even though he knew she'd only ever held three men's hands in her entire life —Sheriff Pete's, Arthur Carlin's and his own, it was nice to hear._

_Her little (large) personality made him so proud of her. They were as alike as they could be._

_The phone rang and Ashley didn't hesitate before jumping up, expecting a phone call right around then. "Hello, Clarice."_

_"Ash, are you busy?"_

_Her smile faded. It was Spencer and she was crying. "What's wrong?"_

_"Can you just come over? Please."_

_She hung up without a word and apologised to her father, kissing his cheek with a promise to finish the movie later, and made her way to Spencer's. She knocked on the door and was reminded by Mrs. Carlin, again, that she needn't knock, just walk right in. She said she'd remember for next time, but it never happened. She'd rather be invited in somewhere than make her own way inside._

_Paula cast a worried glance upstairs and turned to Ashley. "She's still upstairs."_

_"Do you know what's wrong?"_

_It was only then that she realised Paula also looked troubled, like she'd been crying recently._

_"We hit a deer on the way home. I tried to swerve, but I hit it anyway. Spencer's been hysterical ever since. We've all tried to talk to her but she won't listen."_

_Ashley winced. "Gross."_

_Paula ran a hand through her hair tiredly. "I feel just awful. I did everything I could, but still..."_

_She stepped forward and gave her a hug. "No, don't feel bad. It was an accident, and it was either you, instantly, or a bullet slowly." Ashley held on silently for few moments. "Do you feel better yet or should I say something else? I have a road kill joke I can share, if you want."_

_Paula smiled. "Your work here is done, I think. Spencer needs you more."_

_Ashley flashed her a grin and ran upstairs, forgoing a knock as she entered the bedroom. She sighed at the pitiful sight of the blonde face-down on her bed, crying into her pillow. "Oh, Spence."_

_Spencer lifted her head up and rolled over, silently making room for the other girl who didn't need to be asked to join her. She lay her head down on her shoulder and let her top catch her tears. "It was so horrible."_

_"I know."_

_"It was just...there, right in the middle of the road and I was trying to change the radio station when my mom braked really hard and swerved, and the next thing I heard was this...thump." She was quiet, just letting herself be held. "Like a really gross thump, and it made this noise of pain... Ugh," she finished, more tears leaking out. After a while, she added, "It was just lying there, still. Its family was nowhere in sight. Wouldn't it be horrible to die like that; so alone?"_

_Ashley rubbed her arm leisurely. "Yeah. It's sad, but they're either hit by cars or hunted. It doesn't seem like it, but that way was the better way. It was quick. And you and your mom have both been crying, a lot of people don't care that much."_

_"Yeah..." Spencer gave in quietly a few seconds later. "I just hate that it happened. It was the sound more than anything that got to me."_

_"Do you want to hear a road kill joke?" Ashley asked delicately._

_Spencer laughed suddenly. "Oh, my God!" she exploded, pulling away. "Shut up, that was so inappropriate!"_

_Ashley grinned. "Sorry."_

_Spencer sat up and ran a hand through her hair, her sudden amusement a thing of the past as sadness gradually overtook her once more. "Blood was coming out of its mouth," she said sadly, fresh tears staining her face._

_"Spence..." Ashley said as she raised up and moved closer, reaching for her knee in an attempt to comfort her. She hated seeing Spencer upset more than anything._

_"I know they die all the time but it's different when you feel it make contact with the car, hear it in pain, and see it dead."_

_"It'll be okay," the brunette promised softly._

_Spencer turned to her and shrugged her shoulders stiffly. "I know. I'm just really sad," she admitted._

_Ashley frowned softly in concern and moved her hand to her face, fingers brushing the skin from her cheek to the slanted line of her chin until her thumb and forefinger were holding it like they'd hold something delicate. Eye-contact was held as she began to lean in and broke the moment her lips made contact with Spencer's._

_Eyes shut, she cupped the side of her face, fingers now splayed across her ear and curled just slightly in her hair as she gave her a single long kiss that was nothing more than lips against lips, separated again in exactly four and a half seconds._

_It wasn't romantic; it was never supposed to be. But it was pure and it was innocent, and that's exactly what it was supposed to be._

_Dead deer's were the farthest thing from Spencer's mind now. Her breathing had increased subtly, stunned. "Why did you do that?" she asked quietly, avoiding the brunette's eyes as she looked down._

_Ashley's hand fell away from her face but her stare was steadfast, unembarrassed. It had been an instinctive reaction. "To make you feel better."_

_It made sense, she inferred. In fact, when she thought about it for more than half a second at a time, it was the only plausible answer. "Oh."_

_"Do you feel better?" Ashley asked._

_Spencer began to smile until she laughed softly, still looking down until her head was tipped up. "Yeah," she answered, receiving a silly grin in response._

_Everything remained the same._

_###_

_Two weeks passed like any others on summer break, slowly and full of lazy days and long nights. For the past few days, it had been too hot to do anything other than go swimming, so that's what they'd done._

_It had been a week since both of them woke up in dark moods and seemed to find ways of annoying each other without even speaking, resulting in silly fights with embarrassingly bad comebacks that only made things worse. In sheer frustration, Spencer's arm shot out with the intention of punching Ashley's shoulder to make her go away, but the brunette had been leaning down to reach for her Ringpop still its wrapper that had just fallen to the floor, and Spencer's fist connected with her mouth instead._

_It wasn't clear who was stunned more, but Spencer gasped in time with Ashley and took the cracked Ringpop off her finger, throwing it across the room before she held Ashley's face tenderly and asked to see how bad it was and if any teeth were broken._

_Following an initial demand to get away from her, Ashley accepted the sincere apology and it was forgotten._

_Spencer sat on her front lawn and quietly observed Ashley as she spoke with her father on her front porch. She looked at her hair and noticed the way the damp tips of it were soaking through her top, the way she was standing, the shape of her body, how her right hand was wrapped around the railing as she leaned away from it and laughed at something Raife had just said._

_It wasn't long before she was joined and they sat with mini battery-operated fans, daring each other to put their fingers in front of the blades to see if it still hurt as much as before. It did, but only for a split second. Bracing themselves for it was always much worse than the actual pain._

_Ashley was careful to keep her fan away from her hair as she held it in front of her face, practically melting. "You ever notice how Mr. Foster never has visitors? Not even during the holidays."_

_"I know, it's weird."_

_"I think he has a body in his basement."_

_"Probably." Spencer moved her fan to her neck. "His lights are always on till really late. I bet he's chopping up his victims while everybody's asleep."_

_Ashley agreed vehemently. "Totally, the freak." There was a pause. "Speaking of freaks; did you hear about Emily's parents?"_

_"Emily, who?" There were three Emily's who lived nearby._

_"Emily Cooper. Annoying redhead who walks her cats on a leash and tries to steal you away from me at any given opportunity," Ashley explained._

_"She does not try to 'steal me' away from you."_

_Ashley thought she did. She was always asking just Spencer to hang out or go for sleepovers, and when they were in school she made it a point to butt in their conversations and talk to the blonde instead of both of them. She pissed Ashley off._

_"She does, and her parents are getting a divorce. Her dad caught her mom sleeping with their doctor, or something. I don't know. But I heard my mom on the phone to yours last night and it's supposed to be really ugly. Your mom said it had been going on for six months."_

_Spencer's brows rose high. "Oh, God. That's really sad."_

_"Yeah... I mean, I don't like her. At all. But I'd die if my mom or dad were cheating."_

_The blonde nodded in full agreement until something occurred to her. "Wait a second, how did you hear what my mom was saying?"_

_"Well, I picked up the phone to call you," she began a little defensively, "when I heard something, so I put the phone to my ear and overheard some of their conversation."_

_"Nosey."_

_"Uh, no. Victimised." She continued when she received one raised brow. "I heard the sordid details."_

_Spencer rolled her eyes. "Like what, the kind of underwear she was wearing?"_

_"Spencer..." she said with a laugh. "When people are caught having an affair, underwear isn't usually involved unless it's on the bedroom floor somewhere. And no, more like the position they were caught in when Mr. Cooper found them. Wanna know what it was?"_

_"No," she said with a blush. Sometimes she said the stupidest things._

_Ashley laughed at her embarrassment. "She was—"_

_"I said 'no'!" Spencer shrieked, her hand firmly pressed against the brunette's mouth to keep her quiet._

_Fighting against it, she grabbed Spencer's hand and leaned away from her, prying her fingers away from her mouth. "Doing a h—"_

_"Stop it!" she shouted, laughing just because Ashley was, putting both of her hands over Ashley's mouth and held her ground whenever she tried to pull away. "You'll stop?" she eventually asked._

_Ashley nodded. Spencer was freakishly strong sometimes._

_Reaching for her chilled bottle of water, Spencer smiled at the world in general and enjoyed the cool liquid inside her mouth until she heard Ashley proclaim, loudly;_

_"She was doing a hand-stand with her legs around his waist!"_

_Her eyes bulged and she choked on her water, requiring a firm slap to the back from the brunette. "I said no!" she screamed, disgusted yet thoroughly entertained. "You are such an ass sometimes. I really didn't need to know that."_

_Ashley gasped in jest, and for real seconds later when ice-cold water was being poured over her head. "Spencer, you bitch," she laughed, quickly fighting to grab the bottle. When she managed to snatch it away, she made sure to tip the remaining contents over her, however only a dribble was left. She settled on aiming a squirt of water from her mouth at the blonde, anywhere below the neck._

_They were caught up laughing and drying each other off with the mini-fans when they noticed they had an audience across the street. Two boys were staring at them, one nervously._

_Spencer sighed quietly as she looked down and leaned in towards Ashley. "It's Bobby."_

_Bobby lived eight blocks away. He was a good looking boy — dark hair, even darker eyes and tall for his age, that plenty of girls wanted to date, and he'd had a crush on Spencer for the past two months. He'd asked her out once before but she'd politely declined._

_Ashley looked at Bobby and his friend approaching but didn't greet them._

_"Hi," Bobby said to Ashley, and then turned to Spencer. "Hey, Spencer."_

_She saw no reason to be rude. "Hi."_

_"Um, this is Steven," he introduced his friend next to him who wasn't paying any notice. "But everyone calls him Steve because he hates being called Steven."_

_Spencer looked at Steve whose eyes were on the brunette sitting next to her, barely giving any of them her attention, and felt a frown on her head. It was gone as fast as it appeared. "Hi, Steven," she said._

_Steve looked at her for a split second._

_"So," Bobby began. "I know I tried this before and I promise I'll back off if I'm bugging you, but I saw you swimming today and I would really, really love to go out with you. Do you want to hang out some time?"_

_Ashley glanced up, looking between the boy and Spencer until she looked back down, picking blades of grass._

_Spencer shook her head —a nervous habit. "Uh..." she racked her brain for an excuse, and looked to Ashley who still hadn't uttered a word to gauge her reaction. It wasn't obvious, whatever it was. Seeing no way out of it, she smiled. "Sure, Bobby."_

_His face brightened. "Really?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Awesome. This weekend, I thought we could go see a movie? My mom can drive us."_

_She smiled at him. "That sounds nice."_

_Bobby handed her a piece of paper with his number on and told her to call whenever she wanted to. The Carlin number was in the phone book so he didn't ask for hers, just said they could see whatever she wanted and he'd let her decide the time they went, just as long as his mom had enough notice._

_He gave her a nod. "I'll see ya."_

_"Bye, Bobby."_

_Knowing they were about to leave, Steve put his hands in his pockets. "Do you wanna go out?"_

_Ashley looked up to him, eyebrows raised. "What?"_

_"You, me; movies, bowling. Whatever. What do you say?"_

_She laughed at him. "I say no."_

_Steve frowned, disappointed and annoyed. "Why?"_

_"Because my best friend said hello to you and you just ignored her."_

_He looked over to Spencer. "Hey, Spencer." Turning his attention back to the brunette, he asked, "Wanna go out?"_

_Ashley flicked some of the blades of grass off her knee. "Nope."_

_The boys left soon after, one happy, one gloomy, and Spencer's face was tinged pink at the attention she'd received. It was quiet for all of one minute until she turned to Ashley to ask her what she wanted to do, but before she could ask, Ashley brushed her legs off and stood up._

_"I think I'm gonna go in," she said._

_"Why? It's early; we can still go to the park to see who's there, or watch a movie or something. Whatever you want."_

_"No, it's okay."_

_"Are you okay?" Spencer asked, reaching forward to touch her hand._

_"Why wouldn't I be?"_

_"I don't know..."_

_"See you later, Spence," Ashley said, turning around to make her way inside her house._

_"Ash, don't go."_

_She turned back. "No, I think I will. I need a shower, I feel all dirty and gross."_

_Spencer's disappointment was evident. "Oh. Okay. I'll see you in the morning?" she asked._

_"See you tomorrow, Spence."_

_###_

Once Spencer and Ashley had returned home from the diner, Spencer was stealthy as she quietly unlocked her front door and said an awkward goodbye to Ashley who was waiting for her to get inside her house before she left for hers.

A weight had been lifted off her shoulders. They'd managed to speak without the use of raised voices or snippy remarks and she'd made sure her blind was pulled down before she used Ashley's jacket as a blanket, not being able to help herself. For one night, she wasn't going to think. It had been so long since she hadn't.

A few minutes passed slowly when she'd heard faint voices. It had been Ashley and her father. She knew they were fighting in her room because the light from Ashley's room always shone into hers. They'd yelled at the tops of their voices about how she was old enough to take a walk at night, with or without his permission, and he'd disagreed vehemently, shouting in her face she needed to grow up, quickly. Avoiding him wasn't going to make things better.

Spencer had been a second away from getting back up —to do what, she didn't know—when their voices were suddenly gone. She didn't know what they'd been fighting about but she would have guessed it was from Ashley's disappearance late at night.

Ashley had told her father she hated him, and though she acknowledged the fact it sounded childish out loud, she swore to him she meant it. Raife left the room quickly after that but Ashley found it difficult to sleep. They were almost through with their day at school and Spencer was on her way to her locker to swap books when Emily seemed to appear from thin air, suddenly next to her talking about what they were doing after school and Spencer fought not to roll her eyes.

"I'm busy tonight, remember?"

She'd told Emily the night before that she had to attend a dinner party at Ashley's house. It was a regular thing their parents did and they were always roped into it, too. Not that they'd minded in the past.

"Yeah, but, it's next door," Emily laughed. "And a regular thing, kind of like Ashley's habits, so why don't you cancel? We can do something. I said last night we could."

"I can't cancel."

"You're being a loser," Emily said.

Once they reached her locker, books were exchanged and they were on their way to their last class. "And you're pushy and annoying today. I can't cancel, all right?"

"Okay," she reluctantly gave in. "But I'm only thinking of you. I don't want you to get hooked on something and die."

Spencer peered at her. "You really don't know what you're talking about."

Emily sighed. "Spencer, look, I know you've been friends for a long time but...Ashley's different now."

"No, she's not," was her immediate, instinctive response.

The redhead shrugged. "You're her best friend; you know she sleeps with anything that has a pulse. Ramona Castro has been saying how her sister saw Ashley at the park again last night with, like, three guys all around her. She was sitting on one of their laps, drinking and smoking whatever the hell she smokes. I bet she blew all of them."

"How dare you talk about her like that," Spencer fumed. "You don't know anything about her. Ramona is lying."

Emily scoffed in disbelief. "Seriously, you're that blinded? Spencer..."

"No, you know what? You can shut up and stay away from me, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't speak to me again," she said angrily, storming away from her.

"I'm trying to help!"

"Well, don't," Spencer called over her shoulder. She got halfway down the next corridor when she saw Ramona and a handful of her so-called friends crowded around a row of lockers as they talked amongst themselves, and didn't hesitate walking up to them. "Where the hell do you get off?"

Ramona looked around one of the girls in order to see the blonde. "What?"

"The lame stories of Ashley hooking up in the park with random guys are almost as pathetic as you are," she said. "Learn when to keep your mouth shut before it gets you into trouble."

"In trouble with you? Right. Get lost."

"I'm serious."

"So am I. You're annoying me right now and I've hated you since kindergarten, please don't give me another reason to want to set a Rottweiler after you."

Spencer was unmoved. "Which one? Both of your sister's are dogs."

"You're such a little bitch, you know that?" Ramona asked rhetorically. "It's like you _want _my fist in your face."

"I want you to shut the hole in yours."

"Do you even know who you're talking to?" a blonde next to Ramona asked.

Spencer shrugged casually. "Yeah, I do; a worthless piece of crap who seriously needs a reality check if she thinks this kind of behaviour is intimidating or worthy of anything other than a mammoth eye-roll."

Ramona raised a brow. "If I'm a worthless piece of crap, what does that make you?"

"I'm just Spencer."

"And your best friend is _just_ a whore. You don't want to believe it, but you know she's hooking up with people somewhere. She's the kind of girl who can't say no."

"What, like you?"

Ramona smiled. "If we were to walk in the boys' locker room right now, Ashley would probably be on her knees and there'd be a line all the way out the door."

Spencer lunged for her and got past two members of Ramona's posse before they got hold of her and pushed her backwards, so hard that she stumbled over her own feet and fell to the floor, shoulder's painfully connecting with the lockers behind.

It didn't faze her. She got up quickly and moved forward, looking at the raven-haired girl in pity. "You're going to let your sheep fight for you?"

"Why not? They're perfectly safe, no predators around to eat them alive. Just little you."

An arm wrapped around Spencer's shoulders and she whirled her head to the left.

"Aw, a club meeting without me?" Ashley asked. "Where's the fun in that?"

Ramona rolled her eyes. "Aren't you supposed to be on your knees?"

"I didn't know you wanted me that much, Mon. But, _no_, not in a million years."

She faked a smile. "Elsewhere."

Ashley turned to Spencer, arm still around her shoulders. "What's the trending topic?"

"Nothing," Spencer answered guardedly. "Just the usual crap that comes out of her mouth."

"More like your busy, busy extra-curricular schedule," Ramona corrected. "In the past twenty-four hours, we've narrowed it down to about fourteen guys, excluding those on the bench this season. You seem to be quite the bike around here."

"Oh, really? I didn't know you viewed that as competition." She carried on when a brow was crooked. "Yeah, that's so funny because last week I saw you at a party on Fairmount and, if my memory serves me well, you went in and out of various bedrooms with at least three guys in the space of three hours. Trying to catch up?"

She smiled bitterly. "Fuck you."

The group of six girls were motionless. They'd dared to cross Ashley —to her face— once before. It hadn't been pretty.

Spencer glowered at her, still wanting to at least slap her face. "Other than spread disease from your mouth as well as your vag', you can't really do anything, can you, Ramona?" she asked, hearing Ashley laugh beside her. It was genuine.

"I know what contraception means, bitch."

"You know, I'm suddenly remembering this huge pile of dog shit I saw on the sidewalk this morning," Ashley said as she looked at Ramona, gently rubbing Spencer's painful right shoulder without conscious thought. She'd been watching Emily and Spencer from down the hall and had seen the beginning of the blonde's confrontation before she hurried to her locker for something, returning just in time to see her get knocked to the floor. She hadn't forgotten about it. Payback was in her left hand, carefully hidden from view. "That's weird, right?"

"Huh," Spencer said in response to Ramona. "I guess it's easy to assume you didn't. I mean, your dad doesn't know the meaning of monogamy, so..."

Last year it had come out that Mr. Castro had fallen back in love with his high school sweetheart, who didn't happen to be his wife of seventeen years. News of his affair had travelled quickly and the town had gossiped for weeks as if they had nothing better to do.

Incensed, Ramona stepped forward from her friends in order to inflict as much pain as possible when she saw Ashley raise her left hand with a water bomb in it. Her eyes narrowed prior to raising an arm in defence.

It was too late.

It burst over her face, revealing a mixture of red and yellow that burned her eyes after she'd gasped in utter horror and incredulity and glared in Ashley's direction.

"You're fucking dead," she told her.

Spencer laughed out loud, turning her head to ask Ashley, "You put ketchup and mustard in there?"

"Water would just be way too predictable."

A deep, loud laugh came from behind them, quickly joined by more. It was Glen with some of his friends. "It's an improvement!" he shouted, his phone zooming in for a good picture. "Someone get her on film."

Ashley looked to the two girls who pushed Spencer to the floor and they started, jerking forward to escape when Ramona grabbed them both, pulling them in front of her to block the onslaught of cameras aimed in her direction. She wiped her face on one of their backs.

"Touch her again, even accidentally brush past her in the hallway, and I'll get every guy in band and on the chess, math and physics club to jerk off in a cup, and then funnel it into a bomb just for you," Ashley promised. "You know at least half of them are sexually frustrated."

They both turned a little green.

It was then that Spencer realised Ashley was rubbing her shoulder, touching her at all. It had been months since her hands had been anywhere on her body without one of them being too drunk to remember, or her shrugging it off. She didn't have chance to reflect for long as Ashley reluctantly removed her arm from around her shoulders, stepping to the side as she looked at her in silent question of walking to their next class together. The answer was positive.

When they were well out of earshot, Spencer asked, "Would you really do that?"

"What do you think?"

She thought yes and smiled. "So, how long was that non-water bomb sitting in your locker?"

"Uh, since the day after that P.E class where she was even more annoying than usual," Ashley admitted. "I was pissed and the condiments in the cafeteria were calling to me. I was just waiting for the right person to use it on."

"Well, thank you. You didn't have to waste it on Ramona, but I'm glad you did. And for being there... You know, those losers won't do a thing when you're around." Spencer smiled and shook her head. "They get so nervous, like you're some sort of jaguar and you're going to strike when they least expect it."

"No way. Wasting it would have been if I'd have missed. It was only ever intended for two people, anyway."

"Ramona and..."

"You don't think I'm fierce like a jaguar?" Ashley asked, slightly avoiding her question for good reason.

"You're not going to tell me? Come on. Ramona and... Mr. Purdy for that Saturday detention last year?" Spencer knew how much their science teacher Mr. Purdy disliked Ashley because she teased him over his name as often as she knew it would get a laugh from her and the rest of the class.

She smiled from a memory. "His face gets so red with anger when I just tell him he looks purdy cute, I don't think I want to know what would happen if I got him in the face with a ketchard bomb."

"So, who?"

Ashley let Spencer walk into class first and was about to put her books down on the desk next to the blonde's when someone knocked into her and put their books down first.

It was Emily. She delivered an impressive look of disgust in Ashley's direction before she announced, "I'll be right back."

Spencer saw the look of contempt the brunette was giving Emily's retreating form and her question was answered. Instead of insulting someone she knew Spencer liked, Ashley simply swiped her hand across the desk, clearing it of Emily's books, and sat down.


	12. Officially

**Thanks for your reviews, guys. I really appreciate you taking the time to tell me what you like. A new update will be on Tuesday, and then there will be a short hiatus while I'm on holiday. Hopefully the formatting will stay how I have it right now, which is perfect. Sorry if it screws up again.**

* * *

_"I'm really glad you're here."_

_Spencer turned to Bobby and smiled. She didn't know what else to do other than to respond with an echoing statement, and she didn't like the taste of lies in her mouth, so, she smiled._

_Bobby carried her drink and popcorn and held the door to their screen open for her. "I promise you're going to have fun."_

_"What if the movie sucks?" she asked teasingly._

_"Well, I'll just have to think of a way to distract you," he said, giving her a look she couldn't quite identify. She'd recognise it when she got older, though not necessarily from him._

_Spencer's eyebrows raised as she walked into the screen first, fingers just barely tucked into her pocket. She'd heard guys say something along those lines in a lot of movies. It was strange hearing someone say it to her for the first time._

_"Where do you want to sit?" she turned to ask him, ignoring Glen's earlier threat that if Bobby asked her to sit at the back of the theatre, he'd make sure he'd never reproduce. He'd also slipped her some pepper spray in her purse, just in case._

_"The back. I mean, if it's okay?"_

_Spencer nodded. "It's fine."_

_She thought she'd have a better view of the screen without hurting her neck that way. Plus, there was no way in hell she was kissing anybody on a first date._

_Bobby sat down with a barely hidden grin. He was on a date with the prettiest girl he'd ever been out with and she'd just given him permission to kiss her throughout the movie. Life was good for that thirteen year-old boy._

_A few minutes later when Spencer was tucking into the large bucket of popcorn on her lap (it made it harder for unwanted boys to lean across for a kiss), the seal to the door of their screen opened and she saw Steve walk inside carrying a large bucket of popcorn, trying to balance two drinks._

_Ashley was behind him._

_She couldn't prevent a frown forming, from both anger and betrayal. Why hadn't she said she was going out with him? There had been plenty of times in the past four days to mention it._

_"Hey, isn't that Steve and Ashley?" Bobby asked._

_"Yeah," she replied quietly. She shook her head and passed him the bucket. "Can you hold this for me? I'll just be a second."_

_"Don't be long; the trailers are going to start soon."_

_Spencer made her way down the middle aisle lit up with in-floor lighting and soon got to the front where Ashley had insisted they sit. She approached their row and made a conscious effort to look confident and pleased to see them._

_"Hi."_

_Ashley had seen Spencer and Bobby get their popcorn and enter the screen. She'd also spotted her as she and Steve walked in. It was difficult for her to miss Spencer in a room._

_"Hey," she replied._

_"What are you doing here?" Spencer asked, sounding much more vulnerable than she'd aimed and hoped for._

_Steve raised a brow. "What do you think we're doing here?"_

_"Stop being a dick," Ashley told him, surprising Spencer who still wasn't one to swear herself. At least not very often. Ashley turned her attention back on the blonde. "We're just hanging out," she said._

_"Oh." She nodded, not really sure why she was doing it. "Like, on a date?"_

_"Duh," Steve said, unable to help himself. "Look, the movie is about to start and I don't like people talking all the way through it."_

_"Oh, you don't?" Ashley asked._

_"Nope, hate it."_

_"That's great, so maybe you could shut your mouth and keep it that way?"_

_Spencer shook her head. "No, it's okay, I'm gonna go." She let Ashley meet her eyes. "Bobby's waiting for me."_

_"Where are you sitting?" Ashley asked, already knowing._

_"Right at the back."_

_She made an effort to smile, and then held up her hand, using the index finger of her other to drag it across the heel of her palm. "Remember; thrust up into the nose if you don't want something to happen."_

_"With Bobby?"_

_Ashley shrugged. "With anyone."_

_Her evident disappointment as she watched Spencer walk away was overshadowed by the lights dimming and she slouched in her seat a little, pushing Steve's arm off the armrest he thought they'd share._

_Halfway through the movie, unable to stand the way her stomach was knotting as she tried to resist, Ashley turned around in her seat and spotted Bobby and Spencer. Her heart clenched all of sudden when she saw that he had his hands on her face as he kissed her, leaning across the armrest to get closer. She saw their bucket of popcorn drop from view and looked away when Spencer's hands moved to his hair._

_When Ashley turned back around, she ignored the way Steve shyly put his arm around the back of her seat._

_###_

__

The next morning Ashley was sat by the river watching the current of water at the end of a large, old wooden dock people sometimes used to sit and fish on. She swirled her feet around in the clear water, watching it lapping up at her shins.

She was waiting for Spencer who was, so far, thirty minutes late to meet her to hang out. Usually they'd walk there together, but Ashley had felt like walking by herself. She sat with more thoughts than usual and it wasn't long before she heard Spencer approaching. She could tell it was her because she dragged her feet every time they'd walked across that dock.

Spencer had hurried down the path lots of people walked their dogs or walked to get to a good fishing spot and soon found the brunette sitting alone at the end of a dock.

"Hi, Ash," she greeted her cheerfully, moving her shoes to the other side so she could sit down next to her.

Ashley didn't protest when Spencer sat down and linked their arms together, cuddling into her. She didn't want to see Spencer, but she didn't want her to go away, either. She supposed it was better for her to have a new memory as opposed to the last one where all she saw was someone else with her best friend.

He'd probably always be around now.

"You okay?" Spencer asked when she didn't receive a greeting.

"You're late," Ashley admonished gently.

"I know. I couldn't get off the phone. Forgive me?" She pulled Ashley's arm closer to her, cuddling into her as an apology. Her grandmother had called to speak to her mother without realising she was on the early shift at work, and so got talking to Spencer about what she and Ashley were up to over the summer.

"With Bobby?"

"Why would I be on the phone to Bobby at nine o'clock in the morning?"

"Because he's your boyfriend and you missed him?"

Spencer frowned. "He's not my boyfriend. Did he tell you that? Because he has no right to spread rumours."

"No, I just figured," Ashley dismissed, elaborating when she didn't receive any kind of response, "Because you were kissing him at the movies."

"I..." Her head shook. "No, he kissed me. He was staring at me and I turned to ask him why he was looking at me when he shoved his tongue down my throat. I had to yank on his hair to make him stop." She noticed Ashley wasn't looking at her. "Did you have fun on your date with Steven?"

"No."

She bit the corner of her bottom lip and waited a while before she asked, "Why didn't you tell me you were going out with him? We could have talked about it. I could have helped you pick something to wear..."

Ashley shrugged. "You didn't tell me you were going out with Bobby, and I can dress myself."

"Yeah, because you were sitting right next to me when I said yes, and every time I brought it up you went in a weird mood, so I stopped.

"No, I didn't."

"Yeah, you did. Kind of like the one you're in right now."

"I'm not in a mood," Ashley grumbled, throwing a rock as far across the river as she could. She hadn't looked at Spencer once since she'd sat down.

Spencer sighed softly. "This is going to happen a lot from now on, right? You're going to be with guys and so am I. It's just how it works. But, I mean, it doesn't have to change anything. We don't care any less about each other, do we? I know I don't."

"I don't either."

"Does Steven suddenly mean more to you than I do?"

Ashley almost smiled at the absurdity, moving her feet around in the water that was keeping her cool. "Yeah, right."

"So, I have nothing to worry about?"

"Not a thing."

"And neither do you," Spencer promised.

Ashley nodded subtly, adding on a softly spoken, "Okay."

Her face was still crestfallen, grateful Spencer had tried to make her feel better but it just hadn't worked as well as she'd hoped. It was too new; sharing Spencer with someone else, thinking of her loving them more with time. She wondered how her mother coped when Paula got a new boyfriend and then married_. That must be like a punch in the face to every best friend, she thought._

___The blonde noticed Ashley's expression and slid her hand down to grasp one of hers. She squeezed tightly, hoping it would cause Ashley to look at her. "Ash..."_

It didn't.

"You're not going to need me anymore."

"Of course I'm going to need you. More than ever."

Ashley shook her head in disagreement. "You won't. You'll care about me the same but you won't need me how you do now. That's how these things work. Plenty of people forget about their friends when they're dating someone."

Spencer shook hers, too. "It's not the way we work. We're different. I'm _different. I'd never hurt you like that."_

__

"You wouldn't mean to, I know that. It would just happen. You'll wake up one morning and you won't need me. You'll just call Bobby and you probably won't even realise what's happening."

"Don't say that. I will need you." Spencer moved even closer, twisting her body around to cross her legs next to her, one hand on her knee. "You're the only person who ever makes me feel better."

"Bobby will learn to," Ashley said. "If not him, some other guy will. He'll learn what upsets you and then how to make it better. My dad does that all the time with my mom. Sometimes he says it on purpose when they're fighting."

"No. Only you know how to do that with me."

"Now, yeah. But in time..."

"God, stop it." She let go of Ashley's hand and held her face, hating to see her so sad. "Ash, I promise it's only you. You're my best friend_." Ashley shook her head, unconvinced things wouldn't change. "No-one but you made me feel better the other week. Remember? I was upset and you...you kissed me like friends do to make each other feel better," she said, the pads of her fingers brushing over soft skin as she stared at even softer lips. "I just want to make you feel better," she murmured, leaning forward to cover Ashley's mouth with her own._

However much their movements were filled with hesitance and inexperience, the mere caress of lips against lips was enough for them. The promise that everything was okay and nothing would ever change between them came in the form of soft kisses and eventually shy smiles.

___###_

Several weeks of summer passed where they soaked up the sun listening to music, went shopping, and walked around aimlessly while they talked about everything they were going to do when they got old. They snuck over to each other's houses late at night or early in the morning using a ladder Ashley kept in her closet by sliding it under the rail of her balcony, all the way across to Spencer's and either one of them crawled across it to get to the other's house.

Ashley also made sure they went to three different towns each week and told the local, creepy ice-cream man it was either her or Spencer's birthday, so they'd get a choice of free ice-cream. They'd been caught out the last time she did it, so she bought Spencer one instead, a thank you for going along with her and an apology for getting caught out, and also for the things she thought about the week before.

She'd been rude to Bobby when he showed up at Spencer's house to spend the afternoon with her and Ashley spent her _afternoon thinking horrible things about Spencer, things she didn't even mean. Anger had clouded her mind and she didn't fully understand why. She just knew she didn't like Bobby very much, especially when he was always kind and polite to her when she'd been nothing but ignorant and rude to him._

Spencer had also bought Ashley an ice cream in return; for helping her to get better at applying her makeup and because she was going out with Bobby again. He knew not to assault her mouth like on their first date and had instead started to hold her hand every time they were around each other. He also looked like he expected a goodnight kiss every time they got back from their dates, but he'd be patient. They'd been out on five dates.

She'd only kissed him on the cheek so far, even though it was expected for her to do more, and even though he was funny and good-looking.

Looking through the large panes of glass in her balcony doors, Ashley spotted Bobby's familiar figure walking up the Carlin driveway with a bunch of what looked like freshly picked flowers and straighten out his shirt nervously.

Ashley scoffed, mostly at herself, and pulled the blind down.

Half an hour later, Christine headed to her daughter's room to ask if she knew where Raife was — he was due home an hour ago and hadn't called her to say he was going to be late— and knocked softly, peeking her head around the door a few seconds later.

She noticed Ashley lying with her back to her, crying, and made her way over to the edge of her bed, sitting next to her with one leg resting underneath her body. She put a comforting hand on her side, concerned. Ashley rarely cried. "Ashley, what's wrong?"

Her mother's concern made it worse and Ashley couldn't hold back a delicate sob. "Mom."

"Oh, come here," Christine urged softly, opening her arms to which Ashley didn't reject. She turned over and sat up, easily falling into her embrace. "What's the matter?"

Ashley felt better and worse at the same time, overwhelmed with everything going on inside her mind. She didn't understand. "Mom, how do you do it?"

"How do I do what?" Christine asked as she rubbed across her back, feeling her squeeze a little tighter in return.

"How do you see Paula every day and not cry?" she asked. A second later, Ashley re-closed her eyes, tears leaking out. "Doesn't it hurt you more than anything?"

"Why would it hurt me to see Paula? She's my best friend, I love her."

"So, why aren't you sad to see her with someone else?"

"Well, because she's married to a wonderful man and because friends like to see their friends happy, no matter whom it's with. If she's happy, then I'm happy...that's how things have always been."

"But—"

"Is this why you're upset, because Spencer is getting attention?"

_Ashley's brows furrowed, inhaling unevenly. She contemplated the question seriously and sighed out the ache in her throat, disappointment acting like a vice. "I'm sad because I'm her best friend and she'll still need someone else more than me. She said she won't, but I know she will."_

"Not more," Christine said, hoping to calm her down. "Just in a different way. Spencer is special, she's going to have lots of friends and lots of boys will want to be with her. But just because she'll have other people to rely on, that doesn't mean you will mean any less to her, all right? She's going to need you more than ever. And it's the same with you. You're both so beautiful. I've seen the way boys look at you both."

"But I don't want her to need anyone but me." Ashley pulled back and wiped her face. "It's always been just us. Why does everything have to change? No-one loves her more than me."

___Christine frowned softly. She didn't remember being that jealous over Paula or any of her other friends getting boyfriends, especially when she'd been asked out, too. "Ashley, honey..."_

"No, don't 'honey' me," she said as she got up from the bed, aggravated. She walked over to the blind and pulled it up just in time to see Bobby leaving Spencer's house with a smile on his face. "God, look at him!" she griped. "Smug bastard, he's only going to hurt her!"

"Ashley," her mother scolded. "Language. Honestly, you're just like your father. It's inappropriate."

She scowled at Bobby's retreating figure. "It's very _appropriate."_

"You're thirteen, Ashley. You're going through a lot of changes right now and I understand how close you girls are —you always have been, and how easy it is to get confused over things... But, trust me, you'll both settle into this quickly. And from what Paula has told me, Bobby seems like a very nice young man."

"I don't give a rat's ass if he's a nice young man. I don't want him around." Ashley's face was the picture of anger. "We were fine, mom! We didn't need anyone else butting in."

"Ashley..."

"God, how do you do it? I don't understand." Her head shook. "Is there a special class I'm not privy to?"

"Ashley..."

"Stop saying my name. Please just tell me."

Christine remained quiet while she took in her daughter's demeanour and then copied her earlier movement and got up from the bed, making her way across to her before she stopped. "Do you love Spencer?" she asked.

"Of course I do, why are you even asking?"

"Sweetheart," she said softly, looking down as she brushed her fingers through brown hair, away from coffee eyes. There was a loaded second before she found the courage to ask, "Do you want to be with Spencer the way...the way Bobby wants to be with her?"

"What?" Ashley exploded, her face contorted. "No!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"You know there's nothing you can't tell me."

"Jesus_. I just want my best friend ________________________________________back, mom." She shook her head, hoping it would take the look of shock and annoyance off her face. "It's not nice for you to just accuse me of—"_

_Christine pulled her into another embrace, cutting her off. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. But if you look past that green fog, she's still right there. She's not going anywhere."_

_###_

_It was an hour later and Ashley hadn't long gotten dressed after a shower when she received a text message asking her to side the ladder across to the other balcony. She complied within the minute, wrapping her arms around Spencer as she climbed over the railing, just in case she slipped or fell backwards._

_A little later, she knew there was definitely something wrong when Spencer didn't laugh at Chunk exclaiming there was a stiff in the freezer. She always laughed at that part. Ashley turned the volume down and felt Spencer hold her hand._

_"He asked me out," Spencer eventually shared. "Officially."_

_It wasn't a shock. "Oh."_

_"He was sweet. I mean, he gave me flowers and was polite to my parents. He even tried to convince Glen he was a good guy, but he didn't believe it."_

_Ashley looked at her. "Did you kiss him?"_

_"Yeah," she admitted, feeling guilty but not sure what for. "It's, like, in the dating handbook."_

_It coaxed a small smile. "You're so weird."_

_Spencer rubbed her thumb across any part of Ashley's hand she could reach. "Are you okay? I meant what I said at the river; nothing has to change."_

_"He's nice to you?"_

_"He's really nice."_

_Ashley nodded carefully. After she'd calmed down, she realised it was important for someone other than her to be really nice to Spencer, especially the times she had to go away for a week to visit family across the country. She wanted one less person to look through Spencer, like every person does every day. As human beings, we rarely give more than a fleeting glance to a stranger as we pass each other in everyday life._

_She just had to brush aside the lingering doubts for Spencer's sake._

_"Then, I'm okay," she said. "And I'll try not to be such a bitch the next time he's around."_

_Spencer smiled. "Thank you."_

_During her futile attempt to concentrate on the TV that was hanging on the wall across the room, Ashley felt Spencer rest her head on her shoulder and interlock their fingers._


	13. Here We Go

Spencer inhaled deeply in preparation and followed behind her parents as they entered the Davies household with a call of, "It's just us, Chris."

Christine appeared from out of the dining room and smiled widely; giving Arthur and Paula a warm hug and finished on Spencer, wrapping both of her arms around her. "It's good to see you around here again," she said quietly, close to her ear.

Spencer held her a little tighter in return and gave back the smile she was sent when the older woman pulled away and left to go back to the dining area with her parents in tow. It's what always happened when either family had the other over for dinner. In the fall or winter, they'd sit in the garden next to large outdoor heaters or the dining room when it was cold _and_ raining. And raining it was, with water looking like it was coming down in sheets, lashing down against the road and deepening puddles, pelting against windows.

She swept at the damp, soft jacket covering her arms and wiped her hands on her jean-clad legs as she scanned photographs on the wall. The ones she stared at were Ashley at three-years-old looking up at the camera with an impish smile and guilty eyes; one of them both at four-years-old on the beach, sitting on tiny deck chairs as they laughed at something nobody remembered now, and one taken a year ago with Ashley laughing at something Christine had said behind the camera.

She remembered that one because it had been the first and only time they'd both gotten high. When Sheriff Pete had stopped by Spencer's house for an old yearbook of his, Ashley had hidden her face, shaking with laughter at _Sheriff _Pete right next to her when she was stoned.

Spencer had laughed along with her and it got to the point where she had to push the brunette away from her, rolling away from her on the front lawn, and told her to go away until she could breathe properly.

Christine had caught Ashley almost as soon as she came through the door, only stopping to ask what was so funny.

Spencer looked at them one last time before she headed to the couch. She sat down and picked up a home styling magazine she always found entertaining, getting halfway through the modern contemporary section when she heard Ashley's voice.

"Save your breath for someone who cares, okay? I'd rather Grandma talk me through the process of growing cucumber than listen to a single word you have to say."

"Why are you making this so difficult for me?" Raife asked. "Do you want a car, is that it?"

"Yeah, dad, all of this is because I want the new Lexus."

Spencer recognised the sarcasm immediately and made a face of interest before she tossed the magazine back to the table and sat forward to eavesdrop.

"What _do _you want, then?"

Ashley frowned. "How many times? I want you to stop talking to me. Act like I'm not even here."

"Never going to happen," he said, his head shaking. "We need to talk. You need to give me five minutes."

"That's rich." She smiled sardonically. "I don't need to give you a damn thing, now can you move out of my way?"

"No."

"Move."

Raife leaned closer, keeping his voice hushed. "I don't care if you like it or not; we're talking about this. It's been _months._"

"Unless you want me to make a scene, you'll get away from me."

"You wouldn't."

Ashley shrugged carelessly. "Wouldn't I? It'd ruin your night, so, you know, there's a pretty high chance that I would," she said as she forced her way past him on her way to the living room.

He grabbed her before she could leave and pulled her back to him, squeezing her wrist tightly. "How many times do I have to fucking say it?" he asked darkly.

She rewarded him with a heated glare. "Clearly a few more."

Spotting a flash of blonde, Raife turned his head to see Spencer standing in the doorway, eyes on the harsh grip he had on a delicate wrist. Ashley saw her too, their eyes locking for a split second until she yanked her arm back, freeing her from the painful hold, and brushed past her on the way to her bedroom.

Spencer looked to Raife, staring into his blue eyes full of shame and regret, and she couldn't find it within herself to give a damn.

###

Her knuckles rapped on the door and she entered the room without permission a few moments later when no response had come. Eyes moving across the room, Spencer couldn't see Ashley anywhere, not until she spotted black on the balcony.

"You're still set on getting pneumonia?" she asked the brunette, now across the room leaning around the door.

Ashley smiled. "Nah. I'm not really set on anything right now."

Spencer picked up a blanket that always sat on a chair in the corner of the room and passed it down to the brunette as she closed the door and crouched down on her balcony, careful not to poke her eye on the corner of the four black umbrellas around her when she sat down. They were slid through and positioned around the balcony so they could still sit outside and not get soaked. She was glad some of the ground wasn't wet.

"Not _one _thing?" she asked when she'd gotten comfortable.

Ashley shrugged. "I don't know, I'm starting to think it's all kind of fruitless."

"Why would it be?"

"Cause life's a bitch and so am I?" She shrugged her shoulders. "Things just rarely happen the way you want them to, I'm starting to get that."

Spencer pulled her sleeves down to cover her hands. "Ooh, a pity party. Fun."

Ashley laughed. "Shut up, it's not. I'm serious. Think about it; everyone has an idea or a plan of what their life is going to be like five years from now. Ninety percent of it won't even happen, five _will _with little to no difference, and the last five will too, but in a totally different way than they'd originally thought or hoped for."

"Comforting."

"Isn't it?"

Spencer looked at her, met her eyes. "So because something might not happen, that means you stop working towards it, stop wanting it? That's stupid. What's the point in living, then? Regardless of expectations, it's the hope and possibility inside people that makes life worth anything. Right?" she asked softly.

Ashley nodded. "Yeah, but you don't always think that clearly. When you're angry at everything, logic means about as much as the dream you forgot as soon as you woke up."

"At least if you've put all your effort into something and you _don't _get it, you know you did everything you could and you can sleep at night with nothing hanging over your head."

"That's still really depressing, Spencer."

"I know." She smiled. "But half of it is habit. If you teach yourself to think positive, it'll start to come naturally."

"Always? 'Cause I could really use that." She smiled.

"Definitely not," Spencer laughed softly. "That wouldn't be very human of us, would it?"

"Kinda like in the European Vacation movie when that guy gets hit by a car and he jumps up to apologise, all perky and everything."

She laughed again. "I said human, he was British." Following a shared smile, it became quiet, a comfortable silence passing over them while the rain poured heavily against the nylon keeping them dry. Spencer turned to look at the brunette, eyes free to gaze for almost ten precious seconds until her stare was met. "So, the scene in the kitchen was a barrel of fun. Your dad's in a really good mood."

"Oh, yeah. The best."

"You've been fighting a lot lately? I heard you last night, too."

Ashley nodded. "Yeah, I guess."

"Was it about you being out so late?"

"Sort of," she shared.

Leaning over, Spencer pulled on the corner of the blanket, peeling it away from Ashley's body to expose a wrist that had been hidden away. She picked it up, examining it for swelling and bruises.

Holding the weight of it, Ashley watched her inspect the skin for damage and penitence sat heavily inside her chest. It had been a long time since Spencer had touched her for any reason other than the fact she wanted to, because she was concerned.

A faint red mark stretched around her entire wrist, barely noticeable. Still, Spencer delicately brushed her index and middle finger across the abused skin. "Does it hurt?"

Ashley's smile was one of regret, one that turned into an unamused laugh that was nothing but air. She ran her tongue across her lips and then pushed them together for a brief second. "Yeah, it hurts," she admitted quietly.

Spotting goosebumps forming on her arm, Spencer covered Ashley back up and sat a little bit closer to her, allowing a few minutes of listening to the rain slowly subside before she asked, wearing a soft smile of remembrance for times past, "Remember when we used to spy on the neighbours?"

It lifted the mood.

The brunette wore a smile, subtly shaking her head. "How could I forget? We were like little voyeurs."

"Mr. and Mrs. Whitbeck were always having sex," Spencer noted. "And _I _only ever saw them by accident."

"Energizer bunnies, I swear. I have no idea why they're getting a divorce. They had too much sex to be unsatisfied, especially for their age."

"Yeah..."

"You want a drink?" Ashley offered. "There's water or Dr. Pepper in the mini fridge and coffee downstairs if you're freezing by now."

It was too cold to be sitting outside, so they went into her bedroom and she passed Spencer a Dr. Pepper, but not before opening it first. It was habit, one she hadn't had to think about doing since they were little. It was natural now. It had started when they were seven; one day when Spencer had hurt her finger trying to open a can of Minute Maid lemonade Ashley had told her to hold it tight and then opened the top with ease.

They were standing by her bed looking decidedly uncomfortable and Spencer sipped her drink. "Hi," she said, not looking anywhere near the brunette.

Ashley looked to the unoccupied space she was talking to and arched a brow.

"I'm just saying hi to the elephant in the room."

"Ah," Ashley laughed faintly. "What's up, Babar?"

Spencer smirked and then turned serious. "I can just go?"

"No. I mean, unless you want to, or you think you'll have more fun down there? My dad's in an especially good mood."

She sat down on Ashley's bed, sitting right near the edge. "Oh, I saw that. Yeah, especially the look of rage and frustration in his eyes." She sipped at her drink as the bed dipped slightly.

"If your dad's down there, mine's probably cooled off a little. He has this 'therapy voice' that always seems to calm you down without you realising."

"Why did he hurt you?"

"My dad? He didn't."

Spencer looked at her dubiously. "He didn't?"

"For a second," Ashley relented. "But it doesn't hurt, look," she said, easily rotating her wrist as evidence.

"You said it did. Outside just now, when I asked you if it hurt, you said yes." A soft frown appeared when no response came. "You seemed pretty mad in the kitchen, too."

Ashley crossed her legs. "Yeah, he just makes me so angry sometimes."

"Why? I can't imagine ever fighting like that with my dad."

"It's a really long story."

"Bore me."

Ashley bit her lip, not ready to share the details. "Reading the Perry Rhodan series would probably take less time."

Spencer's eyes were on her lap as she smiled humourlessly with a subtle shake of her head. If she learned German and read one-hundred-and-fifty million words, maybe _then _Ashley would be ready to talk and stop being so guarded.

"It was the first time he's ever done something like that," she said, gesturing to the brunette's abused wrist.

"Was that a question?"

"No. If he was hurting you, I'd know about it."

"Would you?"

Spencer frowned and looked at her properly. "What does that mean?"

"Nothing," Ashley was quick to say, consciously steering away from a road that would lead to a fight. "I'm just saying, this is one of the few civil conversations we've had in months and we've spent a lot of time with other people since. There are going to be _some _things we don't know about each other."

It was true, they'd spent lots of time apart recently and there were plenty of little things they didn't know about each other, but being back in her room, talking to her more over the past two days that didn't have one insult or angry remark thrown in, it made Spencer miss her all the more, made her wish for a time when that was the norm.

"It doesn't matter, I would know." There was a pause. "Unless you're telling me..."

"No. My dad doesn't hurt me like that, ever. He's not like that. That was the first time and he'll probably be in here later all glass-eyed, begging for forgiveness."

"Are you going to forgive him that easily?"

Ashley smiled. "I can keep a grudge for a really long time, you know that."

"Good." Spencer tried her hardest to swallow the words, bite her tongue, but she couldn't help it. Her chest tightened when she thought of her being in pain at the hands of someone else. "You said it hurt."

"I wasn't talking about my wrist," Ashley admitted softly, loathing the silence that followed. "Do you wanna watch something until it's time for dinner?" she asked as she got up from the bed, already walking over to her DVD collection.

"Okay," Spencer answered, free to look at her properly without being caught. If she didn't think so much about the past few months, it was very much normal to be in her room watching a movie together.

"Nothing with violence, rape or sadistic torture that inevitably leads to death, okay?" Ashley asked with her back to her, scouring for a film that wouldn't put her off her dinner. "I'm kind of looking forward to dinner, so..."

"That stuff still makes me kinda hungry."

Ashley smiled and turned her head to see the blonde. "That still freaks me out. I remember watching one of your 'tamer' favourites; Misery, for the first time and looking at you right after the sledgehammer scene when my stomach was turning. You were shovelling chilli fries into your mouth with a _smile_."

"It was a good scene!"

"It was disgusting," she laughed, "almost as disgusting as the smell of chilli fries in my bedroom."

"Not as gross as the book," Spencer pointed out. "And you never said you didn't like me eating those in here."

"Yeah, well." Ashley shrugged and tapped her fingers on her DVDs. "So, uh, Goonies or Disney classics?" There was no way in hell she was watching anything with content other than cartoon and, at the most, bad kisses.

"You choose."

###

Dinner had gone much smoother than the last time they'd had dinner together despite Paula and Christine bringing up the realtor prank where the Carlin clan had been due to be moving across town, causing them both to go missing overnight.

They'd looked at each other embarrassed while wearing customary smiles in front of their parents, and Spencer had been the one to look down first, her smile fading as she remembered that night and who they'd been back then.

Back in Ashley's room, they were still conscious to leave a large space between them on the bed as they finished the movie but neither had noticed the way their hands seemed to gravitate towards each other's on the comforter, just like they always had done.

They both laughed loudly at Sloth greeting everyone on the pirate ship.

"Do it," Spencer requested.

"No."

"Please."

"Hey, you guys!" Ashley imitated perfectly, sending the blonde into another fit of giggles.

Her phone alerted her to a new message and she pulled it from her pocket, fighting the urge to roll her eyes when she saw it was from Megan. She was asking her to go to her front door.

"I'll be right back. You don't have to pause it," she said to Spencer.

Hurrying downstairs, she cursed her unwelcome guest and her terrible timing, as well as her inability to take a hint. She'd turned her down and avoided her more times than she could remember. She never saw her at school as she attended the same private school as Zach.

Once she reached her front door, she opened it with a sigh. "What?"

Megan smiled, her dark wavy hair sitting perfectly on her shoulders. Her equally dark eyes journeyed down Ashley's body and back up. "I thought you might have broken both hands for the amount of unanswered texts I've had from you."

Ashley got straight to the point and stepped outside of her house. "I'm flattered, okay? I'm just not interested. I told you a hundred times."

And it was true. Megan was very attractive, just not at all her type personality-wise.

She wasn't put-off. "What can I say? I have a strong will." Megan reached out to loosely hold Ashley's hand. "Just...come out with me tonight. There's a cool party that would turn into an awesome party if we were there."

"I can't," Ashley replied, pulling her hand back.

"Sure you can. Grab your coat and we'll go. You can stay at mine, my parents are away."

"I _can _go; I just don't want to."

Megan looked at her pleadingly. "Don't be moody. You're always so moody, did you know that?"

"I'm pretty sure it's the company I've been keeping. I'm going to be changing that from now on."

Megan smiled and held Ashley's face, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. "Three things; you need to loosen up: fact. I need to have a good time tonight: fact. And just being near you makes me want to rip off your clothes: fact," she finished, stepping forward to pull her body closer and cover Ashley's mouth with her own.

She knew what she wanted and her kiss conveyed that; forceful, rough with a hint of tongue tracing the brunette's bottom lip. She had to persuade Ashley to go to the party one way or another and so far, Ashley hadn't even moved her hands from her sides, let alone make any kind of move to kiss her back. In fact, she wondered if she felt her pulling away.

"You're an embarrassment to our gender: fact."

They pulled apart quickly and Ashley whirled around to see Spencer standing in the doorway with her arms lightly crossed, anger and disappointment carefully hidden away on her face, though not quite enough for it to be undetectable. It wasn't certain who those emotions were intended for, however, the probability of Ashley having to explain herself was high indeed. Spencer wouldn't even look at her.

Megan smirked. "Ooh, bold, bunny rabbit. Why don't you say that a little closer?"

Spencer stepped forward and was blocked by a hand to her shoulder from Ashley. "She's not even worth it."

Spencer looked at Ashley. "No, she isn't," she said as she shrugged the offending appendage off her and gave Megan a cold look before retreating back inside the house.

Megan smiled. "Can we leave now?"

"Lose my number," Ashley demanded darkly, deadly serious.

Inside, Spencer heard everyone laughing and joking in the dining room and walked into the kitchen and leaned against the countertop, covering her eyes with her hand as she willed herself not to cry.

And that's how Ashley found her; unthinking as she strode over and tugged on the hand that was covering her eyes with the intention to pull her into a hug. It was a bold effort under the circumstances; one that got her nothing but a slap to the wrist —literally— and a shove backwards, blue eyes luminous in their anger staring back at her.

Ashley raised her hands. "She's not my girlfriend."

"I don't care."

"I'm not sleeping with her. I've never even kissed her."

"So, what did I walk in on?"

"I wasn't kissing her back. I was about to pull away when—"

Spencer sneered. "Convenient."

"It's the truth."

Spencer shook her head, wiping the corners of her eyes dry. "I don't care. You're a free agent. You can french kiss the Pope for all I care."

Ashley moved closer to her, opening her arms again. "Let me give you a hug."

"Touch me and I'll scream."

Exasperated, Ashley dropped her hands to her side. "Then, let me explain! God, you always _do_ this. We were having fun, why would I screw it up?"

"And this seems to be your pattern too, doesn't it? Screwing everyone over yet still manages to find it within you to play the victim," Spencer came back with.

"What?"

A throat being cleared cut in, bringing the conversation to a grinding halt.

Christine held her almost-empty wine glass in her hand as she looked between the two incensed girls. "Everything all right in here?" she asked, watching Spencer look away and her jaw slacken and move to the left prior to biting down on the corner of her bottom lip. Paula had executed that stubborn show of emotion more times than she could count when they were teenagers.

"Its fine," Ashley answered softly after it became apparent no response would come from the blonde in front of her. She turned around to her mother. "Really."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

She waited until her mother had grabbed another bottle of wine and left, closing the door behind her before she turned back to Spencer who had moved a lot closer.

Standing directly in front of Ashley, Spencer said, "I should have known this was a mistake. I won't make it a third time."

She almost made it away from her when her arm was caught and pulled backwards so abruptly that she stumbled, falling into Ashley who wrapped her arms around her; one arm around her back, the other around the shoulders in a perfect display of desperation and panic.

"No," Spencer complained during her attempt to push her away and free herself from an unwanted embrace, the heel of her palm painfully digging into the shoulder preventing her from doing so. "Stop it."

Ashley tightened her hold as she leaned forward and pressed the side of her head against Spencer's. "I'm sorry."

"Let go of me."

The feel of the body against hers was intoxicating in the way she knew she would soon be facing the repercussions, but she didn't care. She breathed in everything she remembered Spencer Carlin to be, closing her eyes. "I'm so sorry, for everything," Ashley said close to her ear.

Spencer closed her eyes, slowly relaxing against her no matter how much she wished otherwise, and eventually began to cry; a faint, restrained sob against her shoulder and she hated herself for the way she was showing Ashley how she still got to her, resented her for still having that power.

Ashley's hands were on the small of her back now, pulling her closer. "I'm sorry," she spoke softly, and then let her arms go limp by her side, letting go of her just like she'd asked.

Hands slowly unravelled from loose fists, dragging over the belt around a tiny waist and underneath the top covering the brunette's stomach. Spencer felt her react; the muscles in her stomach tighten when she brushed her slim fingers across firm, soft skin, wherever she could reach. But it wasn't enough until she had her palms pressed against her, spreading up and away from each other and she felt the bands of her bra. She curled her fingers.

Spencer wasn't gentle when she pushed her blunt nails into sensitive skin and scored downward, pressing her lips against a slender neck as soon as she heard the soft intake of breath.

She pulled back, looking at Ashley while she opened her eyes, saw them turn serious and dart down to her mouth.

It had been a long time since they'd kissed with anything other than passion and urgency, and Ashley responded as soon as she felt Spencer's lips against her own. Head slanted, she opened her mouth to accept the blonde's fast attempt to deepen their kiss and her hands found their way to her hips, pulling her closer.

Quickly getting caught up —as she always did, Spencer leaned into her, moaning softly into her mouth. She tangled her fingers in her hair and kissed ardently, over and over.

And then the kitchen door opened with a loud creak and they sprung apart, reeling and in shock while Paula walked towards Ashley and smiled as she pulled a bottle of red wine from the rack next to the brunette's legs.

"Chris forgot the red," she explained. "Do either of you want a glass?"

"I'm good," Ashley replied, avoiding her eyes as she tried to keep her breathing under control.

"How about you, Spencer?"

Spencer wiped her bottom lip with her thumb and turned around. "Uh, no. Thanks."

"You sure? One glass won't hurt, it might even liven you both up. This kitchen is quieter than the morgue."

"We're fine," Ashley said.

As soon as the door was closed and she'd counted to three, skipping one and two, Ashley made her way back over to Spencer and grabbed her head, pulling her back in for a kiss that was now languid and deep, slowly filling their bodies with desire with each point of contact and caress of tongues.

Keeping the pace, Spencer didn't hold back and kissed her every way she wanted to. She remembered every bad choice Ashley had made over the summer and since as she sucked the end of her tongue; heard the way she'd spoken to her on their worst day and let Ashley kiss her way down her neck; felt the pain in her chest that had been as sharp as it was dull, as hot as it was cold, and as confined to her chest as it spread down to her toes, and she dipped her head to seal Ashley's mouth with hers.

She was waiting.

Then Ashley moaned and pressed their hips together, pushing her against the counter.

Spencer didn't pull away quickly; she made it natural and returned every kiss she was given until she was out of breath. "Ash?" she said afterwards, mouth close to her ear. "Can I tell you something?"

"Anything."

"I hate you," she whispered after a while, easily slipping away from the body pushed against hers and the hands that had stilled at her hips.

She didn't look back once as she stormed out of the house, slamming the door shut behind her.

And maybe friends from childhood are regarded so highly because they were there when anything was possible and dreams could never die. You can't touch the untouchable, and rarities are difficult to come by in a world filled with as much hatred as love; where so many people easily confused the two.


	14. Inertia

_Spencer laughed loudly when Bobby mercilessly tickled her feet and reacted instinctively by drawing her legs back but he just reached forward, so she kicked at him until he fell of the end of her bed, prompting another laugh as soon as she heard his._

_They'd been together for almost ten months, long enough for Spencer and Ashley to turn fourteen, and they'd been having fun. Bobby was fun to be around and he was always nice to her best friend, something that would always be important._

_She smiled when he suddenly jumped on top of her, pushing her back against the mattress. Lying between her legs, he held her arms behind her head and leaned down to kiss his way from her neck to her mouth, starting off playfully with pecks that developed into much more._

_On her way to surprise Spencer, Ashley made her way up the stairs at a leisurely pace. She was due back tomorrow for the White Nights event at a country estate not far outside of town and had been away visiting her grandparents for the week. Nobody had answered the front door but she knew Spencer was inside, so she went through the back door that was rarely locked, making an exception because she'd been away._

_Her vacation had been nice, exactly what she'd needed. She'd seen family and friends she saw only a few times a year, and she'd called Spencer every day. Her grandparents moved back to Atlanta when Christine had finished high school._

_Ashley opened the bedroom door and opened her mouth to speak when her eyes fell upon Bobby and Spencer making out on the bed. She stood there and a surging wave of pain seemed to take over her chest when she saw the way Bobby was on top of Spencer, her hands moving up his back as she returned his kisses._

_She didn't dislike Bobby, he was a good guy and she'd learned to tolerate him being around, but this was different; seeing them together like this was different and her face was a mixture of confusion and disbelief, felt it tingle coldly._

_Ashley closed the door quietly and stayed on the other side of the door as long as it took her to exhale cautiously and feel the kind of regret that was very much present at the base of her throat and in the pit of her stomach. Not wanting to be caught by anyone, she hurried down the stairs and when she rounded the corner to the front door, a noise from upstairs made her look back, sending her crashing straight into Glen who had just got back home._

_He started and laughed quickly, breathing out a sigh of relief when he saw that it was just Ashley. "You okay?" he asked, holding her arm with one hand on her shoulder._

_Ashley nodded without looking at him. "Yeah. Sorry, Glen."_

_"Hey, wait," Glen said. "Aren't you supposed to be in Atlanta right now?"_

_"Uh, yeah. We decided to leave early. I'll see you later," she said, moving past him to get to the door._

_"You're giving me the impression you don't like talking to me. A man's ego can stay bruised for a long time."_

_Ashley turned and met his eyes this time. "I love talking to you. Just not now."_

_"So, stay," he said with a smirk, ignoring the last sentence. "I've got some pot upstairs. Wanna get high?"_

_She shook her head. "I don't smoke."_

_"Neither do I."_

_"I don't smoke pot either."_

_Glen's eyes narrowed faintly as he took in her body language and the look on her face. "What's wrong?" he asked, growing concerned._

_"Nothing."_

_"You look two seconds away from either murdering someone or bursting into tears."_

_"I'm fine, Glen," Ashley tried to assure him._

_He was persistent. "Do I need to beat someone up for you?"_

_She smiled faintly, grateful of his presence even if she wouldn't have chosen to see him, and shook her head. "I got it."_

_Walking closer, Glen felt compelled to lean down and wrap his arms around her small body, and her gratitude doubled as she sighed out some of her frustration and misery, comfortable with him. When he felt that moment which told him to let go, he did just that._

_"Offer always stands."_

_"Thanks," Ashley said quietly, standing up on her toes to kiss his cheek. "Don't tell Spencer I was here."_

_With a slight frown of confusion, Glen shrugged his shoulders as if agreeing and she left out the front door._

_Back upstairs, Spencer's hands were under Bobby's t-shirt feeling the developing muscles in his back and had her head leaned to the right, allowing access for his mouth to go back to her neck, kissing and sucking lightly. She looked at the clock and frowned that Ashley hadn't called her yet. Usually she'd rang at least an hour ago and then right before she went to bed, and she was always thankful there wasn't a time difference between Ohio and Georgia._

_Her frown deepened when she felt Bobby getting carried away at her neck, and she rubbed his back to get his attention. "Hey, stop it. Not so hard."_

_"Can't I just give you a small one?" Bobby asked, his lips brushing across her neck. "You can give me as many hickeys as you want."_

_Spencer straightened her head. "I don't want to."_

_"Why?"_

_"Tacky, gross, everyone will see them?"_

_"Not if people...care about each other," he disagreed. "Please?"_

_"No."_

_Sensing his disappointment, Spencer pulled him up to kiss him fully on the mouth and he took the opportunity to lengthen their make-out, lying on her left side, his hand roamed when she allowed him to deepen the kiss. They stayed politely at her side, moving up and down, feeling the shape of her body and then dragged his fingers over the soft skin of her side where her top had ridden up._

_It slipped underneath and he kissed her with as much passion as he knew how when he moved up to her breasts._

_Spencer broke the kiss immediately, her hands shooting to his wrist to pull his hand away. She was already blushing. "Don't."_

_"You're beautiful," Bobby insisted. "Don't be embarrassed."_

_She ran her tongue over her swollen lips. "I'm not. I just... Just don't, okay? Not yet."_

_"Why not? We're serious, aren't we? We've been going out for a really long time."_

_Spencer hesitated for a second and then nodded. "I know."_

_Bobby looked at her flushed face, saw her anxious eyes and felt shame. He shook his head. "I don't mean to push you, I'm sorry." Moving off of her, her lay by her side and draped an arm across her stomach. "We can watch a movie or go out, if you want? Some friends are hanging out at the park."_

_She knew they'd just be sat around watching his friends play basketball or soccer and she wasn't in the mood. She also didn't want to miss a phone call in case Ashley rang the house instead of her cell phone._

_"A movie sounds good."_

_Bobby sat up and rubbed her thigh. "Horror or Goonies?" he asked, remembering all the times he'd seen Spencer laughing with Ashley at quotes or imitations of characters._

_"Horror."_

_He didn't want to watch a horror in daylight. "Sure you don't want to watch the Goonies, or maybe listen to music? I got one of The Smiths' CDs in my bag."_

_Spencer nodded. She didn't want to listen to music and wouldn't watch that movie with anyone but Ashley. She missed her more now than she had all week. Looking away from her boyfriend, she ran a hand through her hair, wondering who or what was keeping Ashley from calling her._

_As they waited for the movie to start, Bobby picked up his jacket from the floor and brought out a Ringpop. He asked for her hand and pulled her in a sitting-up position. "I know it's kind of ten-years-old but I always wanted to give one to the first girl I really, really cared about and I think you're awesome, Spencer."_

_Spencer looked at the strawberry Ringpop being held out to her and bit her lip, hesitating. She tucked her blonde hair behind her ears, glancing over to Ashley's balcony. "Bobby, that's...that's really sweet." She leaned forward to kiss his cheek. "But I can't accept it."_

_"I'm not asking you to marry me," he said with a teasing smile._

_"No, I know. It's just...kind of a thing."_

_"It's just a Ringpop. What's the big deal?"_

_"Don't get mad," she pleaded with her hand on his leg. "Give it to your mom or your little sister."_

_He shook his head. "Forget it, it was stupid."_

_"No, it was sweet," Spencer insisted sincerely. "It's just one of mine and Ashley's things. We've been buying each other Ringpops since we were, like, seven. It's just strange someone else giving them to me, even if it is my boyfriend. I'm sorry."_

_"You still do?"_

_She smiled remembering the last one she'd given Ashley before the brunette left for her trip to visit family. "Yeah."_

_"Huh."_

_"What?"_

_"Nothing." He continued when her look prompted him to. "I'm not saying this to pressure you or to be an ass, but we've been dating ten months and you're still not comfortable with me touching you. You won't let me give you candy, let alone a hickey." Bobby shrugged. "You spend a lot of time with Ashley, Spence. You're moody half the time she's away."_

_Spencer frowned. "So? She's my best friend, I miss her."_

_"She hates me, gets her panties in a twist when our plans conflict with something she had planned with you."_

_"She doesn't hate you, Bobby. And as far as 'getting her panties in a twist', she's been nothing but supportive of you for months, so don't play that card. Its void."_

_"She gives me looks," he said, thinking to all the times he'd caught Ashley just looking at him, an undecipherable look in her eyes._

_Spencer shrugged. "She has eyes."_

_Bobby shook his head. "No, I mean, looks like...I don't know, but it's weird. I know you're tight but maybe a little too tight?"_

_She began to smile, unamused. "Unless you want a fight, I think you should just drop the Ashley-talk for today."_

_He sighed, getting annoyed. "I didn't want a fight, I wanted to give you this to say I care about you," he said, tossing the Ringpop to the bed. "Forget it."_

_"I care about you, too," she said with sincerity. "I'm sorry."_

_Bobby's frustration left him through a sigh and he looked at her fondly. "I really care about you. I've wanted to tell you for ages."_

_She smiled at the look in his eyes until it changed, developed into something more, something deeper, and it began to fade, fear coursing through her._

_He reached up to brush a fallen lock of hair behind her ear. "Spence, I—"_

_The bedroom door burst open all of a sudden and Bobby flew backwards off the bed._

_Glen glared heatedly. "Why was this door closed, asshole?"_

_"I...uh, it...I don't know? We were just talking!"_

_"Yeah, right. Get out." He stepped to the side. "Say goodbye, Spencer."_

_She looked at Bobby getting up from the floor and pick up his bag and jacket. "See you later, Bobby," she said regretfully, full of guilt._

_He gave her a nod. "I'll call you later."_

_"Okay," she responded quietly as his eyes hardened towards her brother on his way out of her room._

_Glen watched him walk all the way downstairs and waited for the sound of the front door being closed to turn to his younger sister. He raised his brows. "What was that?"_

_"Nothing," she snapped. "Go away."_

_"If I find that door closed when he's over again, I'll kick his ass, and then I'll kick yours for being so stupid. Understand?"_

_Her laugh was mocking. "Whatever, Glen." She shook her head. "You know, he is my boyfriend, and if you spent longer than a minute with him, you'd know he's a really good guy."_

_"And I'm sure you're so in love with him," he mocked in return. "But I don't care. You're fourteen; you're ridiculous right now and I don't trust you not to do something you'll eventually regret."_

_Spencer reflected both anger and sadness. "And you're so much older and wiser?"_

_"A little, and I love you, so you're going to get over the little bitch-fit I'm sure is bubbling under the surface and come downstairs with me. We'll close the curtains and watch Psycho."_

_That word; love, Bobby had almost said it and it made her insides twist in ways that felt wrong and foreign. She still wasn't looking Glen in the eyes and a frown creased the smooth skin between her eyebrows. Her head dropped and she wrung her hands and gritted her teeth._

_"Spence?" Glen prompted._

_Spencer shook her head. "I'm not," she said quietly, miserably._

_"Not what?" he asked as he sat next to her._

_"Have you ever been in love?"_

_Glen smiled, embarrassed. "Nah."_

_"If you were, how do you think you'd feel?"_

_He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know."_

_"Think about it," she pressed._

_Glen rolled his eyes at her sudden interest on how he'd feel but focused on a spot, seeing something else as he thought of everything he imagined love to be. "If I was in love with someone, I dunno, I think I'd have a smile on my face eighty percent of the time and a frown the other twenty because she'd be addictive and fun and crazy, but she'd drive me insane too. I'd always want to be around her and make her laugh, do things that would make me lose man-points just because she asked, miss her when she wasn't around, smile sometimes if I just thought about her. I'd love holding her hand and touching her, hugging her." Snapping out of a trance, Glen looked mortified and cleared his throat. "I guess, anyway."_

_Spencer was smiling softly at his expense._

_"That's how you are with Bobby, right?" he asked._

_She shook her head. "Uh...getting there."_

_He slapped her leg. "That fills me with joy," was his sarcastic response as he got up from the bed. "Hurry down."_

_/_

_Two hours later when Glen had let slip that Ashley was back, leaving out the fact she'd left their house upset, Spencer had rushed next door and ran up to Ashley who was in the kitchen, throwing her arms around her for a long, tight hug with an 'I missed you so much' shrieked loudly in her ear._

_They'd caught up and Spencer had barely stopped touching her, engrossed in every story of what Ashley had been up to over the past week, smiling and laughing at the parts she found hilarious._

_"I like your hair," she said, playing with Ashley's hair._

_Ashley had gotten it cut the day before for the White Night event later on. She wanted to look nice and felt like a change. It was a little bit shorter, full of layers and different tones of brown. "Yeah?"_

_Spencer nodded sincerely, her face lighter as she looked at her._

_Ashley ran her tongue over her lips, debating her next question, and leaned to the side for her bottle of water when she decided to just go ahead and ask, "So, how's Bobby?"_

_"He's okay."_

_"Have you seen him today?"_

_Spencer shook her head. "No, not yet." Ashley just looked at her and she decided to share, "We kind of had a fight and he left...at a weird time."_

_"When?"_

_"Yesterday. He bought me a Ringpop and it just...felt weird."_

_Ashley wasn't surprised of the lie but she didn't exactly like it, either. "How come?"_

_"I don't know."_

_"Yeah, you do."_

_Spencer sighed. "It just felt weird. That's our thing and I didn't want you to find out and stop buying them for me," she admitted with a slight smirk that betrayed her fear._

_Ashley smiled softly. "I wouldn't stop," she assured her. "I'd just buy you two."_

_Spencer returned her smile and raised up on her knees, leaning into her for another hug that pushed them down against the couch. "I really did miss you."_

_/_

_They spent the rest of the afternoon walking around town and went inside the closest convenience store to buy Ringpops. When she was waiting for Spencer by the door she noticed the cashier looking at Spencer strangely; the way an older man in his late fifties shouldn't be looking at a teenage girl._

_Spencer noticed it too and raised both of her brows expectantly. "Yeah?"_

_He held her change in his hand. "Here's your change," he said, handing it over, except for a penny. "Stay right there."_

_The penny was thrown to her chest, aimed for the slight cleavage unintentionally on show, and she became uncomfortable quickly. "Ass," she mumbled, crouching down to pick up the fallen change._

_Her hand bumped against Ashley's and she stood up to watch the brunette fling the penny back at him, hitting off one of his front teeth, and smiled when his smirk was replaced with a loud cry of pain, his hand clasping over his mouth._

_"You're fucking disgusting," Ashley told him bluntly, blindly reaching for Spencer's hand before they left the store._

_/_

_Spencer was applying the finishing touches to her hair and turned her back to her father who had just walked into the living room. "Can you help me?"_

_Arthur smiled and obliged graciously, pulling up the stubborn zip. "You look beautiful, honey."_

_She smiled widely and turned around, kissing his cheek. "You look beautiful too," she said lightly, looking at the trace of lipstick on his lips. "Bit too heavy on the lipstick, though."_

_He wiped at his mouth quickly and had the decency to look sheepish when Paula came up behind him with a knowing smirk, wearing the same shade._

_"Glen, hurry up!" Paula shouted to her son. "We don't want to be late!"_

_They were on their way to the White Night event at the country mansion, thanks to Paula's raise in annual bonus that resulted in them being able to afford tickets. It was a large bonus, so she was treating the Davies' as well. It was going to be a classy evening of black-tie for men and white dress for women, gazebos, alcohol for those of legal age, and a three-course meal. There was also a tour of the early nineteenth-century manor and the presence of an orchestra._

_Spencer sprayed perfume and tossed it to the sofa instead of taking it back upstairs. She checked herself in the mirror, adjusted a lock of her hair and checked her teeth. "I'm going to get Ash," she said. "Meet you by the car."_

_She entered through their back door and smiled when she saw Raife's white hair gelled back. He looked almost handsome. "You look nice," she said._

_Raife turned to her and then stepped back in awe at her appearance. "Wow."_

_"Shut up."_

_He was amused at her embarrassment and finished tying his tie. "Ash is still getting ready."_

_She saw Christine on the way upstairs and told her she looked great. When she got to Ashley's room she knocked politely and opened the door a fraction. "It's just me," she said before she opened it any further._

_When Spencer saw Ashley sitting at her dresser applying the blush to her cheeks, careful not to spill any on her dress, she stopped and she looked, and that's all she could really do; dimly aware of the violent beating of her heart._

_Once she had finished, Ashley glanced up and saw her gazing at her, transfixed. She spun around in her seat and rested her hands in her lap, looking back at the blonde and her eyes slowly raked up and down her body. She swallowed and bit her lip. "Wow. Someone looks beautiful," she said playfully._

_Spencer met her eyes and smiled. "Yeah, you."_

_"Because of this?" She gestured to her dress. "Just something I threw on," Ashley teased, receiving a wider smile for her troubles. She stood and turned around. "Help me with the zipper? It's stuck halfway."_

_Spencer nodded unnecessarily to Ashley's turned back and walked over to her, curling her fingers underneath her hair and swept it towards the right shoulder, her fingers skimming against soft skin in the process. The action was needless; with Ashley's head dipped down, her hair had moved out of way, enough so that Spencer could pull the zipper up without her hair getting caught or in the way._

_Christine shouting Ashley to hurry up caused each of them to take a deep breath of preparation. Lots of snobs were going to be at the manor and they were only going because they knew Paula wanted them to, with the added fact she'd paid close to four-hundred dollars a ticket._

_"If the food sucks, can we stop at Wendy's on the way home and buy two of everything?"_

_Spencer nodded and held out her hand. "Shall we go?"_

_Ashley smiled and reached forward to hold it, following the blonde from her room._

_The car finally rolled to a stop at the end of the seemingly never-ending driveway, another car right behind. Ashley got out and side-stepped the valet, looking around in wonder at the architecture and size of the building in front of her._

_Head craned upward to the roof, she still knew the precise moment to open her hand and extend it sideways for it to be taken._

_Spencer followed Ashley's line of sight. "This place is amazing," she said admiringly._

_"How many ghosts do you think are lurking?"_

_"In a building like this? At least five."_

_They shared a peanut butter cup on the way inside and toured the manor with the group they'd all arrived with, exploring rooms together, marvelling over the interior decorating; its detail and beauty. The rugs, ironwork, stained glass, woodwork, and chandeliers all got positive comments and more than one look._

_"This place is kinda musty," Ashley commented, receiving a warning glance from her mother across the large room and smile from her father. She turned to Spencer with a smirk. "Let's find our own way around."_

_"We'll get lost."_

_"No, we won't. There are only __sixty-five rooms in this place, Spencer."_

_She looked down to the guide and smiled. "Sixty-five rooms, eighteen of which are bedrooms; five guest bedrooms, five family bedrooms, eight servants bedrooms, and two sleeping porches, a dormitory and__ a nursery. Twenty-three bathrooms and two-hundred-and-seventy-three doors in total with twenty sets of french doors." She leaned her head to the side. "Still want to wander off?"_

_Ashley gave her a quizzical look and then tugged her closer without warning. "Yes!" she screamed, not noticing looks from everyone around to perhaps quieten down a little bit. "Let's see if we have any__ sense of direction."_

_"If we run into a dead servant, I will blame you."_

_"I know."_

_Spencer followed her out of the room. "And I won't protect you."_

_"Okay," Ashley replied easily, knowing she would. The corner of her lips curved upward when she heard her mother and Paula shout for them not to go far and not to break anything._

_"I'll hold a grudge long after I'm dead if it kills me."_

_"All right."_

_Spencer held Ashley's hand as they ascended the grand staircase leading to the second floor and moved aside as various people were either walking up or down the stairs next to her. "I'll tell it where you live."_

_"You live right next door," Ashley pointed out._

_"Then it can have your phone number."_

_"Fine by me."_

_Spencer finally smiled and they entered the first door they came to; Irene's bedroom. "Just us, Irene," she announced._

_"You think Irene's dead?"_

_"No, I think she loves hundreds of people viewing her nineteen-twenty bedroom with every item perfectly in place."_

_Ashley made a face of displeasure when she saw the collection of dolls on display and looked around and admired the fireplace in the focal wall. The room was huge; bigger than the entire second floor of her house and she'd be jealous if not for the dolls freaking her out and the weird smell that was in every room._

_She turned around to see what Spencer was doing and jumped when a doll was directly in front of her face. "Hilarious."_

_Spencer laughed at her expense and pushed the china doll into Ashley's face, making it give her a kiss on the lips. "She loves you."_

_Ashley pushed it away. "Well, it's not mutual."_

_"Take her home."_

_"Then Irene really would __haunt me." She made a face. "I can't believe you just told me to steal some dead kid's doll."_

_Spencer's face fell in realisation and she bit her lip. "Oops?" Putting the doll back exactly as she'd found it, she whispered, "Sorry, Irene."_

_They made their way through the house and were extremely impressed and in awe on more than one occasion. One of the last rooms they explored was the butler's pantry._

_"Oh, you beauties," Ashley blurted out, practically gliding across the tiled floor to the counter where she pulled a lid off a jar and grabbed a large handful of jelly beans._

_"Don't eat those!"_

_"Why not?" she asked as she shovelled them into her wide-open mouth, starving._

_"How long do you think they've been there; months or years?"_

_Ashley chewed vigorously. "Taste fine to me," she mumbled out, trying not to spit everywhere. She had some __decorum. "Want some?"_

_"No."_

_Pinching her fingers together inside the jar, the brunette pulled out three jelly beans and made her way over to Spencer, putting them in her mouth. "I won't tell if you don't."_

_There was an impressive castle made out of sugar cubes and Ashley stole one from one of the top towers, popping it into her mouth._

_When a boy not much older than them entered the room and saw her picking apart a sugar cube castle, he stuck his hands in his pocket and smirked. "Yeah, I think that's called stealing."_

_Ashley choked in surprise and whirled around to face him. He was blonde, tall and well-built, the kind of dark blue eyes she always liked to look at. She'd seen him upstairs in three different rooms. "Yeah, and I think this is called stalking."_

_He laughed. "Seriously, that probably took forever and you're halfway through a tower in two seconds."_

_Ashley shrugged, unmoved. "And the tickets cost close to four-hundred dollars. If I feel like a sugar cube, I'm going to have one. It's the least they could provide."_

_Spencer looked between them both and then her phone went off, alerting her to a new text message and she read it without waiting, reaching into her purse she pulled out her phone and saw it was from Bobby. He apologised for earlier and said he missed her. It was a sudden comfort to her._

_Looking away from the guy over the room, Ashley glanced across the table and saw Spencer smiling down at her phone. She knew who would be texting her and felt a familiar sensation in her chest before she looked away._

_"So, you got a name?" he asked her._

_"Have you?"_

_"I'm Cole. It's nice to meet you. Klepto, is it?"_

_Ashley smiled faintly when he walked closer, and took the hand that was extended to her. "I'm Claire."_

_"Really?" Cole asked. "You don't look like a Claire."_

_"It's a family name," she cited._

_It went right over his head and he barely took his eyes off her, forgetting to say hello to the other occupant of the room. "Are you here with anyone?"_

_"Yeah, actually." She gestured to the blonde. "Best friend. My parents and her family are floating around somewhere, too."_

_With that title, Cole knew from previous experience it was best to address the other girl properly, and sent a smile in her direction. "Hey, I'm Cole."_

_Spencer sent another message to Bobby telling him it was all right to call her, and looked up to Cole. He was a few inches taller than Bobby from what she could tell. He had to be a year or so older than them both, but not any more than that. "Hi," she replied. "I'm Spencer." Her wrist casually waved her cell phone around and looked to the brunette. "Bobby's calling in a minute, so I'm going to find somewhere quiet to talk."_

_Ashley glanced to the clock. "We're going to be seated for dinner in five minutes."_

_"Yeah, I know. I just want to hear his voice." Spencer's face was unreadable as she watched Ashley move closer to Cole._

_"Okay."_

_"See you at dinner, Claire," she said on her way out._

_The food served for their late dinner was mostly bearable but Ashley thought the caterers understood they were feeding people, not budgies. She even had to pass along the four mushrooms on her plate to Spencer because she imagined they were what slugs felt like in one's mouth._

_Once she was finished, she'd looked to the blonde across the table seated in front of her and had nodded towards Paula's drink for the olive inside. Once the toothpick and olive had been passed over, she'd pulled it off the pick with her teeth and chewed._

_It was the first and last time she'd ever eat an olive; and claimed it was by far the worst thing she'd ever put in her mouth._

_The large slice of chocolate walnut cake was very much welcomed and she managed to eat politely, even looking up to the other side of the lawn and spotting Cole on two occasions._

_And now she was with Spencer, dancing beside husbands and wives, just having fun. With one hand raised and clasped gently and the other at her waist, she moved them to the music playing —Mendelssohn_

_"We look stupid," Spencer said. "We don't know how to dance to this kind of music."_

_Looking to see how other people were dancing, Ashley continued to copy them. "You can't dance 'wrong'. It's a form of expression; you can't do it wrong."_

_"But we look stupid?"_

_She laughed. "Yeah."_

_Spencer smiled and looked over Ashley's shoulder to Cole who had yet to perfect the art of subtlety and was rather obviously trying to find the precise moment Ashley would turn around and see him._

_"You have an admirer," Spencer said, adjusting their hands in order to hold tighter._

_"Old?"_

_"Older but not old. It's Cole."_

_Ashley smiled. "He's sixteen," she shared. "He was nice."_

_"You barely spoke for five minutes."_

_"He seemed nice, then."_

_"How old did you say you were?"_

_"Fifteen."_

_Spencer kept her eyes locked with Ashley's as they moved around on the dance floor. "Why do you do that?"_

_Ashley tightened her hold of the blonde's waist, pulling her closer. "I don't know. It's fun, and you usually at least smile when I do it."_

_"You should just be honest, Ash."_

_She laughed once, quiet and filled with disbelief. It wasn't a very good time for her to talk about honesty. "And you know all about that?"_

_Spencer frowned. "I'm not the one lying about my age and name."_

_Ashley shrugged and spun her around, waiting until she pulled her back to say, "No, you just lie about how often you see Bobby."_

_"When have I ever lied about that?"_

_"This afternoon. I got home a couple of hours before you saw me. I thought I'd surprise you but it turned out you were...occupied," she settled on._

_Spencer's face fell and she looked away to the married couples for a second to escape the accusatory look she was being given. "He's my boyfriend," she said timidly, an attempt to slow her heart that was beating faster with shame, like she'd been caught doing something wrong._

_Ashley's brief frown of anger was joined by a forlorn expression and she was unsure which emotion had triumphed because she still felt them both swirling around inside, battling for supremacy. "Why do you have to declare it all the time? I_

_"I just didn't want to talk about him. Things got...weird earlier."_

_"Yeah, 'cause of that stupid Ringpop."_

_Spencer shook her head and tried not to bump into anyone as they continued to dance, albeit a little slower than before. "No. He almost... He—"_

_"Did he try something?" Ashley's tone sharpened considerably and she pulled away to find Glen._

_"No!" Spencer hissed, quietly enough not to attract unwanted attention but loud enough to gain the brunette's. She pulled her back against her; hand on the curve of her back. "He almost said he loved me."_

_Ashley stumbled slightly over her own feet but her face remained completely neutral. She eventually nodded slowly like she had been expecting it, but she hadn't been. Ashley didn't think Spencer would ever tell her if Bobby said something like that to her, even if she had made a conscious effort to be a little bit nicer to him for the better part of nine months. Suddenly she appreciated the white lie from earlier on._

_"Oh." Then the detachment began to be replaced with genuine shock and she stopped moving. "Wow."_

_It was strange for Spencer to see her like that and she started to feel like she did the year before when she'd found Ashley sitting by the river; powerless but desperate for her not to be affected by anything that transpired between her and Bobby. That's why she'd lied to her when Ashley asked about him; to avoid hurting her and the painful lurch inside her own chest._

_She squeezed Ashley's hand. "I didn't say it back. He didn't even finish saying it... Glen burst through the door."_

_"Why not? You should." She was trying to do what she'd promised and also remember the one Spencer had made last year._

_"What?"_

_"Say it back," Ashley said, stronger this time. Spencer was looking at her with a pained expression, so she said, "I thought you would have said it a long time ago. If you feel it, you should say it."_

_"Why are you saying this?"_

_"Because he's your boyfriend, remember?" Her voice had taken on a much harder edge._

_"So?"_

_"So, tell him how much you can't live without him and how the sun rises and sets with him."_

_Spencer was hurt now, by her. "You don't have to be like this. God, you should happy for me, not mad at__me."_

_"Move, I'll do a jig."_

_Spencer smiled derisively and shook her head, pulling away from her. "Forget it. I try to open up to you but all you do is snap and talk to me like crap."_

_Ashley shrugged indifferently. "Go away, then. Find a quiet corner and cry to your boyfriend about how much of a bitch I am. Let him make everything better."_

_"I did that earlier," was her response, shouted over her shoulder as she stormed off._

_Watching her get further away, Ashley clenched her teeth and frowned, eyes casting downward in misery._

_A fortnight ago when she'd gone over to Spencer's house and found her crying in her bedroom. Their eyes had locked and she didn't give herself any reasons not to, didn't even think about it before her eyes drifted shut and she leaned forward to deliver a soft, prolonged kiss of comfort that didn't develop further but brought forward a heightened sense of longing that she'd never felt before. They'd kissed twice and when it was over and Spencer leaned against her on the bed and she had her arm around the blonde's shoulders, she felt different._

_A few days later she'd told Spencer she was going away at the weekend because her mom wanted to see her parents. She'd lied. She was the one who needed to get away for a little while, yearned for things to be simpler and to be rid of the conflicting feelings and emotions that were always very much present when she was at home, so she'd begged her parents; pleaded with them for hours to alter work schedules for her._

_And it was all for nothing._

_"What are you doing?" she whispered to herself._

_"Talking to yourself?" Cole asked from beside her._

_"Desperate times..." Ashley said, turning to him. She wasn't surprised by his unexpected appearance._

_"Where'd your friend go?"_

_"I don't know."_

_Cole strained to hear her and then noticed she was upset. "Are you okay?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"You're crying," he informed her gently._

_Ashley cursed inwardly and wiped her eyes dry. "I'm fine."_

_He was noticing a pattern that he could never leave a pretty girl upset and held his hand out to her. "Wanna take a walk?"_

_She hesitated for only a second and then looked to the large conservatory down the garden away from everyone. She took his hand and led them towards it._

_Once they were inside the greenhouse, she grabbed his hand that was reaching to put a light on and continued to walk further inside, deeper into the darkness so they wouldn't be caught or seen by anyone else._

_"Are you seeing anyone?" she asked._

_"No."_

_"Have you sneezed today?"_

_Cole looked at her, brows raised. He decided to answer, anyway. "No."_

_Ashley walked into him, guiding him back against a wooden counter without knocking anything off. "Can I kiss you?"_

_He smiled. "We just met..."_

_"Is that a no?"_

_It wasn't. He leaned down to her and softly captured her lips, hands resting on her hips._

_Ashley had briefly dated other boys since Steve the year before and enjoyed the company of some, but holding their hands and kissing them had always been sort of lacklustre for her. The boys she dated were always her own age, so Cole had to be different; older, more experienced._

_It didn't take long for their kiss to become heated and he kissed much better than the younger boys she'd kissed. Ashley raised up on her toes and held his head, pushing into his firm body and felt his tongue against her lips. She granted him access and let him explore her mouth, hands doing the same to her body._

_It was almost a minute later when his hand covered her breast she grabbed his wrist instantly and pulled it away, breaking their kiss. She was breathing hard, just like Cole but not quite as dramatic with the gasps. "Don't."_

_"Sorry," he panted._

_Ashley's misery had increased tenfold since she was on the dance floor outside. "It's not working," she sighed._

_"What's not working?"_

_She tried again and pushed back into him, not wasting time in making her kiss become deep and wet, and after a while she didn't care that he'd started to grow hard against her; she just kissed him again and again._

_Ashley pulled away abruptly. "Fuck!" she yelled, growing increasingly upset. Her voice became quiet. "It's not the same."_

_Cole blinked to clear his blurred vision, breaths heavy again. "Whoa."_

_She looked at him with regret. "I'm sorry," she said, and then she left._

_/_

_At one minute to midnight, the moon was full and bright and it reflected off the water in front of her. Ashley didn't have a pile of rocks to throw in the river this time. She didn't care to do anything other than sit quietly on the old dock in her white dress with no concern for the way it was getting dirty._

_She inhaled unevenly, eyes blankly staring at the water as fresh moisture streaked down on her face adding to the ones that had almost dried and felt thick against her skin._

_It wasn't like a violent storm raging inside her body, it never had been. It was something that had lay just beneath the surface for as long as she could remember; only now she wasn't naive enough to pass it off as something else. And it grew; slowly building to the point where she didn't know what to do or how to act. There was a constant feeling inside that she needed to scream, but she couldn't, so it continued to worsen and now she felt like she was suffocating. It was in her stomach and in her throat, and even her limbs, weighing her down._

_It made her feel alone._

_Fireworks exploded at the manor not far away and she saw them from the other side of the river, heard them popping in the sky, painting it different colours for short seconds, and then her eyes fell closed._

_She knew she was jealous of Bobby for other reasons than most friends were jealous, knew there had started to be a brief but tangible feeling of excitement whenever she saw Spencer crying and knew she would be allowed —and expected— to kiss her and make it better, and hated herself for it. There had been more than several occasions where she'd sat and thought about Spencer in ways she shouldn't, wanted her in ways she shouldn't._

_Ashley told herself she'd try harder, that she could do it, and she slowly began to feel marginally lighter. Then her phone went off again. It had been the third time and she hadn't bothered to get her phone from her purse. She knew who it would be. However, if she let it go unanswered many more times, there'd be a good chance it would be her father._

_Three messages were all from Spencer; asking where she was, that she was sorry for earlier, and tell her where she was or she'd call Sheriff Pete herself and Ashley knew how that would end._

_Ashley sent one back saying she was fine and she'd be back soon._

_The reply simply read: tell me where you are._

_She had no choice._

_/_

_When Spencer found her, before she stepped onto the dock, she looked at her and sighed quietly, partly in relief and partly because someone as confident and fearless as Ashley suddenly looked incredibly fragile._

_She approached carefully and kneeled down without a word, slipping her warm hand into Ashley's cold one and brought it to rest on her lap._

_"I'm sorry," she apologised quietly._

_"Don't be." Ashley disagreed. "It was me. I'm sorry."_

_"I won't talk about him anymore."_

_"You shouldn't have to do that, Spencer. He is your boyfriend," she said softly._

_"I don't want to see you upset because of it. This is the last time Bobby is part of our conversations."_

_This time Ashley just shook her head. Not taking about him wouldn't change anything for her. It wasn't a solution. "It's not Bobby, and it's not you. It's me. There's something wrong with me."_

_Spencer could feel a sinking sensation in her stomach that seemed to pull her entire body down. "Look at me," she requested. "Ash," she prompted again when the brunette failed to._

_Ashley had never been able to ignore anything Spencer asked of her, no matter what it was, and she turned to face her. She knew she didn't look good, knew something was written all over her face for Spencer to see. It was harder looking into her eyes now. Guilt mounted inside her; especially when she could see Spencer was affected by seeing her so upset._

_"There's nothing wrong with you."_

_Letting go of her hand, Spencer reached to Ashley's hair, moving an errant lock away from her face before she held it, brushed her thumb across her cheek and her eyes drifted shut as she leaned in to kiss her._

_Ashley's brows were furrowed painfully and she couldn't help but close her eyes too. Their lips hadn't even touched yet and she was shuddering. "Please don't," she whispered regretfully._

_Spencer's lips instead moved to her cheek; just resting as she hung her head and ignored the twinge of pain in her knees from kneeling against the wood. Spencer kissed Ashley's cheek; followed by a delicate kiss to her forehead and wrapped her arms around her, holding tighter when she felt Ashley begin to cry._


	15. Voiceless Desire

_Ashley kept her distance after that; had days where she'd barely manage to even look Spencer in the eyes, let alone hold her hand. Never meaning to appear distant and cold and hating the look of confusion that marred the blonde's face when she'd decline offers to spend time together and postpone to another time, she made up for it by having days where she could barely stop touching her, would always be looking at her, do anything she wanted her to do without putting it off first._

Spencer made it difficult for Ashley to put her full effort in staying away from her until she could cope with feelings she didn't fully understand yet and wasn't ready to accept. It was in the way she would catch Spencer looking at her sometimes and the way Spencer was always the one who initiated contact in the first place. It was in the way she'd never really known how to be away from Spencer Carlin.

The past few months had dragged on, been painful at times and exciting during others.

They'd both celebrated another birthday three days apart—Ashley was the older of the two— and every time Spencer had been visibly upset over something with tears to match, she had forced herself not to kiss her. It was difficult every time Spencer had looked like she expected her to and didn't understand when she wouldn't.

It just wasn't fair on either of them. Part of Ashley felt like she would be taking advantage of her, and she never wanted to do that.

Ashley was at the skate park, spending her afternoon with some friends from school. She still had a flower tucked inside a button hole of her jacket that Spencer had randomly just given to her a few hours prior, didn't even give an explanation for why or the occasion. Ashley wondered if there even was _one._

###

Spencer was miserable. School had recently lost its meaning to her, Ashley was being distant and cold and wouldn't tell her what was the matter, if she'd done something wrong, and it had been three months since Bobby finally found the courage to tell her—properly, without interruptions— that he was in love with her. Spencer hadn't said it back and so far he'd remained ever patient and told her that she didn't have to say it back just because he'd said it.

It didn't make much difference to her.

She loved Bobby. He was almost perfect in looks and personality but every time he reassured her that she didn't have to tell him she loved him just because he'd said it, it always felt like she was being trapped somehow. She loved him the way she loved her other male friends from school, and it made her hate herself that she couldn't be honest and tell him that.

It made it worse when her mother would make a comment of how much she adored Bobby, said how good he was for her.

Spencer was confused, miserable and uncomfortable, and recently she'd spent plenty of nights awake until the early hours of the morning to find a reason or a solution. She was never successful.

The times she'd gone to Ashley during the night for comfort and the assurance that nothing had changed; that things were still as simple as they'd always been, she came away without it, came away thinking something was wrong with her because her best friend wouldn't kiss her like they used to anymore. It had never been a regular occurrence, kissing her, but without it, it was noticeable. Ashley would simply tell her to get into bed and hold her like they'd always held each other. It was nice, but it was no kiss.

Bobby was on top of her now and he'd gotten taller recently, filled out more, and Spencer was painfully aware of the way he kissed her with both tenderness and urgency, hands wandering to places he knew she wouldn't move them away from.

They'd been kissing for almost thirty minutes and Spencer closed her eyes tighter, pushed back the feeling that flared up inside whenever his erection would press against her; the one that made her want to pull away and tell him to stop. But she didn't. She kissed him back and when his lips went to work on her neck, she bit her lip and put a hand to her head, conflicted.

"God, I love you," Bobby murmured against her skin.

Spencer knew. She could feel _the extent of his affection against her and she wanted her body to react to him in return, but it didn't happen. It never did._

His large body was still pressing her down into the mattress and her stomach was squirming with the need to ask him to slow down, words getting trapped in her throat every time she went to say it, every time he ground down against her. It was making her panic.

Bobby kissed Spencer again and didn't notice the way she wavered for that split second before she kissed him back, nor the way her kisses had lost enthusiasm. He didn't notice until his third attempt to deepen the kiss was refused and Spencer turned her head away. Bobby looked down to her and froze when he saw that she was crying.

Guilt and nausea rose within and he pulled away quickly. "Fuck, I'm sorry."

Spencer shook her head, dismissing that it was his fault. It wasn't. It was hers. When she felt him carefully wipe her tears away, she tried harder to keep them at bay. It just made her cry more.

"I'm so sorry. I swear I didn't mean to..." Bobby continued shortly after.

Spencer caught sight of him looking so dejected and ashamed of himself and her quiet sob was pained, her curse silent. She wiped her face and shook her head again; tugging him closer like nothing had happened.

Bobby allowed himself to be pulled close but made no move to kiss her. He didn't know what to do until her hands guided his face closer to hers. Pulling away, Bobby frowned in frustration. "Spencer, don't."

She hadn't stopped crying.

"Just kiss me." Spencer's request was desperate and she moved, turning to her side to get closer to him. "You can do anything you want."

"No." His tone was firm. "Fuck, Spencer. You're making me feel like I'm raping you."

"You're not," she was adamant. Spencer sat up and sighed in frustration—solely at her and her actions. "I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me," she confessed glumly, rubbing her hands over her eyes to dry them again, to hide her face from him for scant seconds.

He was quiet for a long time. "You don't want me here, do you?"

"I don't not _want you to be here."_

"But you don't love me." He looked down to her eyes when he said it. "You're still not comfortable with me."

A weight lifted off her shoulders and she sighed. She didn't know if it was in relief or regret or a mixture of both, but a new weight sat heavily upon her shoulders now and she bit her lip. "I do love you."

Bobby felt pain inside his chest that he would later recognise as his first heartbreak. Even if he'd seen and felt it building to this moment for a long time, it didn't make it hurt any less. His eyebrows creased painfully and he exhaled with caution at her reluctant, quiet tone. He knew the answer to his question. "Are you in love with me?"

He sounded upset and Spencer hated herself for hurting him. She turned and looked him in the eyes, held his hand. "I want to be. If you just give me more time... You said it was okay that—"

"No." Bobby stopped her. "I lied. If you're not in love with me now, you never will be, Spence."

Spencer didn't protest. She couldn't. Her hands didn't reach back for him when he got up from the bed. She did ask, "Where are you going?"

He shrugged. "I don't know."

Spencer wrung her hands and looked down to her lap. "Are you coming back?"

"No," he said. "I meant it every time I said it, but I can't be with someone who doesn't want me. You understand, right?"

She looked up and nodded. "I'm sorry." There were long seconds where she just looked at him, remembered some of the times they'd had together. "It feels sudden."

Bobby didn't say anything. He agreed and, at the same time, he didn't.

Spencer wanted to tell him that she hoped they could be friends and he was a good person to be around, that she wanted him in her life, just not as he had been. But she didn't, and later she would be glad of her decision not to. It seemed like words she wanted to say to him always got buried underneath good intentions gone wrong.

And then Bobby was gone.

###

The grey clouds that had loomed above for the past day and a half finally darkened and rain fell across the town soaking anyone who dared to be outside. Ashley found shelter underneath a covered bridge and she sat directly in the middle, leaning against the sides while she waited for Spencer who had asked to meet her halfway between their street and the skate park.

She pulled her sleeves down to cover her hands and stubbornly stiffened her shoulders to fight off a shiver from the cold wind she could still feel despite her location.

When Spencer eventually came into sight, drenched, Ashley smiled without effort.

"It's raining," Spencer announced through a tremor. She sat next to the brunette, leaving no space between them, and linked arms instantly. "I forgot my jacket."

Ashley wasn't surprised; Spencer rarely remembered one. "It's raining?" she asked, sounding very serious, like it was breaking news.

"Yeah, it is," Spencer replied, moving her head away a fraction before she swung her head to the side, flicking her dripping wet hair into Ashley's face.

It earned her a laugh and a playful slap. "So, what's up?"

"Something has to be up for me to want to spend time with you?"

"Well, I thought something had to be because you couldn't wait an hour till I was due home... Sorry, my bad."

"I just missed you," Spencer admitted.

Ashley didn't protest when her hand was taken and cold, wet fingers slid through hers. "I thought you were with Bobby this afternoon?"

"I was. Still missed you."

Ashley smiled. "This one guy went to do some trick and he fell off his board. Blood was everywhere. It made me think of you. You would've been impressed."

Spencer nodded along. "I would have been."

"Are you okay?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Spencer's face was miserable and she rested her head against Ashley's shoulder. "I'm cold, rain soaked through my clothes and I'm wearing a blue bra that runs when it's wet."

"Your bra runs?"

Her eyes brightened for a second. "The colour runs. My boobs will be blue by now."

Ashley snorted in amusement. "Huh."

"And I miss you," Spencer said through a sigh.

"I'm right next to you and your hair is soaking through my jacket. What's there to miss?" she asked with sensitivity.

"Everything."

"Spence?"

"You're acting different."

Ashley frowned. "I'm not."

"Yeah, you are. The past few months, there have been days when you've acted as if you don't even know me."

It deepened and she let go of Spencer's hand and straightened her arm out, resting it on her extended leg that was resting against her own. She rubbed it in comfort. "Hey, don't even say that. I could never act like that."

Spencer looked up to her, waiting for Ashley to turn and look down before she said, "Then, why do I feel so lonely?" Ashley opened her mouth but struggled for a reply, so she added on, "I know it sounds stupid, but I do. You're hurting me."

"I'm sorry," Ashley said in earnest and kissed her damp forehead.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing. I'm just...I don't know. I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to say sorry, Ash. I want you to talk to me. If something is wrong, I can help. I want to."

"It's nothing," Ashley asserted.

"Nothing you want to share with me, you mean," Spencer corrected.

"It's not like that."

"I think it is, and you're not giving me a single reason to think otherwise. I get it. I mean, it's not like we have fifteen years of friendship and history behind us, and it sure as hell isn't like we've told each other everything since we could talk."

Ashley had started to feel a familiar sense of regret and alienation that she'd felt around Spencer for the past couple of months. It hurt her not to be open and honest but honesty wasn't an option for her. She held her hand again. "I don't want to hurt you. That's the last thing I ever want to do, you know that. It's just...you have Bobby, you know? I don't want to just...sit around and wait for you to be free to hang out anymore, so I've been spending more time with other people. Mostly it's proved how you and I can actually survive when we're not attached at the hip."

"I don't care what people say," Spencer said. "If they think we spend too much time together, that's their issue, not ours. We have other friends as you just pointed out. They know we've been friends forever, but I don't know if they really get it. Fifteen years is a long time. A lifetime. So, if all of this is because you want to prove those idiots wrong, go ahead. Just don't expect me to sit around and wait around for you either." She started to get up to leave.

The last sentence was born in anger rather than truth.

"I didn't mean it like that," Ashley was quick to say, praying she didn't snap too harshly.

On one knee, poised to get up, Spencer changed her mind and twisted her body around to face the brunette, lifting her other leg over to the other side of her and sat on her lap. "Then, please, tell me what you do mean. Tell me what's going on and why I feel like things are different now. I don't want them to be different, Ash. I just want you and me how we've always been, and half the time it's so different from that."

Ashley's hands were resting comfortably on Spencer's thighs. "Nothing is different, Spence."

There was a length of silence where Spencer allowed herself to be comforted by those words, but it didn't make a noticeable difference from the pain she could still feel for hurting Bobby, for not wanting him the way he wanted her. She sighed, hanging her head and allowed Ashley's slim fingers to run through her damp hair.

And when she looked up and tipped Ashley's head up towards hers, to have a tangible kind of assurance, it was rejected. It didn't matter that it was done gently, it mattered that she was hurting inside and a lot of things had changed; things she couldn't stand to change.

"You're a liar," she accused, and then she got up and walked away.

###

_It was the next day and Ashley hoped that Spencer had forgiven her for yesterday. She'd known the blonde needed time to be by herself, so she hadn't followed her. Ashley remained as she was, in the same position, for almost an hour before she found herself at Spencer's front door asking her to go outside or hang out inside the house. Glen had given her the message that Spencer wanted to be alone._

The heavy rain that fell yesterday was a distant memory as the mid-afternoon sun shone down on the town, having dried everything and prickled skin when under it for a period of time.

Ashley looked across at Spencer's balcony and mulled over sliding the ladder across. She decided against it because Spencer's curtains were drawn and the blind was still pulled down, yet there was no way she was still asleep. Spencer liked to get up early. If the blind was down, she was angry.

She would have gone over before, but when she'd called Spencer's phone earlier that morning and was sent to voice-mail, she'd called the house and Arthur answered, reluctantly telling her that Spencer was busy a minute or so later.

Deciding to try to see Spencer again—prepared to beg three members of the Carlin family to let her in if Spencer told her to go away another time, Ashley made her way downstairs and heard her mother speaking to Paula in the living room.

She snuck away from plain sight before anyone saw her and hid behind the wall.

"Do you remember when Eugene Williams broke up with you?" Christine asked Paula with badly disguised mirth.

Paula chuckled and had a sip of her coffee. "Oh, yes. The worst day of my life."

Eugene had been Paula's first 'long-term' boyfriend—due to her father's insistence, and she found herself stuck in a relationship with him for eight months when she was sixteen-years-old. Christine always made fun of him; especially his name and braces, along with his dated clothes and frizzy hair —sometimes his monobrow, depending on her mood.

Paula and Christine had met at school one day. The blonde with a recent perm ran into the restroom to escape her clingy boyfriend, effectively bumping right into a girl with long, straight brown hair and a strong parting in the middle. They'd been instant friends.

It was a good day when Eugene broke up with Paula.

And thankfully they'd both matured a lot since then.

"Did Bobby tell Spencer why he didn't want to be with her anymore? They've been together so long...it's such a shame for them to just drift apart."

"She wouldn't talk about it." Paula shook her head. "To tell you the truth, Chris, I don't know what she'll talk about these days. She's so private lately. It's not like her."

"She's fifteen. It's probably hormones."

Paula sighed. "I'm probably overreacting."

Christine suggested, "I can talk to Ashley? See if she knows anything, which she probably does. You know what they're like; thick as thieves."

"I might have to take you up on that offer."

Ashley's mouth hung open. Bobby had broken up with Spencer and she hadn't said a word about it. Her feet were moving to the door before she could catch flies and she knocked on the Carlin's front door with a fast pace, hurting her knuckles with the force. She noticed Mr. Carlin's car was gone from the driveway now.

Glen answered; something she was grateful for. "Is Spencer here?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

"Uh, yeah, but she said she doesn't want to see you."

Ashley pushed her way past him. "Oh, whatever."

"Look, she still seems pissed, okay? If I was you, I'd just let her get over it."

"Bobby broke up with her," Ashley told him. Her eyes rolled when she saw his face light up in delight.

Glen tried to contain the sheer glee in his voice. "Really?"

"No, I'm making this up."

His expression soon turned scathing. "Why the hell would he dump Spencer? Like he'll do better. Punk."

"I don't know..."

Glen scratched the back of his neck as the news sunk in properly. "You should probably go see if she's okay. I mean, her raison d'être just dumped her, so..."

Ashley was already heading up the stairs and heard Glen say he was going to the store for 'junk supplies'. She counted to three and heard him correct himself with, 'junk food supplies'.

When she got to Spencer's room, she knocked on the door lightly, mostly out of politeness, and went inside without an invitation.

Spencer was lying on the bed fully clothed, looking as miserable as she felt.

"Hey, you," Ashley greeted softly. She looked around the darkened room when no response came. "Did Dracula spend the night?"

"Don't open those," Spencer said flatly when she saw her moving toward the window and therefore the curtains. "Don't open that, either," she said when her blind was about to be pulled up.

Ashley did as she was told and then moved to lie next to Spencer, her elbow supporting her head. "I heard." Her voice was gentle when she said it. "I'm sorry."

"Are you?"

Lying hadn't gotten her anywhere in the past twenty-four hours, so the brunette decided a fresh approach; an honest approach. "I'm sorry you're upset."

Spencer sighed softly and shuffled over until she had her head on Ashley's shoulder, arm around her.

"And I'm sorry about yesterday," Ashley added on.

"Half of it was me," Spencer admitted, not one to make people feel worse unless they deserved to.

"Why didn't you tell me about Bobby?"

"I was thinking about it," Spencer said, her voice soft, quiet.

"Thinking about telling me?"

"No, just...thinking about it, about the fact that I don't have a boyfriend anymore."

"Oh..." Ashley said. "Stupid question time—"

"I don't know how I feel," Spencer answered. "It's weird. I'm not sad, but I'm not happy that he's gone."

"You're not sad?" Ashley asked. "This isn't Spencer being completely upset and miserable?" Her question was undoubtedly aimed at her gloomy mood and even darker bedroom.

"I don't know what I am, Ash," she admitted, snuggling deeper. "I should be crying about it, but I'm not and I haven't. Not even once. When I got home yesterday, I cried about fighting with you, not about Bobby. Once I realised...I cried about not_ crying over Bobby. How stupid is that?"_

"Maybe it just hasn't hit you yet, you know?"

"No, it has. I don't need an 'adjustment period' where everyone treads on eggshells around me. I know Bobby broke up with me, and I know I'm okay." Spencer was quiet for a few seconds. "My mom wanted to talk to me about it last night but I couldn't and I can't because she's going to expect me to be crying and I know I won't be. She already asked me if I wanted her to call Bobby's mom, for God's sake."

Ashley smiled. "That is Paula." She rubbed Spencer's arm. "Give her a break. She loves you, okay? She just doesn't understand because you haven't spoken to her."

"I know she means well... She always does."

"Why aren't you upset?" Ashley asked quietly.

"Because he was too good for me."

"No, seriously."

"I am being serious," Spencer affirmed. "He's a great guy who was—is in love with me, and I couldn't say it back. He does deserve better. He deserves someone who can say it back and mean it, and need him the way he needs her."

"You should have talked to me about all of this stuff, Spence. I'm sorry if it seemed like I haven't cared... I have. As much as ever."

"I told you I wouldn't bring Bobby up again."

"If it was affecting you, then you should have told me."

"Yeah, well," Spencer sighed, "you've been busy hanging out with your new bff's."

"I'm sorry about that."

Spencer was tired and she was being held by her best friend; another fight wasn't really in her. "Okay."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"You've been avoiding me for the better part of the day and then all of a sudden, when I say sorry in person, you say 'okay'?"

"Would you prefer a fight?"

Ashley pulled her closer. "No." She looked around and finally appreciated what she saw, which wasn't much; barely anything except for Spencer and the outline of furniture. "It's nice and dark in here."

And it was true. The sun outside was blinding, so it was a welcome relief for her sensitive eyes.

"I know."

"Should I make you smile yet, or am I still on probation?"

"You won't be able to."

Ashley took that for what it was: a challenge. She extracted herself from around Spencer and moved down the bed until she was level with her stomach. Ashley didn't see, but as soon as her mouth made contact with the blonde's stomach, she was smiling widely, already clued in.

Then she blew loudly, and Spencer laughed for the first time in days.

Ashley's smile was one of victory when she'd covered her back up and looked to her face. "Now, do you really want to laugh?"

"Goonies?"

"No, joints."

Spencer raised her brows in confusion. "Joints?"

"Spencer Carlin, as my best friend, you are not this naive."

"Marijuana?"

"Finally." Ashley was dramatic.

"Neither of us smokes," Spencer pointed out.

Moving up and putting her hands either side of the blonde's head, Ashley looked down to her. "I'm not saying we take it up regularly. Just once. Today, right now."

"Do you even have _marijuana? I didn't know you had shady connections."_

"Don't say marijuana all wide-eyed like that, it makes you sound twelve."

Spencer scoffed. "Sorry, pot_," she corrected sarcastically, jabbing Ashley in the side._

"Glen has some and he just left for the store, so we gotta be quick finding it. We can roll it in the bathroom if he doesn't have any made up."

As soon as Ashley kissed her cheek and bounced off the bed, Spencer allowed herself to smile. "My mom would literally kill us if she knew we were rolling pot _in her main bathroom."_

"It's a good job she's next door then, isn't it?"

Once they were in Glen's bedroom, Ashley turned to Spencer who was standing as close to the door as she could, just in case Glen came home suddenly and she needed to bolt and distract him in order for Ashley to leave unnoticed. "Where is it?"

"How do I know? I didn't even know he smoked that crap. If his coach finds out, he's dead."

"You're his sister," Ashley said. "Look around the room. What's completely out of place?"

Spencer looked around the room in disdain, the piles of laundry hazardously thrown anywhere, his unmade bed, the plates and mugs that have been there for over a week. Her eyes fell upon a set of drawers and narrowed.

She pointed. "Right there."

"Here?" Ashley asked, now by the drawers. "People need drawers, Spencer. Where else would we put everything?"

"The dictionary. Open it."

Ashley picked up the dictionary that was resting on top and opened it to a random page. She laughed, turning it around so Spencer could see. "Score."

It was hollowed out. Inside sat a little plastic bag with an eighth of marijuana and two fat joints.

###

The girls were in Spencer's yard. They'd had a joint each and once Spencer's had been smoked down and thrown into the trash can in the back yard —where they'd hidden to smoke, Spencer said, with a disgusted smack of her mouth, that it wasn't a big deal and she didn't know why anybody would ever pay for tobacco, let alone marijuana.

Ashley smiled and held her breath for four seconds, exhaling cautiously through a silent chuckle. She still had half of hers left. "Sure you haven't done that before?"

The coughing fit Spencer had erupted in on her first hit gave away the fact that she hadn't.

"Yeah. Hurry up, I'm bored."

Her inexperience meant nothing. She smoked fast.

When Ashley had finished hers and extinguished it, exposing of it properly, she looked to Spencer and felt the beginning of a silly smile on her face. "Feel anything?"

"Yeah, disgusting. I need to brush my teeth or get some Twizzlers."

Nodding in agreement, Ashley made a move towards her and managed to trip over her own feet, sending her stumbling forward into Spencer who was quiet for a second, replaying the stunned expression on the brunette's face, and then exploded into laughter.

Spencer's high-pitched howl of laughter was more contagious than it had ever been and Ashley found herself joining in.

###

Disappointed with no neighbours to watch and paranoid they'd get lost if they walked around town, Spencer and Ashley were on the blonde's front lawn with a gossip magazine, pointing at every washed-up celebrity who sported an actual expression, bringing forth a customary imitation and a two-minute straight laughing fit that gave them both aching stomachs and tears in their eyes.

When Ashley couldn't breathe due to Spencer's attempt to pull a Jackie Stallone face, she threw the magazine away from her.

"I wish Glen would hurry back," Ashley said after she'd calmed down, the muscles in her stomach tightening to fight off another laugh; she didn't even know why at this point.

As if on cue, Glen appeared with a plastic bag full of candy and junk food for his sister. As soon as they saw him, they took off running and grabbed the bag from his hand.

"I love you so much right now," Spencer told him.

Ashley saw a Baby Routh in the bag and smiled widely. "Yeah, me too."

Glen looked between them suspiciously. "Okay..."

Holding up the chocolate bar in her hand, Ashley executed a perfect replication of Sloth's quote and Spencer laughed loudly, the perfect audience.

Dismissing anyone but each other, they went back to their previous spot and sat down, emptying the contents onto the grass between them and then went about choosing the items that would cure their munchies, fighting over a bar of Hershey's that Ashley eventually allowed Spencer to have.

They were halfway through their first bars of chocolate when Ashley noticed someone approaching and looked away to smile. She stopped chewing to say, "Here comes your best friend."

Spencer looked around the brunette to see who it was and rolled her eyes, already smiling regardless of her request. "Don't say anything," she said to Ashley. "She's not worth it."

Ramona Castro looked at them with disdain. "You spend more time together than conjoined twins. It's not healthy."

"Shut up, Sasquatch," Spencer fired back despite what she'd just said to Ashley. It was a nickname that had stuck.

While a visual assaulted Ashley and Spencer, fuelling another laughing fit, Ramona scoffed at their childish behaviour and then mocked their amusement. "You're pathetic."

Ashley laughed harder when Spencer snorted.

"Seriously, you are. I pity you two."

"And I pity the panties you're wearing," Spencer retorted, calming down enough to form words. "Must be hell being so close to your pu—"

The remainder of her insult was drowned out by Ashley's laugh that was practically screamed out.

Redness crept across pale, soft skin and the youngest Castro gave the blonde a scornful glare. "Mature, dyke."

Suddenly not so amused, Spencer smiled spitefully and then shook her head at Ramona trying to subtly un-wedge her underwear.

"Aw, what's wrong?" Ashley asked with faux concern. "Is your dick being pinched tucked up at the back like that?"

Spencer fell against her and laughed so hard that it was silent.

A few minutes later when Ramona had left and Ashley was lying half on top of Spencer, forcing her to listen to quotes that always made her laugh even though she could barely breathe as it was, Sheriff Pete pulled up in front of her house and Spencer thought she might pass out with lack of oxygen.

###

At almost nine pm, Ashley slid the ladder across to Spencer's balcony and crawled across it, secretly nervous that she'd fall every single time, and tapped on the glass. She grinned brightly when Spencer's face came into view, curiosity written all over it.

"Yes, Romeo?"

Ashley walked into her and gave her a kiss on the cheek because she felt like it. "You're staying at mine tonight."

"I am?"

"Yeah," Ashley confirmed, on her way to the bathroom. Once she was in there, she pulled Spencer's toothbrush from the holder and then made her way back to Spencer's room, stopping to say hello to Arthur who was making his way upstairs.

It wasn't unusual to see the youngest Davies at his house at random hours of the day or night. He'd been used to it for a very long time. Arthur simply offered a warm smile and said, "Hi, Ashley."

Closing the bedroom door behind her, Ashley jumped on Spencer's bed and pulled the covers up that were tucked in, wrapping the material around her body as she rolled down it, pulling them with her. She struggled to get up, so Spencer lent a helping hand.

"You have covers, Ash."

"Yeah, but it's always comfortable with two."

Spencer was quiet as Ashley got an arm free and pushed something into her back pocket. She raised her brows. "What did you just put in my pocket? I'm not getting high with you again. I couldn't control myself for ages. I had to hide from my mom when she got back."

She was complaining, but she'd had fun.

"Toothbrush," Ashley answered. "Okay, toothbrush, blanket... what are we forgetting?"

"Movies? Music? I just got a new CD. Sheryl Crow's greatest hits."

"My CD player broke."

"It's okay," Spencer said, picking it up from her dresser. "We can put it in the DVD player or your laptop."

"They broke, too."

Spencer allowed herself to laugh, putting the CD back where she'd left it. "You're such a liar."

"I'm sorry, I can't stand your fascination for dated, bargain bin CD's. There's a reason they're there, you know." Upon witnessing an eye-roll, she said, "I'll play you a song on my guitar."

"Okay."

"Just one more thing..."

Spencer stepped to the side as Ashley, in a cocoon of her comforter, made her way to her drawers and pulled out a pair of underwear. She snatched them off her and turned her around; delivering a kick to Ashley's currently padded ass that guided her towards the balcony and ignored the entertained snigger.

Spencer wasn't embarrassed. Ashley was just in a weird mood.

They managed to get all necessary items across to Ashley's house without any accidents and Spencer got changed into shorts and a tee before she went over.

Side by side, they kicked their legs to get the second blanket comfortable again and then Spencer began another thunderous round of applause for the average version of 'Take It Easy' that Ashley had just performed. It was one of Raife's favourite songs and recently he'd been trying to teach her how to play it.

"Woo," Spencer cheered, clapping slower now.

Ashley laughed, embarrassed. "Okay, I get it. You liked it. You can shut up now." She was relieved that she hadn't sung along, too.

This time Spencer screamed, "Woo!"

Nearing the end of Ashley's uproarious laughter, her mother shouted up the stairs to quieten down and close her balcony door if it was open.

###

An hour of Rear Window passed as any other movie they watched together did; contentedly quiet, laughing at comments the other made, moving around the bed when they were uncomfortable, holding hands sometimes.

Spencer noticed that despite Ashley's efforts to act as normal, something was off, suddenly wrong, because she'd gone quieter than she usually was. Ashley Davies was never 'quiet'.

She noticed that she felt so much better than she had in previous weeks and months and wanted everything to be back to normal; just Ashley and Spencer, as they'd always been. Ashley's previous response on the bridge of wanting to spend time with other people didn't make sense because she never looked like she'd had that _much fun and she never made a point to share stories of the people she hung out with._

"Ash?"

"Yeah?" she replied, still looking at the screen.

Spencer turned over and looked up to the top of the bed where Ashley was lying. She asked the same question she'd asked yesterday; "What's the matter?"

It had turned into one of those days where Ashley did almost everything she wanted to in terms of being close to Spencer. Avoiding her as much as she was capable of for the past few months hadn't produced results she'd expected so far. Instead, it left her wanting more.

"I don't want to talk about it, Spence."

"So, there is something?" Spencer sat up properly.

"Yeah," Ashley very reluctantly admitted. "I guess. But it's nothing I can't handle."

"Will you talk to me? Please?"

Ashley shook her head, dismissing her. "I can't."

"Because it has something to do with me?"

"It's me, I already told you that."

"Yeah, once," Spencer replied. "But I don't know if I believe you."

"I don't know what to say to you."

"How about the truth?"

Ashley hated Spencer's inability to let anything go and she sighed, running her tongue over her dry lips. "I don't want to talk about it. I can't. I'm sorry."

"Please," Spencer pleaded, reaching forward to touch her hand, a brief touch of comfort. "You're shutting me out, and it's weird. It's not us."

"I'm scared," Ashley confessed.

"Why?"

"I just...am."

The skin between Spencer's eyebrows creased in surprise and concern because Ashley was never _scared of anything, not unless it was a china doll. She moved closer out of instinct. "Tell me why."_

Ashley didn't sit up, but she did put her hand on top of Spencer's. "Spence...you're either scared or you're not, and if I said any more, it wouldn't feel right to me. So I'm not going to."

"Riddle, much?" she said gently. "Talk to me in English. Why are you scared?"

"Spencer," Ashley whined, turning over in bed so that she was face-down on her pillows. "Can't you just accept an answer when I give you one?"

"I'll never accept being kept in the dark about something that's obviously hurting you. Just tell me, okay? You know I won't give up. I promise it'll make you feel better." She paused. "Don't make me say that annoying 'problem shared' phrase."

Ashley groaned.

Lying down, Spencer laid diagonally across Ashley's back and rested her head down in the crook of her shoulder. "I love you," she declared quietly, eyes closed. "Is it me, really? Are you scared of hurting my feelings because there are times when I want you to make me feel better and you don't want to anymore?"

"It's not that I don't want to."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

Spencer was suddenly filled with an overwhelming sense of relief and lifted herself off from Ashley's body as the brunette turned over, and then lay back down, both arms securely and snugly against Ashley's sides, one hand hooked under an arm.

The movie forgotten, they held each other for a while and one of Ashley's hands drew lazy circles on Spencer's back.

"Can I ask you something?" Spencer asked.

"Yeah."

"Why won't you make me feel better the way friends do anymore? If you said that it wasn't because you didn't want to, then why is it? Is it because we're getting older?"

"Because you know friends don't do that," Ashley got out; squeezing her eyes shut as soon as she'd said it, a silent curse running through her mind at the blonde potentially taking offense.

Spencer was just irritated, and some of it leaked through to her response, "We_ do. Or, we used to. All I'd have to do is shed a tear and you'd be there like lightning."_

"That's nice, Spencer."

"I'm not now, and nor have I ever asked you to shove your tongue down my throat. We're best friends. All I expect is a regular kiss every now and again."

"You're not getting it..."

"No, I'm not. I don't get what changed and why we have to suddenly give something up because, okay, fine, not all _best friends kiss when they're upset over something. Who the hell cares what other people do? You care about yourself and the people around you who love and care about you. Ignore the rest."_

Ashley sighed and let her arms fall outstretched on her comforter. "I don't care about other people," she disagreed. "And it really isn't that I don't want to make you feel better like that anymore."

"Prove it," Spencer dared.

"No."

"Then, you're lying. Again."

Ashley exhaled cautiously; annoyed that Spencer was pressing all of her buttons. "Trust me."

"Kiss me."

"Seriously," Ashley begged.

Spencer wouldn't give up. "Seriously, kiss me."

"Bobby just _broke up with you."_

"I'm asking a friend _to kiss me," was Spencer's response. "Not a stranger, not someone I don't trust with my secrets or my life."_

A frown creased Ashley's forehead, more conflicted than she'd ever been. "I can't, Spence."

"Make me believe that nothing has changed," Spencer pleaded, hurt and desperate for assurance. "Make me believe you and I are exactly how we've always been."

Ashley knew that's exactly what wouldn't _happen if she kissed Spencer, so she was left with the difficult task of rejecting her. She began to sit up. "I need to shower. Don't go. We'll talk when I'm done."_

Annoyed, Spencer didn't give Ashley the satisfaction of asking her to move, she simply got up off her with a huff. "At ten-fifteen?"

"I know it's late, but I won't be long. Ten minutes. Just stay there."

Watching her go across the room, gathering up things to take an impromptu shower, Spencer looked at her back, disappointed in her. She waited until Ashley opened the door to leave. "We're not talking when you come back in here," she threatened, annoyed she was leaving.

###

Ashley still left, showering merely because she'd told Spencer she was going to and because the water was loud enough that she could swear out loud, cursing Spencer, herself, and the situation. She needed somewhere private to panic. The bathroom was perfect.

She was dressed, her hair towel-dried and her skin damp. Her hand kept reaching for the doorknob and pulled back at the last second, nervous.

Inside the bedroom, Spencer didn't fully understand what she was doing when she continued to think of horrible, hurtful and morbid things until she was crying. All she was thinking was that it might be harder for Ashley to say no if she was crying.

Ashley took a deep breath after a quick pep-talk to herself and pulled the door open before she could change her mind. Her bedroom was two doors down from the bathroom and when she reached it, she tossed her used towel into her hamper and picked up her lotion without looking over at Spencer.

She knew she was still there. A flash of blonde hair had given it away.

After applying moisturiser to her hands and legs, Ashley found the courage to look in Spencer's direction and felt the weight of her heart sinking as soon as she saw tears on her face. Regret always tasted bitter.

Ashley didn't say anything at first, afraid she would make it worse. She walked over to the bed and climbed over the covers until she was sat next to Spencer. She took her soft hand and held it.

The silence was choking her and she closed her eyes, debating.

Ashley felt her heart beating faster and blew out a careful breath before she turned her body towards Spencer's. "Look at me."

As soon as Spencer heard her voice, she regretted making herself cry. She didn't want to guilt Ashley into something she didn't want.

"Spence?" Ashley prompted when the blonde failed to. It was oddly reminiscent of the time by the river.

"I don't want me crying to be a reason for you do something you're uncomfortable with," Spencer said, wiping the left side of her face dry with her free hand.

Ashley let go of her hand to do the same to the right side. "So don't cry," she said; her voice soft and careful.

Spencer's teeth carefully pushed down into her full bottom lip, eyes drifting down to Ashley's mouth, and when their eyes met, it was a new look; one filled with the kind of voiceless desire that neither one of them would ever forget.

They'd kissed before, a total of eight times, and all of them were brushed across each other's lips softly. That's what she was expecting: a tame but comforting sensation of Ashley's mouth against hers.

She knew it would be different the second it began, felt it in the way Ashley had just looked at her.

Ashley's initial contact was chaste; a single kiss given to full, waiting lips that made her feel more than she'd ever felt kissing anyone else. It developed gradually. Slowly moving closer and kissing firmer and for longer, losing the hesitancy and getting caught up in everything that was each other. Ashley held Spencer's face as she did every time they'd kissed, except her hand went to the back of her head, fingers tangled in soft hair.

Returning every kiss, Spencer's hand went underneath the brunette's arm to reach around to the back of her neck, fingers splayed and tightening as their lips continually melded, almost fused together.

When lips steadily parted and Spencer felt the first touch of Ashley's tongue against hers, when she heard Ashley's soft moan, she was lost in a way she'd never been when she'd kissed Bobby. She didn't want to stop.

As Ashley's parents made their way to bed a few minutes later, shouting goodnight to both girls, it was lost on them. Nothing but sounds from each other was registering in their ears, sighs and delicate moans making them feel heady and drunk.  
  
_However reluctant, Ashley was the one to pull away first, giving Spencer one last deep kiss followed by two softer kisses. She opened her eyes just as Spencer leaned forward to kiss her again, just once, eyes closing to return the kiss that was nothing more and nothing less than tender._


	16. Forever, I Think

**I appreciate all the feedback, guys :). Constructive is always welcome and I take it onboard, though I took a long time to plan their journey out. For me, it felt natural to bring them together for the first time. It felt like the right time. There's still a long way to go for them and roadblocks will pop up, you can count on it. It's not always going to be so easy.**

**Cheers again :)**

**

* * *

**

_Spencer tapped her pencil against her notebook as she peered down to the bed, an open textbook failing to help her to understand the homework. She made an annoyed sound and leaned back against her pillows, closing her eyes to ward off an impending headache._

_"What question are you on?" she asked after a minute._

_"Eight," Ashley answered without looking away from her notebook._

_Her voice made Spencer want to open her eyes and she looked across the room to Ashley who was on the floor, leaning against the door. She thought about all of the times that Ashley had really kissed her, when she kissed her better than Bobby ever had, her blue eyes slowly moving over Ashley's body as she did so, repeating both actions more than once until she switched one of the settings from Ashley's bedroom to the one they were currently in._

_They'd only ever kissed innocently in Spencer's bedroom._

_A month had passed and they'd kissed —properly— three times. Every time had been in Ashley's house or her back yard in the cover of darkness, and every time had one of the girls upset or angry over trivial family arguments neither one of them would ever remember until reminded. After all, that's what most arguments were; trivial._

_At the moment Spencer's eyes fell to a spot on the floor, Ashley raised her head and saw a faint hint of redness coating Spencer's cheeks. They'd been like that a lot lately._

_She cleared her throat and focused her attention back on the homework she was doing. "What are you thinking about?"_

_"Homework." Spencer carefully bit her lip. "You know, it's kind of hard to help each other with it when you're so far away. Come here."_

_"Trust me, I'm as close as I can be."_

_"That's not true."_

_"It's not?"_

_"No," Spencer said. "There's about eight feet between us."_

_"I'm all right here."_

_"On the floor?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Do I smell bad, or something?" Spencer asked. "Does my homework reek of failure like Devon Sawa's career?"_

_"Don't be stupid." Ashley gave her the kind of smile she only gave Spencer._

_"Are you mad at me for something?"_

_"Nope. Not a thing."_

_Spencer began the task of clearing the bottom of her bed from various scattered books. "Okay, great. Come over here, then." Her hand patted the bed._

_Ashley's grievance was sighed out and she grabbed her things, making her way to Spencer's bed. "You only want to copy my answers," she teased._

_"Compare," Spencer disagreed, passing her notebook to Ashley. "Did you get the same answer for five?"_

_It was corrected within seconds. "Yeah."_

_"Copy the rest for me?"_

_Ashley smirked at the pleading tone and looked up. "What do I get out of it?"_

_"Uh... my eternal gratitude?" Looking at an unimpressed face, Spencer's eyes drifted down to her mouth, an action that didn't go unnoticed and added, "My help with science? A refill for your empty cup of hot chocolate? A cupcake?"_

_"You really know how to tempt a girl, Spence." Knowing she would be there for a while trying to finish it, Ashley copied her answers onto Spencer's paper and made a mental note to explain them to her another time. "Never say I don't do anything nice for you."_

_"Thank you," she replied happily, going over her answers and was relieved that she was almost finished for the night._

_She'd wanted to hurry up and finish her homework because Emily invited her to stay at her house and she still hadn't had dinner, packed an overnight bag or told Ashley she was going. Spencer wasn't looking forward to that. She'd asked Emily why she wasn't inviting Ashley too and she'd replied that there was only room for Spencer and two of her other friends in her bedroom._

_"So, what are you doing later? Do you wanna hang out? I'll teach you how to ice-skate instead of just laughing when you fall over."_

_"You really know how to tempt a girl, Ash."_

_"I do try."_

_Neither one of them had any idea what kind of mood they'd been in lately. It was confusing. Both of them had been thinking about each other in new, different ways and had replayed their kisses more times than they could count. Some days it was all they'd thought of._

_It had done exactly what Ashley knew it would do; it changed everything. At least for her. She couldn't sit on a bed with Spencer anymore, not without wanting to kiss her. Ashley also couldn't do little things with Spencer without wanting to kiss her. She couldn't hold her hand like she'd done since they were babies, couldn't hug her or hear her laugh. She could barely look at Spencer without wanting to kiss her._

_She knew Spencer had thought about it, too. Her less-than-subtle staring at her lips followed by a faint blush always gave her away. It would be easy for Ashley to lean forward and kiss her every time she did it, but it might be confusing for Spencer in the way it would be dangerous for her. They had to stop._

_Ashley knew she'd been playing with fire and, sooner or later, she would get burned._

_"I'm going out tonight," Spencer said. "Emily asked me to stay over. It's her birthday, so a few of us are hanging out."_

_"Aw, and I didn't get an invite? I'm so surprised."_

_"She said she didn't have the room."_

_"Yeah, 'cause I take up a lot of it," Ashley replied with a smile. "Nah, forget it. I'd rather be set on fire than have a 'sleepover' with Raggedy Ann."_

_Spencer laughed. "Be nice."_

_"Ginger Spice."_

_"Ashley."_

_"I can't help it," Ashley defended herself. "It must be some sort of defence mechanism; a deep sense of loneliness and alienation that stems from the fact that I don't get to spend the night at Pippi Longstocking's house."_

_Spencer hardened her stare and cocked her head to the side. "Are you done?"_

_"For now."_

_"Do you want me to stay here? I can cancel and say I don't feel well."_

_"No." Ashley rolled her eyes and closed her notebook; bored of Math. "I don't want to be responsible for ruining her big day. Go. Have fun."_

_Spencer gave Ashley her best smile and crawled down the bed to kiss her cheek loudly. "You're the best."_

_Ashley angled her head closer to Spencer's and lowered it a fraction, breathing out a laugh. She closed her eyes. "I'm gonna go," she said gently when she didn't feel Spencer move away._

_"You don't have to go yet."_

_"No, I do." She made a move to get off the bed. "I really do." Ashley didn't reject the hug she was suddenly wrapped up in, she returned it, one-armed around the blonde's back and rubbed gently. "I'll see you tomorrow, Spence."_

_###_

_An hour later, Ashley was distracted from her conversation with a friend she mostly knew from the skate park and told her she'd call her back. She could hear Spencer and Paula, both of their voices raised heatedly. If Ashley ever recalled that fight when she was older, she'd know it was Spencer's fifteen-year-old portrayal and display of immaturity and Paula's state of mind from working a stressful fifteen hour shift at a busy emergency room that were the main contributing factors._

_Not one minute later Ashley heard a door being slammed and remained where she was, counting down until Spencer was walking into her room, dejected and angry._

_When their eyes met, it was a loaded look, one that made Ashley a lot less calm than she looked on the outside. On the outside, you couldn't tell that her heart had begun to beat slower and faster at the same time. It was like those dreams where the seatbelt on a rollercoaster had broken or didn't lock together and she had to make the decision that she could handle it, that she could hold onto what was there and still be okay._

_"Smackdown at the Carlin residence?" she asked gently, a teasing tone to her question._

_"Yeah," Spencer replied miserably, head creased with a frown as she dropped her overnight bag to the floor. "I don't remember how or why it started."_

_Lying down on her bed, Ashley smiled faintly and opened her arms, ignoring her rule of keeping her distance. She couldn't overlook Spencer's distress. "Come here."_

_With a sigh of aggravation, mostly at herself, Spencer walked over to the bed and decided not to lie next to her, but mostly on top of her. It was nice; comforting like the way everything is quieter after a loud concert. Everything felt calmer._

_Ashley secured her arms around Spencer and rubbed her back. "So much for seeing you tomorrow," she said lightly._

_"Maybe subconsciously I wanted a proper goodbye."_

_"Yeah? Uh, farewell my dear friend, I hope we meet again soon and you don't get murdered or mauled by Blossom on your little sleepover."_

_Spencer found a small smile working its way to her face. "Should I tell her you said happy birthday?"_

_"If you think it'll make her feel bad."_

_"Probably."_

_"Okay. Put my name on the gift tag, too."_

_"That's not what I meant," she said after an extended pause in speech, not lifting her head from Ashley's chest. "Before, about the goodbye."_

_"I know. Your subtlety needs work."_

_"So, are you going to say__ goodbye properly?"_

_"Goodbye."_

_Lifting her head, Spencer peered down to her and reached up, holding the side of her face before brushing some hair behind Ashley's ear. "You haven't been very nice to me this week. My emotional state is fragile and you're teasing me. Why is that?"_

_Ashley leaned up and kissed her forehead. "You're going to be late if you don't leave now."_

_Spencer laid her head back down and fought back a sigh. "I don't want to go anymore. I can be miserable around you and you never mind, or make a big production of it. Emily's going to know something is up and ask me about Bobby."_

_It had only been a month since Spencer and Bobby had broken up, and two weeks since he'd last been mentioned, but it was strange for Ashley to hear his name again._

_"Just think about me, Bubbles," Ashley suggested, squeezing Spencer tightly because she didn't want her to be upset or angry when she was going out. She wanted her to have fun. "Have fun. I'll call you later, when I think she's asleep."_

_"Okay," she agreed softly. Once she'd rolled off Ashley and the bed, Spencer picked up her fallen bag and stood by the door, looking back at the brunette who was still on the bed. "Guess this was a pit stop."_

_"Yeah..." Ashley looked at Spencer, watched her run a hand through her hair and noticed, again, the way her face was always painted a pretty pink whenever she had recently been angry or upset. She smiled brightly. "Have fun! I'll talk to you later."_

_Spencer nodded. "See you tomorrow, Buttercup."_

_###_

_The music was being played loudly in Emily's room and her friends Angela and Maria were on a sugar-high, dancing along to the current billboard number one when she re-entered the room with three large bags of chips and the strawberry flavoured milkshake Spencer had requested._

_When the items were dropped to the safety of her bed, Emily stepped around various pieces of fallen popcorn, empty cups, CD cases and sleeping bags to get to the stereo. "I hate that song," she stated._

_Spencer looked over with a grateful smile. She hated it too._

_"Your taste in music sucks, Emily," Angela exclaimed as she went to sit next to Spencer on the bed. "Why didn't your friend come? Ashley, your shadow."_

_"My shadow?" Spencer asked. "Ashley is hardly my shadow."_

_"No, I didn't mean it in a bad way." Angela was being sincere. "I think she's great. I see her around school all the time, creating havoc and pissing off the new teacher, Mr. Purdy. Granted all she has to do is breathe around the guy and he gets mad."_

_Spencer smiled. "She does like to do that."_

_"Yeah, I'm thinking of starting a fan-club. Emily can be president," Angela teased. She looked over at the birthday girl. "Can't you, Em?"_

_Emily chuckled. "Oh, definitely."_

_Maria sat down on the other side of Spencer, opening one of the bags of chips. "Why don't you like her?" she asked through a loud crunch. "Is it because, no offence, she's prettier than you?"_

_Spencer looked up, curious to hear her response and couldn't help but brace herself to be on the defence. They were all talking about her best friend._

_"Shut up. And I don't have a problem with Ashley," Emily insisted. "She's the one with the problem."_

_"Why didn't you invite her tonight?" Spencer asked._

_"I don't have enough room, I told you that."_

_"There's plenty of room," Spencer disagreed. It wasn't that she couldn't accept the fact Emily had the right to choose who she wanted in her house, it was the fact she always denied having anything against her when she clearly did. However, Spencer wasn't blind to the way Ashley frequently made the situation worse, either._

_Angela reached over Spencer to steal some of Maria's chips. "My brother has the biggest crush on Ashley. He says he's going to ask her out soon."_

_"Your brother?" Spencer looked affronted. "The one who broke into that car last week?"_

_"Timmy, yeah. I know he sounds like an asshole, but it's pretty much all to impress some seniors. He's cool. Most of the time, anyway."_

_"Ashley won't go out with him."_

_"How do you know that?" Emily asked._

_"He's not her type."_

_"A hot bad boy isn't her type?" Maria raised her brows._

_Spencer opened her mouth to respond accordingly and then promptly closed it, choosing not to reply. Ashley was free to date whoever she wanted to date but there was no way she was going to let her get involved with a guy who clearly did stupid, illegal things to impress people he barely knew._

_"Guess we'll see," she settled on._

_"Speaking of hotties," Maria began, "how are you doing after Bobby stupidly broke up with you, Spencer?"_

_"I'm fine."_

_"You must have been so crushed," Angela contributed sympathetically. "You were practically married."_

_Emily scoffed and sat at the bottom of the bed. "They were together for a while, but I wouldn't say 'married'. Any relationship under the age of sixteen, seventeen is doomed to fail. You can't be in love any younger than that, and truly, probably not until we're a lot older. True love at this age is rare." Once she'd finished, she added, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like you didn't love him, you know? I know you did. That was just my stupid opinion."_

_Spencer smiled and before she sipped her milkshake, she said, "I know."_

_"Are you a virgin, Spencer?" asked Maria, ever blunt. "Because married or not, Bobby is hot __and you were together forever."_

_She choked a little and wiped her mouth. "What?"_

_"Oh, come on. This is a sleepover. Spill."_

_"I'm fifteen."_

_"I know."_

_"So, why would I be sleeping with anyone at my age?" she asked, extremely serious. "Are you?"_

_Maria rolled her eyes impressively, scoffing at the mere thought of it. "Please, with this Streisand nose?"_

_"Your nose is fine," Spencer reasoned, smile on her face while the other two girls laughed. "Don't be so hard on yourself."_

_"Yeah, whatever," Maria brushed it off. "So, forgetting age for now, who would __you sleep with?"_

_Spencer shrugged. "I don't know. No-one..."_

_"There's not one guy you want to just grab?" Angela asked in disbelief. "What about Justin Timberlake?"_

_"Curly top? Ah, no." She laughed._

_"I still love Justin," Emily sighed._

_Maria grabbed another handful of chips. "Was Bobby a good kisser?"_

_"I've had better," Spencer replied without thinking. Her face flushed deeply as soon as she realised what she'd said._

_The girls practically squealed at the news. "Who was it?"_

_"Justin Timberlake."_

_"Really, who was it?" Emily begged. "Was he older?"_

_"Uh...yeah," Spencer replied. It was true, Ashley was three days older. She was still bright red. "Who gave you your best kiss?" she directed her question to all three of them._

_"I'm so making you answer that before you leave," Emily promised._

_Spencer just smiled at her and was quiet as the girls began to talk about boys and gossip about everyone they knew._

_###_

_Hours had passed and Ashley had been to a small open-mic night with her father, enjoying his company as much as Spencer's. She lay awake in her bed now, still thinking about earlier that night when she'd avoided kissing her. She thought about the boys who had kissed her in the past and compared them to the way Spencer kissed her. She was honest with herself, as always, and knew there was nothing to compare._

_It wasn't just about making her feel better anymore, and last year when she realised it was different kissing Spencer than it was with anyone else, she knew it would progress to this point. Ashley had always been addicted to Spencer, even in the most innocent of ways, and that would never change as far as she was concerned; just develop in new ways._

_There was a gentle knock at her bedroom door and she told whoever it was to come in._

_It was Raife. He smiled, surprised. "You still up, hun?"_

_"Can't sleep," was given as an explanation. It was one-thirty in the morning. "What's your excuse?"_

_"Same."_

_He couldn't sleep because before he'd left the house with Ashley earlier that evening, he and Christine had gotten into a fight, said things in the heat of the moment, and they'd gone to bed mad at each other._

_Ashley smiled at him. "Not for the same reason, I hope."_

_Raife smirked, walking to sit on the edge of her bed. "Tell me yours, and I'll decide if it's worth keeping you up this late."_

_"Okay, what came first, the chicken or the egg?"_

_"Definitely not worth it," he laughed. Soon turning serious, he asked, "Are you okay? That asshole at the bar didn't try anything else, did he? You're not worried?"_

_"It's cool, I'm fine. You took care of him, remember?" She smiled with the memory. "I love when you're all protective."_

_"I'm always __protective over you. There's no ass I wouldn't kick to keep you safe."_

_"Eloquent, I like it." Looking at him, she worried her bottom lip. "Dad, you and mom, you're okay, right? It was just a stupid fight and you made up?"_

_"Of course we did."_

_"Really?"_

_Raife put on a smile. "Really, I promise. Everything's back to normal."_

_"You really shouldn't speak to her how you did. You were a—"_

_"Dick, I know."_

_"As long as you do."_

_Raife smiled and put his hand on her leg. "Go to sleep soon, yeah?"_

_Ashley nodded. "I will."_

_Raife got over by the door and turned around to say, "The chicken."_

_Ashley smiled and, once he'd left and switched her bedroom light off, put earplugs in to listen to music. It was only a few minutes later when she received a text. It read: they're asleep, call me._

_She stopped the music and rolled over her bed to reach her phone from the floor where it had been charging. Spencer picked up the second she saw the screen light up on her phone._

_"Hey."_

_"I didn't even hear that ring."_

_Spencer smiled, eyes closed as she faced away from the other two occupants of Emily's bedroom floor. Her voice was quiet not to attract any unwanted attention. "I didn't think you'd call, thought you'd be asleep."_

_"I said I would," Ashley said. "Are you having fun?"_

_"Tons."_

_"Have you missed me?"_

_"Tons."_

_"Good." Ashley was pleased. "Some sleaze tried to buy me a drink earlier. I went to this open-mic night with my dad because he knows the owner of this bar, and some guy asked if I wanted anything else put in my Coke. I told my dad and he stormed over to him like the Hulk, grabbed him by the throat and threw him outside."_

_Spencer made an effort not to laugh. "Aw, man, I missed a good night."_

_"What did I miss? Boy talk, eyebrow, makeup and hair care tips, and gossip?"_

_"Along with a boat load of junk food."_

_"I missed a good night," Ashley teased. "Do you feel better?" she asked._

_"Yeah. I'm sorry about earlier. I thought it would be okay because of the other times..."_

_"Are you sure we can talk about this now? What if Jennifer Rabbit is just pretending to be asleep?"_

_"You're kidding, right? It's like Darth Vader is in here."_

_Ashley laughed and then turned serious. "I like the way you kiss me." Her admission was gentle and soft, and she surprised herself at the lack of embarrassment she felt afterwards._

_Three blocks away, Spencer smiled, unprepared for such honesty about that subject without coaxing it out of her but welcomed it all the same. "Me too."_

_"Me too, what?"_

_This time Spencer's smile developed into a very quiet laugh. "I like the way you kiss me, too."_

_The silence was comfortable and Ashley kept her eyes closed. "I'm going to be really honest now. Is that okay?"_

_"It's always okay."_

_"When I didn't kiss you earlier...it wasn't because I didn't want to. It was because I did, and because that's all I ever want to do now. I want to be able to kiss you whenever I want, not just because I'm upset or you're upset or angry, and not because you're scared things are changing. Every time you kiss me, every time I kiss you back, things have changed; sometimes slowly and sometimes all at once." Ashley allowed a pause, giving herself time to think. "And I don't know how to stop wanting to kiss you, so I think we should either stop entirely, or do it whenever we want to. If that's okay." There was another extended length of silence and she added, "I'm sorry if that's freaked you out, but I've been sitting on that bomb for a really long time. I needed to say it."_

_Spencer's eyes were open now. "How long?" she asked demurely._

_When Ashley heard Spencer's quiet voice instead of a dial-tone, her heart thumped in relief. "Forever, I think." She turned on her side and ran a hand through her hair. "You don't have to say anything now...but if it hasn't freaked you out that much and you're okay with it, clue me in, somehow. And if you avoid me for a week straight, I'll take that as a maybe."_

_"Okay." Spencer wore a fond smile and it travelled through with her voice._

_"Okay," Ashley echoed. "So, on that note, I'm going to say goodnight."_

_"Why?"_

_She sounded amused and Ashley smiled, beginning to feel embarrassed about telling Spencer what was on her mind and also didn't know what else to say. It was different —in a good way— talking to Spencer like that and regardless of embarrassment, she didn't regret it at all. "Uh, because I'm... a little embarrassed?" she squeaked out._

_Spencer laughed quietly. "Don't be. Really."_

_"I know, this is the easy part," Ashley agreed. "I can't even see your face. Don't take it personally if I don't look you in the eyes right away tomorrow."_

_She laughed again. "That's ridiculous. It's only me."_

_"I know. I'll try to get over myself."_

_"Please do."_

_"Night, Spence." Ashley's voice was quiet, content._

_"Night, Ash."_

___###_

_Still reeling from the surreal-like conversation they'd just had, Ashley was surprised to get another text message from Spencer just five minutes later. She hesitated to read it, but only for a second._

_It read: send the ladder down._

_Ashley frowned in confusion. Her eyes went to the doors to her balcony, entertaining the idea for a split second and then promptly dismissed it. It was too late and Spencer wasn't stupid enough to be roaming the streets alone._

_She sent one back: to further aid a robbing s.o.b? I think not. Go to sleep!_

_Her reply was: hurry up, it's cold._

_Jaw slackened, Ashley threw the covers off her body and quietly pulled out the ladders that her parents still didn't know she kept in her closet. They thought someone had stolen them. She breathed out her trepidation and carefully opened the door to her balcony, careful not to wake her parents._

_Lowering the ladders down to where Spencer was standing with her arms crossed to keep warm, Ashley bit her lip. She was sure Spencer was the only person in the world to make her nervous._

_As Spencer neared the top, she saw the way Ashley was lingering close to the railing to help her climb over, and also the way the brunette was suddenly interested in the neighbours' house, shifting her attention from Mr. and Mrs. Whitbeck's house to the one next door where the McArthur's lived._

_When she was level height with Ashley, Spencer made no move to climb over the railing. Instead, she leaned forward and let go of the ladder, gently turning Ashley's head around to give her a smile that would melt away any lingering sense of fear, and pulled her into a kiss._

_There was no underlying sadness or anger fuelling them, just the desire to be close to each other._

_Spencer kissed her differently; the part of her that she didn't realise had been hidden away before wasn't afraid now and she kissed her without hesitancy, with delicacy and intent. It didn't take long to feel that Ashley's returned kisses had lost that tiny essence of restraint, either._

_Lips were claimed gently at first, mouths slowly but gradually opening wider and heads slanted to accept attempts to deepen a kiss that had already gone deeper than any of their previous kisses. It was intimate in the way they'd never been with each other before, or anybody else. It was for all the right reasons._

_Ashley had stepped forward, wrapping her arms around Spencer as she kissed her; a display of the protectiveness and security she'd felt and wanted to give her since they were in the sandbox. Only now she wasn't throwing sand at or verbally taunting anyone who dared to speak to Spencer in an insolent tone, she was gently exploring her mouth, memorising everything about that moment because she knew it was significant and because forgetting anything about Spencer had never had anything higher than zero appeal to her._

_When Spencer was beginning to feel light-headed and unsteady from kissing while standing at the top of ladders, even with arms around her, she kissed Ashley one last time and lowered her head to the brunette's shoulder as she caught her breath. Even with mouths separated, she was still breathing Ashley in._

_After heart-rates had nearly slowed back to normal, Ashley held on tightly as Spencer climbed over the railing and jumped down onto the balcony, executing a quiet landing not to disturb Christine and Raife._

_Spencer walked inside and unzipped the jacket that she'd thrown on over her pyjamas to run the three blocks it took to reach Ashley. Her phone slipped out of the pocket and bounced off the carpet with a short, loud thump and she whispered out her apology in the darkness of the room._

_Closing the balcony door noiselessly, Ashley shrugged it off as nothing and walked over to Spencer who turned around in time with her, their movements sinuous and instinctive as they reached for each other and pressed together, mouths re-joining effortlessly._

_When minutes passed and their actions had turned heated and hurried, Spencer had no qualms about falling backwards onto the bed, her action graceful, and tugged Ashley with her so she was on top. And this time, as she matched Ashley's passion and enthusiasm with every kiss, she wasn't thinking about anything or anyone else, there was no panic, nothing twisting inside of her stomach telling her that something was wrong._

_She was content._

_The shadows of the room didn't touch them. They couldn't. Ashley and Spencer were on their own planet; the only inhabitants of their own private world where everything was vibrant and immortal, and nothing could ever destroy them._

_Never kissing anyone so intimately before and certainly never kissing Spencer for so long before —it had been almost fifteen minutes of lips, tongue and teeth, Ashley felt hot all over and she broke their kiss, her eyes still closed as she felt Spencer's mouth press to the side of hers as she caught her breath._

_She hovered just over Spencer's neck. "You have to go." Her tongue darting out to taste the blonde's skin again, lips pressing against it soon after, didn't exactly send the same message._

_"I know." With the slight weight of Ashley's body on top of hers and her tongue and lips against her neck, she made a conscious effort not to moan and pulled Ashley's head back up, an open-mouthed kiss waiting for her._

_It was two minutes later when Spencer rose up on her elbows and began the process of sitting up. When she'd succeeded, her hands went from Ashley's hair to rest gently on her waist, a gesture that told the brunette their time was almost up._

_And when it was, when they gave each other a long, soft kiss and Spencer opened her eyes in time to see Ashley open hers, darker and lidded, she forced herself to get up and leave while she still could._

_Outside by the ladder, when her jacket was back on and her phone was carefully tucked inside her pocket, Ashley helped her climb over the railing to the ladder._

_"Are you okay?" she felt the need to ask, needed to hear it for herself._

_Spencer smiled sweetly. "What do you think?"_

_"I think yes, but hearing you say it would be really great."_

_"I'm okay," she confirmed. "More than."_

_It was enough for a wide smile. "Okay." Ashley reached forward and put her hand on top of Spencer's which was almost instantly turned over so that it could be held. "Are you sure you don't want me to walk you back?"_

_"I'm sure. I think I can handle three blocks," she said lightly, squeezing the brunette's hand in reassurance. "I'll see you later, okay?"_

_"Yeah. Goodnight," she replied, keeping her voice quiet because it was so late._

_She watched Spencer climb back down the ladder and smiled when she stopped halfway and hurried back up. Ashley leaned down as far as she could to meet her, kissing her fully on the mouth._

_"Goodnight," Spencer said, impish smile in place._

_###_

_Slinking down inside her sleeping bag to avoid waking the other occupants of the room, Spencer settled down with a smile, unable to help herself._

_"Where'd you go?" Emily whispered across the room._

_"Bathroom."_


	17. Daydream In Blue

_The following months were filled with their usual antics at home and school and they were still as fascinated with each other as they always had been, except they had slowly stopped talking to each other when they were alone for an extended period of time. Now all they did was kiss._

Both nights of their sixteenth birthday, they kissed until they were too tired to.

Sometimes it was nothing more than a fleeting press of lips against lips when they were around other people whose attention was elsewhere for a split second. And the times they were alone, they would barely part; passionate and urgent.

Times they were under the gazebo in town and nobody was currently passing by, on foot or by car, one of them would now always lean in for an intended brief kiss which almost always developed to the point where they were straining to get closer.

When they'd been on a field trip to a local art museum and strayed from their class group to explore at their own pace, Spencer had been talked into looking at a collection that Ashley, shockingly, wanted to see. After they'd spent nearly twenty minutes looking at Ronnie Woods' paintings with Spencer pretending to appear interested and engaged at almost every moment, they'd heard the faint chatter of their classmates and hurried away.

They'd ended up making out in the restroom for half an hour.

Naturally, once they'd left and re-joined their group on the way back to the school bus, laughing, holding hands and play-fighting the entire way, they'd received their usual quota of eye-rolls from their classmates who were used to their recurrent public displays of affection.

When Ashley would stay over at Spencer's house, or vice versa, they'd get into bed and hold each other as usual, still except for a slight brush of fingers against skin, and then they'd turn into each other, kissing with intent and purpose until their bodies forced them to stop in fear of going too far by crossing a line that could not be blurred, no matter how caught up in each other they were.

The two boys who had recently —and unknown to the other— asked Ashley and Spencer out on a date were politely declined, and both nights had them kissing harder and deeper, pulling each other closer, hands clutching.

When they were in each other's bedroom, their conversations began and ended on one simple, "hi."

###

"Do you think this is what lobsters feel like when they meet their fate?" Ashley asked, sprawled across the Carlin's front lawn soaking up the sun's rays as the two youngest members of the Carlin family were practising how to get better at sports, namely basketball and how to actually hit a ball when playing baseball or softball.

Usually Spencer wasn't terrible at batting. She was just easily distracted as of late.

"Who cares?" Glen replied. "Get up. You're supposed to be running after the ball."

Spencer and Glen had passed the morning by playing basketball, much to Spencer's chagrin. She'd yelled at him several times for throwing the ball at her too hard and he'd yelled back at her when she repeatedly missed her basket, even with free shots.

She'd only agreed to a new two-player game, simply throwing and batting a ball because she'd have a weapon if he continued to annoy her.

"Spencer has legs," Ashley replied, squinting over to them. "Great legs," she corrected. Her tone was light-hearted to go over Glen's head.

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Looking down at her, spying that coy smile, Spencer had to shake her head. "He's right, you are lazy." She adjusted her helmet. "But it is really hot."

"He didn't say that."

"But he was thinking it."

"Actually," Glen interjected. "I was thinking more along the lines of 'lazy bitch'. You know, if you're going for accuracy." His smirk was replaced with a laugh when he saw Ashley raise both middle fingers in his direction.

"Hurry up, Glen," Spencer whined, tired of waiting for him to throw the ball. "And get ready to run. This one's going far; I feel it in my bones."

With her arm held over her eyes to block out the annoying sun, Ashley smiled fondly.

"Yeah, nowhere far," he replied as he threw the ball over to her.

With precision and determination, Spencer's bat made contact with the ball and sent it soaring through the air. It landed down the street and she cheered for herself, taunting Glen with a smug smile. "You were saying, big shot?"

"I'm a good coach," he said. "Get the ball back. I'm not going."

"Where'd it go?" Ashley asked.

"Down the street," Spencer said as she took her helmet off and dropped it to the grass, walking backward to peer around a tree that was blocking her view. "I think it's by the Goldberg's."

Ashley shot up. "I'll go with you."

"It needs two of you to carry a baseball?" Glen asked.

Ignoring him, Ashley simply hurried over to Spencer and grabbed her hand, tugging her down the street. They hadn't been alone all morning. The Goldberg's was the last house on the street, directly opposite Mr. Foster's. Half of their front garden was cornered off by a tall hedge with a strange design that took up half the lawn. Ashley had always said was a bad, half-assed attempt at a maze.

The Goldberg family were away on vacation, so when they neared the ball that was sitting at the front of their lawn and Spencer leaned down to pick it up, Ashley kicked it further away.

"Ash," she complained, crossing across the grass and hurrying around the first corner of the hedge to reach the ball.

Ashley checked behind her to make sure they hadn't been spotted by anyone and followed Spencer around the corner away from sight.

"What was the point in that?" Spencer asked as she walked towards her.

The baseball fell from her grip as soon as Ashley's body was against hers and walked her backwards until she was pushed against the hedge, hands clutching hips or threaded through hair when tongues slid against each other, lips melding repetitively.

They'd been very careful over the past three months to just _kiss, and not touch. Touching would cross an unspoken line._

They had to remind themselves of that daily, and try even harder to care.

For the first time since their kissing had been a very regular occurrence, Ashley wasn't wearing a top. Summer hadn't long arrived and it was already brutal to them in the high eighties with no air conditioning in the house, leaving Ashley to don shorts and bikini top to not overheat completely.

Her plan failed as soon as she pressed herself against Spencer's body and kissed her deeply, because now she could feel Spencer's hands move from her hips and slide over the sensitive skin of her sides, making her hotter than she'd been in days and even more unwilling to pull away.

Instead, she moaned, low and soft into her mouth, and tried to get even closer. It still wasn't enough.

"What the hell are you doing?" Glen screamed after a couple of minutes.

Ashley pulled away quickly, whirling around with the expectancy of seeing Glen behind them. Except he wasn't, he was in the street, and with a thudding heart, she turned back to Spencer with her mouth open.

"Okay, that was close." She laughed and brought a hand up to her heaving chest. "God."

Spencer opened her eyes, breaths heavier as she looked at Ashley from under hooded lids.

"You okay?" Ashley's question was asked with a tenderness that was reserved for Spencer.

The following nod was confirmation that she was indeed okay and Spencer ran a hand through her hair.

"Do you wanna stay here for a minute? Maybe, uh, cool down or something?"

Spencer's response was to lean down and retrieve the fallen baseball, throwing it with all her strength over the hedge and out to the street where Glen was no doubt waiting. But since it had taken a while for a response and needing a bottle of water, Glen had waited only seconds before trudging back to his house for something to drink.

The ball hit against something loudly and Spencer winced while the brunette hurried to see what the damage was. When Ashley saw the ball sitting on Mr. Foster's driveway, she stopped in her tracks and swore under her breath when she saw his front door being pulled open.

"What's the damage? Did I break something?" Spencer asked, on her way over.

"Stay there."

Stopping almost instantly, she frowned. "Why?"

With a false sense of bravado, Ashley shook the hair away from her face and squared her shoulders as he approached, looking up to him with a neutral expression. "Do you want something, or are you here for the view?" she asked him after several awkward seconds of silence, of him just looking at her.

Mr. Foster squeezed the baseball in his hand, arms hanging by his sides. "Did you throw that ball at my car?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

Up close, Ashley noticed that his brown eyes were vacant of any kind of emotion and his voice wasn't rough, but smooth. She didn't know if that made him even more chilling, or if it was somehow a comfort.

Her shoulders shrugged nonchalantly. "Like a lot of babies, it was an accident. No need to freak out, okay? Nothing was broken."

Spencer frowned in confusion. "Ash, who you talkin' to?" she asked, walking out from behind the hedge to stand next to her. Her eyebrows rose considerably when she saw who it was. "Oh."

Ashley noticed that he looked affected by Spencer's sudden appearance. His eyes had flashed with an emotion that she couldn't decipher, and he swallowed thickly, looking anxious.

Sliding her arm through Ashley's, hand resting on her forearm, Spencer looked at him warily. "Is-is that it?" she asked, biting the corner of her lip again even though her breathing had picked back up. "Because we were kind of busy." Once Mr. Foster made eye-contact with her, it was like an unknown force was compelling her to apologise instantly but she wasn't sure what for, so she kept quiet.

Ashley held out her hand towards him. "The ball?"

Slowly turning his attention back to the brunette, his eyes turned cold and the stare that followed was baleful. "What?"

"That baseball you're holding is mine, and I want it back." She felt Spencer squeeze her arm, a silent way of telling her to stop it and be nice. Ashley's eyes widened slightly after seconds passed, brows rising with them. "Can I have it?" she asked, tone less sharp.

Mr. Foster raised his hand and looked back at Spencer, gazing at her intently before slowly handing it to the blonde.

It was then that Spencer noticed a depressed scar on his forearm, disappearing under the sleeve of his shirt. She briefly met Ashley's eyes and wore a small smile of forced appreciation as she held the ball and re-focused her attention back on the man. "Thank you."

"You look like her," Mr. Foster shared, sliding his hands into his pockets as he looked away for a fleeting second, like it was difficult to look at the blonde's face for very long. He hadn't noticed before, never paid anyone on the street much attention if he could help it. "Up close, you do."

"Like who?"

"My daughter."

Spencer's face contorted softly. "You have a daughter? I've never...seen her around before."

His smile was forlorn. "No, well, you wouldn't. She's with my wife."

Spencer was even more taken aback. "You have a wife, too? No way. Where are they?"

"In the ground."

Face stuck halfway between horrified and stunned, all she could manage was, "Oh."

Ashley sent a heated glare his way and made a grab for the blonde's hand, holding it tightly as she began to walk away from him. "Come on, Spence."

A willing follower, Spencer stayed by Ashley's side, walking faster to compensate for Ashley's fast strides and instinctively pulled her closer when, halfway up the street, Mr. Foster suddenly appeared on the other side of the brunette.

It happened quickly, and all Ashley registered was being pulled into the safety of Spencer's body and having Mr. Foster's voice in her ear.

"He's cheating," he said bluntly, walking away the moment the words left his lips.

Spencer spun around. "What is your problem? You don't speak to anybody for God knows how long and then you start scaring young girls for no reason? Way to win your neighbours over. Creep," she added quietly. Turning to Ashley, she asked, "what did he say to you?"

"Nothing that made sense. Must be time for him to eat a brain, or something."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. He's a jackass."

Spencer smiled. That was Raife's favourite word. "You're the image of your dad, I swear." She rubbed her head. "Okay. So, um, what do you feel like doing now?" Spencer asked. "Do you want to go upstairs? My mom and dad are at work and Glen will be going out soon."

Mr. Foster was quickly forgotten and Ashley debated if it was wise that she and Spencer were alone in her bedroom for hours on end, especially with the way she was so easily worked up lately.

Her decision was made as soon as she heard her parents arguing heatedly, their raised voices filtering out through the kitchen window. She shook her head at them, trying to block out their ruction. They'd been fighting a lot lately. More than ever.

Ashley led Spencer into the house and they were stopped by Glen who asked what had taken them so long. Once he knew, Ashley had to hold his arm and Spencer pushed her hands against his chest in an effort to keep him in the house and not confront Mr. Foster.

When they'd left to go upstairs, Glen called some of his friends from school, rounding them up if he ever needed backup.

###

As soon as they'd reached the blonde's room, Ashley went to her drawers and pulled out a tank top that she didn't wait to put on. She couldn't be on a bed with Spencer without a top on.

"It wasn't long ago you were complaining about how hot it is," Spencer pointed out as she put her own hair up, away from her neck.

"It still is. It's just...I don't think it's a good idea for us to make out when one or both of us are half naked."

Spencer got on the bed and lay on her back. "Okay."

Ashley eyed her suspiciously, her tone far too gentle for her not to be wary. "It is? You're not..." Spencer quirked a brow and she added, "I don't know, mad, or offended in some way?"

"Why would I be?"

"I don't know," Ashley was quick to say. "I was just checking."

"Okay." Spencer nodded. "Not mad or offended in any way; check, check."

"Look at us, actually talking for longer than two seconds," she said, making her way over and crawling up the bed. "We're making progress."

Watching Ashley get closer and kneel between and next to her legs with arms supporting her weight either side of her shoulders, Spencer's eyes lingered at her chest and leisurely moved upwards to her face. Brushing back the hair that had fallen forward, she slid her hands further around her neck until she reached the back of her head, stroking gently as she looked into Ashley's eyes, felt her body hovering over hers. 

"_I think progress is overrated." _

_Ashley smiled. "You don't want to talk about anything? Everything's okay?"_

"There is one thing I wanted to ask you..."

"Okay."

"Why aren't you kissing me?"

And that was the end of their conversation.

###

Twenty minutes had passed slowly, feeling like an hour to both of them as they kissed deeply, using every ounce of willpower not to ease the ache between their legs by pressing themselves against each other; prayed the other would stop moaning so low.

Caught up in her body, the way she felt on top of her and the way her tongue and lips were gently sucking the skin above her pulse-point, Spencer moaned softly. Her face was flushed a delicate pink, hot and worked up, and her hands bunched up the material at Ashley's sides when she moved lower and sucked harder, teeth coming in to play at the crook of her neck.

Spencer didn't think about telling her to stop, she simply brought her leg up and dragged her foot down Ashley's smooth calf and back up again.

Ashley made her way back to the blonde's mouth, her kiss deep and wet and she didn't notice Spencer pushing her top up until it was bunched up by her ribs, not until the unmistakable sensation of Spencer's soft hands was against her bare skin, ghosting over it at first and then her touch becoming firmer as her hands roamed.

Passionate and urgent, as most of their kisses had been for the past few months, they pulled each other closer and felt the already acute ache increase to a higher degree, one they'd never felt quite so strongly before.

Ignoring the logic that told her they were going too far, Ashley slid her hand underneath Spencer's top and savoured the feeling of her skin, moaning into her mouth when Spencer's hands tangled through her hair and kissed her languidly, tongue gently caressing her own.

And when she flicked her tongue over Spencer's top lip and looked down to her, lips swollen and face flushed, Ashley took one glance at her darker eyes and leaned down to kiss her softly until lips were parted again. Their mouths met in a series of hot, open-mouthed kisses that made Ashley desperate for more contact, her hips instinctively surging down against Spencer's.

Lips slowing, they stilled momentarily, breathlessly moaning out their pleasure and then kissed harder, deeper.

It was two minutes later when Ashley kissed Spencer's lips and then her cheek, moving off her body to lie down beside her and catch her breath, letting her body come down from its high and attempted to ignore the incessant throb at the apex of her legs, stomach wound tight.

Spencer waited until she could form coherent words and turned on her side. "Are you okay?"

Ashley nodded, eyes closed.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No."

"Then, why'd you stop?" she asked, resting her hand on the brunette's stomach. "We don't have to."

"We do." Ashley opened her eyes to say. "We really do. Before something happens, before this turns into something else. Something I don't know if either of us is even ready for." She sighed softly, turning her head to look at her. "Do you know what we're doing?"

"We're doing what we want to do, aren't we? We're not hurting anybody. It hasn't changed anything."

"You don't think we spend too much of the time we're alone in a serious lip-lock?"

Spencer smiled. "It's not every second, so no."

"Do you feel free to see other people without hurting me, or do you get scared I'll be the way I was when Bobby was first around?"

"I feel free to see other people because I know we're best friends and nothing would ever change that. I know you would find it in you to be happy for me, no matter what." Spencer rubbed her stomach, fingers slipping underneath the material. "Do you feel free to go out with guys? I know you have before, and I know you've dated, but...nothing really serious. Is it because they're all that bad, or do you not want to yet?"

"I feel free to go out with guys," Ashley replied. She did feel free to date boys because they were normal and expected. She just didn't want to. "And I don't know. A mixture, I guess. They're cool and fun and I like hanging out with them. I just think the guys I've been out with have been pretty boring once you get past the dates."

"You know you could have anyone at school, right? Guys are always checking you out." She looked up to her eyes. "Has anyone asked you out lately?"

"Nope."

"Really?" Spencer asked skeptically. "Why don't I believe you?"

"Because years of horror movies have made you paranoid."

"You wouldn't lie to me, would you?" Spencer's voice was quiet and serious.

Ashley looked her in the eyes and knew she wouldn't be able to, not convincingly. "No-one worth mentioning," she admitted softly as she watched eyes become brighter, as if relieved.

It had been the cold, hard truth for as long as Ashley could remember. Nobody had ever stood out to her the way Spencer was starting to. Lately all she'd done was daydream in blue.

###

As it was turning out, that was just the beginning.

The following weeks had slowly begun to clue Ashley in to the fact that she noticed Spencer the way she was supposed to be noticing other people. She noticed everything about her body, marvelled over her mind and the kind of person she was.

Now she was sitting on the end of a tube slide watching Spencer hang out with her friends, getting to know them better. They'd hung out a handful of times before and they'd seen Spencer with Ashley on numerous occasions, knowing full-well that they came as a pair, even when apart. They liked Spencer.

"I'm doing it!" Spencer exclaimed to everyone as she successfully managed to keep upright on her board and get to the top of one of the biggest ramps there.

Unfortunately, she still hadn't learned how to stop properly and had to be grabbed and pulled to safety by the closest boy —Adam— before she went tumbling backwards. Spencer liked him a tiny bit better than the other boys Ashley hung out with. He was the only one, besides the two girls of their group, whose eyes didn't linger on parts of Ashley's body and make her feel that familiar stab of jealousy.

Her laugh bubbled out, gripping onto his arms. "My skull and I thank you."

"You really gotta be careful on these things when you're new. You can get hurt."

"Got any cool scars?" she asked, stepping away from him.

Adam nodded, thinking of some memories. "A couple little ones, nothing major. But this fucking hurt," he said, lifting up his t-shirt to reveal a large, thick bloodied scab stretching across the length of his side.

Both repulsed and impressed at the sight of it, Spencer laughed loudly when he reached for her hand and forced it closer to touch it. She screamed just before her fingers made contact and he let go with a smirk. "That's disgusting. You _need to be careful." Looking around for Ashley, Spencer spotted her across the park. "Be right back, Scabs."_

She jumped down from the ramp and made her way over to the brunette, nudging her. She wished she hadn't when she felt the sting of her sunburn. "Why are you Miss Lonesome? Your friends keep asking what's up with you and I didn't know the answer, so I think you should tell me and I can go back to feeling superior."

Ashley smiled, charmed. "Nothing's up," she replied, resting her hand on top of the blonde's. "I'm taking in the view, soaking up the sun."

Spencer leaned her forehead against the side of Ashley's head. "You're wearing your thinking face," she said, pulling away again. "Anything you wanna talk about?"

"I'm okay."

"Is it about your parents fighting?"

Ashley shook her head, bothered about it, but not worried. They were having a rough patch. It was common in any marriage. They were still solid. "No."

"Is it about Funny Games last night? I'm sorry I made you sit through it. I didn't know there was going to be a dead dog, or I would have never asked you to watch it."

"That movie really was disgusting," Ashley said, making a face at some of the scenes. "But no. I'm fine! I promise."

"No, there's something," Spencer said lightly, brows furrowed lightly in concentration. She picked up Ashley's other hand a second later and turned it over, examining the graze she'd suffered when she'd begged Ashley to show her how good she was on a skateboard. The answer was; not good. She never skated when she was there. It didn't appeal to her at all. "Is it this? Does it hurt?"

"It does kinda hurt," she admitted, feeling a sharp sting when the blonde traced a finger around the torn skin. It was already purple. When she saw Spencer's head lower to kiss it better, she tugged her hand back, just enough to gain her attention. "Not here," she said quietly.

"Sorry," Spencer apologised. She hadn't thought. "Is it me?"

Ashley laughed. "God, you don't let anything go, do you? Fine, yes, I was thinking. But it wasn't anything bad. It was good."

"Was it about me?"

"They were all good, nice thoughts."

Spencer leaned into her ear. "Were they about me?"

Ashley's face contorted as she tried not to laugh. "No."

"Really?" She pulled back.

At the serious tone, Ashley gave in and chuckled. "You were so serious just now. Yes, okay. You had a cameo. Happy now?"

"Very much," Spencer confirmed, smug smile in place. "What are you thinking about right now?"

"Nothing."

"Do you want me to go first?" she asked, not giving Ashley a chance to respond. "I'm thinking about how much I'm looking forward to you staying over tonight. That, and I'm suddenly craving grapes."

Ashley leaned to the side where her bag was resting. "Oh, I have a grape Ringpop that I was saving. You can have it."

When it was offered to her, Spencer accepted it. She unopened it and shoved it inside Ashley's mouth, effectively muting whatever it was that she was about to say.

"We can share."

Ashley mumbled her agreement and they spent five minutes talking about a new song Ashley had learned to play on her acoustic, a new book Spencer had fallen in love with that wasn't one of her mother's textbooks from med-school, and decided on the location of a vacation they knew they'd never go on when they were older, but was still fun to plan.

Looking over at her friends to see if anyone was watching them —they weren't, Ashley pulled the half-eaten Ringpop from her mouth and handed it over to the blonde.

Spencer took one look at it and dropped it on the ground next to her, hoping she'd remember to dispose of it properly before she went home. "Meet me halfway," she said to the brunette as she got up from the floor.

"Halfway to the moon, halfway to paradise?" Ashley craned her neck to see Spencer climbing the ladders to reach the top of the tube slide and one look around confirmed that they didn't have an audience.

Spencer went down the slide using her hands to stop herself from falling, and Ashley, to stop from slipping back down, pushed her feet against the sides and made her way up to the middle, laughing when she saw Spencer crawling down towards her.

"Is there any particular reason why we're in an incubator?" she asked, pushing her foot against the second curve of the slide to gain some more height, moving closer.

Spencer let herself fall down a few inches and supported her weight with an arm beside the brunette's shoulder as she leaned in to kiss her, soon tasting grape.

They got caught up and addicted as ever, and they'd slipped twice, sliding down a fraction as they tried to get closer, kissing deeper and still wanting more. It was exactly four minutes later when a six-year-old boy slammed into them on the way down his favourite slide.

They tumbled out of the bottom, collapsing on the ground.

In a tangle of limbs, Ashley eventually separated herself from Spencer and sat up, confused; even more so when she saw a dark-haired little boy wince and rub his wrist.

"What the fu—"

Shooting forward to cover Ashley's mouth with her hand, Spencer sent her a look to watch her language and got to her feet, walking over to the boy. She touched his arm. "Hey, is your wrist okay?"

He nodded, face contorted. "Yeah, it's fine."

"Rotate it for me." Her request was fulfilled. "And the other way." There were no signs of discomfort and she smiled at him, convinced he wasn't hurt despite the fact there was no way bones could have been broken in a fall so tame. "Good. Be careful next time, okay?"

"Me?" The boy frowned, looking between the two of them. "It was your fault. Why were you two blocking the slide?"

"We were talking," Ashley said.

"I didn't hear any talking."

She looked to Spencer for backup. "Tell him we were talking."

The blonde nodded in agreement. "It's true."

"We were speaking French," Ashley added. "Right, Spencer?"

"Fluently."

The little boy shrugged and made a start to leave. "Whatever."

###

A week passed.

On her way downstairs after a cold shower, Ashley finished tying the towel around her head and rushed over to the ringing house phone. "Hello?" There was an extended length of silence and Ashley checked to make sure the call hadn't been disconnected. It hadn't, and it was an unknown number. "Hello?" She smiled. "Spencer, if this is you trying to freak me out because no-one else is home, it's not going to work. Its daylight."

"Hi, Ashley."

She frowned, not recognising the voice. "Uh, hey, who's this?"

"It's Carol, sweetie."

Carol was Sheriff Pete's daughter.

"Oh, hey. Sorry, I didn't recognise your voice. I don't think you've ever called my house before. What's up?"

"I was stupid to call," Carol said, shaking her head. "I'm sorry. I thought your dad would be free. I had an accident involving peroxide and wondered if he had time to squeeze me in today. But its fine, really, I know he's busy. I can get it fixed somewhere else."

"No, don't apologise, it's cool. Uh, my dad's out with my mom this afternoon. Some spontaneous lunch, I think. I don't know where they went exactly, but cell-phones are a great thing. Do you need his number?"

"No, no," she rushed out. "Let's leave them to it."

"Are you sure? I can tell him you called when he gets back. He won't be long. They went out, like, two hours ago."

"I'm sure. Don't bother him, honey. I'm probably making a mountain out of molehill here."

Ashley shrugged, unmoved either way. "All right, well, good luck, anyway. Say hi to your dad for me."

"I will. Bye, sweetie."

###

Arthur smiled when he opened the door and was greeted with a wide smile from Ashley. He opened the door wider, stepping aside to allow her by. "Hi, Ashley."

"What's up, Mr. C?" She stood on her toes to kiss his cheek as she passed.

He watched Ashley look around the corner to Spencer who was on her stomach lying down on the couch, saw her eyes brighten and soften while she looked down to her with a fond, affectionate smile.

"Creep," she whispered after a few seconds passed.

Legs casually moving back and forth, Spencer bit her lip and looked away from her book. When she saw Ashley, her face lit up. "What are you doing here?"

"To hang out with your brother."

"Oh." She looked back down to her book. "You kids have fun."

Ashley hurried towards the back of the couch, jumping over it to land heavily on Spencer's back and smiled in triumph at the blonde's surprised and pained scream, followed by a laugh.

Arthur watched them interact, looking at them both lovingly. They'd always been the same.

Watching her father leave, Spencer boldly turned over to face Ashley and pulled her down for a kiss, to which Ashley returned eagerly until she remembered where they were, and then she practically threw herself to the floor in her haste to get away from her.

"Spencer," she complained with false theatricality and annoyance, stretching her leg out to rest it on Spencer's lap. "God. Control yourself."

Her face and voice were indifferent. "I'm so sorry."

"Wanna go to the river later?"

"Why?"

Ashley shrugged. "I don't know. To sit around."

"You make it sound so appealing."

"Shut up. You wanna go?"

Spencer nodded, sliding her bookmark between the pages of her book and discarded it to the floor. "Yeah, okay."

"You know what I realised earlier?" she asked as hands came to rest on her leg, rubbing softly.

"What?"

Ashley's voice lowered in case anyone could hear them. "We never hug anymore."

"Yes, we do," Spencer swiftly disagreed. "Like, every single day."

"Well, yeah," Ashley relented slightly. "But that's different. I mean we never just _hug. A regular hug, without making out, or the expectation of making out."_

"We do."

Ashley shook her head. "Nope. You don't need me for that anymore."

"Pity party for one?" she teased.

"Ugh." Ashley withdrew her leg and got up, heading out of the room. "Screw you. I know when I've outstayed my welcome. So short, too."

Spencer smiled, grabbing her hand as she passed her. "I'll come over after dinner."

"Okay." She leaned down for a brief, loud kiss to her forehead. "See you then, Hatchet face," she said, laughing when Spencer's mouth dropped, face horrified, and leaned back down to kiss her bottom lip. "I'm sorry."

"I can't believe you just said that to me."

Ashley laughed again, kissing her way back from Spencer's cheek to her lips. "I'm sorry. You're beautiful."

When she got to her mouth again, Spencer responded, closing her eyes to return a single, long chaste kiss.

"I'll see you later," Ashley whispered, barely pulling away. She pressed a quick kiss to the blonde's lips and then left the room.

"Ash," Spencer called out, jumping up from the couch.

She caught up to Ashley in the hallway and wrapped her arms around her, pulling her tight against her own body. A few seconds into their two-minute-long hug, Spencer's eyes drifted shut.

###

Sitting cross-legged on the dock with Spencer sitting on her lap, legs either side of her, Ashley allowed her hands to wander underneath her top and pull her closer, responding to every kiss and touch.

"Do you think," Spencer started, distracted when Ashley's mouth was against her neck. "Do you think there's anything ironic about us making out on top of wood?"

"No."

"Really?"

"Shhh," Ashley demanded, re-joining their lips.

###

Sat at the kitchen table, directly underneath the ceiling fan, Ashley watched her parents load the dishwasher after dinner. She noticed how tired Christine looked.

Without looking, Raife handed her a glass and let go prematurely.

When it smashed against the floor, Christine frowned softly at the mess and heard a patronising laugh from her husband. She looked down to her bare feet. "Ashley, can you get the dustpan? I can't move."

Ashley nodded, already on her way to the basement where it was kept.

"Anything else you want to ruin, Chris?" Raife goaded.

"Raife, for once, would you shut up?"

"It wouldn't take long," he began. "You can go ahead and check dinner and our marriage off the list."

Christine's face fell and she looked over to him, wondering where the man she married had gone. It had been months of constant arguing and it wasn't like him. They'd had their ups and downs like every couple, but he used to treat her like his queen. "I'm tired, Raife," she said quietly, trying to keep calm while Ashley was in the house.

"You're not the only one."

"Don't pick a fight with me tonight. You won't get one."

"That's not the only thing I'm not getting from you anymore."

She shrugged. "Find someone else, Ray," Christine dared. "See if they put up with your crap for even five minutes."

For a split second his face switched from a bitter smirk to shame, and she eyed him suspiciously. Christine frowned, a disbelieving puff of air escaping her lips. She looked stricken, suddenly pale.

"This was hiding under a ton of shit," Ashley declared as she walked back into the kitchen, unknowingly intruding. She stopped by her mother's feet, brushing the glass away from them before she placed some shoes down for her. When there was no movement, Ashley realised neither of them were speaking. She looked up at them and her brows rose. "Mom?"

Christine shook her head, blinking back the tears in her eyes. "What?"

Ashley got to her feet. "I was expecting a 'language', or something," she said, frowning at their expressions and the tension she suddenly felt. She touched her mother's hand. "You okay?"

"Of course she's okay," Raife snapped.

"Are you?" Ashley asked her again, still holding her hand. She felt it trembling and saw the way Christine was trying to keep her composure. "What did you say?" she directed her question towards Raife.

"Go away, Ashley. This is a private conversation."

"I wasn't asking your permission to stay."

His voice was stern. "Get out."

"No." She focused back on her mother. "Whatever he said, ignore it. He didn't mean it. He's obviously looking for a fight." When Ashley saw her tears leak down to her face, she pulled her into a lengthy hug. Her mother didn't cry very often. "Don't cry."

"I have to go," Christine said quietly, slipping her shoes on.

"Was this about a stupid glass?" Ashley asked Raife, stepping back to let Christine pass. "Because that's really pathetic. Were you waiting for an excuse?"

"Ashley..." he trailed off angrily.

"Don't 'Ashley' me. You're treating her like crap and I'm sick of it. Get it together. Whatever issues you have, deal with them like an adult."

"Don't you lecture me," he laughed.

"Why not? You need to hear it, especially if you fly off the handle at one stupid broken glass." Ashley pushed a glass off the side and let it smash against the floor. She shrugged. "Are you going to fight with me now?"

Looking at him with disdain as he stormed out of the back door for some air, Ashley caught up with Christine, jumping into the passenger seat of the car. She didn't want her to be alone.

###

A month later when she'd seen Christine and Raife drive down the street, unknowing that it was to see a marriage counsellor, Spencer hurried next door and walked into Ashley's bedroom, seeing her lying sideways on top of the bed with every window and door open, fan pointing towards her.

She smirked. "Hot?"

Ashley shook her head, mute.

"No? My bad."

"I'm not here."

"Where are you?" Spencer asked while walking over to the bed, kneeling next to her.

Her eyes were closed. "Somewhere in Antarctica."

She lay down against Ashley's left side. "I'll keep you warm there."

Ashley lowered her arms that were resting behind her head, hanging off the edge of the bed, and secured them around Spencer. "You okay?" she asked after a while.

"Yeah. Are you?"

"I don't think I've ever been this okay." Ashley turned her head to the side. "You're the quiet."

"What?"

"You know how people sing or dance, do sports or whatever, and everything else gets quiet?"

Spencer smiled. "Yeah."

Ashley looked to her mouth and traced her thumb across the full bottom lip. "That's you. It's always quiet when I'm with you." When she dared to look back up into the sea of blue waiting for her, Ashley knew that was the only colour she'd ever daydreamed in, and there was no point in denying it anymore.

When a soft mouth was pressed against hers, she knew. Each time Spencer kissed her, she was crystallising it: the fact that Ashley didn't ever want to kiss anyone else.

The moment Spencer felt that pull towards Ashley that let her know the brunette's body would soon be like a magnet against her own, she drew back and headed over to the balcony, closing the door and pulled down the blind that blocked the view to her own bedroom and part of the street.

Once she was back on the bed, Spencer's mouth was against Ashley's before she'd settled between her legs, kissing languidly.

It had always been different to the way she'd been kissed by Bobby. Sometimes Ashley didn't even have to be kissing her and she'd feel her body react at the mere sight of her.

When minutes lapsed and the sensation of her mouth didn't feel quite like enough, fingers grazed over exposed shoulders and down a thinly-covered back until Ashley reached the hem of Spencer's top, slipping her fingers underneath to stroke warm skin, drawing aimless patterns while their mouths were joined in a continuous cycle of intimacy.

Eliciting moans from each other, sent straight into the other's mouth, Ashley's hands tightened against Spencer's back, sliding to the small of it and then up again, pulling her tighter against her body.

Her heart pounded when Spencer's head dipped down to her neck, and when Ashley could feel her tongue against her pulse point, she felt herself clench. Her legs opened wider, hands travelling down to Spencer's ass. Ashley gripped tightly, pulling Spencer's hips firmly against her own and heard echoing low moan.

It was Spencer who continued, her hips rolling downward while she kissed her way across Ashley's jaw line, brows furrowed as she stopped to moan softly.

Their lips crashed together, kiss hurried in pace and Ashley's hands held the blonde's head, needing her to stay exactly in place. With a similar pace, their hips met rhythmically; Ashley driving hers upward to meet every downward thrust.

Wanting to see more of her, Spencer responded to the soft, wet kiss she was being given and pressed her lips against her chin, making her way down her neck. Ashley thought she'd stop there and opened her eyes when she didn't, looking on as Spencer pushed up her top until it was bunched under her breasts. It was with anticipation that she watched Spencer settle back between her legs, head dipping down to her exposed stomach.

Fingers splaying across taut, tanned skin, Spencer pressed her mouth against it; her kisses much like before in the way that they were persistent and soft and she could feel the brunette's hand in her hair when she brushed her tongue over warm skin.

Fascinated with every reaction she was evoking, Spencer's hand made a slow path upwards and her eyes closed when she cupped the warm, soft weight of Ashley's breast for the first time. She pressed her lips against Ashley's ribs and swept her thumb over a hardened nipple.

Ashley moaned her appreciation, back arching up into her. She allowed Spencer to pull her up and took the opportunity to capture her lips again, hands grasping the hem of her top to pull it over her head. While their kiss was broken, Spencer shed Ashley of hers and they quickly found themselves back against the mattress, skin against skin.

Ashley rolled them over and kissed Spencer deeply, pushing her arms behind her head. Fingers interlocked as hips rocked and skin slid against skin.

Eventually hips and mouths stilled enough for Ashley to draw back with her knees either side of Spencer as she looked down to her, hands moving over every inch of her abdomen, patiently mapping it out.

When her hands were resting underneath Spencer's chest, Ashley looked for permission to touch her and it was granted in the form of delicate hands pulling hers up to cover firm breasts over a bra. Her ministrations were gentle, starting out experimentally until low moans let her know she was doing something right.

She was fascinated with the physical reaction; how Spencer would arch into her hands, the way she'd turn her head to the side and sigh out a quiet moan, brows creased.

Ashley's head lowered, kissing her way across Spencer's chest and up to her neck, carefully tugging skin between her teeth.

"Spence, what are we doing?" Her voice was quiet.

Spencer moved her arms to hold Ashley, one hand gentle at the back of her head to keep her mouth where it was. Her eyes were closed. "We're just making out."

"Are we?"

She didn't complain when Ashley moved from her neck and kissed the slant of her chin, looking down to her. The slight weight pressed against her hips, Ashley's voice, her hands, her eyes and the way her lips were full from kissing, they all had a part to play in clouding her judgement.

Spencer nodded, like it was simple, and urged her closer until lips were recaptured.

###

On the way to Glen's car, Spencer ran her fingers through her hair and turned to look up at Ashley's balcony to see if she was still getting ready. There was no sign of her, and Spencer continued on her path, turning back just in time to walk into Mr. Foster. Literally.

"Oh, sorry," she said immediately, because it was her fault and he had the same effect on her as all those weeks ago.

"It's okay." He was smiling softly. "Spencer."

The way he added her name, as if testing it out on his tongue, made Spencer uneasy and she willed for either Glen or Ashley to hurry up. She wore a polite smile and sidestepped him. "See you around."

Mr. Foster copied her. "Wait."

"Why?"

"Do you like cinnamon toast, Spencer?"

"That's kind of a random...weird question," she answered when her initial shock wore off, voice as soft as ever.

He wasn't put off. "How about Care Bears?"

Spencer opened and closed her mouth, hand rubbing the back of her neck as she looked for any sign of the brunette. "I'm sixteen, so..."

Mr. Foster gazed at her. He'd been watching her ever since they'd met officially. It was much easier to look at her now. "You sound like her. A little different, but I can hear it. She'd sound like you if she ever got to your age. I don't know why I didn't put two and two together before now."

"Who?" As soon as she'd asked, she knew. Spencer frowned. "I'm not your daughter," she said sternly. "And to be perfectly honest with you, you really bother me."

Spencer had seen him looking at her several times lately. She'd kept it to herself, not daring to tell Ashley or Glen.

"I apologise," he said, shaking his head with a contrite smile. "She always said I embarrassed her."

"You're not embarrassing me," she dismissed. "You're freaking me out."

Mr. Foster grabbed her arm as she turned to walk away, and pulled her back around. His grip was firm but not painful and he saw the look of fear pass over her face. "I'm sorry," he apologised sincerely.

He saw a flash of brown the second before he intended to let her go.

Ashley all but rammed into him, instantly separating his hand from Spencer's arm. "What's going on?"

It was typical Ashley: act first, think later.

"Nothing," Spencer assured Ashley, relief flooding throughout her body at her presence. "He was just leaving."

Ashley stared up at him. "You're insane."

"Excuse me?"

"Wasn't finished. You're insane if you think for a single second that this town won't rip you apart if you do anything _to Spencer, if you bother her at all. She's loved by a lot of people, and you, well... you haven't even got a family."_

The seconds following were filled with a loaded kind of silence, one that seemed to suck the air.

"Ashley," Spencer said, tone conveying her mortification.

Mr. Foster smiled down to the brunette. It was filled with badly disguised anger and disbelief. "One day you're going to regret saying that."

Ashley raised dubious brows. "And you'll regret it if you ever come near her again. Trust me."

"You're very young."

She shrugged, not knowing how she was supposed to respond. It didn't matter how old she was. She'd just made a promise. You were never too young to make those.

"My brother will be out here any second, and if he sees you..." Spencer warned him, trying to diffuse the situation before it got out of hand. "It's best you go."

"And stay gone," Ashley added.

Mr. Foster focused all of his attention on the blonde, looking at her with a soft smile. "Goodbye, Spencer."

###

A half-hour rant followed with Spencer doing her best to calm Ashley down, and then Glen who had overheard their conversation in the back of his car, begging him to stop and carry on to the party when he'd skidded to a stop.

It had been forgotten. For now.

An hour into the party thrown by one of Glen's friends, after Ashley and Spencer had danced enough with each other and other people to get thirsty, Spencer was trying to find a drink that wasn't already in a bowl, spiked with every kind of alcohol in the house.

"Do you need anything?"

Spencer turned to see a guy next to her. She smiled. "A cranberry juice?"

He made a face of surprise. "I don't think you're going to find any here."

"Yeah... yeah, I didn't think so."

Her laugh made him smile. She was beautiful. "So that it's not from a stranger, I'm Mike. Nice to meet you. Now, I can either get you a beer in a cup, or a beer in a bottle. Take your pick."

"Bottle," Spencer chose. "Unopened."

The last bottle of Bud was carefully hidden inside the fridge and Mike handed it to her with the top still on. "Don't I get to know your name?"

She smiled. "It's Spencer, and thanks," she said, referring to the beer.

"Are you seeing anyone?" Mike asked, not one to wait around.

Spencer nodded as she pulled the top off her beer. "Yeah." She tried not to flush red when she realised her slip and looked to see if Ashley was close-by, paranoia setting in quickly.

"That's too bad." He knocked his cup of beer against her bottle. "See you around, Spencer."

When Ashley felt a tap against her shoulder, she craned her neck and saw the blonde standing behind her. She excused herself from the people she'd been talking to and followed Spencer to an unoccupied window, leaning against the ledge.

Ashley studied her suspiciously. "Spencer is blushing," she teased.

"No, I'm not."

"Did you trip over in the kitchen?" she asked, drinking from the now half-empty bottle of beer. "It would explain the sudden downing of the beer. But shame and humiliation are always at the bottom of the bottle, remember that."

Spencer shook her head, trying to ignore the look in Ashley's eyes. It always made her want to push her against a wall. "I asked a guy for a cranberry juice," she shared. It was a good enough cover.

Ashley laughed, her hand moving to Spencer's waist. "Aww."

"I'm going to find Glen," she replied. She knew they were standing a little too close and moved back. "I won't be long."

"I'll go with you."

"No, it's okay."

When the group of people they both knew from school shouted Ashley back over, she glanced to them and back to Spencer. "Are you sure?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Tell everyone I said hi."

###

It was done to get some distance between them. Putting it lightly, Spencer was confused. She didn't know if she should tell Ashley what she'd said in the kitchen and brush it off as an accident, or if by telling her, it would complicate things.

She'd been outside by the pool for a while, speaking to whoever spoke to her first but made it clear she didn't want a conversation.

Spencer made her way back inside the house, carefully brushing past the mass of bodies standing in her way.

She didn't want anything to stop with Ashley, and even though she was sure Ashley wouldn't either, Spencer still hesitated in making the decision to tell her, just in case

_It was an unfortunate predicament; one she knew to be neither uncommon nor unexpected given the circumstances, yet the element of surprise was parallel to a physical blow that resonated through her entire body and then left her numb, unfeeling for almost a full second until it returned with full force alongside a heartbeat, until it dawned on her._

Spencer scanned the crowd for her face, as if requiring a corporeal visual to cement what was already certain, and found Ashley with ease, like she was an incandescent light in a place of obscurity.

And when random bodies of people who were momentarily faceless parted and Spencer saw Ashley entirely, she accepted it. She accepted that it's always been Ashley and they've always been together.


	18. Underneath

_**Thanks so much for your reviews. This is the last of flashback!Spashley :). Sorry for the formatting errors. This is an extremely long chapter and it keeps finding ways to screw up. If I see them, I'll change them. Sorry if it's too difficult to read. **_

_**

* * *

**_

_Paula Carlin smiled when she walked into Spencer's bedroom and saw Ashley lying on the bed next to her. It was a mystery how she always managed to slip past them and get upstairs without being heard or seen._

"Ashley, how do you get in here without anybody noticing?" she asked, failing to notice that the magazine in the brunette's hands was upside down.

Ashley looked to Spencer, barely hiding the mirth in her eyes. "I have my ways, Paulie."

"Care to share?"

"Mom, we talked about privacy and boundaries," Spencer interjected. They'd had a talk a week prior when Paula had been seconds away from walking in on them both, and Ashley refused to kiss her for an entire day unless she was positive they wouldn't get caught.

"Okay, okay," Paula relented. "But I do have to run something by you."

Spencer's expression was open. "Yeah?"

"I know we have plans to go to a spa next weekend when your father and Glen are on their boys' weekend, but Dr. Garcia has asked me to cover for him. Will you be too disappointed if we postponed to next month?"

"Will you be sleeping at the hospital?"

"Yes but I'm sure Ashley will keep you company if you're bored or don't want to be in the house by yourself. I can leave money for pizza, and you know how to make a sandwich and pour milk and cereal like a big girl."

Spencer met Ashley's eyes momentarily, overlooking her mother's teasing. "Sounds good."

Paula left the room shortly after and Spencer got up to lock the door while Ashley tossed the magazine back to the floor and got underneath the covers, reaching for Spencer as soon as she was close enough.

Tops were shed quickly; having thrown them back on as soon as they'd heard someone knocking at the door, and Ashley pulled Spencer against her while mouths fused and hands roamed freely.

"God, it's too hot," Ashley complained. She was lying down in an unoccupied field with Spencer, bodies separated but joined by the hand. She raised them both up from the grass, elbows rocking against the earth as she moved them back and forth, fingers entwined. "I don't know why we couldn't find a nice spot underneath a tree."

"Bird poop," Spencer answered easily, enjoying the heat.

"Bird shit or first degree burns? Hmm, tough call."

Spencer turned on her side and kept her eyes closed, blindly searching for Ashley's face with her free hand. It felt hot to the touch, she had to admit. "Could you please keep your senior citizen complaining to a minimum? I'm trying to nap."

They'd spent the better part of the last half hour making out.

Opening her own eyes, Ashley kissed Spencer's fingers when they brushed over her lips. "I'm sorry to inconvenience you."

"The sun block is in my bag. Put some more on."

Ashley leaned across her body to get it, pushing her onto her back in the process. She kissed her cheek, and once she had reapplied the lotion to her own body, she did the same to Spencer's legs that were covered in nothing but the shortest pair of shorts she owned. Then her knees were both sides of Spencer's hips and she sat down, rubbing the sun block over and around her arms and hands.

Ashley rubbed some lotion in her hands and lifted them to Spencer's face, carefully smoothing it into her skin. She kissed her eyelids and pulled back to see her smiling, so she dipped her head down to kiss her on the lips.

Before she lay back down on the grass, she pulled Spencer's top up until it was underneath her breasts and covered her abdomen in sun block, just in case she was to take her top off again. To be sure she'd covered everything, Ashley's fingers effortlessly glided over the swell of her breasts, slipping the tips of her fingers just underneath the bikini top. She didn't want any part of them to burn.

Spencer turned over again, moving closer and held the side of her face. Eyes closed, she leaned her forehead to rest against Ashley's and willed herself not to say something that would change things. She had to force herself not to every time they were against each other, every time they kissed and touched; every time Ashley treated her better than anyone else and every time Ashley's eyes had nothing but love in them whenever she looked at her.

It was three in the morning the next day when Spencer received a phone-call from Ashley.

She didn't hear it, lost in sleep.

Ashley made her way across to Spencer's balcony anyway, finding the door unlocked as always. She had to be careful when entering, knowing its notoriousness for opening with a loud squeak, and hid the ladder in Spencer's closet once the door was safely closed.

She slipped into bed quietly, carefully pulling Spencer closer and wrapped an arm around her. Ashley felt her stirring awake and pressed gentle kisses against the back of Spencer's neck and her shoulder. "It's just me," she whispered, leaning forward to kiss her face delicately.

"Ashley?" Eyes closed, brows furrowed in confusion, she touched the arm that was around her. "How long have you been there?"

"I just got here."

Spencer turned around to face her, allowing Ashley to hold her again. Her arm was also slung around the brunette. She didn't ask Ashley why she was there. For the past three nights she'd snuck into her bedroom late at night and they'd made out, talked for a little while, and then made out again.

She didn't know how she hadn't screamed bloody murder the first night she'd woken up with someone in her bed that wasn't there when she'd fallen asleep. Maybe it had something to do with the way, after she'd gasped loudly, a hand was clamped over her mouth and Ashley's whispered voice was in her ear within the second.

Both nights they'd stayed up kissing and touching, and when sunlight began to filter in to the room they'd gotten up and ready to get breakfast or ice cream, depending on what they felt like having.

"Ash, I'm so tired." Spencer would never pass up the opportunity to kiss her unless she was exhausted. Through the heat and Ashley distracting her physically and mentally during the night, she'd only gotten six hours sleep in two days.

Ashley held her closer, head resting down against Spencer's. She brushed her fingers over her cheek and kissed the top of her head. "I know. I just want to hold you."

Spencer kissed Ashley once, chastely, and lay her head back down on her shoulder. She fell back asleep quickly, leaving Ashley to her own thoughts; leaving her to wonder where they were headed. Wherever it was, they were soaring towards it.

It was sunset later that day. The blind was pulled down but half of Ashley's room continued to be bathed in the richest orange glow she had seen in a long time.

"It's too nice to be stuck in here. Should we go out?"

Ashley shrugged as she leaned over Spencer, putting her bottle of water on the floor for when she wanted it. She kissed her on the way back to her side of the bed. They'd been out all day, around too many people for them to sneak a single moment alone.

"If you're okay with making out in front of our town's entire population, then sure. I'd love to."

Spencer smiled. "Okay."

"Right. I'm sure you'd still be all for it when we were getting chased out of town by protestors with pitchforks." She tickled Spencer where she knew the blonde was ticklish, smiling when she attempted not to shriek away and failed miserably.

Spencer grabbed Ashley's hand to stop the assault. She looked at her seriously. "Why would they do that?"

"Because." Ashley's eyes widened, brows going up in the process. She tipped her head forward as if it would clarify her meaning.

"Because?"

"Spence, come on."

"I'm asking a serious question," she laughed. "Why would they do that? Has something changed with us? Did we become something other than best friends?"

Her question made Ashley panic. She breathed out her laugh, unaware Spencer had noticed the look of fear cross her face and the way it had begun to heat up. In her current state, she didn't think much of it when Spencer wrapped her up in a hug.

When they eventually pulled apart, Spencer decided to shift the focus to someone else.

"Did you hear about Mr. and Mrs. Whitbeck?"

"No?"

"They're separated," Spencer informed her. "He's moving out next week."

Ashley frowned, stunned. "Really? They've been together forever."

"I know. It's pretty sad. I hope they work it out."

"They screw all the time, so it's not like that's

_the problem," Ashley inferred. "But, plus side: we won't get nauseous seeing old people getting freaky for zero-point-five anymore when we scan the street for Creepy McCreep."_

"Getting freaky?" Spencer laughed. "Who says that anymore?"

"Hot and heavy," Ashley substituted her choice of words.

"It was actually you on the lookout for Mr. Foster. I said to ignore him. You're the one who's all on edge, waiting for him to slip up so you can run off and be confrontational and rude again."

"That man has creeped us out since he moved here, and suddenly after talking to you for barely two seconds, he's obsessed with you. I think it's weird, you think it's weird, and if Glen knew about it happening on a regular basis, he'd think it was weird. Are we sensing a pattern?"

Spencer shrugged. "Fine, he's weird. I get that. But you have to promise me you won't talk to him again. It's not going to help; it's just going to make things worse."

Ashley raised a brow. "I can't promise that."

"Ashley."

"What? I'm protective, I can't help it."

"Obstinate," Spencer corrected. "Promise me."

Ashley wasn't convinced. "Why should I?"

"Because I'm asking."

"All right," she relented after a long pause. "Unless I think it's imperative, I'll stay away. But I will tell my dad."

"No," Spencer disagreed firmly. Raife would kill him. "Leave it alone. Please? He hasn't bothered me for over a week. I don't want either of you getting into trouble when you don't have to."

"Over a week?"

Spencer nodded. She was lying.

"Okay, but I'm still on high alert." Ashley was incredibly sincere.

To switch the focus back to Mr. and Mrs. Whitbeck, Spencer nudged her, amused. "And the zero-point-five? No way. You looked longer than that," she accused. "You turned your head on the side to see properly and everything. Who knew older people made you so curious?"

"I didn't know what I was seeing! They were in a really weird position. It's not like it made me hot."

"Liar."

Ashley laughed, groaning out her disgust. She was officially distracted. "Trust me, they don't turn me on."

"Who does?" Spencer asked.

"How about," Ashley began, taking her top off as she moved on top of her, "we drop the subject and stop talking now?"

Spencer didn't push the matter. The answer was fairly obvious when Ashley moaned a little while into their make-out session, hips grinding down against her.

__

It was the next night at the Carlin's and Paula was long gone, well into her shift at the hospital.

The clock read one a.m. and Ashley's hands roamed, ghosting up and down Spencer's sides and massaging the soft weight of her breasts. They were encased in a lace bra and Ashley didn't think when she scratched her blunt nails down the blonde's sides, just hard enough to make her shudder, and leaned down, kissing the swell of her breast. Swiping her thumb over a stiff nipple, Ashley kissed next to it.

Unable to do anything else, the next time she lowered her mouth it was to cover a nipple.

Spencer moaned and arched into her, more heat gathering between her legs. She held Ashley's head urgently, soon pulling her up to reclaim her lips and let go as she pushed herself into a sitting position with Ashley following.

It was their new unspoken sign. When things had to slow down, they'd move to a sitting-up position and slowly begin to stop. Their kisses would start to slow, hands would stop roaming as much and their sighs of pleasure would begin to fade out.

This time they didn't.

Instead of staying by her side, Ashley followed entirely, knees either side of Spencer's lap as she kissed her ardently. Her hands continued to wander wherever they pleased; over the blonde's breasts, her abdomen, down her sides. Anywhere she could reach without breaking their kiss.

Ashley's hand angled and began a path downward to Spencer's shorts, slipping just underneath the waistband. Spencer moaned and kissed harder, sending a rush of wetness to her centre.

Their torsos were pressed together tightly now, hands cupping faces as tongues slid together. Spencer's hands travelled down the curve of Ashley's back until she reached the back of smooth thighs, fingers slipping around them, and pulled her hips closer.

Eventually they had to move, be anywhere but lying down in bed together.

In their haze, the only logical solution they found was to stand up. So they did. Standing on pillows, Ashley had Spencer pressed against the wall behind the blonde's bed, every kiss and touch driving her crazy.

"God, we're climbing the walls," Ashley murmured next to her ear, fingers squeezing Spencer's hips.

"I know."

Ashley kissed her again. "We have to stop."

"Okay." Spencer's response was contradicted by her following actions; mouth going to Ashley's neck, arms wrapping around the small of her back.

When Ashley pulled away, she took one look at Spencer and pushed back into her, kissing her deeply. Her hands slid down Spencer's neck and over her shoulders, lightly pulling on bra straps on the way down her arms. Ashley wanted to take it off.

Catching her breath, she made a conscious effort to completely detach herself from Spencer. She jumped down off the bed and faced away from her, eyes closed as she tried to regulate her breathing. Her body was hot and she could feel it throbbing all over.

"I'm sorry," she apologised for stopping. If they didn't, it could go too far.

"Don't be."

Spencer wasn't surprised when she walked to the edge of the bed and saw Ashley turn around, hands on her waist while the brunette kissed her way across her chest and down to her taut stomach. She let Ashley's mouth explore her body and then sank to her knees, reaching for the back of her head to pull her back into a needy kiss. They couldn't stop.

"Take it off me," she whispered when Ashley's fingers slid her bra straps down her arms for the second time.

"I can't." It wasn't said with conviction.

"Why not?"

Ashley kissed her softly and when their eyes met afterwards, the desire in her gaze was evident. The answer to her question wouldn't form into words. Instead, she asked, "Are you sure?"

Spencer nodded.

Ashley stepped backwards, breaking all contact with their bodies. "Count to ten and tell me if you're still sure."

"I've been sure a lot longer than that."

Reaching for her hand, Ashley tugged her off the bed until she was standing in front of her. Their lips were joined quickly and when they were both desperate for something more

_than the kisses and touches in predictable places, Ashley kept her eyes locked with Spencer's as she reached around and unclasped her bra._

It was left undone while she kissed Spencer again, making sure she was as far from nervous and self-conscious as possible. They moved back to the bed and Spencer's bra was discarded to the floor.

Ashley looked down to her, eyes taking in the sight of Spencer's naked torso. They made out in their bras, had changed in front of each other hundreds of times, and years ago they'd compared their breasts once they'd started to develop. This was very different.

Her hands began to touch wherever her eyes went, gently exploring. Ashley looked to Spencer's flushed face and met her darkened eyes. She kissed her tenderly. "God, you're beautiful." She held the side of her face, eyes drifting shut. "You know that, don't you?"

_Spencer didn't receive sufficient time to find her voice before the brunette moved down the bed and lowered her mouth to her breast. Ashley's tongue circled a hardened nipple and sucked gently while her hand went to the other breast, massaging and tweaking with Spencer's moans in her ears._

It wasn't belong before it became an unspoken challenge of who could touch the most skin, whose hips undulating in an seemingly endless cadence could voice the most pleasure, who could kiss long enough to make the other lightheaded with arousal.

They were always tied. Except when Ashley's bra joined Spencer's on the floor and a hot mouth covered an erect nipple.

Ashley felt a throb and a flood of wetness between her legs so acutely that she was glad they were alone. Ashley was never shy about letting Spencer know when she was doing something right, especially when they had the house to themselves.

When lips were recaptured, breasts against breasts and hips against hips, Spencer's rocked down against Ashley's and she moaned delicately, right into the brunette's mouth.

Ashley broke their kiss, turning her head to regain control of her thoughts and her body, both of which had Spencer in full possession.

"Can we stop?" Ashley asked, breathing heavier. Her forehead contorted with an inner struggle. "Please? I need to stop."

Spencer's voice was soft. "Okay." She moved off her immediately. "Okay."

"I need to get up," she voiced, getting out from underneath the covers. They felt like dead weights on her legs.

Ashley walked over to the dresser, leaning against it for support. The fan seemed to be broken or circling hot air because it wasn't helping to cool her body down, all it was doing was reminding her that the blood inside her body was close to boiling and she was so uncomfortable that she wanted to rip her skin off.

"Are you okay?" Spencer asked.

"No." Ashley shook her head. "I don't know..."

"Can I do anything?"

"I think-I think I'm gonna go."

Spencer frowned, drawing her legs up as she leaned against her pillow. "You want to leave?"

Ashley finally looked at Spencer and regretted the way her earlier words had sounded. She also noticed Spencer's body, the way she was craving it, and the way she wanted to get back on the bed and touch her again. It made her body pulsate.

"God, when you're around me lately, I feel like..."

"Like what?" Spencer was as patient as ever.

"Like I need to rip my skin off, like everything feels too good and too hot and it kills me to be close to you when I'm not. Not really."

"What do you mean? You don't think we're close enough?" She smiled. "Ash, if we got any closer we'd share a brain."

"No." Ashley looked at her intently. "That's not what I mean."

"What do you mean?" Spencer asked, looking at

_the way Ashley was leaning against her dresser with her eyes cast downward. She looked at her swollen lips and all the way down her body, pausing at her bare chest and over the curve of her hips, the shape of her legs._

"I don't know what I'm saying," Ashley said all of a sudden. She ran a hand through her tousled hair, conflicted. "I'm sorry. I don't want to leave. I'm just...just really hot. And I want..."

_Spencer shrugged lightly. "What do you want?"_

Ashley shook her head, fingers tracing along the edge of the dresser. "Nothing. Ignore me, okay? I got too much sun today."

"Ash."

She sighed. "When are you going to date again?"

The question threw Spencer slightly. "What?"

"You and a guy, when is that likely to happen again? Soon?"

"Why are you asking that now? Don't you think there are more appropriate times to ask a question like that?"

Ashley thought there was a chance Spencer was right; perhaps a time when her body wasn't begging for some sort of release. But she needed to know now, and maybe this was the best time she could ask.

"You mean a time when we're alone and not making out, or trying to touch each other in some way?" Ashley shrugged. "When is that, exactly?"

"Ash, don't freak out on me," Spencer begged. "I know we just went a little further than usual but it's—"

"It's what, Spencer? It's what 'best friends' do? Because, seriously, that line..."

"It's okay," she finished.

"No, it's not." Ashley shook her head again. "You're going to get another boyfriend soon and then what? Do you think he's going to put up with me? It's a whole different situation than Bobby. We're not little kids anymore. We know what we're doing. Or we're supposed to know."

"I'm not getting a boyfriend any time soon," Spencer said.

"Spencer, you will. Of course you will."

"Why would I?"

"Why wouldn't you?" Ashley challenged. "Plenty of guys can see how beautiful and great you are. It's only a matter of time before one of them catches your eye."

"Trust me, they won't."

"You won't be able to say no."

Spencer was suddenly defensive. "Because that's been a big problem in the past?" She sighed. "Ash, please trust me."

"I do. I just..."

Crawling down the bed and making her way over to Ashley, Spencer held her hands. It wasn't so much an issue that they were both half naked. They were both comfortable and thought the other had nothing to be embarrassed about, that her body was perfect.

"Listen to me, okay?" She waited for eye-contact. "I'm not getting a boyfriend. I don't want one."

"There are plenty of great guys out there," Ashley said, not really knowing why she was pushing it.

"I know, but I'm not interested right now."

"But you should be."

Spencer was patient with Ashley. Judging by the tortured look on the brunette's face, this conversation wasn't easy for her. "Are you interested in them?" she asked softly. "Is that what this is about?"

"No," Ashley's response was almost snapped. "Why don't you notice them, Spencer? Why don't you ever talk about the cute guys we see in town or at school?"

Spencer bit her lip, deliberating. She moved her hands to Ashley's hips. "Because of you. Because no-one makes me feel the way you do, and because we stopped acting like friends a long time ago. I know you know that. You've had to tell me more than once."

Spencer's words had a predictable effect on Ashley. Her heart swelled with the kind of affection and love she'd only ever felt for Spencer; felt it everywhere in her body. It made her feel warm and safe and alive. Her eyes lowered, heart pounding. There were still lots of hurdles they hadn't addressed.

"You always said we were just making out."

"I know what I said. I also know neither of us believed it." She observed Ashley looking so conflicted. Her voice was soft, "Did you ever believe me?"

Ashley shook her head.

"It feels natural to be with you, Ashley. It's so forced with anyone else."

"I know," Ashley agreed gently. "But it's late. And this —talking about this right now is going to complicate a lot of things. So I'm going to get us a drink and we'll watch a movie or listen to music until we're tired. Whatever you want." She kissed her cheek.

Spencer held on tighter when she felt Ashley begin to pull away. "Ash, don't go. I want to talk about this. You brought it up."

"We live in Ohio, Spence," Ashley eventually said, quietly. "No matter how many people love us, there are going to be some who will forget and more who will say a lot of terrible things, and do even worse."

"You're stronger than that. I know you don't care if some stranger disapproves of the things you do."

"I don't," Ashley agreed. "And I know you're stronger than that too, but I don't want anyone to hurt you. And what about our parents, you know? If they knew even half

_of the things we've done together... What about your grandparents, or my grandparents? And what about everyone on the street? The kids at school? It'll be all the stupid comments we usually get, times a thousand. It'll be hard and it might be easier if we just...stayed like this."_

Spencer only had one response. "What about us?"

It was so simple that it confused Ashley. "What?"

"You and me. What about us? What about what we want?" Spencer waited for an answer that didn't come. "What do you want, Ash?"

Ashley looked away and when she found her gaze settling on blue eyes a few moments later, Spencer saw nothing but love and desire. It was soon replaced with fear and frustration. Ashley opened her mouth to speak and stopped, changing her mind. "I don't know."

"I do. The way you look at me, the things you say and the way you say my name. I know I'm not alone in this. There's no way."

"Spencer..."

"I know you. I know the way you think and why you do the things you do," she said. "I know you've never cared about the guys you've dated, that you've never looked at anyone the way you look at me. I know you don't go out of your way to make anyone else smile, and I know there's no-one else in the world you'd sneak over to hold at three in the morning. I know what all of that means." Spencer made sure she held contact with Ashley's wandering eyes.

"You love me, don't you?" she asked, looking her right in the eyes. "You're in love with me and you're scared to say it because you think everything will change and you're going to scare me away." Spencer saw Ashley's eyes fill, beginning to panic but not denying it, and wrapped her arms around her, feeling arms wrap back around her own body. She felt Ashley's violent heartbeat against her chest and spoke softly, "But you won't. It's okay. It is, because I've been in love with you my whole life."

_"Me too," Ashley said quietly, after a long while; long enough to find her voice that had been buried._

Spencer didn't let go or pull back, content in a way she'd never been before. "Me too, what?"

Ashley remembered the last time they'd said that; months ago when things had been simpler, or maybe when things merely appeared simpler. She spoke louder but still quiet, as if finally having this conversation was surreal to her.

"It's always been you for me, even when I was too young to really know about it,  
or when I didn't

_want to know about it. No-one comes close to touching you. They never have. It's been you and me since the beginning. I was four days old when your mom brought you back from the hospital and we had our first play-date."_

Spencer smiled. "My mom still has that tape somewhere."

"And I've loved you every day since."

This was one of those moments they knew they'd never forget. They didn't think anything would ever compare to how they felt right now.

It wasn't long until they were back on the bed, kissing with renewed fervour to show those words rather than just say them. Legs had slid together, pressing up against aching centres to relieve some of the tension that had easily built up again but, of course, heightened it instead.

Ashley and Spencer touched as they kissed, anywhere they could reach, back under the same trance, both yearning for the same thing.

Withdrawing her leg, Ashley replaced it with her hand, trailing it up and down Spencer's thigh. She gently pushed her on her back and let her hand roam the blonde's legs as she desired; allowing herself to brush the inside of Spencer's thighs while her mouth was alternating between breasts, kissing and sucking, tongue gentle wherever it went.

Her ministrations had Spencer's breathing laboured, wetter than ever. She moaned and it sounded different to Ashley, more guttural. It made her move back between Spencer's legs, grinding down against her, their bodies reacting the same way.

Spencer wrapped her arms around Ashley and kissed her deeply.

It was a look they shared when their lips finally parted some minutes later; one that gave Ashley the permission and courage to reach down and unbutton Spencer's shorts, pulling them off once hips raised off the mattress. She took her own off and re-positioned herself between the blonde's legs, each feeling what they were doing to each other; how ready they were. A thin layer of fabric was the only thing that remained between their bodies, making their stomachs lurch and moans louder, more frequent.

They switched positions frequently and kissed for a long time, sometimes rushed and sometimes slow; sensual and soft, and Spencer's leg was hooked over the curve of Ashley's hip. They kissed and rocked; hands all over each other.

"Ash," Spencer whispered against her open mouth, brows creased and face flushed. She moaned softly when Ashley's thigh moved against her. "Will you—"

"Do you want to stop?"

"No. No, I... I want you to..." She didn't say the rest, not embarrassed to voice what she wanted, but, as a sixteen-year-old girl who had never been fully naked in front of anyone before, a small part of her was self-conscious and shy no matter how turned on she was.

Ashley kissed her again. "Tell me what you want."

"I want you to touch me," she murmured, "but I don't want to be nervous and ruin anything."

Ashley moved her hand up to blonde hair, fingers brushing it back. Her eyes drifted shut again. "You don't know how."

Spencer covered Ashley's mouth with her own, kissing her softly. "Saying that in the first place probably took...something away."

"It didn't. It's you; it's real and perfect, and I swear you could say anything to me right now. You could talk about a nuclear war and I'd want to write it down to remember later."

"I don't want to talk about a nuclear war, Ashley," Spencer said quietly, the ache between her legs very much persistent.

The corners of her mouth curved upward. "Me either." Ashley kissed underneath Spencer's bottom lip. "We don't have to do anything. I can sit in the freezer for a few minutes and then we could go to sleep or talk," she suggested gently. "But I want you to know; all those stupid rumours at school about me sleeping with anything with a pulse..." she started. "You're the only person I've ever even thought about being with."

"Really?"

Ashley offered a sincere nod.

They found themselves kissing again. It was soft for a long time; long enough for any lingering sense of nervousness to die out within and be replaced with nothing but unadulterated want. Ashley kissed her deeper, her hand repeatedly smoothing across the underside of Spencer's thigh and then back up over her hips, fingers dragging across underwear.

"Take them off," Spencer requested.

"Are you sure?"

Spencer nodded. She was sure. "Yeah."

Ashley leaned in to kiss her gently. "Do you want me to turn the light off?"

"If you want to."

"I want you to be comfortable." Ashley's hand slid up the blonde's arm. "That's all I want."

Spencer's arm was resting across Ashley's side, fingers rubbing soft skin. "I am."

Spencer moved her leg from around Ashley's hip and turned on her back, allowing Ashley to kneel beside her legs and carefully pull her underwear down her legs, discarding them to the floor. Ashley pressed herself against Spencer's side and guided her into a kiss.

She wanted Spencer to feel like they were equal, so she removed her own underwear. When their eyes met, it was an ephemeral passing of surrealism and nervousness: of being naked in front of each other —of anyone— for the first time; completely vulnerable. It was forgotten when Spencer smiled softly in reassurance, comforted by the way Ashley's thumb was stroking her face and the look in her eyes. They were safe.

"If you change your mind or if I do something wrong —if I hurt you, tell me, okay? I'll stop."

Spencer nodded.

Ashley held the side of Spencer's face and kissed her deeply, sliding a thigh between her legs and pushing upward to earn a low moan. Her head lowered to a slender neck and she kissed there too; softly, wetly, any way that kept Spencer's breaths uneven, moaning as a soft hand covered her breast and pushed against the thigh pressed to her centre.

Spencer was more than ready, Ashley knew. She could feel, hear and see that. They'd both been worked up in a way they couldn't ignore lately; the past week especially. The past few months had them in a constant state of foreplay. But she wanted to make her feel good in a way nobody else ever had before. She had to be patient, to stop being concerned that she would do something wrong and just concentrate on doing what she knew Spencer responded to the most.

Ashley's mouth replaced her hand and she swirled her tongue around a hardened nipple, kissing and sucking the soft weight of her breasts while her hand travelled Spencer's body, never quite where she needed it. Ashley continued with this until she heard her name being moaned.

She moved back up, looking down to darkened blue eyes while she leaned in to kiss her. Her fingers stroked the inside of Spencer's thigh, eyes locked as they went higher and slipped inside.

Spencer's moan was low, tensing up as eyes drifted shut when Ashley's fingers stroked over and then circled her clit.

Everything felt soft and wet, and watching her react so strongly was fascinating to Ashley. Finding out what Spencer liked was easy enough with experimental pace and motion, and she also found out that doing anything to Spencer was highly pleasurable in itself.

Breath hitching in her throat, a moan followed and Spencer's hand slid around to the back of Ashley's neck, pulling her in for a kiss; soft and wet. It was also brief, her heart pounding, the bottom of her stomach coiled and muscles tensed.

Ashley's thumb slid back up over her clit and she moaned, hips pushing into Ashley's hand. They carried on like this until Spencer's heels were dug into the mattress, hands clutching at the brunette. Then Ashley's fingers moved down to Spencer's opening, stilling for a second to give her time to change her mind. But she didn't.

Spencer prepared herself for the intrusion, however welcome, and her breath was held when slim fingers carefully entered her. She felt a brief burning sensation that began to fade when Ashley leaned down to kiss her deeply, thumb sweeping over a swollen clit.

When Ashley began to move her fingers, slowly moving them in and out to gauge Spencer's level of comfort, she searched her face for any signs of discomfort. Brows furrowed and face flushed, the blonde gasped quietly and gripped the back of Ashley's neck, head tipping forward to rest on hers.

She moaned softly and raised her hips, beginning a cadence that started out slow and gradually sped up until her voiced pleasure was loud and frequent. Kisses were long while their chests heaved and it was during a deep thrust, a circling of her clit and Ashley's mouth against hers that she felt the beginning of her climax.

Spencer pulled her mouth away, moaning before she saw fit to take a desperate breath. Her body tensed, head pushed back into the pillows while she bucked into Ashley's hand; her thumb brushing across Spencer's clit with almost every push of her fingers.

Ashley watched with interest as Spencer climaxed; long low moan suddenly cried out, back arching swiftly, head thrown back into her pillows as her own fingers felt the tight clench around them. Spotting the tension in the blonde's neck, Ashley lowered her head and kissed it.

Slowly recovering, Spencer's body began to relax and she turned to Ashley with a still-pounding heart. Dark, sated eyes looked at the brunette from under hooded lids and she moaned almost inaudibly when fingers were removed from inside her, leaning in to meet Ashley's willing lips.

They kissed for a while, content with that simple act. It felt like more now, and even though it hadn't been just

_a kiss for a long time, it still felt like more. It was more._

"Are you okay?" Ashley asked.

"Yeah," Spencer nodded faintly, sincerely.

They switched positions and Spencer took her time kissing Ashley, hands both gentle and firm on her body, each point of contact a high for both of them and neither were in any kind of rush to have it end any time soon. So she spent time, paying close attention to her breasts and abdomen, and, when she could tear herself away, Ashley's mouth and neck. She knew by experience that her mouth anywhere on Ashley's body had a definite effect, and tonight it seemed to be magnified.

Ashley felt Spencer's hand leave her breast and travel down her body, stopping only when she reached the apex of her legs. She returned the kiss she was given and then opened her eyes, locked with blue as the slick pads of slender fingers circled her clit. Ashley couldn't control her eyes closing or the wanting sound that tore from her throat, brows creased as she instinctively pushed into Spencer's hand.

Ashley was responsive and encouraging to every movement Spencer made, physically and verbally, relishing every sensation and reaction she was evoking. She swore softly. Even after trying her best not to, the epithet slipped past her lips. More would follow, she was certain.

Heat and wetness was what Spencer felt, her fingers moving slowly at times, and then speeding up, experimenting with pace just enough to draw out sounds from Ashley's throat that filled her own body with desire. It was incredible building Ashley up, having full control of her body and the way she'd moan and arch her back in response. Her fingers slowed their pace, replaced with her thumb instead, and she heard the second "fuck" of the same minutes.

Long minutes of clitoral stimulation would have been enough for Ashley to orgasm but the blonde was diligent to keep her worked up and not climaxing. She was trembling, hyperaware of Spencer's naked form pressed against the side of her own and the way her hand was between her legs, making her feel more alive and connected to her than she'd ever felt.

Moaning, she pushed her hips into Spencer's hand, encouraging firmer contact. More contact. Her brows creased further when a warm mouth was back against her breast, kissing the swell of it. It tickled when Spencer moaned softly against her skin, feeling another rush of wetness between her legs. Ashley was clenched tightly but she needed Spencer to enter her, to fill and ease the empty ache.

Spencer kissed the underside of her jaw and then Ashley's mouth, her kiss soft and passionate, and she left her mouth against the brunette's as she slid her fingers further south. She eased in slowly and gently, kissing the side of Ashley's mouth as she gasped quietly.

"Is that okay?" she murmured once she'd begun a rhythm with her fingers.

Ashley nodded, breath ragged as she met each push of Spencer's hand, arching into her, tensing frequently and cursing more. She was overwhelmed that anything could feel this good; white hot pleasure rippling through her with every movement Spencer made; every slick sweep of her thumb, every time she'd plunge the length of her fingers inside.

It was mere minutes until Ashley's moans got louder and the muscles in her thigh stayed contracted longer.

She knew she was close and she kissed Spencer again, resisting another urge to swear.

Spencer felt her getting tighter and heard the way her breath hitched in her throat, eyes closed tightly. She moved her lips to the brunette's cheek, kissing once. Spencer sighed softly when she felt as much as heard Ashley respond to the attention that was being paid to her clit.

"You're so beautiful," she spoke softly near her ear.

Feeling it approach, Ashley bucked into Spencer's downward thrust with an increased cadence, desperate for release, until her breath came out in short uneven pants and her orgasm shot through her, making her back almost bow on the bed, a loud moan cried out with her head pushed back against the pillow.

Spencer let her ride it out as long as she could, feeling the clench of inner walls against her fingers while Ashley's body shook beneath her. When Ashley began to recover from her climax, Spencer withdrew her fingers and gave her breaths chance to regulate.

Their eyes met and Ashley re-claimed Spencer's lips, kissing her softly.

Unravelling the damp towel from her head, Ashley tossed it inside the washer and walked behind the blonde, peering over her shoulder to see if their popcorn was ready.

She pressed her mouth against sun-kissed shoulders. "Are you okay?"

It was three a.m. and she'd spent the last twenty minutes in the shower, giving the blonde plenty of time alone to know if she was sore or if she had any regrets.

Spencer turned and leaned against the kitchen counter, smiling in reassurance. She was fine, slightly uncomfortable but not in a way that was unbearable. It was like a reminder. It was nice. "Yeah." She kissed Ashley fully on the lips. "Are you?"

"I'm good."

Spencer smiled again. "Okay." Turning around, she reached for a glass of orange juice. "There's no pulp in it."

Ashley thanked her and held out her hand, extending a strawberry-flavoured Ringpop to the blonde. "I always keep one of these in my room..." she explained. "I went to get it when you were in the shower. It feels like a right time to give it to you."

"Ash," she smiled; a faint blush on her cheeks as she accepted it. Spencer made a soft noise of annoyance. "There's usually one here too, but I had it last night," she admitted, laughing at herself once Ashley smiled. "I'm sorry. I was watching the Food Channel and I was starving because they make everything look so good and easy, but I didn't feel like making anything."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not." Spencer turned around, opening one of the top cupboards for where Ashley had taught her to hide candy since they were seven. "There might be one right at the back that I forgot about." She made a move to jump up on to the counter and was stopped.

"It's okay," Ashley repeated, tugging her closer. "Really. Just give me a kiss." Her request was fulfilled with enthusiasm.

When they eventually parted and continued preparing the various snacks and drinks for their movie, Ashley switched the radio on, her face lighting up when she heard what was playing. It was a song they always sung along with and danced to, and tonight was no exception.

They watched parts of their chosen movie, attention drifting to each other frequently; to kiss or to touch casually, hold hands, talk about anything and everything. They were too wired to go to sleep. When six a.m. rolled around, they decided to head to bed, eventually tired and knew they couldn't sleep the entire day away. Ashley kissed her for a long time when they were in bed, holding her when they felt the pull of sleep.

Spencer jumped when Ashley's voice was suddenly in her ear. She smiled at her own anxiousness and nudged Ashley with her shoulder. "You scared me."

They'd been awake less than an hour, long enough to freshen up, find out Paula was home by a note left on the fridge and to have breakfast. She'd been trying to figure out if Mr. Foster was skulking around. When Ashley had been in the shower last night, Spencer had caught him staring over at the house again. It was unnerving.

She held Ashley's hand and led her away from the window.

"What are you looking at? Did Mr. and Mrs. Whitbeck re-find their passion?" Ashley teased.

"Like I would look," she laughed. "No, I...I was just looking to see if there was any sign of my dad and Glen." Spencer nodded her head nervously, hoping the brunette wouldn't catch on to her lie.

"Oh yeah, they're back any minute..." She'd forgotten. "Okay, so, when you've been bored to near-death with stories, call me. We can go for a walk or something. Talk."

"Talk?"

"Yeah." Ashley kissed her quickly, too fast for a response. "Talk."

Spencer leaned in to kiss her properly, languid and deep with her hands buried underneath brown hair. It would be their last kiss for a long time, and when they both heard Glen announce that he was home and their world could resume spinning, Ashley rolled her eyes, allowing Spencer to smile at her and leave her bedroom to meet Glen in the living room.

Ashley looked behind to check there was no sign of the blonde before she walked over to her window, standing in the same place she caught Spencer before. Mr. Foster was loading boxes into the trunk of his car. He looked up to Spencer's window and spotted Ashley staring back at him.

He waved.

As the blonde had been taken out to lunch by her father to catch up, Ashley had gone home. She couldn't get Mr. Foster out of her head. The fact that Spencer had lied to her didn't bother Ashley. She understood. If the tables were turned, she could see herself doing the same thing.

Her opinion on him hadn't changed since yesterday. He hadn't done anything worse than before. But things were different now, the way she felt connected to Spencer was different than yesterday. It was deeper, and it had never been something she was good at; turning a blind eye to someone who bothered Spencer.

She swallowed a bite of her banana and dialled a number, waiting patiently for it to be answered.

"Ashley?"

"Hey dad. I know you're working but I really need to talk. Can you take lunch soon? I can come meet you."

"I wish I could, honey, but we're overbooked." He sounded genuinely remorseful. "Is it life or death, or can it wait until I get home?"

Ashley rolled her eyes. The receptionist at his salon was as dumb as a post. "Yeah, no, sure. But later, you promise we'll talk? It's important."

"You'll have my undivided attention," Raife promised.

She smiled. "I better," she said lightly. "Okay, well I better let you go."

"I'll see you soon, Ash. Love you."

"I love you too."

Ashley snapped her phone shut. It was fate.

Taking a second to prepare herself, Ashley exhaled deeply. The fact is, he had always made her feel uneasy, scared. She'd never knocked his front door without running away. This time she didn't run.

Mr. Foster opened his door, unsurprised to see her.

His lack of speech wasn't anything new to the brunette, so she got right to the point. "Spencer isn't the kind of girl who will confront someone. She does if she has to, but she doesn't like to. She likes peace and as long as other people are happy, she's happy." Mr. Foster appeared to be engaged and Ashley shrugged. "But I'm not happy."

"Teenage years," he commented. "I remember."

"No, you," she corrected. "Look, your behaviour... is not normal. Spencer asked you to leave her alone and you haven't. That's not okay. It bothers me. A lot."

"Perhaps you should get a hobby."

"Get a life," Ashley threw back. "One that doesn't involve a neighbour who you're trying to make into your dead daughter. Pathetic, much?"

His face fell. It was dangerous for her to talk about his family in such a disrespectful way.

Ashley continued. "Leave Spencer alone. Things are good for you right now. Her brother doesn't really know much about you, and her dad definitely doesn't. Mine will know as soon as he gets off work. He's not a passive kinda guy when people he loves are threatened, and neither is Arthur."

Mr. Foster almost appeared surprised. The tiny bit of respect he had for her having the gall to confront him disappeared. "You and your father are on speaking terms?"

She looked at him like he was slow. "Yes."

He crossed his arms. "I didn't peg you as that sort of girl."

"What sort of girl?"

"One who would forgive him so easily," he said.

"Forgive him for what?" Ashley asked. "Did you hear my parents fighting a few times recently? Not that it's any of your business, but they've fixed that. It was a rough patch. It's over now. They're getting along like normal."

Mr. Foster was insistent. "I don't like liars, Ashley."

"I'm not lying."

"Your father is."

Ashley's brows creased. "What are you talking about?"

"I told you already," he said, receiving a mere shrug in response. "He's cheating."

Ashley was quiet, and then she laughed. "No."

"You don't believe me?"

"Not a chance in hell."

"Blind love can be very painful, Ashley." Mr. Foster stood a little taller. "He's been seeing Carol Dalton."

"Sheriff Pete's daughter?" Her head shook in denial. "There's no way. My dad would never do that.

_He doesn't even know her that well."_

"Trust me, he knows her very well."

"You're lying."

"I wish I was. A father's relationship with his daughter is a beautiful thing. I'd hate to see it suffer without good reason." He looked down to her. "It's been a regular occurrence."

"And you'd know that how?"

"People act differently when they aren't aware they're being watched. Carol lives three towns away. I've seen them once a month for the past three. Sometimes they're at a cute little French restaurant, sometimes he's at her house."

Ashley's face darkened. "I don't believe you," she said. "Why would you know where she lives? You might have lived here a while, but you're not part of the community and you never will be. Nobody talks to you if they can help it."

"I was concerned," he replied sincerely. "Shocked. I wanted to make sure I had all the facts, so I followed her home. Your dad went inside with her. I'll leave the details out, unless you'd prefer otherwise?"

"And this has been going on for months? Right. My dad can't lie to save his life. He wouldn't be able to keep up that kind of charade and neither would she." She shrugged, searching for ways to reason with him. "I spoke to Carol recently and she sounded fine..." Ashley trailed off and her mind flicked to the short conversation. Carol had unpredictably called the house and expected Raife to be there.

Mr. Foster saw the change in her face instantly; watched it fall in horror and realisation. He hoped this would be the day Ashley would regret mocking his lack of a family. After all, they fell apart so easily.

_"Your dad probably said he's working today," he surmised. "He's not."_

Ashley's heart pounded, stuck in that place between denial and heartbreak.

"I can drive you there if you'd like?"

Her eyes burned into his. She gave him a long heated glare; displaying but a fraction of the immense loathing she felt coursing through her veins before she turned on her heel and left with only one destination in mind.

Raife's car was outside Carol's house.

Ashley leaned against the hood and closed her eyes, trying to slow the way her heart had once again began to race. Once she was as calm as she could be given the circumstances, Ashley picked up a rock the size of her palm and dialled her father's number.

It went to voicemail. She called again.

It was answered at the last second.

"Ash?"

"Where are you?" she asked.

"I'm at work, and I have four people waiting, honey. I told you that. We'll talk when I get home, I promise."

"You must be so busy," Ashley inferred. "I can bring you some coffee, if you want? I'm not too far away."

"No, no," Raife insisted. "There's really no need. I'm cutting back on caffeine. Enjoy what's left of summer vacation with Spencer. I'll see you soon, okay?"

It would be sooner than he thought.

"Okay."

"I love you, Ash."

She hung up.

He's cheating. Ashley repeated it over and over in her head and no matter how many times she acknowledged it, it was still foreign to her. It still made her want to recoil in disgust and denial. Instead, she tossed the rock in the air and caught it again. Looking up to the two bedroom windows on either side of the house, Ashley focused her attention on the one with the curtains drawn shut.

She walked to the edge of the lawn and hurled the rock right at the window. It didn't break the glass, but it did crack it. It also gained the attention of the occupants.

Ashley waited until her father's now-clothed form was at the window and looked into his stunned eyes, saw the fear and guilt painted across his face. And then she walked away.

He caught up with her half a block away.

"Ashley." He tugged on her arm when she didn't stop.

She was crying.

"What?" Ashley asked. "Is this where you say you're sorry, that you're having a mid-life crisis and it was the first time you've ever gone home with her? Save your breath."

"Ashley, I'm so sorry. You have to believe me."

She turned to walk away again. The sight of him was making her feel sick. "You can choke on your bullshit. I don't care why you did it or how often, but if I ever see that bitch again, I swear to God I'll beat the shit out of her."

Raife followed her closely. "Let me explain, Ashley. Your mom and I were fighting and—"

"And I really don't care." Pain tightened her chest. "Does she know?"

"She thinks I ended it last month," Raife confessed.

Ashley shook her head in disbelief. She hated him. "She'll know when I get home."

He grabbed her arm, turning her around. The tone he used was firm. "No."

"I'm not letting you make a fool out of her anymore."

"Listen to me; I know my actions don't back me up right now but I love you and your mom more than anything. Please, Ashley, you can't tell her."

Ashley looked affronted. "You expect me to lie?"

"No." Raife sighed. "I'm not asking you to lie to your mother. But today... all today was about was closure. I ended things with Carol. Today was the last time." He was telling the truth, surprisingly. "Your mom and I have been doing well in therapy. We've been getting along better than we have in months, Ashley. I know I made a mistake. A big, stupid mistake and I'm so sorry that it hurt you."

Her father's words didn't mean anything to her. She'd never looked at him and felt physically sick. She'd never felt pain like this from him before. He made it better; that was his job. Ashley blinked back more tears, stubbornly refusing to let him see how much he was killing her.

A disbelieving puff of air left Ashley's mouth. "You want closure? Here's some: you're dead to me. Now leave me alone."

"Please don't say that, Ashley. I know you're hurt and confused, and right now you're going to say and do a lot of things you don't mean but please don't say that."

"I mean it," she said. "If you haven't told mom by the time I get home, then I will. Don't think for a second I won't."

Ashley's phone began to ring and she cancelled the call. It was Spencer.

"Was that your mother?" Raife asked.

She left him to worry.

It had been hours and there had been no contact from Ashley. Spencer had called and text her more times than she was usually comfortable with. She was worried and, frankly, a little insecure that they hadn't talked yet.

Spencer had been home for nearly five hours and when she didn't see the brunette in her room and couldn't reach her by phone, Spencer went next door and had her hand on the door handle, ready to go through the back door and ask Christine if she knew where Ashley was, when she heard the combined yelling of both Raife and Christine.

She left before she heard anything worth hearing.

Spencer found her at the first place she looked.

"So this is where you've been hiding."

Of course she'd find her. Ashley knew she would, that's why she was there; she didn't want to be found by anyone other than Spencer.

There had been a bad storm a year ago, one that grounded various trees around the area they frequented as children. Ashley was sitting on a trunk, leaning against one still standing. That part of the woods had always looked different without that cereal killer sheet. Their den wasn't so much a den anymore.

"Are you okay?" Spencer asked. "Have you been here this whole time?"

"No, I've been around."

"Where?"

Ashley shrugged. "Around."

Spencer sat down next to her and put her hand on Ashley's leg. "Is everything all right? I pretty much blew up your phone trying to find out if you were okay." Ashley looked at her. "I thought we had plans."

"I was thinking."

There was an edge to Ashley's voice that she didn't remember hearing before. It was concerning. "What about?"

"How's your _dad?" Ashley asked._

"Uh, he's okay. Fine, I guess," she answered distractedly. "Are you? You seem kinda off."

"I'm fine."

"Really?" Spencer studied her face. "You look...different."

"Do I?"

"Did something happen? I heard your parents fighting again."

Ashley looked away, her brows knotted. "How would I know? I'm not there."

Spencer regarded her quizzically. "Did you talk to Mr. Foster? I said not to. He only talks crap."

"I told you I wouldn't, didn't I?" she replied shortly.

"Okay, am I supposed to guess what I've done wrong here?" Spencer asked softly. "Because it seems like everything I say or do is annoying you, and after last night I'd really like to know what it is."

"You haven't done anything," Ashley said, her tone gentler. Spencer thought her eyes had never been so emotionless. "But I've been thinking."

Spencer held her hand. "Okay."

"You're my best friend."

"Breaking news," she smiled.

"And I want it to stay that way," Ashley said. She wasn't looking at Spencer.

"It's never going to change, Ash."

"I want you as my best friend, and that's it," Ashley said evenly. "I don't exactly regret last night but I don't want a relationship either. I want us to stay the same." She eventually felt Spencer pull her hand away. "One thing has to stay the same, and I choose us. We're good as friends. We've had a lot of practice. It will be easy enough."

Spencer's chest tightened painfully, heart clenching. She didn't know why she was attempting a smile. It looked extremely out of place. "What?" Ashley didn't respond and Spencer saw how detached she'd become. "Don't do this," she begged, now very serious. "Please, don't. I know you don't mean it. You're just freaking out."

Ashley finally turned to face her. "I do mean it."

"You're worried about how people are going to react to this," Spencer guessed. "It's normal, but we'll have each other."

"It's not about that."

"Well, did something happen?"

"No."

"Whatever happened today, it's over. Forget about it. Get it out of your head and forget that person even exists, because I know someone has said something to you to make you act this way. There's no way you would go from how you were this morning to...now without someone scaring you."

"I changed my mind."

"You changed your mind?"

Ashley nodded.

Spencer was beginning to get angry. "Call me when you're back to normal and ready to apologise."

Ashley held on to her arm, stopping her from leaving. "Were you listening? I said it wasn't you."

"All I heard was you telling me you don't want to be with me anymore."

"I don't. Not as anything more than friends."

It was difficult not to take it personally. It was even more challenging not to feel an overwhelming sense of humiliation. Spencer felt her face heat up. "When did you figure that out? Was it when you were telling me you love me, or when we were having sex?"

"I can have whoever I want, Spencer. And so can you. There's a whole world out there."

"But I want you," she said, far too innocently not to be anything other than a firm hand around Ashley's throat on any other day.

The brunette failed to look away when tears began their descent down pink cheeks. "There's no need to get upset."

A barely audible laugh escaped Spencer. It was far from amused. "Really?"

"Yeah, really."

"What is wrong with you?" Spencer asked heatedly. "God. What could have changed since this morning?"

Ashley didn't raise or lower her voice, she kept it calm and controlled. "I'm not saying it to hurt you; I just don't want to be with you like that. I want us to be how we've always been."

"And how is that?" Spencer was beginning to look at her in total bewilderment.

"Friends," Ashley replied.

"Do you plan on fucking all your friends, or am I special?"

Ashley didn't want her to get mad. "Don't do that."

Spencer shrugged her shoulders. "What is the right way to act? I don't know what to say or what to do." She was crying again. "This is coming out of nowhere and I don't understand why, or what I've done to make you say these things to me."

Ashley put her hand on the blonde's thigh. "It's nothing you've done or said. You haven't done anything wrong, but things need to go back to how they used to be. I don't want this. You understand, don't you?"

"No!" Spencer raised her voice, pushing Ashley's hand off her leg. "After everything, why would I understand you not wanting to be with me?" She reached into her bag and pulled out a grape-flavoured Ringpop she'd made a specific journey to the store for. She handed it out to her. "Here, it's yours."

"I don't want it."

Ashley had never denied a Ringpop before, not even during the worst stomach bug she'd ever been unfortunate enough to contract.

"Take it," Spencer insisted.

"No."

"Please."

This time Ashley waited a little while longer to say, "No."

"Why not?"

"Because they mean more to you now," she said, noticing the way Spencer was looking at her as if she'd grown an extra head.

"You're calm," Spencer said. "You're breaking my heart and you're acting like all you're doing is telling me you didn't like a movie I loved. Except then I get an apology."

"I don't want to hurt you." Ashley was sincere. It was too bad she didn't sound it.

Spencer couldn't help notice there was no apology and she got up, leaving the Ringpop to fall to the ground as she walked away. Ashley sighed and got up, reaching for her before she got too far away.

"What are you doing?"

"I don't want to see your face or hear your voice right now. I can't. I feel sick."

Ashley tried to get in the blonde's line of sight but she was having none of it. "I'll come over later, okay? I'll bring a movie."

It wasn't an instant reaction, but eventually Spencer met her eyes. "You're serious, aren't you?"

"Yeah."

"You're not coming over tonight."

"Okay," she brushed it off. "We'll go to the movies, then."

"No, we won't."

"Would you rather do something else?"

Spencer nodded. "I'd rather have my legs cut down to stumps than do anything with you. Have fun by yourself." She made another move to leave.

She was fast, but so was Ashley. Her hand was roughly pushed off the blonde's forearm. "I told you I want us to be best friends again. What's difficult to understand about that?" Ashley hadn't counted on Spencer reacting this way. She hadn't thought about it.

"I understand perfectly. But do you know what I say to that, Ashley?" Spencer asked. "I say, 'fuck you and your friendship'. And that's all I really have to say."

"What?" Ashley was stunned. "You don't want to be my friend?"

"No," Spencer said resolutely. "I don't."

"Don't be stupid."

"You're the one doing all of this."

Ashley didn't believe it. "You don't want to be my friend at all? It's either all or nothing?"

"You can wipe that look off your face," Spencer said. "Why is that such a shock to you?"

"Why the fuck wouldn't it be?" she fired back.

"Uh, I don't know. Let's think."

Ashley pressed her lips together. "Forget about last night," she said calmly. "Pretend it didn't happen. We'll still hang out every day. It's not like it's going to be some huge shift. All we have to do is stop making out."

_After everything that had transpired in the past twenty-four hours, the fact that Ashley could still make mistakes —terrible mistakes— had been conveniently wiped from Spencer's memory; everything but the fact she loved her and made love to her._

"I didn't know you could act this way," Spencer voiced her thoughts.

"What way?"

"Like you don't love me at all." It was agonising to think; saying it aloud was worse. _It hit her all at once, a seismic wave of pain that prevented her from doing much of anything for a long time._ _Spencer saw a definite change in Ashley's demeanour, fleeting though it was. For a split second, her face had fallen. "Ash..."_

Ashley's words were callous. "If you don't want to be my friend, don't be. Act like you don't know me. I doubt it will be too difficult."

Pain was creeping up the blonde's throat and she cleared it, swallowing it down. "What?"

"What, like that's any different to what you just said?"

Spencer stared at her and felt her heart thudding. Everything was happening too fast. "How am I supposed to that? You live next door. Your mom is my mom's best friend."

If Spencer and Ashley were no longer each other's closest friend, Paula and Christine would be devastated. They both knew that. At the moment, Christine would be the most affected.

Ashley shrugged her shoulders. "I don't care. You can hate me, but when we're around them or assholes from school, we pretend nothing has changed. They can't know. If they find out, its heartbreak and million-and-one questions that I really don't want to deal with."

Spencer had a million and one questions for her. Not that she'd ask them. It was too raw and she was too angry. Ashley looked incredibly untouched and there she was, crying once again, trying to understand what was happening.

Ashley's phone alerting her to a new message was unexpected, resonant. It was from her mother. She read it, and then she began to walk away.

"Wait," Spencer called out desperately. "Stop. This is happening way too fast. I didn't mean any of it."

"Friends?"

"No." She shook her head, confused. She saw Ashley walking away once more. "God, stop. We can talk."

Ashley failed to turn back. "There's nothing left to say."


	19. Turn It Off, Forever

Spencer slammed the front door shut after her, locking it just in case. Stood in the hallway, she dropped the keys on the phone table and closed her eyes, breathing collectedly while trying to calm the violent beat of her heart and dizziness that accompanied it.

A thousand memories seemed to filter into her mind, every one of them filled with Ashley, and she fought hard to make them disappear. It was working well, she was gradually starting to feel in control of her own thoughts and actions, and then a persistent knocking at the door made her jump. It threw everything off balance again.

It didn't take a genius to know who was on the other side.

Spencer ignored it, not even bothering to tell her to go away. It would be breath wasted.

She walked into the kitchen to make sure the back door was securely locked, twisting the key and sliding the top lock across. She stopped short of padlocking it. Her intention was to turn around and head upstairs, pulling her blind down and checking the lock on her balcony door. It had been locked for a couple of months but she was paranoid.

It didn't help when, upon turning around, she jumped in fright at Ashley's sudden appearance. Spencer narrowed her eyes at the key in the brunette's hand.

"That's mine."

In fact, it was Ashley's. She got a key to the Carlin residence the day Spencer got one. It was for emergencies, and Ashley thought there had never been a more appropriate time to use it.

"What was that?" Ashley asked.

Spencer held out her hand impatiently. "That's my key. Give it back."

Ashley wasn't talking about a key, she was talking about the way Spencer kissed her in her own kitchen, said she hated her, and then left. She slid the key into her pocket. "What was that?" she asked again.

"Your voice? That's called a screech, now give me my key and get out of my house."

"Uh, no, I'm talking about the French and the Arctic in the space of two minutes. Talk about mixed signals."

Spencer's voice came through gritted teeth. "Get out."

"No," Ashley refused. "You're acting like I set the whole thing up. I met Megan at a party I went to with Zach and she's been bugging me for weeks. I didn't know she was going to turn up at my house. I didn't give her my address, she must have got it off Zach."

"I told you I didn't care."

"But it's obvious you do."

"As usual, way to give yourself too much credit." Spencer crossed her arms.

"I'm sorry I hurt you again," Ashley persevered. Things weren't supposed to be such a mess, but they were. She had made a spectacular mess.

Spencer smiled humourlessly. "You didn't, so don't go losing sleep over it."

"Yes, I did, and it kills me."

"I'm sure it's like a knife."

"It is."

Staring into pained brown eyes, the blonde shrugged, unmoved. "Well, don't worry yourself. You can't hurt me anymore because all I feel whenever I look at you is hate and I just wish you'd go away and never come back."

Ashley's initial reaction was physical; her face looking like it had been slapped. "You don't mean that. You're just trying to hurt me back."

"I do mean it."

"Why? Because I've been a bitch?" she asked. "I've been a bitch because it's the only way to get a reaction from you. We went from talking every single day to not speaking at all unless it was around other people. I thought you'd hate me more if you knew I never meant any of it," Ashley admitted. "I swear, I didn't mean a single word that hurt you. But after that you were acting like I didn't exist and it was killing me. I had to do something. I knew you'd respond if I acted like the world's biggest ass."

"Whose fault was that? Don't you dare blame this on me. I'm not responsible for your actions. The blood's on your hands."

"I wasn't," the brunette snapped. "I know I screwed up, but I want to try again. We can be friends, can't we? We always have been. We can start again."

It was the worst thing she could have said.

Spencer remembered the last time Ashley had said that and it affected her in the same way it had done then. Her eyes darkened. "Fuck you and your friendship."

"How can you say that to me?" Ashley laughed, looking like she was about to cry. "You don't even think it's worth it?"

"I don't think you're worth it."

Ashley bit her lip hard. "So, what was that shit on my balcony about doing everything you can? Do you think you're doing everything you can right now?"

"Not to physically remove you from my house, yes." She looked at Ashley. "I thought you were tired of this 'lame ass show' every day? Make up your mind, Ashley, and then do everyone a favour by sticking to it."

"I don't know why I said things like that. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I never meant it."

"That doesn't make it better."

"I know, but can't we just talk? I miss you," Ashley admitted. "Please let me make it better, let me try."

"No."

"Why?" she yelled, frustrated.

"That's why; because you have to ask for a reason like it isn't obvious! You _know_ why."

"Besides that, why won't you try? Last night you said something about meeting you halfway. I'll do it. I'll do anything you want, just...stop being like this."

Spencer's eyes flashed, letting Ashley know an outburst was imminent. "Like the way you've been acting for months? You walked away from _everything_, so don't you come here, into my house, and ask anything of me. You have no right. You don't get to click your fingers and have everything magically fixed."

Ashley suddenly became very quiet. "I know. I'm sorry."

Spencer looked at her, felt her heart pounding in anger. "When it suits you. Those words, Ashley, they don't mean anything to me now. They meant everything for a week after you left me alone in the woods. Every time I begged you to tell me you were sorry, that you didn't mean it and you loved me, that's when they would have meant something; anything. But you didn't apologise. You broke my heart every day for a week and I still don't know why. The difference is I no longer care. You're free to date anyone you want, and so am I, remember?"

"This is you not caring?" Ashley asked dubiously. "Give me a break, Spencer. Of course you care. We wouldn't be having this conversation if you didn't, if I didn't."

Ashley was getting to Spencer.

"Now I see why your dad was so angry with you. You live to push buttons, don't you? The 'long story' is probably just Ashley being Ashley. Same old, same old, right? And your dad just snapped. It's understandable."

"You don't know anything about that."

"No, I do. I know all about it. I've known you my whole life, so of course I know. I know every little thing you don't want me to, everything you try to hide under stupid little facades. That's the downside of knowing someone forever; you can never hide when you want to."

"Yeah, and neither can you. You don't hate me, and you won't try to make this work again because you don't think I've changed enough."

"Try 'at all'."

"I have changed," Ashley disagreed. "I promise I have."

"Where is she, this new and improved Ashley? I'd love to meet her." Spencer crossed the floor to get a bottle of water from the fridge and get rid of the taste of Ashley in her mouth. "What a joke."

"You're still all I ever think about," Ashley admitted, unknowingly for the second time. It made Spencer's heart ache suddenly with a memory. "With the exception of Zach, I can't stand any of the new people I hang out with now but I can't be alone, so I just go along with whatever. I can't see or buy Ringpops because they make me think of you, just like everything else. I'm a lot closer to my mom. She knows, by the way, and my relationship with my dad—"

"She knows?"

"Yeah," Ashley confirmed quietly. "She's known for a while."

"When did you..."

"It was that night we all came over here for dinner, when we were late and you slammed the door in my face. Your mom asked me to help you set the table, remember?"

Spencer did remember. A lot happened that night, of course she remembered. She also remembered someone texting Ashley things that made her smile a genuine smile. Her response was a nod. She was calming down, anger slipping away. Her bottle of water was put on the countertop.

"It was a couple hours before that. I needed to tell someone. It was suffocating me," Ashley shared. "She begged me to tell her what was wrong with me, even if it was something I thought she didn't want to hear. It slipped out without me thinking about what I was going to say. And she took it okay. Way better than I thought. She said she'd always known there was something more between us. We couldn't talk as long as I wanted because my dad walked into my room, but that's why we were late," she explained. "And she kept texting me from the garden, asking me if she was bisexual because she'd had a little crush on her friend when she was twelve-years-old, and she thought Madonna had nice boobs in the eighties," Ashley smiled with the memory.

"I can't believe you told your mom."

Ashley wasn't lying; she did tell her mother she had no desire to be in a relationship with a guy, had never found them attractive on a sexual level and couldn't connect with them in a way other than platonically. She'd told her about Spencer. Ashley just didn't share how much their relationship had progressed or the reason why they were fighting and no longer together; had merely said she would make it better with Spencer soon. She told herself it was because they were interrupted by her father.

Spencer frowned, adding on, "I can't believe you didn't tell me."

"That I was less than straight? Kinda figured you got an... inkling somewhere along the way."

"No, that you didn't tell me about something that huge in your life." She was hurt, disappointed.

Ashley looked at the frown on Spencer's head and understood why she would be surprised. It was one of the only moments in her life she hadn't shared directly with her, and it was strange that she hadn't known before. It had been strange not to run next door and tell her the night it happened. "I know. I wanted to... I didn't think you'd care."

A thought suddenly occurred to Spencer, one that made her heart drop. "Wait, what did you say?"

It looked like Spencer couldn't believe she'd just said that, and Ashley didn't know if she should back-track to dig herself out of an even bigger hole. "Uh... well, I mean, I've been an ass. I didn't think you'd give a damn about what was going on with me."

"No." Spencer's frown was deep, cheeks flushed. "You told your mom?" There was a nod. "About us?" she asked darkly.

She was furious, the brunette could tell that much. She could also tell Spencer was extremely scared all of a sudden. "Yeah. There's no telling her about me without you."

"You outed me to your mom?" Spencer raised her voice. "Why?"

"Because it was my mom, and I trust her. I couldn't exactly come out without a reason, or having someone to make me realise that I was gay." The look Spencer was giving her made Ashley uneasy. "It's my mom, Spencer. If I didn't trust her to keep it a secret, I wouldn't have said anything. I made her promise that she wouldn't tell anyone else until I was ready. Nobody will know. Nobody knows about me. Sasquatch is still telling everyone I fuck every guy in this town."

It was anger and fear that heated the blonde's face even further. Hands balled into fists, she shook her head in denial, breaths shallow. "I'm going to kill you," she said, voice quiet but sincere.

Ashley closed her eyes, jaw slanting in frustration with a silent curse. "I'm sorry."

"You never think of anyone but yourself, do you? You don't think, period. You jump into situations that are bigger than you and you don't take even a second to consider the consequences." Spencer's heart was back to pounding. "If your mom took it badly, what do you think would have happened?"

"I would have lost everything."

"No, the first thing that would have happened would be my mom finding out," Spencer corrected her. "Let's say she took it badly, let's say she took it as badly as something like that can be taken. What would have happened then?" Ashley was quiet, looking guilty and remorseful. "I would have lost everything, Ashley. Me. You threw it away."

"I'm sorry."

"Give me my key and go," Spencer demanded. "I won't say it again."

"I'm not leaving when you're still mad at me," Ashley said. "My mom doesn't bring it up very often. We talk about it but it's not the foundation of every conversation. I swear to you, no-one will know. If you can't trust me, trust her."

The refusal to do anything she asked of her infuriated Spencer, especially as it was in her own house. She closed the distance between them, shoving her hand into the tight pocket of Ashley's jeans. As soon as her fingers wrapped around the key, Ashley's hand shot to her wrist, squeezing tightly to keep it in place. It was instinct to look up and meet Ashley's gaze, bringing their faces close together, a lasting look of desire passing between them.

"Let go of me," Spencer ordered.

It was difficult but Ashley did as Spencer asked, hand falling back to her side. When she didn't move away immediately, Ashley reached up and brushed some of the damp blonde hair away from Spencer's eyes. "Spence..." The blonde turned away, putting space back between them. "I'm sorry."

"Do you really think two words are going to make it right?"

"No. But I'll say it a thousand times if you want me to."

"All I want is for you to say one thing and mean it." Ashley looked at her expectantly. "Say goodbye."

"No."

"You're saying all the wrong things," Spencer said. "None of this is going to help you, Ashley."

"What will?"

"Say goodbye to me."

Ashley bit her lip, looking at Spencer like she didn't know what to do. She wouldn't say goodbye and she didn't want to leave, but Spencer was still extremely angry with her and she didn't know how to make it better. "I don't know how to do that."

"Learn to."

Ashley shook her head delicately, refutation coming instinctively. "That day —that week, I didn't know what I was doing. I swear I didn't."

Spencer had known that for a long time, and hearing it said aloud by a sober Ashley was, surprisingly, as painful as it had been to listen to those words in the first place, to see Ashley incredibly unaffected by what she had been doing. She sighed quietly, cracking just slightly. "I know," she said, her voice soft. "I've always known."

"That's a start, isn't it?" Ashley asked, full of hope. Spencer could tell, because Ashley's face had suddenly lost a lot of its distress.

"No." Just like that, it was back. "It's not a start."

"But..." Ashley's brows knotted. "You know I'm sorry and I didn't mean it."

"You still did it. You haven't said why, and you haven't faced a single consequence. Everything is as it was for you."

"This is a fucking consequence," Ashley abruptly snapped. "Not having you in my life the way I need you is a consequence, Spencer. I know it was my fault, but I also know everything you say to me in front of anyone else is false. I'm tired of it. You know we're more than that."

Spencer wasn't surprised by her words but no matter how good her intentions, Ashley wasn't getting it. She still had a long way to go. "You want things to go back to how they were?"

"Yes." She nodded. "Spence, I swear I'll do anything."

Spencer leaned against the counter. Ashley was clouding her head, and she couldn't deal with an explanation right now, no matter how long she'd waited. It didn't matter anymore, nothing would be worth it. It would make her even angrier than she already was. She'd ask another time. "You can go now."

Ashley's hands were animated in their frustration, tensed, eventually balling into fists to squeeze out her dissatisfaction. "Stop saying that. I'm not going anywhere."

Everything was still on her terms.

"There's nothing here for you anymore," Spencer said despairingly. "If you think crowding me will help, think again."

"I'm not trying to crowd you, okay? I'm trying to be around you and not fight. I'm trying to make it better."

"It's a battle you'll lose."

"No, it's not. Not if you drop the Ice Queen act even though I deserve it. Give me a week to prove to you that I'm sorry and you're still the only person I trust with anything in my life. You can trust me again." There were no signs of the blonde beginning to lower her guard and it was scaring Ashley more than she'd like to admit. Tears began to prick her eyes. Her voice was resigned, "What else can I do, Spencer? Please, why can't you just..."

It had begun —truly begun— with tears, and Spencer was angry that Ashley's pain was affecting her when she didn't want it to. "Why can't I just, what? Get over it? I'll tell you why, because you're _always _here! How can I get over it when I see you every day? Don't you think I'm tired of this? Don't you think I want other people to be able to fix me the way you do?" Spencer looked at her with wounded eyes, a sigh escaping her lips. "You know what? I tried to pretend, I did, but I can't anymore. Anyone who isn't you... they don't _do_ anything. None of them do, and it's not even their fault, it's yours. I miss you so much and I love you more than that, but I'm tired, Ash. I'm so tired and I just want all of this to be over."

"Forgive me," Ashley finished softly. "Spence... I l—"

"Don't you dare say that to me. Not now."

Ashley settled on, "I'm so sorry. You don't know how much I wish I could take all of this back."

Spencer smiled sarcastically. "Great, all better!"

"Tell me what I can do."

"Stay away from me," she repeated. It was the only way. "Don't pick me up for school and don't talk to me when we're there. If anyone asks why we're not talking, tell them it's not their business."

Ashley stared at her, torn. "Your mom invited me over for dinner tomorrow night."

"You have plans you forgot about. She'll understand."

"What if she asks again? Is she going to keep understanding? She's not stupid."

Spencer shrugged nonchalantly. "I don't care anymore, I'm done."

Ashley shook her head. "I know I make you mad, but that's crazy. You don't mean it."

"Yeah, I do. I'm done and we're done."

"No." Ashley's distress was palpable. "God, no. Not after what you just said."

"It's not up for debate," Spencer asserted, making a move to leave. She wanted to go upstairs and lock her bedroom door, get far away from Ashley.

Ashley grabbed her arm as she tried to leave. "This isn't happening."

"Why, because you said so?" she asked, pulling her arm away from Ashley. It hadn't been an aggressive hold by any means.

"I can't do it! I don't want to be away from you anymore."

"It's always what Ashley wants, isn't it? What about what I want?" Spencer pressed when she didn't receive an answer. "Does that matter to you anymore? Did it ever?"

The brunette looked away from eyes filled with misery. "We don't have to cut all ties, Spencer. It's not like—"

"Yes, we do."

Ashley stood silently for a minute, this time looking at her with a steadfast stare. "How long?" she asked, suddenly almost indifferent. "A week? Two weeks?"

"Christmas."

Ashley smiled bleakly. Christmas was over six weeks away. "You can't be serious."

"It's the only event we won't be able to get out of easily. You always visit your aunt for Thanksgiving."

It didn't matter what was going on with their children, Paula and Christine would be having Christmas lunch together. It had been tradition since Spencer and Ashley were two-years-old.

"No," Ashley refused to accept it. "We don't have to do this."

"You know we do."

Her head shook this time. "We don't."

"Ashley."

Ashley closed some of the distance between them again, hand gently clasped against Spencer's neck before it was pushed away. The tips of her fingers instead grazed the blonde's waist, trying to find purchase on her. "Spencer, please don't. I'm so lonely without you."

It was more than enough to make Spencer re-think her actions, make her chest constrict with the weight of her pain.

When the look on Ashley's face became tortured and she began to speak again, Spencer cut her off. "God, just shut up," she said quietly, meaning to say it a lot louder. Ashley looked so sad and part of her wanted to make it stop the only way she knew how. "Just _shut up_." She turned away. "You can't do this to me."

"I can't do six weeks," the brunette added. "Please, can we compromise?"

Spencer wasn't going to give in. It had to happen, she was sure of it. "Okay, fine. Either you can wait until Christmas, or you can wait until Easter. Take your pick."

Ashley frowned painfully, knowing Spencer's mind had been made up, and held her stiff shoulders up in a shrug. "I won't talk to you, but I'm still picking you up for school." It was extremely rare that they didn't travel to school together, had done since kindergarten.

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am."

"Ashley."

"What? This is bullshit and you know it."

"Do you know how hard it's been for me, having to pretend like everything's okay and you don't constantly hurt me?" Spencer asked. "Everyone talks about you to me, asks questions I should know the answer to but don't because we're not anything to each other anymore. I have to pretend and be engaged in conversation when all I want to do is yell at them to shut up talking about you. If I don't get it at school, I get it here, or from friends, or my grandparents, even people in town," she listed. "It's exhausting, Ashley. If we're going to be _anything_, then I need time and so far you haven't given me any. We can't just pick up where you dropped me off. It has to be a fresh start, so, yeah, I'm done."

"You know that's not true."

"What?"

"You not being anything to me," Ashley clarified, deep down also knowing that she meant a lot more to Spencer than nothing. It was the anger talking.

"I was the day you broke up with me. You left me alone in the woods, just walked away like I wasn't there, and for the past few months all you've done is remind me that I serve no purpose in your life other than to keep up a charade. Even then, half the time you act like you don't care. So you'll have to forgive me that I'm having a little trouble believing, one, this conversation right now and, two, that you won't hurt me again."

"I always care," Ashley stressed. "I know I do a pretty good job of making it seem like I don't, but I do, more than anything. And I won't hurt you again."

"Prove it," Spencer challenged. "Give me what I want."

Six weeks wasn't a long time to be away from someone in the long run, but to Ashley, getting through six weeks would be particularly difficult, especially being as she lived next door to Spencer and they shared almost all of their classes; especially as she had missed Spencer inconceivably over the past few months. The longest they'd ever gone without talking was a week, and even then they'd had to join each other for lunch not to make their classmates suspicious.

Now she wouldn't even have that. It would be her life without Spencer in it.

"Okay," she agreed softly, albeit extremely reluctant. "But after everything, you're not going to ignore me at Christmas when you guys come over, are you? I don't care if all you say is 'hi'."

"I'll try not to completely ignore you." Spencer had already decided she'd speak to Ashley if she agreed to the break she desperately needed. If she was honest, she didn't think Ashley would go along with it.

"And I don't fail if I look over at you in class, right? Because accidents will happen."

"As long as I don't feel you burning holes through the back of my head."

Ashley nodded, trying to take it all in and ease the weighty pain in her body. "I was lying before; I do care if all you say is 'hi' after six weeks of silence. It'll drive me crazy."

"I know."

"So, as soon as I leave this house, that's it?"

"Until Christmas."

They tried to let it sink in; truly understand what it would be like without each other in some capacity. Neither had any clue how difficult it would be.

"I can do this for you," she promised. "And I almost swear that I won't slip up or get angry the days where I really, really miss you."

"Almost?"

Ashley shrugged. "I can't promise a miracle, but it doesn't mean I won't try."

Spencer looked at her in a way she hadn't for a long time; it was soft, thinking back to the little girl Ashley had once been; endlessly interesting and forever getting into mischief. She hadn't changed too much. "I'm hoping," she said with sincerity. For several seconds, time was filled with long looks at each other and an unwillingness to be the first one to leave. Spencer added, "Your jacket is in my room, if you want me to get it? You gave it to me when we were walking home last night."

She reminded her because it had begun to rain harder. Ashley's hair and skin were still damp from the almost non-existent journey next door.

"Doesn't matter," Ashley shrugged her indifference. She figured it was only fair that the blonde keep her jacket considering she'd seen Spencer's hanging in her hallway before she stormed out of her house. She wasn't going to give it back until Spencer asked for it, and that wouldn't be until she was talking to her again. Ashley figured she had forgotten with how much was going on inside her head.

Spencer opened her mouth to ask Ashley to give her jacket to Paula to bring back, and then changed her mind. "Six weeks are going to fly, you know?"

"I'm hoping," Ashley echoed Spencer's sincerity. "Really hoping." She took a breath of preparation, because her heart had begun to beat harder and faster. Ashley was going to say something along the lines of goodbye but ultimately decided against it. It wasn't about that. "You know where to find me if you change your mind," she said. "Even if it's Christmas eve."

Spencer nodded, and then she watched Ashley leave.

###

The next morning, after over-sleeping due to not falling asleep until after three, Ashley saw Spencer leave for school and waited fifteen minutes to ensure they wouldn't bump into each other on the way, even if Spencer stopped to talk to Emily on the days she also walked to school instead of getting a ride with Angela and Maria.

Ashley ran through the hallways as quickly as she could manage and burst into the Biology lab, effectively running into Boney M, the plastic skeleton model that was close to the door. She dropped her bag and books to catch him, nearly sinking to her knees when the wheels he was hung up on slid away from her.

She set him straight to a round of applause and bowed to her audience before picking her books up from the floor.

Mr. Purdy looked at his least favourite student, and then the clock. She was nine seconds late. He leaned against his desk and watched Ashley head to a free seat. "No need to sit down this morning, Ashley."

"Oh?"

"You know where the Principal's office is."

Ashley frowned. "You're kidding, right?"

On the other side of the lab, Spencer looked down to her blank page of notes and shook her head. Their teacher wasn't very forgiving when it came to Ashley.

"Do I look like I'm kidding?" he asked.

"No, but your face is always like that."

Mr. Purdy put his glasses on and picked up a textbook, looking over the lenses to say, "The door is that way," gesturing to the left of him. "Have a good day, Miss Davies."

Ashley didn't put up a fight, knowing how fruitless it would be. She left without a word, not giving him the satisfaction of it.

###

Her day didn't get much better. She was miserable. Ashley thought of Spencer more times than was healthy, wondering what she was thinking and if being away from her had already had any kind of impact.

She had lunch with Adam, catching up with him and hearing the news from the skate park, only half interested. When he got up to take a call in private, Ashley looked across the cafeteria to where Spencer was sitting with her friends. She watched the blonde smile and agree to something Angela had just said, briefly looking down to her lunch before she laughed and launched into an animated response. Ashley remembered Spencer's request of not purposely staring at her and forced her eyes away, not wanting her to look over and spot her.

Part of Ashley wondered if Spencer expected her to behave the same way she did every other time she was miserable and something was seriously bothering her, by getting drunk, or at least having a drink. She realised that even though she was already having a bad day, it would only get harder. Ashley scrolled down the list of contacts in her phone and deleted everyone she had met in the past few months, excluding Zach. He was the only genuine person as far as she could tell, and it was nice because she knew he didn't expect anything from her just like Adam didn't.

"All alone, what a surprise."

Ashley looked away from her phone and eyed Ramona Castro humourlessly.

"Really, seeing the Siamese twins separated is something to get used to," Ramona added. "Big fight?" She jutted her lower lip.

"How is that any of your business, Chewbacca?"

"Hey, I care, okay?" The raven-haired girl held a hand to her chest. "When one or both of you are miserable I get a spring in my step."

"Why don't you spring off a cliff, Yeti?" Ashley looked back to her phone, trying to ignore the way Ramona was obviously goading her.

Ramona leaned down to Ashley's ear and spoke quietly. "Get used to being alone; I have a feeling it's going to be for a while."

Spencer looked up in time to see Ramona lean in to Ashley's ear and say something that quite obviously angered the brunette, and resisted the urge to go over and intervene, waiting until Ramona walked away to re-join the conversation at her own table. She missed Ashley looking over at her by half a second.

They were only halfway through day one.

###

A week passed by incredibly slowly.

Spencer found comfort in the fact that Emily had apologised (sincerely) for speaking of Ashley the she had done so callously in the hallway, and after that, she hadn't mentioned her once. It was a welcome break from classmates looking at her curiously, obviously wondering why they weren't sitting next or close to each other in classes anymore, why Spencer hadn't said anything when Mr. Purdy sent Ashley to the Principal's office, or why they weren't having lunch together when they had the same lunch schedule.

Sleep hadn't come easy and she would be lying if she said she was anything other than desperate to fast-forward time. Spencer didn't notice the times she'd snapped at her family in the past two days; easily irritated.

She did everything she could not to purposely stare at Ashley, but her eyes had always unconsciously found her when they happened to be in the same room.

Spencer discovered the reason for Ashley's tardiness after three days and made sure to leave at least ten minutes earlier than she had been; giving Ashley enough time to get to school without pissing off every teacher she had that semester.

Ashley had been halfway to school when she'd realised her biology homework was still on the kitchen table. Running back home and to school was a necessity unless she wanted to see the Principal again, and Mr. Ertman was, frankly, tired of seeing her sat outside his office. Another teacher had sent her there for back-chat she knew Ashley was above.

Much like the week before, Ashley burst into the lab but this time successfully managed to avoid Boney M. She spotted Spencer quickly, sat on the front row, and hurried past her to a free seat. Ashley sat down the second the clock ticked into class-time.

"Nice of you to join us on-time today, Ashley."

More than ever, his voice was like bugs under her skin. The brunette smiled at him. "Thanks for having me. I know how much you hate it when I have to miss a class."

"Quite." Mr. Purdy addressed his students, "Okay, so last time we spent a lot of time going over neurobiology. We looked over your new assignment brief that I hope you all still have, not my problem if you've misplaced it. Remember the captivating video on neuron models?" He received blank looks from half his students and picked up a list from his desk. "Great, because you're all going to make one. This is called team-work, so you'll be in pairs chosen by me. I know how much you love it when I do that."

Spencer was the first student on the front row, so he started with her. He liked Spencer; she was one of his brightest students. He smiled warmly. "Carlin, Davies." The boy next to Spencer was glanced at, "Houllihan, Chung," Mr. Purdy continued to go through his list of students that would be paired together, voice booming through to the back of the class in order to rouse the always heavy-eyed students. Once finished, he asked, "Any objections?"

Melvyn Dixon, sat on the seat next to Ashley, raised his hand. "My assigned partner is Lawrence Harper."

"And?"

"He broke both arms during a football game last week, sir. Freak accident."

Mr. Purdy shrugged. "I'm not seeing a problem here, Dixon."

Melvyn's face betrayed his perplexity. "We have to make a model and a poster. I can't do all of that myself, unless you give me an extension."

"I don't give students special treatment unless it's warranted. Think of this as one of life's many hurdles." He watched Melvyn drop his pen to the desk and mutter another word for the male sex. "Anything else?" he asked the class.

When Mr. Purdy was ready to turn around for the stack of papers detailing their project in much more detail, Ashley's voice spoke out,

"I need a new partner."

"Why's that?"

Spencer was listening intently, eyes on her notebook as she wrote down the directions for her project; anything to keep them away from a certain brunette.

"I don't want to work with Spencer."

"I don't care. She's your assigned partner, deal with it."

Ramona Castro sniggered. "Aw, you guys still haven't kissed and made up? What a shame."

Ashley turned in her seat. "You still haven't dropped dead? Bigger shame."

Mr. Purdy hit his hand off the desk to gain Ashley's attention. "Hey, that's enough from you. You're working with Spencer."

"No, I'm not," Ashley refused as he made his way back over to his desk.

"Excuse me?"

She shrugged. "I said no. Pick someone else, anyone else." Ashley looked to Melvyn next to her. "Wanna work together?"

Melvyn brightened up. "Sure."

"Ashley, either work with Miss Carlin —your assigned partner, or visit the Principal's office."

"I have a partner." Ashley gestured to the boy next to her. "Melvyn here has generously accepted my offer, and I can't wait to discuss my contribution to this project, so..."

"Collect your things and move to your assigned desk with your assigned partner," Mr. Purdy ordered as other students were doing the same.

"I can't do that."

"You're refusing?" He was taken aback.

Ashley twiddled her number two pencil between her thumb and forefinger, looking up like it was a chore. "Yeah."

"Last chance..." Ashley remained silent, save for packing up her things in preparation. "You know where to go," he said, sitting down behind his desk. He'd barely finished his sentence when Ashley sprung to her feet, strolling out of the room.

This time Ashley knew there would be a phone-call to her parents. It would surely mean being grounded.


	20. The Lightning Strike

Thanks for everything, guys. Merry Christmas/Happy holidays! Be safe.

* * *

The hallways were bustling with Friday morning's chatter and Ashley looked up from her locker when she saw Spencer walk past with Emily, lost in conversation. It had been two weeks without a single word exchanged. It had been hell. She had tried her best to stay out of the Principal's office, but had alas been sat across from Mr. Ertman twice in the past week alone.

Ashley would do better. She would stop projecting her anger onto other people and ignore Mr. Purdy's personal dislike of her. There were only so many times she could win over Mr. Ertman with her extensive knowledge of the Van Damme movies circa 1988-1999. She had her father to thank for that.

She would end the week on a high note. Or, at least, she would try to; ignoring the way she had been on-edge with words she was biting her tongue not to tell Spencer or the people who attempted to provoke a hostile response.

Spotting her stop at Emily's locker for a book, Ashley watched on as Spencer laughed, obviously unaffected by their separation. It was difficult to swallow; made her features darken as she turned back around and put the necessary books into her bag.

In class, Ashley sat in the middle and put her earplugs in until the teacher arrived. She was caught up in a song when someone bumped into her table and sent her bottle of water falling and rolling across the floor. She regarded Ramona with a matching frown. "Watch where you're going," she said, putting her iPod away for the lesson.

"Still all alone, I see," Ramona commented as she rubbed the offended part of her toned thigh.

"Maybe if your walk resembled anything other than a primate's, your thunder thighs wouldn't get bruised so often."

"You've got a big mouth, Ashley. You want to be careful I don't make your bottom lip even fatter."

Ashley remained unfazed. "If you were going to start a fight, you would have done that already. You're full of empty thoughts and empty threats, so do yourself a favour and stay out of my way, okay?"

Ramona shrugged. "If you hadn't noticed, I'm the only person talking to you," she taunted. "You're dumb as shit but I think even you had to know that if you and Penelope Pitstop ever had a massive blowout, everyone would automatically be Team Spencer."

"And yet here you are," Ashley said as she looked up to her. "Are you Team Ashley?"

"Nah," Ramona replied aloofly, smirk tugging at her mouth. "I'm Team I-don't-give-a-fuck."

"Make sure to use Jergens on those knuckles, King Kong," Ashley called out to her, turning in her seat to see Ramona walking away.

Ramona sat down at her desk and smiled, holding her middle finger up. "Spin on it. It'll be good practice for the poles."

Turning back in her seat, the brunette eyed her bottle of water on the floor and made a move to get out of her seat to retrieve it. However, before any true effort had been made, the bottle was placed on the edge of her desk, just as it had been before Ramona's collision sent it crashing to the floor.

Ashley looked up in time to see Spencer turn around and sit in the seat in front of her. It was either an attempt to be nice, or to be downright cruel. She hadn't decided if it was the former or the latter, just accepted the fact that Spencer was almost within arm's reach and that wasa nice thought.

Class would start any second, so Ashley looked down for a pen to start her notes, picking up her notebook to look underneath in search of any kind of stationary. She couldn't find any, and was about to stand —heading to her locker for a pen— when something was thrown against the back of her head. Ashley glared, and when she recovered the pen from the floor she looked behind her and saw Ramona looking pleased with herself. She arched a brow.

"Don't chew on it," Ramona prohibited. "And I want it back."

The brunette eyed the end of the chewed-up pen with mild disgust. "A favour, from you?"

"Nope," Ramona disagreed as she looked to a surprised face. "Pity."

Ashley's surprise turned to anger and she threw the pen back, harder than necessary. "Keep it."

"No wonder everyone is Team Spencer," Ramona sneered. "I mean, God, look at you."

With Spencer clearly within earshot, Ashley's response was snapped, "Shut the fuck up. You think I care what youor anyone else thinks about me? Not likely. Do you think you're any better? News flash: your army of hoes don't give a crap about you. They stay because they're scared. God knows why."

Ramona heard three immediate dismissals to Ashley's accusation and she knew they were all false. She knew none of them genuinely cared about her. Ramona smiled at her. "I hope you like the taste of dirt, Ashley, 'cause I'm pretty sure I'm going to be rubbing your face into some later."

Walking into her classroom, Ms. Day peered at Ashley and Ramona, knowing of their feud. Their verbal taunts were something of a common occurrence, especially when Ramona was to bring Spencer Carlin into it. "Do we have a problem, ladies?"

Ashley turned to face her teacher, expression being one of extreme annoyance. "Just wondering why Ramona is sat in a classroom when clearly she should be at the zoo, Doris."

Ms. Day felt her brows crease at the insult aimed towards the darker-haired girl. Ashley calling her Doris wasn't anything new, but her name was Janet. She didn't mind the nickname. "Ashley, you're above this kind of behaviour. Let's start the day positively, yes? Find your inner chi."

That was her plan for the day. It had failed before the first class begun.

###

P.E had run relatively smoothly until Ramona purposefully riled Ashley up enough with taunts concerning her and Spencer. Ashley fired back verbal responses six times until she couldn't take it anymore and had thrown her bat to the floor before stalking over to her. She was pulled away before any damage could be inflicted, and walked out of the game, ditching the remainder of it.

Spencer had watched her walk away with concern that soon turned into annoyance.

Coach Shaw knew from her friends on the faculty that Ashley hadn't been herself lately, and she thought a repercussion was exactly what the brunette needed to snap her out of it, make her realise that kind of behaviour got a person nowhere.

Thanks to Coach Shaw's word to Mr. Ertman, that's how Ashley found herself sent home halfway through the day; unfortunately on one her mother had off from work. Not even trivia on Blood Sport could save Ashley when violence had been attempted on school grounds.

"So?" Christine demanded.

"So, what?"

"Do I get an explanation, some sort of apology?"

"I'm sure Mr. Ertman filled you in, and I'm sorry but Ramona's a bitch. It wasn't my fault," Ashley denied.

Christine sat down on the couch next to Ashley. "Your Principal said you're not yourself and perhaps you'd like to use the time this afternoon to re-evaluate what's important to you." She looked at Ashley, so impassive, and held her hand. "Ashley, talk to me."

"Ramona's a bitch," Ashley repeated. "I couldn't help it."

"What was she saying?"

Ashley shook her head. "Nothing."

"Was it about your sexuality?"

"No. If she knew about that, everyone would. Just forget it. I'm sorry, I'll try harder."

"Was it about Spencer?" Christine asked. She and Paula had been sharing stories of their daughters' mood swings during the past three weeks. It wasn't difficult to detect the link. "I know you're very protective when it comes to her."

A frown marred the brunette's forehead. Pain spread out from her chest and she took the time to breathe it out somewhat. "She's not talking to me, as stupid as that sounds. Everyone at school is asking why, or jumping to conclusions."

Christine rubbed Ashley's hand. "Okay, well, that's not so bad," she reassured. "It can be fixed. Tell me what happened. You were going to try, weren't you, to make things better?"

"I made it worse," Ashley shrugged.

"How?"

"It's complicated."

"You were...seeing each other, and then you stopped. You never did tell me why," Christine pried gently.

"I can't."

"You can tell me anything. I've certainly leaned on you enough these past months, let me listen to your problems for once."

"You'll think of me differently, so no, I can't."

Mrs. Davies sighed gently. "Sweetheart."

Ashley took a tremulous breath, exhaling cautiously. There was a long pause where she tried to think how to word it. Her mother had never been anything but accepting of her, but she was dreading this more than she had dreaded coming out. "When I said Spencer and I were together, I meant it in every way."

"So, you were official, is that what you're saying?"

"I told her I loved her."

Christine nodded softly, knowing that for years. She had suspected it long before Ashley had realised. There had been many private conversations regarding the nature of their relationship. "That's a big step," she smiled. "How did she respond?"

"She said it first, but after I told her, she kissed me." Ashley ran her tongue across her lips. "It felt different, you know? After we'd said it. I'd stick my fingers down my throat if anyone else said it, but she made me feel safe."

She stroked the back of her daughter's hand. "So, what went wrong? I mean, you girls have always been inseparable and loved each other in some way. Did that...change things? Was it said too quickly?"

Ashley shook her head and then prepared herself. "We were together mom. As in..." She sighed. "Please don't make me spell it out. I'm already embarrassed."

Christine's brows rose high and stayed that way while speech evaded her. "Wow," she eventually forced out. "I... Are you sure?"

"Yes." Ashley looked at her with crazy eyes.

"I'm sorry," Christine shook her head. "It-you just surprised me."

"Sorry," Ashley commented through a sigh.

"Wow," she repeated. "Even bigger step." She received a nod. "I suppose I don't have to ask if you need to go on the pill."

A hint of a smile played on Ashley's mouth. "No."

"Do you think it was a good step?"

"Yeah. It's not about regretting anything about our relationship, it's about me. Everything with Spencer was perfect."

"What about you?"

"I broke up with her," Ashley said without pause. "The day after we were together, and I wasn't exactly nice about it."

"Ashley..."

"I know." She sunk down further into the sofa upon hearing her mother's disappointment. She hated it.

"Why would you do that? It's Spencer. It's you."

"It was the day I found out about the affair," Ashley explained, face contorted with misery and regret; memories. "Everything had suddenly changed and it just seemed like every year since we were thirteen every solid couple was slowly breaking apart, cheating, and getting a divorce... I didn't want that for me and Spencer, and I...I don't know, I guess somehow I thought it would be easier if we were friends."

"How did she take that?"

"She was ecstatic."

"You don't think she had the right to be angry with you?"

"No, I do. Of course she did," Ashley answered. "I didn't tell her about the affair. I told her I'd been thinking and I didn't want to be anything other than friends. She hated the idea, of course, and she was angry and crying, and I didn't do anything to make it better," Ashley confessed. "I was angry and defensive and she hurt me. I didn't think I deserved it." If her mother was angry with her, that would be another consequence and she'd accept it. "Obviously my head was elsewhere."

"What did you do?"

"I walked away. She was crying again, I remember that, and I remember her coming over here every day for a week, begging me to apologise and tell her I loved her."

School had started three days later.

"Did you?"

"No," Ashley sighed. "I was so angry at everything, mom, and Spencer was making it hurt. I didn't want to think about her, so I didn't. I thought about anythingelse."

Christine sighed deeply, frustrated and saddened. "Honestly, Ashley... I wish you would have told me sooner." There was a quiet agreement. "So, what's your plan? Do you want to be with her?"

"More than anything."

"Go and tell her."

"I can't. She said she needs time. As much as it's killing me, I at least owe her that."

"How much time?"

"Until Christmas, at least. I don't know what's going to happen afterwards." Ashley answered with her displeasure evident. Halfway through and she still felt it was too far away, that she was going crazy. She didn't know how Spencer was supposed to forgive her when she still didn't know the reasons why she ended things. Ashley told her mother everything that had happened the last time the Carlin's came over for dinner and the fight that followed.

"I think it's a good thing," Christine eventually voiced, her tone unable to contain the optimism she felt. "I do," she said once she spotted the look of disbelief Ashley shot her.

###

Spencer ran faster, her feet hitting the pavement harder as she pushed herself even further. Music playing loudly in her ears didn't deter the maelstrom of conflicting thoughts and memories playing out inside her head, but rather acted as a catalyst. It made her wish she didn't have to listen to music for motivation to run. Her memories concerned most years of her life and had one co-star that seemed to steal the show with every line that let her lips and every shot of her face. They were like a web; trapping Spencer whenever she made a desperate effort to think of anything else.

However, she was released when someone saw her running in their direction and purposefully stepped in her way, crashing their bodies together. The impact sent Spencer to the ground, the skin on her right hand tearing painfully as she tried to brace her fall and keep her head from hitting off the sidewalk. She'd fallen on a small scattering of broken glass.

Her face contorted with the sharp sting of pain in her palm and the ache in her knee. It had connected with the concrete at an unfortunate speed. Removing and detangling the earplugs, Spencer dropped them and left her iPod on the ground as she got up to ask if her victim was all right. She had been lost in thought and didn't see who it was but knew she hadn't been paying attention, so there was an almost definite chance that it had been her fault.

"I'm so sorry, I'm like a wrecking ball," she apologised as she got to her feet. "Are—"

Mr. Foster understood her question despite it being half-asked, and offered a nod. "Are you okay?"

Spencer stepped back when his hand reached out to inspect the damage done to hers when she'd fallen. "Uh..." her head shook nervously, too surprised to see him alone on a cold, dark night to be anything other than nervous. "I mean, yeah. Yeah, I'm okay."

"You look like you hurt yourself. Let me take a look," Mr. Foster insisted. "I didn't mean for you to get hurt."

"Its fine," she said, moving her arm further away, hiding it from his view. "Sorry again, for running into you."

"Think nothing of it."

As soon as she noticed him make an indication that he was moving closer, Spencer continued, "I think I'm gonna go. I'm going to be late for something."

Mr. Foster watched her make an attempt to leave, getting three paces away before he said, "I can spot a liar from a mile away, Spencer. It's okay; you can be honest with me."

She turned to look at him with furrowed brows. Her apology had been sincere because there was a possibility she'd hurt someone. Now she knew she hadn't, the mood she'd been in for three weeks returned, albeit not in full force. It was more annoyance than anything. "Okay, you got me, but I do have a burning desire not to be alone with you on a dark corner, so I'm going to go and be anywhere but here."

"Now, was that really so difficult?" he asked. "Why the lie?"

"Because my white lies have such an effect on your life? You don't know anything about me, so why would you care?"

"I wanted to apologise to you," he said. "You haven't been alone very often, so I haven't had the opportunity to tell you that I'm sorry for the way I acted before I left to visit my family."

Spencer wasn't trying to be callous when she said, "I thought they were dead? You made it seem like—"

"My wife and daughter passed away, that is true."

"So, you spent a month talking to headstones?"

"I was with mother," Mr. Foster shared. "She needed me."

Since she was ten, Spencer had occasionally joked that he was a Norman Bates kind of guy. "I accept your apology," she responded, eager to leave. Blood had dripped down to her fingers, dangling off the pad of her middle finger. She leaned down to pick up her iPod with her good hand and Mr. Foster caught sight of the blood when she straightened. He closed the distance between them, holding her hand as he observed her injury.

She withdrew it from his grasp, fear coursing through her at him being so close and still not being able to take a hint. "It's fine," she insisted. It felt a lot different to the last time her hand had been injured and carefully inspected.

Mr. Foster held onto her forearm when she made another attempt to leave. "I'm parked around the corner," he said, trying to avoid her walking home when she'd been hurt. He knew of the men who preyed on girls like Spencer. Unfortunately his daughter had been one of them.

"I'd rather walk."

"Let me take you home, I can clean up that cut."

"My mom is perfectly capable," she replied, pulling away from him. She wished Ashley was with her. He wouldn't be an issue if the brunette was there. "I've tried to be polite, but leave me alone. Please," she added. It was a plea.

"I won't take no for an answer," he persisted; trying to pull Spencer closer, however unwilling she seemed, without hurting or scaring her.

Mr. Foster was about to suggest walking her home instead when Spencer made a valiant effort to get free, shouting an objection in the process, which was interrupted by a louder yell. There was barely any time until she was released from the unwanted hold, Mr. Foster being shoved backwards and away from her. It was Raife.

Raife tugged Spencer closer for protection. "What's going on?"

Mr. Foster wasn't the kind of man who appreciated an interruption and his voice was neither apologetic nor hostile. "Her hand is cut, I was making sure she was okay."

"Didn't look that way to me," he indicted, turning towards Spencer and carefully inspecting her hand. His voice lost its anger and was replaced with care and concern. "Is it okay?"

Spencer nodded. "It stings, but I'm fine. Thanks." She felt much safer now.

"Working late again?" Mr. Foster asked; his tone boarding on accusatory.

Raife looked at him. "Excuse me?"

"The last time I checked, your daughter wasn't too happy to hear of your overtime. Perhaps you should take that into consideration."

Spencer looked to Mr. Foster for an explanation. "Since when do you talk to Ashley?"

Raife stepped forward, closer to him. His voice was threatening. "What did you say?"

"Stay away from her," the blonde added on.

"Go wait in the car, Spencer," Raife requested, his eyes were locked on dark.

She didn't protest, however she gave the dark-haired man a long look of warning prior to crossing the street and getting into Raife's car. She didn't want to drip blood on his seat, so carefully wiped her hand across her sleeve. Spencer had agreed to wait in the car but she hadn't agreed to give them total privacy. She watched them exchange words, saw Raife's face fall and then harden with unsuppressed anger and step closer to Mr. Foster, who looked as detached as ever. Raife's lips formed words she couldn't read and, without warning, sent his fist into his neighbour's face.

Spencer's mouth hung open slightly, even as he made his way back to the car. He closed the door with a slam and his face did nothing to hide the fury he felt swirling inside. The atmosphere was tense and save for thanking Raife quietly when he reached over her and secured her seatbelt, Spencer was silent the entire ride home.

It was only when they'd pulled up on the driveway that Spencer turned to look at him. He looked angry, that was a given, but she knew he was also in pain. "Do you want me to beat him up?"

Raife looked at her, allowing a small smile to play on his lips. "He'd never walk again."

"What did he say? I mean, you're not the kind of guy who reacts that way for no good reason. Most of the time," she added on, not forgetting the incident several weeks ago.

"I was in that part of town to get those," Raife felt the need to explain, gesturing to the roses on the back seat. "Chris likes the way they're cut in that florist. I was going to surprise her, that's all. She deserves the best, and for a little while, I forgot that. Chris and Ashley both suffered because of it."

Spencer nodded in understanding. "At least you know that now. I'm sure you can make it up to them if you really mean it. And, hey, Norman Bates across the street? Forget him. What does he really know about you, anyway?"

"More than I thought, actually."

"He doesn't know you," Spencer asserted with a gentle shake of her head. "Not even a little."

Raife smiled and looked down to her injured hand. "Come on inside. I'll help you with that."

Spencer couldn't help but frown softly. "I shouldn't... It's okay, I can do it."

"Let me have this one shot at feeling useful," he pleaded. "Please?"

"Is Ashley inside?"

"No, she's out somewhere with Chris. They shouldn't be back for a while."

###

Sat on the counter, Spencer held her hand out as Raife went about cleaning the wound, being as gentle as he could. It stung, burned whenever he made contact with it. Their first-aid kit was well-stocked, given to them by her mother. It was unnerving to be in Ashley's house, even when she wasn't there. It smelled just like her.

"I remember cleaning you up when you were about eight," Raife shared. "You fell off your bike in the street and Ashley ran in here like you'd been hit by a bus," he smiled. "You'd grazed your knee."

"How is she?"

"You're fighting again?"

"We're not fighting, we're...having time."

The glass had been removed and it didn't look like it required stitches. Raife made sure the superficial wound was clean and placed a band-aid over the heel of her palm, deciding not to press her for more information. "Ashley is...well, Ashley is Ashley, but from what I can tell, she's been better."

Spencer's brows furrowed delicately as she looked down.

"I spoke to your dad yesterday," Raife shared. "He said you've been better, too."

"I've been a lot better," she admitted. For the past three weeks, all she'd done was snap at people who didn't deserve it. The only person she could tolerate was Emily because she knew what topics and names to avoid. "But I need this, you know? I need this to hurt, and then I can be better and things can finally be good again." Her face was a picture of misery though she believed every word. "But it's harder than I thought it would be. Sometimes it's okay, but when it's not, it hurts so much that it makes me wonder why I don't forget all of this."

"You'll work things out," Raife said leisurely, tone full of conviction. "You and Ash are worth more than a fight. I know it; I've seen it every day for years. Doesn't matter what you were fighting about or why you need space, you'll figure it out. Remember that when you're upset, okay?"

Spencer nodded. "You should take your own advice."

"What?"

"For the last time I caught you guys fighting in the kitchen. I don't like seeing you like that, and I didn't like the way you handled her when I know how sweet and gentle you really are."

Raife shrugged. "Doesn't mean I can't be a class-A dick, babe."

"Apparently," she smirked. "Don't do it again."

"Don't go running across Ohio after dark."

Spencer held out her hand to him and they shook on it. "Deal."

"Anything else?" Raife asked. "Just your hand was hurt?"

"Oh, my knee kind of hurts but I think I just hit it off the ground. No glass. I ran right into him, so..." she explained, pulling up the leg of her sweat pants to reveal a faint purple bruise spread across her knee, skin slightly torn. There was no blood, so she covered it back up. "It's fine. I'll ice it when I get home."

"You sure?"

Spencer nodded, hopping down off the counter with Raife's assistance. "Christine will love them," she said, gesturing towards the roses that had been arranged into her favourite vase.

"You think so?"

"Know so," she corrected.

Raife reached across and pulled out a single rose, handing it to Spencer without a word. He looked on fondly as the blonde smiled and thanked him.

"Raife," Spencer started cautiously, "why are things so weird between you and Ashley? Was it just from you and Chris fighting? I know how stubborn she is, and she never backs down from something when she believes she's right. We have that in common."

He looked despondent, full of regret for a moment. "It's not just because of the fighting," he confessed. "It's more than that."

"How much more?"

Raife prepared for another round of disappointment and anger heading his way, and he opened his mouth to try to explain when they both heard Christine pull up on the driveway. "They're home," he said. "Do you want to stay? I'm sure Ashley would love it."

"I can't," she dismissed, opening her arms for a hug. Raife had always been pleasant to hug, but right now, it was more than that. He was someone Ashley loved so much, even though she would never admit to it in her current state of mind. For Spencer, it was almost like she was hugging Ashley and she didn't want to let go.

The front door opened and she heard Ashley talking to Christine. She pulled away. "Please don't tell her I was here. It's not fair."

Raife nodded in response and watched her leave, the back door closing just as Ashley entered the kitchen. He looked at her, followed her line of sight to the bloodied gauze and little pieces of glass sitting atop the first-aid kit.

"You okay?" Ashley asked him, perilously close to sounding concerned.

Momentarily surprised, he was only able to manage a nod. He now knew Mr. Foster had cruelly blurted out word of his affair all those months ago. Every time he had asked Ashley how she found out, she'd simply ignored him, refused to speak to him.

###

Ashley was in the library, sitting on the floor in the corner of a rarely visited section. It was peaceful. There was little chance that the latest rumour concerning her would be spread in there, less chance she would hear people discussing the way she had been uncharacteristically quiet for three days running, even when Mr. Purdy failed her on a test she had actually studied solidly for. Ashley was even silent when someone had harshly pushed past her, effectively sending her books to the ground, and in class when people continued to ask for the real reason she and Spencer weren't on speaking terms. Ashley was just quiet, accepted it all and hoped it would pass.

Unbeknownst to her, Spencer had noticed.

A few people had noticed, and one of them sat down next to her.

Ashley looked away from the notes and looked at her with a neutral expression. "What do you want?" she asked, looking back down to flip through her notebook.

Emily crossed her legs at the ankles. "It's bothering you, isn't it? The fact that Spencer is fine without you."

Ashley bit her tongue, focusing on her work. "Go away," she requested softly.

"You're not on drugs, are you?" Emily asked, glancing to the bottle of Coca Cola next to the brunette.

"If I say no, would you believe me?"

"I'd believe you."

"I'd never touch them," Ashley said. Emily didn't need to know about the time she and Spencer had tried marijuana. It wasn't her business and she didn't plan to try it again.

"I know we haven't exactly gotten along in the past, but I'm not here because of some stupid fight we've been having forever. I'm here because of Spencer."

"What about her?"

"She's not fine," Emily told her. "She tries to act it, but I know she misses you and I know it's the hardest thing in the world to stay quiet when some ass is doing a really good job of pissing you off, or when they're actually failing and you're weirdly passive."

"You don't know that," Ashley dismissed.

"I don't know why you're not talking, but I do know that. She gets really tense and she's pretty rude, actually. Not to me, 'cause I know to avoid the A word, but she's been biting everyone's head off for weeks, and for the past few days she says it's because her hand hurts, though I really doubt that."

Ashley frowned. "Her hand?"

"Yeah, it's cut. It looks pretty gross even though it's healing. She's had it a few days, I think. She told me she fell over and there was glass on the floor."

Ashley thought to the bloodied gauze and tiny pieces of glass she saw in her kitchen recently. It made her face darken. Her dad had lied to her. "Is she okay?"

"It's just a cut," Emily dismissed. "Look, right now Spencer is in the auditorium. There's no-one else there, no rehearsal going on to interrupt you... Go see her."

"In all the years I've known you, you've never done anything nice for me. Why now?"

"Believe it or not, I care about Spencer more than I care about our stupid feud. She's one of my best friends. I don't want to see her like this anymore and, as much as it pains me to say this, I know you're the only person who can fix it."

"I can't, not yet," Ashley said reluctantly. She sighed. "Go to the school store and get her some Starburst. They always make her feel better."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"What else?"

"Hot chocolate, or Junior Mints."

"Do you want me to tell her anything?" Emily asked. "I can tell her you're really, really sorry."

Ashley nearly smiled at the simplicity. "She knows."

"I'm sure she's sorry too, Ashley."

"Spencer doesn't have to be sorry for anything."

"Okay," Emily accepted. She ripped a corner off the page of notes Ashley was currently studying, taking the pen out of her hand as she pulled back. "If you change your mind, call me," she said, jotting her number down for Ashley's use.

The questioning arch of her brows straightened out and Ashley nodded. "I didn't know you could be nice. To me, anyway."

Emily shrugged casually, a small smile ghosting over her lips. "I'm a nice person," she said lightly. "When I want to be."

Ashley's smile soon faded. "I know it's really old news, but I'm sorry about your parents," she offered sincerely. It was also her way of thanks. "That must have been rough."

"Thanks." The redhead exhaled heavily. "Okay, I'm gonna go before we braid each other's hair."

"Not likely, Raggedy Ann."

Emily spotted the teasing look in her eyes and, for a split second, finally began to see what Spencer had seen for so many years. "There's the bitch I know and hate," she said without malice as she got back to her feet. "See you around."

###

It had been a long afternoon and Ashley had been itching to get home, going as far as to rush out of the classroom first and walk ahead of Spencer instead of waiting around until she knew the coast would be clear, or hanging out with her friends until it was time for dinner. She went in through the back door and dropped her keys on the counter, setting her bag down too. Her father was making coffee.

Raife glanced at her and sensed her dark mood from the look in her eyes. "Coffee?"

"Why didn't you tell me about Spencer?"

"She asked me not to," Raife replied, not surprised she found out.

"So? If she gets hurt, I want to know about it." Ashley was resolved. "Okay? It's simple: Spencer, Ashley. That's the order I want you to go in. Help her and then tell me about it. One, two."

"Okay. Spencer, Ashley, got it."

Despite beginning to see the similarities in herself and her father during the past three and half weeks, Ashley still wasn't comfortable asking him for anything that would be of use to her. If it wasn't concerning Spencer, there was a good chance she wouldn't ask. "Did she say anything?"

Raife poured a cup of coffee for himself. "She wanted to know why we were fighting."

"You tell her?" Ashley asked with remorse heavy inside her body. She didn't want Spencer to find out from anyone other than her.

"I was about to," he admitted. "But you and your mom came home." Raife observed his daughter and felt the same weight of regret inside his own body. More than anything, he wanted to make it right and begin to heal and move on. He missed her more than anything. "Ashley, can we talk?"

"No," she refused.

"Please, there's so much I need to tell you."

"I don't care," Ashley dismissed through a shrug, making her way out of the kitchen.

Raife followed. "I know how much I hurt you, and I'm so sorry."

"I really doubt that," she turned to say. Ashley wasn't being aggressive, she was being honest and she knew her voice conveyed her vulnerability.

"We can move past this, I know we can. I'll do anything for you to trust me again. Anything."

"Why did you do it?" Ashley finally asked after months of being too angry to care. "You knew what it would do to me, to mom. Wasn't that enough for you to care?"

"Of course it was. I just...I screwed up." Raife knew how unacceptable that sounded. "I've been with your mom since I was nineteen, Ashley. Relationships change, after so many years, they're difficult and sometimes it's easy to forget how much you love each other. We were fighting all the time, and...she was just there. I swear, she has never and will never mean anything to me." He knew not to say Carol's name in front of Ashley, knew her name would make even him feel sick. He'd risked everything.

"Swear on my life you haven't seen or called her since I found out. I'll know if you're lying."

"I swear."

"It'll never be okay," Ashley said quietly, hurt splayed across her face. Her father hadn't paused before answering; he was being honest, and that was a nice change but it didn't erase the fact that she wouldn't ever condone cheating. "And I'll never understand. Ever."

"I know."

"So much fell apart that day," she commented aloud. "I'm not blaming you or anyone else for my actions, but part of me wishes I never found out and part of me doesn't care that you'd still be lying to me. Things would be so different if that day never happened for me, and not just with you. I mean with everything."

"With Spencer?" Raife asked with caution. "She told me you were both...having time, and I'm guessing none of that is spent together."

Ashley shook her head. She felt drained. "No, not together."

"Why didn't you tell her? Out of everyone, I was most surprised to hear that Spencer didn't know. Arthur and Paula are better than I thought they'd be when your mom asked them to be discreet and act as normal as possible."

"I had my reasons."

Raife understood. "You hate pity, from anyone." Her silence was enough of a confirmation, though he knew it was much more than that. "How long has it been since you were talking?"

"About a month, but we weren't exactly talking all that much before either. Not since summer."

"Your mom and Paula will be hurt if you carry on this way. You know that?"

"Of course I know that," Ashley answered miserably. It was still all she could do not to go next door and see Spencer. She was desperate to be around her the way she used to be. Sometimes at night she'd make it halfway to her closet for the ladder and then change her mind, knowing Spencer would be angry if she tried to see or speak to her. Every night she would think about what she was going to say when they finally had a conversation that wasn't born in anger, and every night she had been painfully aware of the fact that it had never been so long since she'd held Spencer in bed, even in the most innocent of ways.

Another two weeks of this felt like she was right back at the bottom of a mountain.

Noticing her distress, Raife stepped closer to his daughter and put a hand on her arm. "What happened? Was it keeping something from her, it drove a wedge between you two?"

Ashley backed away from him, raising her hand in protest. She didn't want to talk or hurt anymore. She was tired of the constant ache of pain inside her chest. A few minutes alone were what she needed; fresh air to clear her head. So that's what she did; softly excusing herself from her father, Ashley left through the front door and sat on the steps leading down to the lawn. It was freezing outside, the kind of December day that seemed to look like late afternoon no matter what time of day it was. It was dull and depressing and the only thing that made it slightly more tolerable was the Christmas decorations that cut through the slight mist.

Talking about Raife's affair, as brief as the conversation had been, took its toll on her. Acknowledging it out loud had been so very painful.

On her way home, Spencer's eyes automatically found Ashley when she was halfway up the street and she didn't look away in fear of being caught staring, but rather kept her eyes glued to the brunette. Her brows furrowed gently when she was close enough to see the wretched expression on Ashley's face. Spencer knew that look; it was rare, one Ashley wore prior to crying. Unnoticed to both of them, she saw Raife exit the house and put his jacket over her uncovered shoulders, sitting down next to her. He'd left Ashley to think out there for several minutes before joining her, knowing she needed space.

"I'm sorry," Raife apologised sincerely. "You'll never know how sorry I am."

"Okay," Ashley accepted quietly as her father's arm went around her body, pulling her close to him. Things were far from perfect but it was a start and she desperately needed one. She needed him, had missed him terribly, and it was only when her head was against his shoulder that the tears that had threatened to fall for weeks leaked their way down her face.

Spencer watched them with intent, as if that would give her some kind of clue why Ashley was crying, and only looked away when she had to enter her house.

Raife rubbed her arm. "Ashley—"

"Dad?" she interrupted; voice still quiet and discontented. It was the first time she'd addressed him as her father since summer. "I have to tell you something."

"Okay."

Ashley kept her eyes closed and drew in an ice-cold breath, preparing and contemplating, remembering and reliving. Her heart was pounding the way it had done only twice before; when she'd had this conversation with her mother, and when Spencer told her she was in love with her. Ashley decided to concentrate on the second moment, kept the blonde's face inside her head as she said, "I'm in love with Spencer."

Raife was quiet for an almost unbearably long time, but when he finally spoke, he said, "I know."

Ashley wasn't surprised. When she'd told her mother, Christine had said she'd always known. "Are you disappointed in me?"

"Never," he assured. Raife had been preparing for this moment for years, taken the time to accept it and his daughter. She was still Ashley to him. "I love you. Nothing is ever going to change that. "

"Are you sure? You don't have to be okay with it because of what happened with us today. I know it's...a lot."

"I'm sure," he said easily, lifting her hand to kiss her wrist.

"I miss her," Ashley confessed brokenly, all of a sudden. "But we can't talk yet. I have to wait and I'm trying so hard, but I miss her so much and I'm so scared that she doesn't miss me back. What am I going to do if she doesn't?"

"You'll never have to find out."

"She hasn't slipped up once," the brunette countered. She decided that Spencer sitting in front of her in class was an attempt to be cruel five minutes into the lesson when she'd had to bite her tongue not to talk to her, when her fingers had been so close to reaching out to her. "I see her smiling or laughing all the time, like none of this is affecting her when I can't sleep because of it."

"She didn't look very happy to me the other night, Ashley," Raife shared. "You know how much you mean to her. Whatever reasons she has for doing this, none of them are to hurt you."

"I don't know..." Even with Emily and her father's reassurance, she didn't quite believe it unless she saw it with her own eyes. The time she'd spent away from Spencer had been sufficient in making her paranoid and over-analyse almost everything the blonde did, second-guessing anyone who told her what she wanted to hear. Maybe that's all they were doing; telling her exactly what she wanted to hear.

###

Hours later Spencer sat with one leg underneath her on the sofa, transfixed watching the Food Channel with a half-empty bowl of grapes next to her. She didn't hear her brother come in and ask what her plans were for the fast-approaching weekend. Glen repeated his question, along with her name at a louder volume, and when that didn't evoke a response of any kind he threw a cushion at her head.

Attention now on her brother, Spencer threw it back with more force, annoyed scowl in place. "What, Glen?"

"You're deaf. I asked you what your plans are for the weekend."

She shrugged eyes back on the television screen. "Why do you care?"

"I don't know. You've pretty much been a Debbie Downer forever, so I thought I'd spend my hard-earned allowance on taking you to the movies instead of my gorgeous girlfriend," he said. "So, Saturday, what do you say?"

"I say you need to make more friends if your girlfriend ditches you at the last minute and you resort to taking me out."

"She didn't ditch me. I want to take you out, okay? You need cheering up."

"Or I need leaving alone," Spencer countered.

"What's up with you?" Glen asked. "Why are you being a bitch when I'm trying to be nice?"

"You're sensitive."

"No, I'm pretty sure you're just a bitch."

"Go away, Glen."

Glen sat down next to her. "It's Ashley, right? You're not friends anymore, or you're having some huge fight that's way different than before. I know everyone's talking about it at school. I've got some guys on it; people should shut up about it soon."

"Great, maybe youcan shut up about it, too." Spencer interrupted Glen, "No, you know what, Glen? I am so tired of everyone talking about her. I'm tired of the questions and the looks, I'm tired of the way nobody will mind their own business and let this pass. When did we become this town's news? I'm trying not to think about her right now, and ever since people won't let me. I wish everyone would shut the fuck up and put their noses back in their own business because, honestly, it's pissing me off."

He was momentarily stunned at her choice of language. "If you're this miserable without her, why don't you both get over yourselves and move on?"

"I'm trying to," Spencer answered. "I'm trying so hard but it doesn't help when I see her in school and she's angry and rude to everyone, and it doesn't help when she's quiet and I can't even hear her voice to know how she is." It also didn't help to finally know by seeing her crying. Ashley was all she could think about and when she wasn't consumed with sadness and the yearning for things to be different, Spencer was usually consumed with anger.

"Why don't you do something totally crazy and ask her how she is?"

"Because I can't."

Glen rolled his eyes. There were times when he didn't understand his sister at all. "Fine, why don't you tell me what all of this is about?"

Spencer couldn't deal with his questions right now, she couldn't deal with anything. In these kinds of moods, she needed to be left alone but no-one in her family seemed to understand. "Go away, Glen."

He left with a sigh and Spencer threw the remote to the other end of the sofa in her annoyance, brows furrowed deeply while Paula stood in the doorway and watched her with concern. Leaning forward, Spencer all but snatched her empty glass off the table and got up from the sofa, making her way to the kitchen. She brushed past her mother, avoiding eye-contact.

Putting her glass in the sink, Spencer heard Paula ask, "What's going on?"

She shrugged. "Nothing."

"No, that wasn't 'nothing'. I heard you."

"You heard what?" There was nothing but silence. "Right, so if we're done here, I have homework."

"Spencer, what's going on? You're never this way."

"What way? Academically responsible?"

"Distant," Paula replied. "Dismissive; unnecessarily rude and hostile towards anyone who dares to look in your direction. I mean, I could go on and on here. Lately, it's as if you're a different person." She sighed. "Talk to me."

"About what?"

"Has something happened?"

"Nope," Spencer dismissed.

"Let me rephrase: what happened?"

"Nothing."

"Spencer."

"Mom."

"It's Ashley, isn't it?" Paula asked.

Spencer sneered. "Contrary to popular belief, my life and my emotions do not revolve around one little person."

"I heard you talking about her to Glen. The things you said, Spencer. Honestly, I thought we raised you better than that. We need to look at your circle of friends if you know that kind of language."

"Turn on the TV once in a while, mom. Watch a movie, pay attention to grandpa when he talks. He's a sailor."

"And you're not. What you are is an angry sixteen-year-old girl and I would like to know why," Paula pleaded. "I can help, honey. Whatever it is, we can tackle it together."

Spencer frowned softly. "When you say things like that, it doesn't help. It makes me uncomfortable. And really, I'm fine. I don't need anyone to 'tackle' anything. I just need to get my homework done."

"Why are you fighting with Ashley?" No response was given. "Tell me, or you know I'll march next door and ask her myself."

"Don't do that."

Paula looked to her daughter for an elaboration, and then settled on a shrug of her shoulders when it didn't happen. "You're not giving me any other option."

"How about the option titled 'let it go'? Or how about 'I trust my daughter; she's never given me a reason to doubt her in the past. She's earned this'?" Spencer asked.

"You're right, you haven't given me reason to doubt you in the past," Paula agreed. "Key tense: past. In the present, you absolutely have. When you're in a mood, fine, I can understand that. You're over it quickly and you apologise. But you haven't gotten over this mood, Spencer. And an apology... well, let's just say I'm not holding my breath. Neither is your brother or father."

"God, a few weeks of being tired and I get this crap?"

"Weeks? Try months."

"That's a gross exaggeration and you know it."

"A flip switched at the end of summer, Spencer. Don't think you can lie about this. I'm your mother, I notice everything about you. Please talk to me... I want to help, Spence. If you're hurt over something, I want to make it better," she said. Paula saw the flash of pain across her face and reached out to touch her arm.

Spencer flinched away. "I'm fine," she insisted, her voice softer.

"You can tell me. I promise you can."

"Tell you...? What's to tell? I'm okay."

"You can tell me about Ashley," Paula said, her voice taking on a slightly tremulous edge, afraid how her daughter would react. The fact is she knew almost everything. She had known for a very long time. "Why are you fighting? And I'm not talking about a silly fight; I'm talking about the kind that has made both of you miserable for months, the kind that made you feel like you had to lie to me about it."

Spencer's heart began to beat faster, remaining unaffected on the outside. "Look, you and Christine being best friends forever...that's great. It's cute. But it's not the same for us. We're not fighting, we're just spending plenty of time with other friends and...I don't know, mom. We're growing up," she finished with a crease on her forehead.

"Really? Because you don't sound very mature to me right now."

"Right, because we have different opinions and that's unacceptable."

"No. What's unacceptable is that you're lying and being, frankly, a little insulting to both my intelligence and my friendship with Chris. I didn't raise a liar."

"And I'm not on trial here, so please stop acting like it."

"I'm sorry," she apologised sincerely. Paula received a nod of acknowledgement and waited until Spencer's back was turned, halfway out the door before she said, "I know, Spencer."

Spencer turned back around, nervous. "You know what?"

"I want you to say, in your own words, everything you've been too afraid to tell me."

"Stop it," Spencer requested. "I don't have anything to say."

"Sweetheart, whatever you're hiding, trust me when I say you aren't the first or last person it will happen to. People will understand. I will understand."

"You'll understand what, mom?" Her voice had become frustrated and pained. "How can you when even I'm not sure right now?"

Paula appeared surprised by the admission, though Spencer hadn't admitted anything in so many words. "I know you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders and you should be able to handle it at your age, but that's the thing; you're only sixteen-years-old, Spencer. Whatever life throws at you, it gets harder before it gets better. But if you talk to me, tell me everything, I promise to do nothing but support you," Paula vowed. "We can figure out a way to tell people, if you'd like. We could talk about Ashley..."

Spencer looked at her mother, conflicted. She was overwhelmed and unhappy and she didn't understand how coming out of the closet would benefit her when, currently, she didn't have anyone to risk everything for. At least half of the town would stop talking to her, or at least have nothing nice to say. Tears formed in Spencer's eyes and she drew in a deep breath, shrugging her shoulders because she didn't know what to say. She wasn't ready.

Arriving home, Arthur came up behind his daughter and kissed her cheek as he walked past, picking up the mail off the counter. He was oblivious to their conversation and smiled at Paula. "Good day?"

Paula looked to Spencer and didn't get chance to stop her before Spencer turned on her heel and left through the front door.

Spencer slumped against it. She didn't know where she was going or why she'd left like that when her mother was being nothing but supportive. It was dark now and the festive decorations up at every house but Mr. Foster's was doing nothing but reminding her that she and Ashley weren't doing their usual countdown to Christmas tradition.

The only explanation she had for her mother knowing would be for Christine to have told her, and that would be a direct result of Ashley letting it slip to her own mother about their relationship.

Strumming her guitar on the porch, wearing three layers this time, Ashley had been caught up in learning the chords to a new song and didn't notice the blonde exit her house. She was so caught up that she didn't notice Spencer trying desperately to resist making a scene, and she missed the way the blonde failed and was storming over to her house. Ashley only noticed her when she was standing directly in front of her, seething.

Her sudden appearance made Ashley's heart pound for two different reasons. Spencer looked furious.

"You couldn't even let me have this, could you?" Spencer asked darkly. "You had to tell your mom about me and now _my _mom knows!"

After taking the time to understand, Ashley was still confused. She knew for a fact her mother would never talk to Christine about her when she'd begged her not to. She was also deciding if it was okay she replied. Her mouth opened to form her response when she was cut off before she'd truly begun.

"Don't talk to me," Spencer ordered, staring at her with brows creased painfully. "For once, don't say anything..." She saw Ashley's grip on the guitar tighten and then watched her inner struggle not to say a single word when she was so close. "I didn't want her to know! But you didn't care, did you? No, of course not. You told your mom about me —without my consent — and now I have to face my family knowing everything. Great," she finished derisively, clapping for good measure. "Well fucking done, you managed to ruin everything."

Affronted, Ashley abruptly rose from the bench and stood in front of Spencer with eyes filled with fury. She was breathing heavier, quelling the desire to defend herself from the onslaught of accusations thrown her way. Almost a month had passed since they'd last exchanged words and been so close to each other. And she'd done that for Spencer, because she'd asked her to. It was hardly Ashley's idea of a good time.

Spencer matched her wrath, eyes burning back into brown. She watched Ashley try harder to kill the words sitting on her tongue and knew she was about to lose the battle. What surprised her more was Ashley's ability to turn and walk away. With her guitar in hand, Ashley had one foot inside her house, and then she heard Spencer's voice.

"You care more about that stupid guitar than me," she accused; her voice spiteful and bitter.

She braced herself for the words that would fly from the brunette's mouth, loaded with malevolence, except Ashley didn't say a word; she spun around with a gaze filled with incredulity. Their eyes met and it was charged until Ashley strode past her. Spencer watched her walk away and didn't make a move to stop her, too consumed with the anger swirling around inside her body to do anything but stand and watch.

Heading out to the road, Ashley turned the guitar around in her hands, holding it by the neck as she approached one of the trees lining the grass next to the sidewalk. And then she swung her arms out, smashing the instrument against the solid trunk over and over again until it was in pieces and her frustration had been somewhat vented.

On the porch, Spencer's mouth hung open slightly, heart pounding as Ashley threw the remaining piece, strings attached, to the ground as she made her way back inside the house, slamming the door shut behind her.


	21. Surrender

**Thanks so much for your feedback. I really appreciate it :)**

* * *

"So, what do you think, Spencer?"

"About what?"

"About what I've been talking to you about for the better part of the morning."

Always agree, she had been taught by her brother and Ashley. "Oh, yeah, sure. That sounds good."

"A terrorist attack sounds good to you?"

"Sure." Spencer looked away from the price-tag of yet another acoustic guitar that looked like the one that had been destroyed a few days prior. "Wait, what? You were talking about the guy you like; I know because you've had hearts in your eyes for weeks now," Spencer said pointedly, giving Emily a teasing nudge. "I say go for it."

It was true: Emily was just teasing her. When Spencer had asked her to go shopping with her, she assumed it would be for clothes, not a musical instrument. As far as she knew, Spencer didn't play the guitar; however, she did know that it had been a long time since the blonde seemed in spirits that weren't rock bottom. It was a very welcome change of pace and she wasn't about to question the how or the why; she just accepted that she didn't have to tread on eggshells for now.

"So, you're taking up guitar?" No longer than the words left her mouth, Emily recalled seeing Ashley with a guitar on more than a few occasions. It seemed strange to entertain the idea of Spencer doing a little Christmas shopping for her when things were as unsettled as they were. That was unless they had reconciled without her knowing about it. "Or is that for someone else?"

"I'm just looking."

"Because you're interested in playing?"

"No, because I'm interested in looking," Spencer replied evasively. The truth was she felt terrible for being, in part, responsible for destroying Ashley's guitar. She knew how much it meant to her, and for it to be gone after so long didn't seem right.

Emily wasn't one to beat around the bush, at least not for very long. "Is it for Ashley?"

"I don't want to talk about it, but yeah, it's for her."

"You're at least considering buying Ashley a guitar and you still won't even say her name?" She looked away. "That's not weird..."

"Em, don't, okay? I want today to be about fun. Let's forget this," Spencer suggested, brightening up. "We can see if your crush is working today and make him wear a Santa hat. I know you have your camera."

They were on their way to the record store where Emily's crush worked when she decided to run to the restroom and check her appearance, even after Spencer assured her that she looked great.

Heading inside without her, Spencer browsed through various genres, picking up and Eagles CD. As she scanned the track-listing and saw 'Take It Easy', something caught her attention: no deciphering noise, not any physical sight, just one indecipherable feeling that caused Spencer to look up and see Ashley across the store. She was looking down, leaving the side of her face visible to Spencer, allowing her to look on freely, or as freely as she could while also trying to stay undetected to the brunette.

Spencer wasn't ready for another encounter with Ashley just yet.

In similar fashion, Spencer noticed Ashley's attention shift from what looked like the bargain bin to a woman standing with her son at the entrance to the store, and her expression harden, saw the tension in her body. It was strange to Spencer because Carol Dalton and her son were nice people, the kind both she and Ashley usually got along with. It was even stranger when Carol seemed to spot Ashley or feel the heat of her glare and become incredibly uncomfortable and anxious, to the point where she suggested to her son that they leave for another store.

Ashley watched them like a hawk, fighting to stay where she was and ignore the woman, stay away from her as her mother had asked several months ago. However, saying and doing were two very different things Ashley knew, especially when Carol was right there.

Spencer watched her drop the CD she was holding and dart across the store, getting halfway to the entrance when she hesitated and she slowed, clearly reconsidering her actions. It wasn't until Ashley remembered the way her mother had cried and the stupid way in which she treated Spencer that she resumed her journey, walking faster in order to catch up.

With brows furrowed, Spencer followed, hurrying through a crowd of Christmas bargain-hunters outside the store and when Ashley walked faster, Spencer increased her pace. She followed until Ashley wrapped her hand around Carol's wrist and pulled her around, eyes blazing.

"What, no small talk?"

"Ashley," Carol addressed smoothly, removing her arm from the brunette's grip. "What a surprise. It's been quite a while."

"But not nearly long enough." Ashley shrugged. "How you been? Had any accidents with peroxide lately?"

There was a brief smile to benefit her son. "It's good to see you, but we'd better be going. So much to do before Christmas; people to visit, gifts to buy."

"Legs to spread."

Warren, Carol's son, stepped forward. He was in the same class as Ashley and Spencer. "Hey, watch your mouth," he warned.

Spencer was having trouble hearing clearly and stepped away from her carefully disguised presence behind a group of adults who hadn't seen each other since their children were around waist-height, judging from the gestures.

"Well trained, I see," Ashley commented, looking back to Carol. "I wonder if he'd be so quick to jump to his mother's defence if my tongue gets a little loose."

"What's your problem, Ashley?" Warren asked.

"You don't want to know."

He'd seen her moods at school recently; unstable wasn't the word for it. "If you have something to say, why don't you go ahead and say it?"

"I have nothing to say to you, Warren. Your mom, on the other hand..."

"So say it."

Carol held her shopping bags tighter, turning away. "We don't have time for this, Warren. Let's go."

"I expected you to be chattier, Carol," Ashley mused aloud. "How inconsiderate of me. You must have so many splinters in your mouth from the amount of wood you've had in there."

"Warren," Carol warned when she sensed her son's impending anger. "Come on."

Ashley was tense. She had a thousand things she'd like to say to the woman but couldn't, she didn't want to hurt Warren.

When he was at Carol's side, she retreated with relief. "Give my best to your mother." It was something she'd said without thinking for years, only now Carol Dalton closed her eyes in mortification at what had left her mouth.

Ashley's hand was on her arm quickly, pushing her around to face her and effectively sending some of the bags to the floor. "What'd you say?"

"Back off, Ashley!" Warren demanded, not afraid to push her away from his mom. "What's wrong with you?"

"Her!" Their yelling had gained attention from passers-by but Ashley didn't notice, focused on Carol. "Do you think it was some joke, that you have the right to casually mention my mom? You're a bitch," Ashley stated. "And you have no idea the amount of times I've thought about kicking your ass and humiliating you at the same time." That's how her mother had felt; hurt and humiliated. She just wanted to return the favour. The way she wasn't giving any signs of remorse or any outward signs of uttering a verbal apology angered Ashley even further, cursing Warren's presence. "You're lucky you're not alone!" she stepped forward to say.

Spencer stepped out of the crowd of people as she saw Warren push Ashley away for the second time, this time more forcibly, and was three steps closer to her when she was grabbed from behind by Emily who had just found her.

"Leave it, Spence."

"No," the blonde refused through an attempt to free herself from her friend's hold.

Emily hadn't been in with a noisy group of people when the scene with Ashley and Carol began. She'd been on her way back from the restroom and close enough to hear every word, see every ounce of loathing in the brunette's eyes. It wasn't a struggle to put the pieces together when she'd seen the same puzzle before, only it had belonged to her. Emily hadn't spoken to her mother since the day she'd told her that she'd rather live on the streets than with her, and then used the most profane words to speak to her mother's new partner; their doctor.

Emily wanted Ashley to say what was on her mind, not be stopped.

"Not even an apology?" Ashley asked loudly in disbelief. "Really? Not one?"

"I'm sorry," Warren said, before his mother had chance to speak, anger fuelling his usually composed character. "Yeah, I'm really sorry you're a freak these days, Six Flags."

It was then that Spencer got free.

Ashley returned the hardened stare and forgot about everything but the anger and pain she'd carried for months. Then she retaliated.

"And I'm really sorry your mom's a cheating whore."

"Spencer, come on, let's just go."

They were spoken over each other, and Spencer heard the apology, just not the reasoning. She spun around to Emily with an annoyed glare, missing the way Warren turned to his mother in disbelief, an expression that developed into disgust when he saw the guilt in his mother's eyes.

Feeling surprisingly worse, Ashley gave Carol a look that didn't betray even a fraction of the revulsion she felt for her, and turned on her heel, fading into the crowd.

"What the hell was that?" Spencer asked aloud, as if an answer would follow.

Emily was surprised she didn't know, but didn't share the information. It wasn't hers to tell. She merely offered a shrug and watched as Spencer searched the crowd for Ashley. Spencer spotted her at the last second, quickly disappearing around a corner, and didn't offer an explanation to Emily before she took off running.

Tense and frustrated, Ashley's exit was one of fast-pace, dodging people who frequently stepped into her path or grazed her am. When she felt the light pressure of fingertips against her own, she pulled away, drawing her arm closer to herself as she slipped between a crowd.

Spencer didn't follow this time.

###

Ashley had told her mother about what happened with Carol as soon as she got home, expecting the disapproving tone of voice and annoyance she received. It went better than she thought it would but it still hurt, and it hadn't magically disappeared overnight. She'd woken up in no mood for nosy or annoying classmates.

It was the reason why she groaned after her fourth attempt to pass by a tall boy in the hallway whose irritating celebration dance was blocking her exit. She was going to be late.

"Out of the way, Baloo! Shake your bare necessities somewhere else; some of us are actually trying to get to class," she said as she shouldered past him, noticing looks from almost everyone she passed on her way to class.

"Is it true?"

Sitting down at a free desk, Ashley looked to the girl who had never spoken to her before. Ashley wasn't even sure of her first name. "Is what true?"

"The rumour that's spreading like wildfire."

"Ooh, another one. Yay." She shook her head. "God, do you guys have nothing better to do? Seriously, get a life."

"I'm not trying to be a bitch. I'm sorry. If it makes you feel better, everyone's calling Sheriff Pete's daughter a whore."

"What?" Ashley's heart began to beat faster.

"Your dad, Warren's mom. It's...it's kind of all over school."

Ashley's face fell noticeably. She felt a sickening sensation overwhelm her senses, denial close behind. It couldn't have gotten out. She'd spent so long trying to prevent it from happening. "You're crazy," she said, a forced smile tugging at her lips. "But points for originality to whoever started that one."

The girl, Ava, saw the change in Ashley and was sympathetic. Her voice remained soft as she said, "Warren started it. He's pissed and he doesn't care what everyone is saying about his mom."

And for Ashley, it felt like forever that she'd shouldered the burden of keeping that secret contained; all that effort amounting to waste with the simplicity and bluntness of one sentence uttered in retaliation. It was over, whichever way she looked at it.

The class was filling up and she wasn't paranoid when she saw everyone looking at her differently. They knew, all of them.

###

Emily rushed into class several minutes late and was excused by her teacher, Mr. Riley when she offered him a sincere apology. She hurried toward the back of the class where Spencer was sat, focused on some notes she'd already began to take; ever the dutiful student.

Emily sat down at the empty desk beside the blonde's and pulled her notebook out of her bag. She cleared her throat to gain Spencer's attention, quickly growing impatient when it wasn't given. Next, she kicked her bag across to Spencer's foot. Nothing. She whispered her name. Was she ignoring her on purpose?

As Mr. Riley began discussing what he would be covering in the lesson, Emily looked around the classroom and saw several people talking amongst themselves. They were talking about Ashley and Warren.

"Spencer," Emily hissed impatiently.

"Emily," Mr. Riley said, turning the focus to her. "What is it that you need Miss Carlin for? Can't it wait till after my class you were late for?"

The redhead looked beside her and she rolled her eyes at Spencer's expectant gaze. "Now your ears decide to work?"

"What?" With her friend's dismissive shake of the head and her teacher back to sprouting quotes and information needed for the assignment, Spencer went back to her notes. It was only when she heard Ashley and Warren's names mentioned that she lost focus on her work. She looked up and saw the group responsible for gossiping, sitting in a pack of six, as always. There were three on one aisle, three on the other.

Spencer frowned, leaning forward in her seat to look at them. She heard Emily call her name and gave her a brief glance, asking Emily to give her a second.

The group consisted of four girls and two boys; all of them picking apart the inn's and outs of Ashley and Warren's life, what happened, why, how long it had been going on. They all looked over at Spencer when one of the girls asked how a best friend could leave when she was needed the most.

Spencer quirked a brow at them. They were talking about Ashley and were looking at her like she was something they'd stepped in. "What?" she asked, quite loudly considering she was on the other side of the room.

Emily leaned over and put her hand on Spencer's arm. "Spencer, forget it. Tell Riley you need to use the bathroom. We have to talk, it's important." She needed to tell Spencer to find Ashley.

"Do you have something to say?" Spencer asked the group of students who were still staring over at her. Her question gained the attention of everyone in the room.

"Please, continue," Mr. Riley granted with an accompanied sigh. "I'm sure it's much more important than my lesson."

"We just think you're kind of a bitch," one of the girls said with a shrug.

"Why? What does that have to do with Ashley and Warren?" Spencer asked, noticing almost everyone in her class turn to their friends, surprised.

"You don't know?"

"Know what?"

"Spencer, seriously, shut up," Emily said. "You need to use the bathroom, remember?" she prompted. "You're about to pee yourself, in fact."

The same girl spoke for her group again, "That Ashley's dad was banging Warren's mom."

Spencer laughed. "Right."

"Why would I make it up?"

She faltered for a second, smile fading. She shrugged. "I don't know, but you're lying. There's no way Ashley's dad would do that."

Across the room, Ramona rolled her eyes. "Wake up and smell the infidelity, Spencer."

Spencer sent a short glare in Ramona's direction, and then turned back to the group. "You're lying," she repeated. "No, he wouldn't. I know him." Her heart beat faster inside her chest, working overtime like she was running.

"Warren's been telling his sob story to anyone who will listen," Ramona said, her voice becoming, for a split second, uncharacteristically gentle. She glanced at Emily and even her eyes seemed softer. She shrugged. "It's true."

One look to Emily confirmed it for Spencer, made her think back to the anguish on Ashley's face at the mall when she'd confronted Carol. It was all so obvious now.

She was out of her seat instantly, hearing Emily tell her of Ashley's whereabouts the last time she'd seen her —which was right before she'd ran into class late, and was stopped when she reached the front row. Mr. Riley blocked her path.

"Go back to your desk, Spencer."

She continued her journey to the door, shouldering past him. "No."

Mr. Riley placed a gentle hand on her arm from behind. "This is my class. I said sit down."

In a burst of atypical anger mixed with determination, Spencer pulled away from him. "I said no," she repeated with resolve. This time no-one would keep her away.

Once in the corridor, Spencer began to run.

###

Ashley couldn't reach her parents, no matter how many times she called. She'd tried each of them over half a dozen times in the past ten minutes, her frustration growing with each unanswered call. She put her phone back inside her coat pocket and ran her fingers through her hair, fighting against everything to keep her composure.

Through a string of silent expletives cursing the fact that Spencer could know by now, tears of regret formed in her eyes. She slowed down, walking at a normal pace. It was a welcome relief to her burning calves. Eventually, Ashley stopped walking and came to a stop in the middle of a quiet residential road, almost trying to absorb the stillness and tranquillity it offered.

Everything was so loud inside her head; had been that way for months.

Through the thunderous roar of confusion and panic, a voice broke through it, delicate enough to be but a whisper. She turned around and saw Spencer standing less than ten feet away, out of breath like she hadn't been able to wait to see her. Unmoving from her place in the road, Ashley remained in the same spot, staring into blue eyes as they got closer. There were noticeable signs of distress on the blonde's face and Ashley felt her body stiffen, physically preparing for whatever it was that Spencer was about to say.

But Spencer didn't say anything.

Standing in front of Ashley, Spencer looked at her — truly looked at her, and then stepped forward, wrapping her arms around Ashley's neck in one fluid motion.

The brunette's reaction wasn't instant by any means. Stunned into immobility, she stood with her arms hung by her side, unsure if she was allowed to reciprocate. It didn't last very long. Ashley didn't care too much for consequence anymore. What else could happen? How could things get worse?

How could she not wrap her arms around Spencer's waist in return and close her eyes?

"You do know it's not Christmas, don't you?" Ashley asked after a prolonged silence, after she'd revelled in the comfort offered to her.

"I'm sorry." Spencer's apology was quiet; pained as she held Ashley's body tighter against her own.

Light heartedness aside, Ashley knew it was over —truly over. Spencer knew everything. And for the second time that day she felt a crushing weight, though now, with Spencer, it was being lifted.

For the first time in months, she could finally stop."You don't have to be sorry, not for anything."

Spencer pulled away, her hands lingering on small shoulders for a second longer than they would with anyone else. "But I am." She watched Ashley nod, silently accepting, and heard her break it with accompanying thanks. "Where are we going?"

Ashley shook her head. "Ah, well, home would be good... great, even. But I forgot my keys this morning."

"So use mine."

###

They'd been two blocks away from home, so Ashley didn't have time to worry over what kind of silence they were walking in. She was too busy wondering how to begin a conversation, if she should make small-talk or launch right into an explanation. Maybe she could do both simultaneously.

When Spencer unlocked the front door and stepped inside for the spare key to Ashley's house, she held it in her hand and hesitated. She looked to the brunette standing at her doorway. "Do you wanna come in? Glen's going to be with his girlfriend until curfew and my mom and dad are working late." Spencer twirled the key between her fingers. "I mean, unless you're not going to be avoiding...certain people in your house when they get home from work? It gives us hours. To talk," she added. "About... the weather."

"The weather has been shit," Ashley commented wryly, closing the door behind her. "Don't you think?"

"No argument here." The key was put back in its place. "You still think Mother Nature is a bitch?"

"When did I say that?"

"A while ago."

"Yeah, she's still a bitch." Ashley left her bag by the door and followed Spencer to the kitchen, taking the bottle of water that was offered. "But I can think of a couple others who out-rank her."

Once they were settled at opposite ends of the sofa, Spencer idly played with the lid of her water bottle and watched Ashley get caught up in her thoughts. "You look different."

A slow smile spread over the brunette's face. It looked very forced to Spencer, and soon it fell away with no trace of it ever being there. Ashley looked at her and noted the difference immediately. She'd looked different for months but this wasn't the same, it was a distinct difference.

"You look different too."

"I thought this would have happened differently."

"What?"

"Being here with you, us talking..."

"Were we screaming at each other?" Ashley teased. "You threatening Easter while sat around an uncarved turkey, and me, always eloquent, yelling words like 'screw' and 'you' and 'why not make it summer vacation?'"

Spencer smiled. "Something like that."

"But instead, this is where I try to explain everything rationally. If that's all right with you."

"If you want to. We don't have to talk about it yet if you're not ready."

"You don't have to be nice to me."

"Thank God," Spencer obliged. "Because you're the only person to blame for all of this. I mean, forcing them together? How could you?"

"I'm a disgrace."

"Despicable."

"It is sort of my fault," Ashley admitted, becoming serious once more. "I told Warren at the weekend. I saw him with her at the mall and I couldn't keep my mouth shut. My parents are going to be so pissed off when they know the entire town is talking about them."

"It's not your responsibility to clean up your dad's mess," Spencer argued. "How long was it going on?"

"Months. He finished it at the end of summer, which is when I found out. It was a few hours before we talked in the woods. It messed me up a lot, and I did a lot of stuff that I regret. Mostly concerning you." She sighed softly. "I wanted to be the one to tell you about my dad. I hate that you found out by someone else, but I guess that's my fault too. I didn't want to make things worse, so I was waiting until Christmas."

"I don't understand why you didn't let me help you with all of this. Didn't you trust me?"

"No, I did. I do. I just couldn't... It was easier alone, and I know how selfish that makes me sound but it's the truth," Ashley said frankly. "Other than yours, my parents seemed like the last solid couple that were still together, you know? And every few months another couple would cheat or divorce, hurt each other, and I was done with it."

Spencer swallowed some water. "And me."

"I was never 'done' with you. As twisted as it came out that day, right then, I did mean that part. I wanted us to be friends." She spotted the look in Spencer's eyes and relented slightly. "I didn't want to lose you. I needed you in my life but I didn't want either of us to hurt each other the way people do in a relationship. I didn't know what else to do. I wasn't counting on you acting like a person with feelings," Ashley confessed. "I didn't think about it at all. So when you said you didn't want to be friends and I felt broken all over again, I wanted to hurt you back. But I didn't think I wouldn't be able to take it back at some point, and act like nothing happened. I didn't think about how you'd hate me and how everything would change forever."

"You were in shock," Spencer asserted, rather than excused.

"Yeah."

"And the rest of the week? What was that?"

"That was me doing everything I could to avoid dealing with anything that hurt. I was selfish and I hurt you, and for that, I don't have an excuse." Ashley looked into blue eyes as she spoke. "But I can try to make it up to you."

"You were crying on the porch a few days ago," Spencer reminded her. "Your dad was beside you."

Ashley nodded and played with the label of her water bottle. "I'm trying to forgive him and let him try to explain what the hell was going on in his head for him to have had an affair. I'll never understand or forget, but, I don't know, he's been back to normal for a while, trying to make up for it, and I put myself in his position. Turns out, it wasn't so far from mine."

"You didn't cheat on me; we're not married and we don't have a teenage daughter. Call me crazy, but I'd say your position is on the other side of the world."

"I still left. I walked away. Are you really excusing that because you know about my dad? Don't, okay? It's not an excuse."

"I'm not excusing how you treated me," Spencer asserted. "But let's not kid ourselves here, either. In the grand scheme of things, a husband cheating on his wife of almost twenty years, breaking her heart and their daughter's, isn't as bad as walking away from... well, walking away from me. We're kids, as much as I hate to say it. And I'm not using our age to degrade what we had. I know it was different compared to a lot of the couples at school. It felt different."

Ashley nodded softly. "Right, or walking away is still walking away, where it doesn't matter if it's cheating or leaving, it's the same thing. Circumstances. Throw twenty years on to me and say I go through some stupid mid-life crisis that I don't understand yet, say you and I are fighting constantly and no matter how hard you try to talk to me, I can't hear you because, hey, mid-life crisis is kinda loud and it's turning me into a jack hole. So I cheat; I leave, walk away, whatever you want to call it. Is it the same then?"

"No," the blonde disagreed, "because I know you wouldn't do that."

"The night before I walked away, would you have said I'd break up with you within twenty-four hours?" Ashley countered gently. "Did you see it at all?"

"Are you really trying to make me think you're as big of a monster as you saw your dad?" Spencer asked. "Because, really, after the way you left this house last month and how you've been acting since, I would've guessed otherwise."

Ashley shook her head. "Did it help, being away from me?" She wondered if it would help her and Raife's relationship.

"How did you find out about your dad?" Spencer dodged.

There was no point in lying at this point. "Uh, a neighbour told me."

"Who?" Spencer read the look Ashley was giving her, and her inquisitiveness turned to shock. "You're kidding. Mr. Foster?"

The brunette shrugged.

"All the times you told me to stay away from him..."

"It's not like I went over there for brunch. I saw him staring over here that morning, I couldn't ignore it."

"You promised you wouldn't say anything to him," Spencer sighed.

"Unless I thought it was important, and it was." Ashley watched her frown, averting her eyes. "It was my choice, okay, and I would have found out eventually. He did tell me before, when you threw that ball at his car. That's what he said to me; that he was cheating. Too bad he didn't specify which 'he' he meant." She saw Spencer shaking her head. "What?"

"I'm processing." She shrugged. "I don't know what to say. I mean, I—"

"You don't have to say anything else. It's not new to me. I've...adjusted and accepted it, and I'm starting to move on from all of that. Today at school, yeah, it threw me a lot. I can't stand the thought of this town talking about us, but there's nothing anyone can do about it now. It's done."

Spencer chewed the inside of her cheek. She thought Ashley sounded too rational, and couldn't imagine her acting the same way the next time they were at school and someone brought it up. Part of her also thought Ashley would be angry with her for the way she'd acted the last time she'd spoken to her. Or yelled, would be more accurate. But it was like it never happened.

"The Ashley I know would be freaking out about that."

"Something more important came up."

"It's too bad you didn't think that way during summer."

Ashley looked at Spencer intently. "You have to know that I never meant for any of this. I would do anything to take it back. Anything."

"I know," Spencer relented. "But you can't, just like I'm sure your dad's asked you to forgive him. You want to, and you're trying so hard but there's that last little part inside of you that stops you and no matter how hard you try, something won't let you."

Her words settled heavily inside Ashley's chest but she had anticipated this reaction from Spencer, only later in the month. "So, what happens now? Do you still want to wait until Christmas to talk again?"

"Well," the blonde responded leisurely, "I think that would be counterproductive to our attempt at friendship, but hey, if you'd rather—"

"No!" Ashley blurted out. "No, I would really love that; to try to be friends again." She was smiling, ignorant of anything other than Spencer and the fact she wanted her back in her life. "Are you sure about this? I mean, after everything..."

"I want to try." Spencer remained honest. She hadn't truly forgiven Ashley yet, but she wanted to. "I want us to be...something."

"Me too."

"It's not a guarantee that it'll be easy, or if it will even happen."

Ashley nodded. She understood they had a long way to go. Ever since she could remember, she'd touched Spencer more than any of her other friends, wanted to spend more time with her, held her hand, held her in bed. Since they'd had sex between then and now, Ashley very much doubted that a seamless transition to platonic friends would take place.

"But we can try."

And they would, so hard.


	22. Masterpiece Theatre

Ashley breathed deeply, closing her eyes to exhale, and knocked her knuckles against the door in front of her. Spencer had asked Ashley to pick her up for school the next morning, but that had been the night before. She might have reconsidered. Paula's car was also in the driveway. Ashley had successfully managed to avoid her, excluding the few times she'd been in a hurry and all she could do was wave.

It was her luck that Paula answered the door.

"Ashley," Paula said with surprise. It soon turned to relief. "What brings you here?"

"Spencer. She, uh, asked me to pick her up for school, so..."

"I see." She wasn't aware they were on speaking terms again. "How are you doing? Your mom came by last night. Are you sure you're ready to brave school?"

"No." Ashley smiled. "But I can try."

Paula smiled warmly. "Well, it's nice to see you here again. It's been a while. Would you like to wait inside?"

"It's cool." She looked up at Paula, uncomfortable. "But thank you."

"You don't have to be embarrassed, Ashley." Paula looked troubled. "Please don't ever be frightened to talk to me, about anything."

Spencer suddenly appeared beside her mother. She caught Ashley's eyes and a smile found its way to her face. "Hey."

Ashley returned it. "Hi."

"See you later," the blonde said to her mother, brushing past her at the doorway. She didn't look her in the eyes.

Paula sighed. "Spencer..."

"We're going to be late, I'm sorry."

Ashley glanced between them, conflicted. She began walking with Spencer, pulling out her phone to text Paula. Her newfound friendship with Spencer still had all the kinks to work out, but she wouldn't let Spencer and Paula's relationship suffer. She'd do everything to help.

When they neared the end of the street, Ashley noticed something. "Hey, where's all your stuff?"

"Emily has it. I left it in Mr. Riley's class yesterday." Spencer looked her in the eyes. "Speaking of yesterday, the whole friend's thing... If we're going to do it properly, then there's something I have to say to you."

"Sounds heavy for first thing in the morning," Ashley teased.

"I was going to tell you yesterday. I don't know why I didn't. I mean, it was important enough for me to still be thinking about in the middle of the night."

"Okay?"

"Last week on your porch," Spencer began, brows creased, "I panicked. I was scared, and you were an easy target." She covered her face with her hands for a second. "God, that makes me sound like such a terrible person, I know. I shouldn't have done it. I knew you were hurting, but I still..."

Ashley shrugged. "It's okay."

"No, it isn't. I'm really sorry."

This time Ashley nodded and smiled gently in reassurance. "Forgiven." She took a deep breath and thought of Paula. "So, uh, how are things with your mom?"

Spencer sent Ashley a sideward smirk. "They're great."

"That bad?"

"No." She shook her head and was serious. "We haven't talked much. I'm kind of avoiding her."

"When are you going to talk?"

"I don't know."

"Was she mad, when she brought it up?"

"No, she was...great," Spencer gave her credit where due. "But I'm not ready to talk about it. With anyone," she added.

There it was; the first time in their newfound friendship where Ashley was unsure how to respond without crossing a line. It would be the first of many.

###

"Do you remember when we were nine and we wanted to drive my dad's car to the bottom of the street, but we weren't allowed?" Spencer asked Ashley as they headed towards the brunette's locker. "My dad said no, so what did you do anyway, despite being angry and disappointed?"

Ashley smiled. "Smiled, ignoring every word he'd just said."

Being the designated driver, Ashley had grinned at her willing accomplice in the passenger seat and revved the car to life, managing to reverse into the middle of the street before their parents ran out of the Davies' house, screaming their names.

"Keep that in mind."

Emily appeared behind Spencer when Ashley was getting relevant books from her locker, and handed the blonde her belongings, receiving a verbal thanks and promise for lunch later on in the week.

"Hi Ashley."

Spencer was bemused when the brunette turned to greet Emily in return. She looked between them both. "Really?"

"What?" Ashley looked innocent. "We're best friends now."

Emily nodded, going to stand beside her. "Sorry Spencer, you've been replaced."

"I'm in the Twilight Zone."

A senior walked by them and told the brunette what was on his mind. "Your dad must have been desperate; bitch looks like Magda from There's Something About Mary."

"And we're back to reality," Ashley muttered. She spotted Ramona laughing as she walked past. "Could you please disappear from the face of the earth?"

"What? He has a point." Ramona had been through this before, had taken all the gossip before. She'd never add to that, but she would take the opportunity to share her lifelong opinion of Carol Dalton. "She's nauseating."

"And so are you," Spencer chimed in. "Get lost."

Ramona suddenly stopped walking, a surprised smile spreading across her face. "Oh, my God. The twins are conjoined once again!" she exclaimed. "The natural order has been restored!" she announced to the students cramming the hallway. "There goes the spring in my step."

"Why are you even here?" Emily asked her. "You've been through this before. I know it's your one goal in life, but maybe you could stop being such a bitch all the time. It's not like you'll wither and die."

"Did I mention her dad?" Ramona snapped. "No, I didn't, so you can stop flinging shit my way, Coop. You know I'll throw it back."

"Is that supposed to scare me? No-one wants you here, so you can run along now."

Ashley looked between the girls and couldn't read the look Ramona was giving Emily before she walked away, leaving all of them relieved. The raven-haired girl was intolerable at the best of times.

"Okay, I'm going to be late. Lunch, later?" Emily asked. She looked between Spencer and Ashley. "Or do you guys want to do your two-person loner thing now you're talking again?"

Ashley looked to Spencer, unsure. "Uh..."

"Either way is cool. You know how I like eating lunch by myself."

Spencer rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "I'll bring the violin."

"I'll bring the cocaine," Ashley added breezily, receiving a small laugh from Spencer in return.

Emily tried her best not to smirk. "Funny!"

Spencer watched her walk away and waited for Ashley before they set off for class. "Do you really not have the urge to kill each other anymore?"

"Well, I don't want to kill her today. That's a pretty good start, right? I don't remember the last time we were getting along."

"That's because it's never happened," Spencer reminded her. "Not even when you were both invited to my birthday parties. You would always pick a fight with each other, or one of you would end up leaving all bloody and crying."

"We were playing 'pin the tail on the donkey', it could have happened to anyone," Ashley insisted.

"Right, except it was a piñata, you were holding a bat, and you could see through that blindfold."

Focused on each other, Spencer and Ashley didn't notice the second-looks they received from everyone who knew of their recent fight.

By the time lunch came around Ashley was certain she'd been gawked at by every person in the school, and the questions made her want to scream at the next person who spoke to her. Even with Spencer there, it was still getting to her. There were only so many times she could feel backed into a corner without retaliating. Everyone wanted to know about her father and how she reacted when she found out, if they were on speaking terms. They wanted to know if she and Spencer were friends again.

In the food hall, Ashley heard someone from behind ask, "Are you guys cool again? It's about time."

Spencer turned in time to see Ashley roll her eyes, and the corners of her mouth turned up. "It's not exactly news," she played it down to the freshman who had asked.

"But yes," Ashley answered, unthinking in the way her hand moved around Spencer's waist and pulled the blonde against her, hip to hip. "See? All smiles." She exaggerated a grin to prove her point.

Except Spencer wasn't smiling along with her, and an oblivious Ashley went about getting her lunch without detecting the rising tension. She was wondering where Emily would be sat.

Spencer couldn't say anything now, not after the morning she knew Ashley had suffered through. People had been unnecessarily cruel and she'd felt almost every spiteful remark that Ashley felt. She felt it because Ashley felt it.

When a hand was pressed to the small of the brunette's back, Ashley turned to see Warren. He leaned down to her ear, "Can we talk?"

"You really don't want to be here, Warren. I'm not in the mood."

"Please, hear me out."

"Seriously? Fuck you."

That brought Spencer out of her thoughts. She looked around Ashley and frowned, moving Warren's hand from the brunette's back. She stayed close. "What do you want?"

"To talk to Ashley," he emphasized her name. "No offense, but everyone and their mother has been butting into this whole thing. It doesn't concern anyone but me and Ashley right now."

"Shut up," Ashley said. "If you want to talk to me, spread it around school. I should hear it before my next class."

Warren's eyes rolled. "Look, for what it's worth, I don't blame you."

Ashley laughed. "That's big of you."

"It wasn't about hurting you, okay? It was about hurting my mom."

"Well, congratulations, you did. You also hurt Christine all over again," Spencer added. "You know what the vultures in this town are like; one bit of gossip and they're talking for weeks."

"I'm sorry," Warren apologised. "I really am. I guess I snapped. Come on, you can't tell me you didn't do some stupid shit when you found out?"

"No, I can't," Ashley agreed. "But I didn't give a second thought to spreading that crap around school either, because I didn't want to hurt you or anyone else involved." She saw the misery painted across his face and sighed delicately. "You're a dick," she said, her voice softer.

He nodded. "Yeah."

"Are you okay?"

Warren shrugged. "I'm too pissed to be hurt right now."

Ashley understood that. "I don't know if it's weird, but if you want to talk..."

"Thanks. I'm sorry I was a jerk the last time I saw you. I didn't mean it."

"I'm sorry I told you about your mom like that. I was angry, and it was the first time I'd seen her since, you know?"

"I get it," Warren said. "I'd kick your dad's ass if I saw him, too."

Ashley smiled. Warren was half of Raife's size. "Yeah, good luck with that."

A junior, Jay, headed past them with his lunch tray, eyeing Warren and Ashley as he went. He smirked. "Are you screwing each other now?"

Spencer turned to him and her face conveyed her disdain. "You're an ass."

"I know you're a daddy's girl, Ashley, but really? You have to bang a Dalton, too?"

Warren's expression hardened and he began to close the distance between himself and Jay with no protest from Spencer and Ashley. His intended punch was halted when Ramona and her group of minions strolled past.

Ramona thrust her hand upward from underneath Jay's lunch tray and sent the contents all over him and the floor. "Find a ditch to die in, Quasimodo," she spat out over the laughter of the girls behind her, and then resumed her journey to the table she sat at daily.

Ashley looked to Spencer and couldn't disguise her shock.

Covered in soda and spaghetti, Jay was too stunned to see Warren's fist until it connected painfully with his face. He also didn't notice the youngest Dalton step to the side to make room for Spencer, not until he felt the sharp sting of her slap against his cheek.

###

Jay's comment wasn't the last Ashley had received, but she was on her way home with Spencer and she could forget about the day she'd had; at least concerning the gossip. She'd noticed the way Spencer had seemed uncomfortable all afternoon, but when she'd asked if she was okay, Ashley received a smile along with her confirmation. She figured she was being paranoid.

When Spencer skidded on some ice they reached for each other instinctively. Ashley smiled when she heard Spencer's outburst of laughter.

"You okay?" she asked, letting go of her forearm.

"No broken bones."

While her footsteps were careful and precise to avoid falling over, Ashley's hand wandered and found Spencer's without much thought at all. For a second, it was nothing but the familiar warmth and softness that she'd thought about every day for months. It was Ashley and Spencer holding hands; it was natural. And then that second was over. Spencer tensed, wordlessly pulling her hand from Ashley's.

Hurt was fleeting in brown eyes, quickly hidden again. When Spencer put some more distance between them on the sidewalk, Ashley shoved her hands in her coat pocket.

"That's what's wrong with you, isn't it?" she asked quietly. There was a sigh of regret from the blonde, but no response. "I don't know if I made it clear, but I'm so glad you want me back in your life, and I'm so thankful for a second chance with you in whatever form you'll take me," she said gently. "But I can tell you right now; this friendship isn't going to work if you're that uncomfortable when I touch you."

Spencer shook her head. "And it's not going to work if you pull me against you and hold my hand whenever you want. It's way too soon for that."

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"I know."

"But do you really think I had ulterior motives?" Ashley asked. "You almost fell; I was holding your hand to keep you on your feet if you slipped."

Spencer frowned softly. Looking at Ashley when she was being nothing but genuine was difficult, especially when she knew her reaction had also made Ashley uncomfortable and question herself. "Tell me it wouldn't mean more to you if I held your hand and let you hold me like that," Spencer requested. "Tell me that line we're trying so hard not to cross wouldn't become blurry."

"You don't give me enough credit. I can handle it."

"It's not about credit, and it's not something you can control. We know that by now."

"I can hold your hand without any kind of illusion," Ashley insisted.

"I don't want you to get any wrong ideas."

"That we're actually friends?"

"Ashley..."

It was the first time in a long time that Spencer had said her name, and it caused her to relent. "No, look, forget it. It's fine. Just let me know what's acceptable and what isn't."

"Why would I do this?" Spencer asked. "Why would I finally say I wanted us to be friends, and then purposely try to ruin it or make you feel uncomfortable? I said it for a reason. I didn't pull away because I wanted to hurt you; I did it because it would mean more. Maybe not right away, but eventually there would be a time where it would feel like before and that's not fair to either of us."

"Friends do hold hands, Spencer. It's nothing new. You hold Emily's hand," Ashley challenged.

"It's different with Emily, and I don't think I have to say why. Being friends isn't going to be easy. There's still everything to work out, I know, but give it time. Okay?" she asked gently, upon seeing the brunette's dejected expression.

"Okay."

"Do you mean that?"

"Sort of." Spencer smiled, prompting a small smile from the brunette. Ashley added a more convincing, "I'll give it time."

Both girls turned to look behind when they heard Ashley's name being screamed by Glen. He hurried towards them and skidded on the same patch of ice as his sister, recovering quickly. When he reached Ashley, he leaned down, wrapping his arms around her small waist and picked her up into his arms. He spun around, squeezing tightly.

Ashley laughed out his name.

"Hug me back!" Glen insisted, still holding her up off the ground.

Obeying, Ashley's bright eyes found Spencer's and she didn't look away as she hugged him in return. "What's this for?" she asked.

"I wanted to make your day."

"And a hug from you would do that?"

"Why wouldn't it?"

"Put me down," Ashley requested through a smile.

After putting the brunette back down, he looked to his sister. "You still a bitch?"

Spencer shook her head.

Glen's phone sounded and he read the text from his girlfriend with a smile. "I gotta go, but thank god!" He walked backwards and pointed towards her. "Movie night this weekend, psycho. No getting out of it unless you're dead!"

"I guess we know what you're doing this weekend," Ashley commented.

"Unless I fake my death?"

"Too much effort."

Spencer nodded. "Yeah."

"So, uh, speaking of plans; what are you doing tomorrow night?"

"Why?"

Ashley put her hands back inside her pocket. "I told my mom that we're talking again last night, and after she stopped smiling and asking her twenty questions, she wanted me to ask you to come over for dinner. I can tell her you already have plans, if you want."

"No, I'd love to," Spencer dismissed her cancellation.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Is that a question?"

"Apparently a stupid one," Ashley chuckled.

"You said it."

Almost home, Spencer spotted Mr. Foster heading inside his house with an armful of grocery bags and felt the storm in her usually bright eyes.

###

Another day at school passed in much of the same fashion, except there had been less questions and more assumptions, more idle gossip during classes. There had been expressed surprise from both Ashley and Spencer at the lack of taunts from Ramona. Ashley figured it would be like Christmas came early for her, but so far she hadn't mentioned Raife once. All she had done was voice her unflattering opinion of Carol and humiliate a boy who had been adding to her bad day.

Ashley had been sat opposite Mr. Ertman in the afternoon, uneasy while he'd sat staring at her for the better part of a minute. She knew for a fact that she hadn't done anything wrong because she had been talking to Spencer when she was called out of class. Mr. Ertman wanted the brunette to confirm or rebuff allegations that Mr. Purdy had been grading her unfairly, to which she happily confirmed. Ashley wasn't privy to the fact that Spencer was the one to put the complaint in weeks ago.

Spencer had been uncomfortable around Raife at the dinner table, didn't know what to say to him and if she even wanted to respond to his questions. She did, for Ashley and Christine's sake, but didn't return the same questions to him. For the first time in months Spencer barely stopped talking to Ashley over dinner, making her laugh at the intended times, and even when she didn't.

Sat on the couch next to Ashley, her eyes were closed and though she was aware that she was being watched, Spencer was oblivious to the way she was being looked at; with eyes filled with a gentle fondness and longing.

"Why are you looking at me?"

Ashley averted her eyes to a spot on the sofa, right next to Spencer's head. "I'm not."

"Liar."

"I'm looking at that," Ashley insisted.

Spencer opened her eyes and rolled her head to the side to face Ashley with a smile. Their faces were close together and the brunette had her eyes fixed firmly on a space next to the blonde's head. She doubted they had been there for the duration, but humoured her nonetheless. She moved her head back to see what Ashley was looking at.

"Fascinating."

"You can't insult the decor when we've just fattened you up, Spencer."

"I can when you've just called me fat." She met brown eyes and moved into her previous position to get comfortable again. "And I wasn't; I love this couch."

"I think you're perfect, you know that." When Spencer raised a brow, she added, "As far as friends go."

"If that's going to be a thing with you now..."

"Sorry," Ashley laughed. "It slipped out, I swear. You're hideous."

"Thanks, that means a lot." A faint blush spread across Spencer's cheeks and she tipped her forehead down against Ashley's for a fleeting second to escape the look she was being given again. "Stop looking at me like that," she requested, eyes closed.

Ashley knew how she'd been looking at her; like the past few months had never happened. She just didn't know how to stop.

Spencer pulled away with a smile and looked anywhere the brunette wasn't, trying to play it down as teasing when she knew it was quite the opposite. The awkwardness she felt was forgotten when Ashley leaned to the side to pull the last chocolate from the Christmas tree.

She was craving something sweet.

"Can I have one?"

"It's the last one."

Spencer held out her hand. "Can I have it?"

"Nope."

"I'll buy you something tomorrow."

Ashley laughed as she unwrapped it, and held it in the air when the blonde suddenly reached over to steal it. "No."

"Don't be such a fat ass," Spencer teased. "You just ate a week's worth of food in one sitting."

"I'm all skin and bone!" Ashley protested.

Spencer leaned further into her and Ashley's arm suddenly had a mind of its own because, before she knew what was happening, it was being lowered to pass the chocolate over to Spencer. It was worth it for a smile, and the blonde snapped the chocolate in half, giving half back to Ashley.

Raife had been anxious to have Spencer over for dinner and he knew his attempts for conversation at the table were weak. Everyone knew now; Spencer and the rest of the town, and he didn't care about them. He cared about Spencer. When Ashley left the room a few minutes later, he took his opening and sat down next to the blonde who was no longer engrossed in whatever was playing on the TV.

"Do you hate me now?" Raife asked.

"Honestly?"

"The best kind of answer."

It was a while before Spencer admitted, "Yeah, a little."

"Not completely?"

Suddenly, all Spencer could think about was the night Raife had taken care of her when she'd bumped into Mr. Foster. "Not completely," she answered softly.

Raife knew it was more than he deserved.

"A lot of people are judging you and Christine," Spencer said. "I bet you're both already pretty tired of it."

Raife shrugged. "You know, the sad fact is, it doesn't matter what kind of relationship you're in; gay, straight; healthy, unhealthy, people are always going to judge. Everyone has an opinion and it's rarely wanted."

"Those nosy bastards," Ashley commented as she breezed back into the room, receiving a smirk from Spencer. She looked at her father sat in her seat. "You're in my seat, padre."

###

It was cold in Spencer's room, the heater had been turned off hours ago; the same time she'd gone to bed. She was the first of her family to say goodnight and now the last one awake. Wide awake instead of heavy-eyed, she turned on her side and looked to her balcony. The blind was pulled down but she thought beyond that, of Ashley's balcony and her lying in bed just a few feet from the door, and closed her eyes too.

###

Ashley looked at her phone. It was ten minutes after class was supposed to have started and their teacher was nowhere to be seen, so she and Spencer were talking quietly. "I wonder if his body is stuffed inside the janitor's closet."

"Mutilated almost beyond recognition from a sledgehammer to the face?"

"Too graphic. Tone it down, my little serial killer in the making." Spencer's brows raised and Ashley rolled her eyes. "You are such an egomaniac. Like I'd be interested in a serial killer, even if it did happen to be you." She pulled a banana out of her bag. "I'll add it to the growing list of things I shouldn't say."

"Thank you." Spencer looked to Ashley who was now leaning back in her seat, stretching with her arms high above her head, her hoodie riding up just slightly, and made the effort to look away before she was caught staring.

"I'm bored," Ashley complained. "Wanna go?"

"Where?"

"Home? The mall? Hell?" the brunette listed. "Anywhere is better than sitting here for the next fifty minutes."

Spencer looked around the room to every other bored student. "Nobody else is leaving."

As if on cue, Ramona Castro stood from her seat and proclaimed, "I'm out of here."

Spencer watched her stroll out of the classroom with a trail of girls after her and faced Ashley with a shrug. "It is the last class...and if no-one's teaching it's not really classed as 'ditching' so much as home study."

"Home study sounds perfect," Ashley agreed. "We can study the original Black Christmas, if you want? I have popcorn."

"And I have the DVD."

At the door, they were both stopped abruptly, bumping into Mr. Ertman and a middle-aged female neither of them knew; behind them stood Ramona and her minions who had also been caught.

"Ashley, Spencer," the Principal addressed them both. "Being as one of you has been in my office more times than I care to remember in the past month, may I ask why you both look like you were fleeing one of my classrooms ten minutes into a lesson?"

"Uh..." Spencer looked to Ashley.

Ramona smirked from beside him and Ashley narrowed her eyes. "Spencer and I were worried Sasquatch left without her snack." She held the banana out to her. "Don't want your blood sugar levels to drop, do we, Sass?"

"I could say so many things to you right now," Ramona responded. She looked to Mr. Ertman. "Your presence is really inconvenient."

Mr. Ertman was embarrassed in front of the supply teacher beside him. "Back to your desks, all of you."

With disappointed sighs all around, everyone was seated and the supply teacher, Mrs. Hanzak, was introduced and left to it. She wasn't any stranger to less-than-enthused students, especially this close to Christmas break. She would ask them what they were doing in the previous class and take it from there.

"Does anybody want to tell me what you were doing last week?" Mrs. Hanzak looked to Ramona. "You, what's your name?"

"Allison Wonderland," Ramona drawled, bored again.

"My youngest daughter is called Allison."

"Send her my condolences."

"Excuse me?"

"Ignore her primate grunts," Ashley interjected, speaking to their supply teacher. "We're just working through the book."

When everyone else was pretending to work through the textbook, Spencer had finished two questions. Distracted, she bit her lip and looked down to Ashley who looked to be a few seconds away from sleep on the desk. She nudged her. "Hey."

"Hey."

"Wake up."

"I am awake."

Spencer knew she'd be asleep very soon and had something to ask. "I want to ask you something."

Ashley opened her eyes, looking up to Spencer expectantly. "What?"

"Don't take it the wrong way, but why are you giving Ramona crap today? She's been...well, an ass, but not to you. She's been almost cool about your dad."

"So?"

"So, maybe you should cut her some slack."

Ashley smiled. "Seriously?" Spencer nodded. "That doesn't make up for all the other times. I can't believe the words that come out of your mouth sometimes."

"I could say the same about you," Spencer said without thinking. Ashley's words had been light-hearted, whereas hers weren't. She saw the brunette's face fall slightly, turning serious.

"You don't have to keep bringing it up. It's not like I've forgotten."

The blonde's apology was halted when it was still a thought in her head. Ashley had turned away from her, making an attempt to start some work and concentrate on something else.

Kyle, a boy from the back of the class, suddenly leaned over Ashley's desk and held mistletoe above their heads. "Hey Ashley," he said.

The brunette didn't need to look up. He'd been trying for a kiss for the better part of a week now. "In your dreams."

He sighed and moved to the side, smiling when he met the bluest eyes he'd ever seen. "Hi Spencer."

"Goodbye Kyle."

###

Lying in bed several nights later, Spencer was looking at a photograph of herself and Ashley that she'd torn in half months ago. Broken-hearted over the brunette, Spencer had torn the picture of them kissing from the top left corner to the bottom right in an attempt to separate their bodies, except it wasn't quite enough because even with precision each half had some of the other in it; bodies pressed together and lips fused even when apart.


	23. Dead of Night

In the run up to Christmas Spencer found her mother sitting in the kitchen late at night, completing the neighbours' Christmas cards. Spencer watched her for a few minutes, saw her absolute concentration and the way her eyes looked tired. It was her fault. They hadn't spoken very much lately, not even when she thought rationally of her mother's limitless compassion for any and every kind of human being; even the ones who didn't deserve it.

"Isn't it a little late to be deciding between Santa and Frosty?" Spencer asked from the doorway.

Paula smiled without looking up. Ashley had stopped by earlier to say she'd make sure Spencer spoke to her before the day's end. "It's not a snowman, it's a reindeer." She held the card up for her daughter to see. "See?"

"My mistake."

"Why are you up? It's almost twelve. You have school tomorrow."

"I can't sleep," Spencer confessed, now on her way to the table after going to the fridge. She poured half of her bottle into her mother's empty glass. Ashley had mentioned her mother a few hours ago, of her looking tired, like all she wanted was for Spencer to talk to her. "Figured I'd see what was keeping you up." She looked to the array of cards littering the table she was sat at. "It's riveting stuff."

"Yes, well, your father despises writing these, so I find the time to."

Spencer tried to get a piece of red glitter off her finger, and then found more spreading up her bare arm. She sighed in annoyance. "I can see why."

Paula cracked a smile. "Get some sleep, sweetheart."

"I don't want to leave you here," Spencer said. "I'll help." She pulled a pile of cards towards her. "Who are all of these for?"

"You don't have to."

"I want to."

Forty minutes later, just after her daughter had gone to bed, Paula found a card on the table for herself. It was from Spencer, and inside read: I'm sorry. I know you're there when I'm ready._  
_

"And then I jumped off the edge of the cliff like that freaky mom in The Ring," Spencer concluded her nightly dreams. She didn't tell Ashley that she frequently featured in them, or what way she dreamed of her.

"You're so weird."

"What did you dream about?"

"I was running for office," Ashley shared with a smirk.

"Scary."

Interrupting their moment, Kyle came to stand beside Ashley at her locker. "Hey Ashley."

"Hi."

"Speaking of dreams," he began. "I had one about you last night."

Ashley glanced at Spencer. "Oh, yeah?"

"X-rated hot," Kyle over shared with one arm resting over her head as he towered over her.

Ashley looked up to him. "I think I've had the same dream."

Spencer's expression turned to overwhelming disgust as she watched Kyle lean down closer to the brunette.

"Tell me about it."

"Well, it involved you without a shirt," Ashley began, trailing her finger across his chest. "You were screaming, and my hand was wrapped around a hot...fire poker."

Kyle groaned. "I thought you were being serious."

"Take a hint, I'm not interested," she said as nicely as she could, slapping his chest. "This is the fourth time I've told you."

"But I told my grandma we were getting married. She's frail, okay? She doesn't need this kind of disappointment; it'll kill her."

"You do have a girlfriend, you know," Spencer cut in. "Shouldn't you be reserving your perverse dreams and insincere marriage proposals for her?"

"Who, Lisa? We broke up last month. She was paranoid I was cheating and I got bored of it."

"Were you?"

"I don't cheat," Kyle said. "And I don't wait around too long when I'm not wanted either."

"Bye, then," Ashley said with a smile.

Kyle jokingly narrowed his eyes in her direction, and then moved to Spencer, sliding his arm around her shoulders. "How many times can a guy get shot down in one day?" he asked, pulling out a sprig of mistletoe from his jacket pocket. He held it above their heads and smiled down at her, hopeful.

Ashley and Spencer looked at each other.

"If we both give you a kiss, will you go away?" Ashley asked.

Kyle's eyes sparkled. "Really?"

"Close your eyes," Spencer said, to which he immediately complied.

Leaning in to kiss him, the girls kept their eyes on each other as long as possible, breaking the tension when their mouths came into contact with his rough cheeks and their kisses were tame; the opposite of what he was expecting.

Kyle's eyes flew open. "Hey, on the lips!"

They pulled back, and Ashley shrugged. "I didn't say anything about a real kiss."

"Me either," Spencer added.

"You've been kissed; goodbye." Ashley gave him a little wave.

He sighed, looking down at the blonde with disappointment. "One more for good luck?"

Spencer realised he wasn't nearly as annoying when he wasn't throwing himself over Ashley. She deserved more than that. So when Ashley turned around to get something from her locker, a conscious move on the brunette's part, Spencer stood up on her toes and leaned in to kiss his cheek. She missed the sight of a frenzied Lisa, Kyle's ex-girlfriend, who spotted them from down the hallway.

When Ashley saw Kyle's departure, she looked at Spencer. "I didn't know you liked him."

"I don't."

"So you're not interested in people like him at all anymore?"

Spencer kept her voice quiet. "Cute guys?"

Ashley nodded. "Sure, yeah, he's cute enough."

Spencer shrugged. "I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"What is this?"

"Nothing, just a friend asking how much has really changed in the past few months."

"In an extremely loaded tone," Spencer said, her cheeks pink. She looked away, to everyone walking by them. "We should get to class before we're late."

"We have a free period," Ashley reminded her. "Plenty of time for you to answer."

"What if I didn't want to?"

"I'd ask why not."

"Why do you want to know?"

"Ah, well, because close friends usually know the answer to that question and I don't. And what I said a while ago about there being things we don't know about each other anymore, I don't want something that big to be one of the things I don't know about you."

"I don't know," Spencer answered her question.

"You don't even have an idea?"

"No." Her shoulders shrugged gently. "Has that changed for you?"

Even more than she was irked by the blonde's vague response to her, Ashley was stunned by the following question. She frowned. "Are you serious?"

Spencer nodded. "I asked."

"Wasted breath, don't you think?"

"Is it?"

"I told both my parents," Ashley confessed evenly. "My dad knows now."

Spencer stopped walking, brows shooting upward in shock. She grabbed Ashley's forearm to halt her movement too. "You did what? When?"

"The day I broke my guitar. We were talking on the porch and I told him." The brunette looked into conflicted blue eyes. "Ask me again if anything has changed."

"What did he say?" Spencer asked softly.

"He wasn't surprised."

"Why do you keep getting that reaction? It's not like you're anything close to a stereotype."

Ashley smiled. "They're my parents. Besides you, they know me better than anyone."

On their way to one of the school's exits, Spencer bit the corner of her lip in deliberation. "I'm sorry I asked you if anything like that had changed," she said.

Ashley shrugged.

They were quiet as they made their way outside. It wasn't until they were away from other students that Spencer spoke again. "I'm proud of you."

The surprise and wide smile on the brunette's part couldn't be helped. "You are?" she asked humorously.

"Telling people something like that is a huge deal, so yeah, I really am." She nudged her arm as they walked. "You're growing up."

"Two compliments on the same day? Spencer Carlin, you're spoiling me."

"Everyone needs to be indulged every now and then."

Ashley's curiosity finally got the best of her. "Why did you ask me if I was suddenly into guys now? It wasn't like you."

"Before we made up, a lot of things seemed like they'd changed, and you were drinking... I don't know, I guess part of me did wonder if sometimes that part of you changed because of it. When you were drunk, you were either the complete opposite of who I knew, or painfully familiar."

There were a total of four times when Ashley found Spencer when she was drunk, and only one of those times she let her guard down.

Ashley shook her head. "Drunk or not, I'd remember talking to you."

"Apparently not."

"Was I horrible?"

"Yeah." She saw the displeasure on the brunette's face. "If it helps, when you were nice, you were really nice."

Looking more than a little surprised, Ashley's brows rose high. "How nice?"

"Not like that!" Spencer promptly dismissed, a small self-conscious laugh escaping shortly after. The following silence made her face heat up, even more so when she watched Ashley burst into laughter. "Shut up. You can add this kind of conversation to your list of topics to avoid."

###

Later that day, once they'd finished school and had been to a Christmas party thrown by Angela and Maria, Spencer and Ashley were in the brunette's bedroom watching an old movie. It was late, late enough for Christine and Raife to be in bed and Ashley to have fallen asleep next to Spencer some time ago despite numerous statements of her being wide awake, asking Spencer to hang out to watch a shared favourite film.

They'd both had fun despite not knowing the majority of people there and were able to loosen up and forget how hard they were trying to make things appear so normal. Ashley had even commented that Spencer looked nice when they were leaving the blonde's house, and on more than one occasion Spencer had found her eyes straying to wherever Ashley happened to be.

She was grateful for Kyle's offer to head outside for some air, even if she was freezing for the thirty minutes they stayed out there. He was a nice guy, funny, even, except when he made a drunken pass at her.

Spencer hadn't been aware that Ashley saw her leaving with him, and had remained in a darkened mood until she witnessed their return and casual goodbye.

With Vincent Price's voice in her ears, she looked away from the screen and down to the brunette who was slumped down, asleep in a half sat-up position. There was a large space between them on the bed, an unspoken necessity, yet the longer Spencer looked at a peaceful, slumbering Ashley, the more she wanted to be closer. It wasn't the best idea, so a check to make sure the brunette was genuinely asleep took place; where Spencer muted the movie and then switched it over to the next channel, both of which received no reaction.

She moved over slowly and quietly so as not to disturb Ashley, and sat rigid, eyes staring forward at the black and white picture on the screen. When she was confident that brown eyes wouldn't suddenly shoot open, Spencer relaxed and got through five minutes before she moved down the bed enough to be almost level height with Ashley. She looked down to the limp hand resting so close to her own, eyes tracing its shape while she tried to remember how it felt to hold.

While Annabelle Loren's shrill scream sounded in the relative darkness of the room, Spencer gently rested her head on Ashley's and moved her hand until their fingers touched.

It was dangerous and selfish, she knew, but she didn't have to work so hard to be in control when Ashley was asleep. She didn't feel the need to calculate each time they touched or hugged so that she wasn't vulnerable or Ashley got the wrong idea. It wasn't about feeling the power. She just wanted to remember.

It was mere minutes until the movie finished, which was usually when Ashley seemed to wake up if the hundreds of other times she'd fallen asleep during a movie were any indication, so Spencer slid her hand underneath the brunette's and carefully interlaced their fingers until it was necessary to let go.

Ashley would never know.

###

"So, my aunt Shannon invited the fam' back to Atlanta for Christmas," Ashley spilled randomly a few days later when they were in Spencer's room wrapping presents.

Spencer frowned softly. "Why? Didn't you just see her?"

"What can I say? Some people like seeing me more than once or twice a year."

"You know what I mean. You guys don't usually visit for Christmas."

"She misses my mom," Ashley explained. "She was practically begging her to visit on the phone last night. Before you ask, I wasn't eavesdropping, my mom told me."

"You're not going."

Ashley smiled. "That didn't sound like a question."

Spencer flashed a grin without looking up. "Because it wasn't."

"My parents are going to surprise her tomorrow, just for the weekend. You know what my mom's like when it comes to us all being together at Christmas. There's no way she'd make me go if I didn't want to, anyway."

When she finished writing on a tag for Glen's gift, Spencer looked up. "Do you want to go?" she asked.

"It would be nice to see her," Ashley admitted.

Spencer nodded. "I can't physically keep you here, you know."

"I know." Ashley watched Spencer turn her attention to the pile of presents still to be wrapped. "But I'd rather stay with you."

Spencer smiled, and then laughed softly as she looked over. "Don't try to make me feel bad. I gave you my blessing, as if you need it."

"I'm not! I would honestly rather spend Christmas with you."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"Me too. It wouldn't be the same without you."

Ashley dropped the scissors she was holding. "Okay, can we hug now? I feel the urge to jump on you."

It lasted too long but neither girl acknowledged it.

###

Christmas came and went like every other year. It was filled with infinite highs instead of lows, where the worst occurrence was a bad hangover for those of legal age; where Ashley taunted her mother for her irresponsible behaviour and Spencer brought hers some crackers and water with accompanied and sincere hopes for a speedy recovery.

One of Ashley's gifts to Spencer had been to deck the blonde's basement out with every Halloween decoration she could find, setting up the old stereo down there to play Psycho's famous theme while she was shown around. Amongst the large pile of candy on the table were ten of Spencer's favourite movies. It was never too late to make up for lost time, and Halloween was one of their favourite holiday's to spend with each other.

Spencer's gift was thanks to a generous allowance and careful spending in the past, plus a little help from Raife and a promise to pay him back. Ashley had walked into her bedroom later in the day to see an almost identical guitar to the one she'd broken. The tag had 'KK' written on it but Ashley wasn't an idiot, even though she could sometimes act it.

When wrapped up in a tight hug, with thanks repeatedly screamed into her ear, Spencer claimed to have no knowledge of it. She'd always been a terrible liar.

###

It was the second week back at school in a new year.

Sending a glare to the back of Ramona's head for not holding the gym door open to her, Emily didn't hear the dark-haired girl in front ask Caitlyn, one of her minions still in the locker room, for the bottle of nail polish she'd put to good use within the next hour.

Blindly reaching behind, Ramona's left hand made contact with something much bigger than the small bottle of nail polish she'd been expecting. Instead, it swiped across Emily's right breast.

"Hey!" Emily screeched, scandalised.

Ramona dropped her hand instantly; amusement in place of embarrassment. She laughed, looking into hazel eyes. "Uh, whoops?"

"What do you find so funny?" she demanded, hot on Ramona's trail as she headed further into the gym. "I should see Mr. Ertman about this!"

"Let's not overreact. It was a graze."

"If a guy —an asshole of a guy grabbed your...assets without permission, I'm sure it would be a different matter," she hissed.

"Not really," Ramona disregarded. "Depends how hot he was." She turned to face her, walking backwards. "Admittedly, I am an asshole but I'm hot and you can rest assured that nothing is hanging between my legs, okay, Coop?"

Emily narrowed her eyes. "Don't ever touch me again."

Another genuine laugh escaped the youngest Castro, and she began walking forward until she was directly in front of the redhead. She looked down into Emily's eyes and eventually couldn't hold back a smirk. "You're such a frigid bitch," she stated, her eyes brighter than before.

Ramona's smirk was replaced with a glare when the harsh force of a misplaced basketball slammed into her thigh, almost sending her to the ground.

"Sorry!" was Ashley's insincere apology from across the gym. She pressed a hand to her mouth when Ramona raised her middle finger.

"Nice shot," Spencer said, her amusement rising when she saw Ramona lean down to retrieve the fallen basketball. "She's so throwing that at us."

And she did, leaving Ashley to turn away and shield her face from the blow, crying out through a laugh. It bent her fingers back.

"Bitch," she insulted half-heartedly. She shook her hand and flexed her fingers, assuring the blonde that she was all right when asked.

Coach Shaw announced her entrance through a loud blow of the whistle, gathering her students closer. She noticed Ashley begin to back away, rubbing her arm. "Ashley, where do you think you're going?"

"I'm just going to get a jacket. It's like Siberia in here."

"In case you've forgotten, this is P.E. You'll warm up in no time."

Ashley raised her arm, spotting goosebumps. "What do you know? Still cold. Back in a sec!"

She sighed, giving up. Halfway through her instructions for the class, the school secretary made her way over and spoke quietly to avoid the students overhearing. Coach Shaw nodded to let her know she'd accept the phone call that had just come in. However important, she still hated to leave her students. She apologised and excused herself with the promise of being back in a few minutes.

As soon as she left, cliques reformed and everyone spread out to finish their previously interrupted discussions, or to goof off.

"What was that about?" Spencer asked Emily, gesturing to Ramona.

"She assaulted me."

"What?" Spencer frowned, quickly stepping forward away from the wall she and Emily had been propping up when her wrist was caught.

"Don't cause a scene. Ashley already took care of it."

"Did she hurt you?"

Emily felt her face heat up, relief flooding through her that Ashley and Spencer had been distracting each other, missing some of her interaction with the most intolerable girl in the class. "Not exactly. More like scarred me for life."

Spencer had been about to ask why when darkness overtook her vision, pain registering in her head soon after. She felt the ground rush towards her, and a threatening presence loom over. It was Lisa, Kyle's ex-girlfriend. She'd spotted Spencer sans bodyguard and teacher and decided to take the opportunity presented.

"Whoa, hey!" Emily yelled in surprise, stepping in front of a fallen Spencer as she shoved Lisa back and to the floor. "What the hell is wrong with you, freak?" She turned to her friend on the floor and kneeled next to her, rubbing her arm. "You okay, Spence?"

Spencer pressed a hand to her temple and winced at the pain. Her head and the wall had connected with violent force. "Ow," she said, getting back to her feet. She touched her head to check for blood, groaning internally at the amount of eyes looking in her direction. Her fingers were clean of blood; however, she was quickly distracted by Lisa getting up off the floor.

Lisa's hand was headed for Spencer's face when the blonde caught it, twisting her arm and wrist the way Glen had always told her to. She hoped it hurt. "God, what is your problem?"

Lisa swung out with her free hand, pushing the blonde to the side and effectively freeing her hand. She stepped forward. "You're my goddamn problem. How long have you been sleeping with my boyfriend?"

Spencer remained where she was, unintimidated. "Kyle? He wishes."

"Don't even try to deny it, I saw you together!"

"You're loco," the blonde said, eyeing her warily. "Nothing like that has ever or will ever happen with me and Kyle."

"And you're a fucking liar," Lisa spat out before she struck Spencer hard across the face. She watched blue eyes turn darker, stormy within seconds as she whirled back around to retaliate. Lisa even spotted Emily rushing to Spencer's corner; however, it was a gentle tap against her shoulder that gained her full attention.

Turning her head sideways, Lisa was greeted with a fist to the face; a searing pain localised to her nose that sprung a steady stream of tears from her eyes. She sunk to one knee, and then both when she saw crimson liquid dripping down her fingers covering her nose.

"Oh, look, and now you're a clown," Ashley antagonised, glaring down at her with the noise of their audience in her ears. When the pain in her own hand registered, she frowned. She'd never punched anyone like that before. It hurt. She pulled away from the hand that had just carefully taken hold of hers, irritated.

"Is your hand okay?" Spencer asked her. "I can't believe you just punched someone."

"I didn't think that would be you," Ashley apologised for pulling away. "Its fine," she dismissed, reaching up to brush Spencer's hair away from her face. After spotting part of a large, extremely faint blue bruise just next to her temple, revealing the full extent had been instinct. Anger bubbled up inside.

Ramona smirked and turned to one of her minions. "I think loco is muerto."

"How bad is it?" Emily asked, coming to stand beside Ashley.

"It's nothing," Spencer insisted. "Really," she added once the brunette's hand had dropped and her expression darkened toward the girl still cradling her nose.

It was no use.

Ashley kneeled down next to Lisa and seized her by the throat, pinning her against the floor. "The next time you decide to skip your meds, do me a favour and stay home."

Taller and stronger than the brunette, Lisa managed to break free and push her away. "Bite me, Ashley!"

Spencer made an attempt to step in front of Ashley as she was getting up; riled from the attack and the way Lisa had shoved Ashley away, but Ashley had the opposite idea and pulled her to the side.

"You can walk away with a bloody nose," Ashley offered her attacker, "or a hell of a lot worse. It's up to you."

Standing close, Spencer leaned further into the brunette. "She's not worth seeing Ertman again."

Ashley kept her scathing glare on Lisa. "As your best friend, if someone tries to kick your ass, it's not only my duty but my pleasure to kick theirs."

"I wouldn't have touched her if she'd keep her hands off Kyle!" Lisa screeched, darting forward to grab a fistful of Spencer's t-shirt.

When Ashley's hand did the same to Lisa's hair, yanking down until there was a loud cry of pain and the blonde was released, she squared up to the senseless girl and ignored the voice in her head to calm down.

"Try that again and you'll be eating through a straw."

"Get the fuck out of my face." Lisa looked over to Spencer. "I won't tell you again; stay away from Kyle."

"He doesn't want you," Spencer was so kind to inform her. "He broke up with you, remember? He's free to see whoever he wants."

Without warning, Ashley slapped Lisa across the face and turned away, her arm reaching out to go around the blonde's shoulders. When an incensed Lisa darted forward to strike back, Emily intercepted and held her back, squeezing tighter than necessary.

"Shut up!" Emily shouted to the rowdy crowd. "I think everyone needs to calm down."

"Was that really necessary?" Spencer stage whispered. "She's already bleeding."

"I didn't like the way she was looking at you!" Ashley responded in kind.

Spencer forgot about the throbbing in her head and the sting of her face, overcome with the sense of warmth and safety. She didn't make an attempt to suppress her smile, looking at Ashley with her bright eyes. "You are so sweet sometimes." Her teeth pressed into her bottom lip. "I almost forgot." Spencer snapped out of her daze. "But violence is never the answer. You can get into trouble for this..."

"After today, you better watch your back," Lisa threatened Ashley.

"Why? I don't want your castoffs."

"You might want to tend to your face, Lisa," Spencer added. "Just a thought."

"Yeah, you look a little Mary," Emily agreed.

Lisa glared. "He's mine, so I swear to God, Carlin, if I see you with him again..."

"Great, really, just what this town needs; another mentally unstable freak," Ashley deadpanned.

"Ash," Spencer chastised weakly.

"What? Am I being rude? Am I hurting her fragile little feelings? The loser attacked you because you gave Kyle a kiss on the cheek." She looked at Lisa. "I hope you get an itch when they put the strait-jacket on."

Lisa struggled against Emily's tight hold. "Any tips? I hear you know all about itches."

Ashley smirked, leaning sideways to speak into Spencer's ear. "Isn't that hilarious considering I've only ever been with—"

Spencer wasn't amused. "Shut up, Lisa. You're really one to talk. Before Kyle, your knees hit the floor for any guy who gave you a second-glance," she retorted.

"Those were rumours!"

"And what do you think all the talk about Ashley is?" Spencer said. "She has standards, and believe it or not, the only place she would even think about doing what you and everyone else suggests is in an alternate reality."

"The one where Kyle loves you," Ashley interjected. She relished Lisa's glare. "What's that I hear? Are your feelings in smithereensnow?" She sighed regretfully. "That's too damn bad."

"Talk about her like that again," Spencer dared. She turned to the rest of her gym class. "Any of you." She spotted Ramona. "And you, what's your problem?"

Ramona shrugged. "My nails aren't done yet, for one thing."

"Spence, come on, who cares what they think?" Ashley asked quietly as she saw the tell-tale signs of the blonde getting riled up. She knew Coach Shaw would be back any second and didn't want Spencer's perfect record to be damaged.

"I don't care what they think, I care what they say. And I know you do too." Spencer shrugged, looking at the dark-haired girl standing with the pack of girls who usually did her bidding. "Is it because you're jealous that she's hot and can get attention from anyone she wants without her underwear around her ankles? Are you really that insecure about yourself?"

Ramona smirked. "What would I have to be insecure about?" It was true; despite the nicknames given to her by Ashley and Spencer, Ramona was beautiful and desirable, and she knew it. "I just repeat what I hear, sweets. This is high school," she said by means of an excuse. "Get over it."

"Well, I'm sick of it, so hear this: you're nobody, and unless you change, you're always going to be nobody. There's not a single person in this school who likes you for who you are. Not those girls who call themselves your friends, not the guys you're with, not even the teachers. Think about that the next time you're bored and feel like tearing someone down."

"Hey, that's not true!" minion number three shrieked, a chorus of vehement agreements coming from the other five girls.

"Wow, convincing," Spencer responded.

Number six, Caitlyn, pushed through the crowd to be closer to the blonde. She stepped into her personal space. "Did you just call me a liar?"

"She'll be calling you paste if you don't back off," Ashley called out, tugging on Spencer's arm to step in front of her. "Don't test me. I've had a black belt since I was nine."

Caitlyn backed down; however, a scowl remained firmly in place.

Finally re-entering the gym, Coach Shaw's jaw slackened. "Oh, for god's sake," she muttered, rolling her eyes at Ashley Davies being involved in yet other incident in her class. "Walk away, Ashley."

"She wishes."

"Ash," was all it took from Spencer to convince Ashley to relent.

Coach Shaw's jaw tightened when she spotted Lisa's bloody face, knowing who was likely to be responsible. "Is that your handiwork?" she asked the brunette.

"She walked into my fist."

"Are you okay, Lisa?" She received a shake of the head. "Someone take her to the nurse." Despite there being no offers, the injured girl left the gym and Coach Shaw looked over to Ashley and shook her head, disappointed. "Get out of my sight."

Ashley gave Spencer a brief glance, stupefied. "Me?"

"I'm sick of your behaviour. Your attitude sucks. I won't have someone like you in my class if this is how you're going to treat people."

"Before you throw away the key," Spencer came to her rescue, "you might want to know that Lisa went postal and attacked me when Ashley was in the locker room. She was just defending me." Spencer revealed the darkening bruise on her head as proof.

Ashley shrugged innocently when she was eyed suspiciously. "Postal," she echoed.

"Do you need to go to the nurse, honey?"

"No, I'm fine," Ashley waved it off.

She was given an annoyed glance. "Spencer, honey, do you need to see the nurse?"

The blonde shook her head. "I'm okay, Coach."

"Okay, well you can explain this incident to the principal after school," Coach Shaw said. "But for now, I have a class to get back to." She used her thumb to gesture behind at the doors. "Out," she ordered.

Ashley's shoulders slumped. "What am I supposed to do in the locker room? Can't I wait it out in your office or on the bleachers?"

"Out."

"Actually, I should probably see the nurse," Spencer said once Ashley started off for the locker room. She followed. "I have a headache."

"Hold it. Someone take her to the nurse; make sure she actually makes it there."

Ashley turned and smiled when Spencer rolled her eyes and spun back around, making her way to Emily.

###

Ashley snuck into the gym a little while later, darting across the court to sit on the bleachers. She waved cutely when Spencer spotted her, biting back a smirk when the blonde turned away smiling.

Her fun was ruined in precisely six minutes.

"You're testing my patience, Ashley," Coach Shaw stopped the game to say. "Does this look like the locker room?"

"I got lonely." Ashley shrugged, face stuck somewhere between fearful and hopeful. "Oh, come on, who am I going to punch in here, except Ramona?" she asked. "And look, she's all the way over there. My arms aren't that big, Coach. It doesn't matter how hard I pray, I never wake up like Inspector Gadget."

"I don't feel safe with her in here," Ramona commented.

Emily scoffed. "Give me a break."

"Surely she can just sit there," Spencer said to her Coach.

"That's one thing Ashley Davies can't do." Her head shook. "Sorry, Ashley. Out."

"Do you know how boring it is in the locker room? I've already hidden someone's clothes," Ashley said, looking right at Ramona.

"The only bleachers you have permission to sit on are next door. You may not use the swimming pool. You go in there and you wait on the bleachers until I come in there with permission to move, understood?"

Ashley made her way down to the court and went out of her way to walk past Spencer. "I'll be back soon to cheer you on."

"Where the fuck are my clothes, Ashley?" Ramona asked, hands on her hips.

With scathing glares from Ramona and the Ramonettes, Ashley grinned brightly, waving as she left.

###

She was bored.

Ashley slouched back against the bleachers and knocked her knuckles against the wood, quietly reciting part of a song stuck inside her head. She was unwillingly worrying how her parents would act if they were to find out about her fight. The last time she'd pleaded self-defence or Spencer defence, it hadn't mattered. She'd been grounded.

"Looking pretty anxious there, Ashley. That wouldn't have anything to do with me now, would it?"

She stopped chewing; glancing down to Lisa, who was stood at the bottom of the bleachers, face clear of blood. Ashley rolled her chewing gum inside the wrapper.

"I'm an open book to you, aren't I?"

"Mostly you're a pain in my ass."

"Well, if you'd turn around and bend over, I'd gladly apologise. I just wish I was wearing steel-toed boots for this special occasion." She sat up. "Should we light a candle?"

Lisa sneered. "Kyle used to look at you all the time, like you're so special. You're not."

"No, really, I get it. The only special girl in this school is you."

"Everything is one big joke to you, isn't it?" Lisa asked. "You've never been any different, not in the two years I've known you. What is it; you're hiding some big emotional turmoil that you haven't been able to express? Tragic event, inner demons, or just your regular run of the mill family drama that latched on and never truly let go?"

"The only joke here is the shirt you're wearing. Now, unless you want me to express myself on the other side of your face, you'll turn around and get lost." As much as she hated to admit it, Lisa's presence was still doing a grand job in pissing her off; especially when she thought of the bruise and slap she gave her best friend.

"We're all equal here, Ashley. I'd like to express myself too."

"Didn't you already do that?" The brunette paused. "Or, wait, is this where the pig's blood comes into play?"

"Why are you all the way up there? Are you suddenly shy, scared to come down here now you don't have backup, or an audience?"

Ashley took the bait, making her way down to where the taller platinum blonde was waiting. Her eyes slanted upward, looking Lisa in the eyes. "I don't need an audience. God, Lisa, tone down the ego," she goaded. "You act like I give a shit about you."

"But you do, or else you wouldn't have tried to break my face, which, by the way, hurts like fucking hell."

"That's tragic."

"How about you stop being a little bitch and apologise to me?" she asked. "And while you're at it; get Spencer to keep her claws out of my boyfriend. That way, we all win."

"I'm not convinced."

"Come on, Ashley, I'm big enough to be here so soon after your outburst. Isn't this where we bury the hatchet?"

"Sure," Ashley shrugged. "If it's in your face."

"Okay," Lisa conceded. "I'll apologise to Spencer first." She started to leave. "That is if I remember to say it with my mouth instead of my fist."

Ashley followed, grabbing her wrist. "You're either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid, I can't decide which."

"Get your hand off me," the taller girl demanded.

When the pressure around her wrist became greater, Lisa hit out and struck Ashley in the face.

###

"Spencer!"

Out of breath, Spencer stopped running and scanned each entrance to the gym to find the face to match Ashley's voice. Face flushed and unsuccessful in her attempts, she was distracted again by another calling of her name, this time much louder by someone clearly in view.

"Are you okay?" Emily asked, running up behind her. "You look spacey, and your head hit the wall really hard..."

"I'm fine, I just thought I heard something."

"Yeah, I guess our roaring defeat is pretty distracting."

Spencer chuckled, looking up to see how much time they had to obliterate the other team. The final whistle would blow soon, signalling the end of class. It was also later than Spencer had expected her personal fan club cheering on the sidelines.

She got back into the game, working hard with her team in an attempt to even the playing field. It would take too long to catch up, especially with Ramona Castro on the opposing team. As much as she hated to admit it, the dark-haired girl was someone you wanted on your side if you intended to win.

It wasn't long until Spencer's subsequent action could ease the gap between scores; eyes on her for the right reasons instead of earlier in the class.

"Spencer!"

She lowered her arm, pulling the other towards her body to rest the volleyball on her hip. Spencer scanned the gym once more, even the bleachers for any sign of Ashley. "Did you hear that?" she asked Emily, and the girl standing next to her.

Emily walked closer and touched her arm. "I think you should lie down, or something. Let's go see the nurse."

Coach Shaw stepped into the game, barging past one of the players. "Spencer, are you feeling all right?"

Spencer frowned. Her eyes caught the clock again. "She was supposed to be here by now..." she mused quietly.

"I think you should see the nurse, honey. You can go with her, Emily."

And then Spencer heard it again.

She moved quickly, faster than she'd moved all year in P.E, and didn't stop until her teammates could no longer be seen or heard; until she had ran down a small echoing corridor and through the main entrance to the swimming pool which was fronted by a small section of showers and water up to her ankles. It was supposed to ease her body to the temperature of the pool, except it failed. Spencer wasn't eased into anything.

Ashley and Lisa were underneath the water at the deep end of the pool, doing anything to inflict more pain upon each other. It was retaliation of each hit the other girl got in until Ashley was running out of breath and she kicked Lisa away, reaching up to swim to the surface. Her leg was caught before she made it, and she was pulled deeper, closer to the bottom. Lisa's body floated above hers as she manoeuvred her hands around the brunette's throat and applied pressure, pushing down as she guided her to the floor of the pool.

Deep water had been one of Spencer's biggest fears since she was a little girl. She'd always stuck to the middle of the pool where her toes still reached the bottom. Spencer could deal with bugs and spiders; didn't care about big angry dogs that barked and snarled, and she didn't mind frogs or the pet iguana her grandfather insisted on letting out of its cage every time she visited. She could watch as many violent and disturbing movies as she wanted to, with the only consequence being queasy during some of the French ones. It was fictional, and what was based on true events would never happen to her in the small town of Ohio she lived. The chances were impossible. People like Carrie White, Norman Bates and Jack Torrance didn't exist there. But water was everywhere, could fill lungs and pull any weight underneath it.

And she ran; launching herself into the pool without a second thought.

Ashley was panicking. Her fingernails were digging into Lisa's hands, her feet ineffectively kicking against the unwanted body above in an attempt to dislodge the hands around her throat.

Suddenly, like she'd never been there to begin with, Lisa was gone and Ashley felt someone take her hand, pulling her to the surface.

One they'd broken it and Ashley had gasped for air, Spencer trapped her trembling body between her own and the side of the pool, confining Ashley to one safe place where they could recover.

Eventually, with her free hand, Spencer brushed the dripping wet hair away from Ashley's face and tipped her head upward. "Are you okay?"

Ashley nodded, but her body was more or less unmoving unless through unwilling reactions. She was shaking, unable to catch her breath properly.

"No, tell me," Spencer insisted, holding her tighter.

Finally, tears of panic formed in brown eyes. Ashley stubbornly blinked them away. "I'm going to kill her," she threatened faintly, hearing Lisa get out of the pool and rush off.

When Ashley moved against her, Spencer's eyes dropped down to her mouth. "Ash..."

"I'm okay," she reassured, knowing the blonde just needed to hear it, and was rewarded with a wordless hug where she was held gently.

Once Spencer had pulled herself out of the pool, she helped Ashley; allowing her to lean back against her once they were out of the water. For both of them, it was a chance to recover, to think of nothing further than the moment they were in, where everyone else became irrelevant.

When Ashley's body was strong enough to support her, she decided not to move away from Spencer's because she was warm and tangible and there, and it had been such a long time. "The bitch flew at me," she explained quietly. "She got in two good hits, and then we were falling into the pool and I started to panic. She's like the friggin' Hulk."

"Why was she even here?"

"To tell you to stay away from the guy she loves." Ashley's laugh caused her to cough.

"Like that's going to be hard..."

Ashley clutched her leg. "No, you have to be all over him on Monday. Me too."

Spencer smiled, raising a curious brow. "Why would we do that?"

"To piss her off, duh."

"Getting her expelled will probably do that just fine."

"You're ruthless; I love it."

Spencer shifted, placing a hand on the brunette's arm. "Come on, my mom's at work, so she can fast-track you."

"No," Ashley refused.

"Ashley."

"I'm fine, I just want to get away from this place and vent with mass murder on a videogame."

"You're not fine, okay? You need to get checked out."

"You can check me out." Ashley felt a nudge in her back, and sighed. "Was CPR required? Am I in some sort of vegetative state? No and no."

"Debatable." Spencer smiled at the appalled scoff. "You're going. I don't care if I have to drag you."

Brown eyes rolled good-naturedly. "Why don't you just douse me in formaldehyde, and be done with it?"

"Let's go." Spencer's forehead rested against Ashley's shoulder. Her eyes drifted shut. "I'll be with you. My head really hurts, so my mom's going to order every scan and test available."

"You better not be going to sleep." When no response came, Ashley said, "I'll call you an ambulance; embarrass us both."

"Let's go," Spencer announced once more, helping Ashley to her feet.

###

Later that day when both girls had been discharged from the hospital, Spencer entered her parents' bedroom and climbed on to the bed next to her mother.

"Are you okay?" Paula asked.

"No."

"Does your head hurt?"

"Everything hurts."

Though things hadn't been awkwardly strained between mother and daughter since before Christmas, it was still an unexpected admission. "Come here." The greater surprise came when Spencer moved closer without question, allowing Paula to hold her. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked. "Or is there anything I can do?"

"Could you put me in a medically-induced coma until I'm twenty-one? Because that would be great."

"And miss out on all the fun you're going to have? I couldn't possibly."

Spencer smiled, incredulous and sad. "This... this doesn't feel like fun, mom. It hasn't for a long time."

"Why not?"

"I don't know."

"I think you do," Paula pried carefully.

"There's just always something in the road, even when I've been happy, and I don't know how to get around it without hurting anybody." Spencer wiped at her full eyes. "I can't do it."

"You can." Looking down, Paula rubbed Spencer's arm soothingly. "Of course you can."

"I hurt you. I've been hurting you for ages. I mean, you're my _mom_ and I deliberately hurt you because I've been scared and confused." She frowned. "Everyone around me seems to have it together now, except me. I don't know how."

"Do you mean Ashley?"

It took a while for the response. "Ashley, Christine, Raife... you. And then there's me; defective."

"This is an immensely confusing time for you, Spencer. It's okay if you don't have all the answers right now. Those will come to you over time, usually after you've made a few mistakes."

Spencer bit her lip. "Does dad know?"

"About what?"

Spencer wasn't sure how she was having _the _conversation with her mother, but suddenly it was like the kaleidoscope of thoughts wasn't so complex. She was no longer running inside a house full of mirrors, she'd simply stopped spinning.

"About me and Ashley being...everything."

Paula held her closer. She could feel the fierce beat of her daughter's heart. "I haven't told your father about this yet."

"Okay."

"But he knows."

"He's psychic?"

"He's your father." Paula exhaled softly. "Spence, if you think the topic of you and Ashley hasn't come up a thousand times, you're wrong," she said. "Growing up, you were so close. You never tired of each other, never acted the same way with any of your other friends, and the way you'd look at each other was different to how you'd look at everyone else. That's never changed, not even when you've been fighting. Nobody gets under your skin the way Ashley does, am I right?"

A smile touched her face. "She's gifted, I'll give her that much."

"I noticed you were never overly affectionate with Bobby, at least not in front of me or your father."

"I'm sorry. I know how much you liked him."

"I like you more."

"Good to know."

"Your father knows. Deep down, we've always known. Chris and I have been talking about it for a long time. I'm not saying it was a breeze for us to get used to. It was different and scary, you know, thinking about how many people are going to have a problem with you both. I see hate crimes every day at work, and not just because of sexuality. It's race or religion or politics; any number of things that people are so against. It makes me sick but it won't always be that way. It doesn't matter what you're fighting against or how many people are on the other side, there will always be someone beside you. You have to remember that."

Spencer's chest felt heavy. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Not being who you dreamed I'd be when you were pregnant."

Paula's legs crossed at the ankles as she turned further into her daughter, embracing her entirely. "You are exactly how I dreamed you'd be."

Spencer's eyes were filled with tears. She sighed softly, a burden dissipated. "I love you. I'm sorry I've been pushing you away, I just...I don't have any solid answers for anyone. Ashley's the only person I've been in love with, but she hurt me so much. I didn't know what not being able to forget about it meant, so by being friends it was my chance to see if I could figure it out without hurting anyone." She paused. "But that didn't happen."

"What do you mean?"

"Kyle kissed me. At that stupid Christmas party, he kissed me out of nowhere and I didn't push him away as quickly as I should have," Spencer confessed. "I wasn't sending any signals, I really did go out there for some air. It just happened. We were outside; there was no way Ashley would have seen. I didn't do it to hurt her; I just wanted to see if it would clear something up for me. It was over in seconds, and it was really, really...different, but I guess Lisa saw us and was waiting for payback."

"That's why she went nuts," Paula put the pieces together. "Ashley didn't look too upset today, Spence. Maybe you're overanalysing this."

"She thinks Lisa was talking about a kiss on the cheek."

"Oh."

"I have to tell her. She got hurt defending me for something I was guilty for, even though technically it's none of Lisa's business what Kyle is up to." Spencer thanked her mother for the comforting hold, and then sat up, Indian style. She brushed some hair behind her ear. "I'm scared to say it. I don't want to hurt her like that but I know I will. Even though I know she doesn't realise she's doing it half the time, Ashley looks at me the way she used to. It's confusing and it makes me feel pressured into figuring everything out at the drop of a hat."

"You have to talk to her, Spence."

"I miss it," Spencer said softly, and without warning. "At the same time, when she doesn't look at me like that, there's a big part of me that misses it." She frowned. "It's always yes and no now. I feel like everything is so uncertain and I don't want to say the wrong thing to anyone and make things worse. I never thought I'd change like this. I didn't know I could second-guess anything when it came to Ashley."

However long it took for Spencer to realise, Paula knew she had to let her figure it out on her own instead of giving her the answer that had been glaringly obvious for an extremely long time. "One way or the other, you'll figure it out. I promise."

Spencer nodded, but it was difficult to be content with the unknown. It was like being alone in a strange city and trusting an even stranger man to keep you out of danger rather than put you in it; all one really knew for sure was that the anxious churn in the pit of the stomach engulfed even the steeliest of stomach's and the surrounding view was ambiguous at best.

In the dead of night, it is always exceptionally early or very late.


	24. Degauss

Arthur Carlin arrived home from work and kissed his daughter on her head, careful to avoid the bruised area. "How's my baby doing? Have you been taking your pills?"

"Your walking, talking, almost seventeen-years-old baby is fine." Spencer kissed his cheek, feeling the cold from outside. "I think Ashley has some sort of internal alarm clock because every four hours, right down to the minute, she hands me a bottle of water and three pills she claims are pain killers."

"Claims?"

"I don't like to point fingers but I think she's poisoning me."

"Well it's about time someone shut you up, don't you think?" Ashley piped up from the other side of the sofa.

"Ashley," Arthur gasped. "Are you trying to kill my beautiful sweet angel?"

"Beautiful I get, but sweet angel?" Ashley laughed and looked over to the blonde. "Oh, I so need to start sharing stories, Mr. C. You'd be surprised."

Spencer exaggerated a smile. "Please keep your mouth shut for the rest of your life."

"You see the crap I have to put up with?"

"You're very hard done by," Arthur consoled. "But what's this I hear about three pills and poisoning?"

Ashley rolled her eyes. "I gave her a vitamin _once _today and she acts like it was arsenic."

"Is that true?" he asked his daughter.

"Maybe." Spencer looked down to the gossip magazine she'd been reading. "But it could have been arsenic."

"Maybe next time it will be," Ashley threatened without malice.

"And maybe I'm buying you an orange sweater for your birthday. What do you think is worse?"

Paula entered the room as Arthur left, sitting between the two girls. She put her arm around the brunette's shoulders. "Are you staying for dinner?"

"I don't know." She looked to Spencer. "Can I?"

"You don't have to ask, just keep your shady pills away from my food."

"They're vitamins! Oh, my God, how many times?"

Her cell-phone ringing sent Paula back into the kitchen to find her purse.

Spencer's smile developed into a little laugh and she forgot about her reading material and the way she'd told herself to maintain distance through physical contact, jumping over a seat to sit right next to Ashley.

It was quiet for a while until she said, "So, are you staying? My dad will make way too much food, and I can pick out all the pancetta for you."

When they were little, Spencer had told Ashley she was eating little pieces of pancreas when asked what the small chunks of meat were in her dinner. Ever since, Ashley had refused to eat it.

"With your fingers? Gross."

"You could do it yourself. I was just trying to be nice."

"Okay, I'm staying."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, it'd be rude to leave, especially when you're being so nice."

"Plus you're way too lazy to walk next door."

An hour after dinner when Ashley was playing videogames with Glen, successfully kicking his ass, Paula called Spencer into the kitchen and suggested that maybe telling Ashley about Kyle would be best sooner rather than later.

So with Glen hollering demands of a rematch downstairs, Ashley followed Spencer into her bedroom. She wasn't invited in there very often; only a handful of times since they'd both agreed to a friendship.

"How's your neck?"

Ashley shrugged. There was a small cut on the side of her neck that had closed before she'd even left the hospital the day before. "It's fine."

"Did you kill Glen on the Xbox?"

"He thinks his puppy eyes have an effect on me, when really they make victory all the sweeter."

"So, you killed him?"

"Three times," Ashley gloated. She noted the blonde's tense body language. "So, um, you okay? You look like you're about to sit the math SAT."

"No, I just- you remember yesterday at school?"

Ashley nodded slowly, eyes following Spencer to the bed. "My memory just about stretches back."

Spencer could feel her heart hammering. She rubbed her neck, looking up at Ashley with regret. "Lisa was crazy, that's not questionable, and she's still due a visit from me for hurting you like that...but you should probably know that she wasn't totally off-base with what she was saying."

"What?"

"I did kiss Kyle."

Ashley looked her right in the eyes, a frown forming in the space of seconds. It slipped away. "I know." Her shoulders shrugged. "I was right next to you."

"No. No, I don't mean that." Spencer's voice was quiet, dread acting as a vice around her throat. "It was at Angela's party. He kissed me, and for a second, I kissed him back."

Ashley's face fell, a flash of unmistakable pain rushing through her eyes the exact moment a throb stretched across her chest. She sent Spencer a daring, questioning glance.

"What?"

"I thought you should know, considering what happened yesterday."

It was slowly replaced with a venomous glower. "Tell me you're kidding."

"I'm sorry."

"No, this is a joke, right? You wouldn't."

"Not to purposely hurt someone, no." Ashley just looked at her. "It wasn't some big make-out session," Spencer explained. "It was—"

"Shut up," was ordered abruptly. "Okay? Just...don't, I don't want details."

Spencer eyed her stunned, wounded expression with regret. "Maybe you need them?"

"Oh, God, why did you tell me?" Ashley asked heatedly, turning away from her. "Jesus."

"You got hurt because of me. I didn't want to lie to you or make you think that I was keeping something from you. We're past that."

"So this was for my benefit? Great, thanks, I feel so much better now." Her head shook, looking around to ask, "Have you been making out with the whole damn town?"

Spencer's face twisted in sarcasm. "Yeah, Ash, everyone; even Mr. Whitbeck."

"Well, what am I supposed to think?"

"That it's me you're talking to?" Spencer suggested. She reached for Ashley. "Calm down, all right? It was nothing."

Ashley pulled away from her touch. "Don't, right now. I don't want you to touch me." She looked at Spencer with disbelief. "God, _Kyle_?"

"We're friends, Ashley," she reminded her. "You remember that, don't you?"

"Yeah." Ashley ran her tongue over her suddenly dry lips, now looking at Spencer with an icy stare. "Yeah, I do, so be a pal and don't follow me."

"Ashley," Spencer called after her. Her shoulders slumped when she heard the front door being closed. "Walk away again. That's really what I was aiming for."

Spencer felt a sharp pain inside her chest that couldn't be ignored. She regretted ever doing anything more than push Kyle away.

"I take it that went well."

Spencer looked over to her mother standing in the doorway. "I don't know what to do. She's so mad at me, mom."

"Do you think she has the right to be?"

"No," she replied hastily. "I think no, because we're friends and friends don't get hurt and mad if the other kisses a guy she isn't even remotely attracted to." Spencer's eyes lowered to her lap. "And then I think yes, yes a thousand times because things aren't that simple," she admitted.

"So why are you still sitting there?" Paula asked. "You're ready to be honest in at least some ways. I think you should do what you want to do now, and over-analyse later."

"She doesn't want to see me."

"How do you know?"

"Well, storming away from me kind of gave it away..."

"Spencer, the amount of times I've stormed away from your father over the years, especially at the beginning when we were still finding ourselves. It doesn't mean anything more than she's angry and hurt, which you already knew she would be otherwise you wouldn't have been dreading to tell her."

"She didn't give me chance to explain. You know how long we were talking; barely two minutes and she just left."

"So, explain. Make her hear you, whatever it takes."

"It won't make things worse if I go after her?"

"Sometimes it can, but ninety-percent of the time you know it's better you do something rather than nothing. Trust me; there have been more times I've threatened your father a slow, painful death if he didn't get away from me, but the truth is I don't know what I'd do if he ever listened to me."

Spencer hugged and then kissed her mother's cheek as she passed her at the door.

/

It wasn't difficult to find her. In fact, Spencer found Ashley in the first place she looked.

She sat down next to her, close because it was cold. She probably wouldn't have sat further away even if it was a hundred degrees.

"You should go."

"I don't want to," Spencer argued.

"I don't want to look at you."

"So, don't. Don't look at me, or anywhere near me, but let me explain, okay?"

"There's nothing to explain," Ashley dismissed, her voice thicker with the tears she'd been crying. Her eyes followed the ripples in the unsettled water of the lake. "You kissed someone else."

"Ashley..."

"But is this how it's always going to be?"

"What?"

"Is this where I'll always end up, crying over you? Are you going to punish me forever?"

"No!" Spencer was resolute. "I'm sorry. You were never supposed to feel like this because you were never supposed to find out."

Ashley remained unconvinced. "I've tried so hard to be your friend but I wonder, are you? Is this part of your master plan, making me try to be your friend while you return the favour and hurt me over and over again?"

Spencer's hand moved to Ashley's back until it was shrugged off. "I'd never be that cruel," she said.

"Wouldn't you?"

"No. Look, I just...I wanted to see."

"See what?"

"If it felt the same kissing someone else now."

Ashley suddenly wanted some salt for her wounds. "Did it?"

But when Spencer didn't reply, Ashley took it as confirmation and sprung to her feet, walking away from someone who wasn't keeping a promise of meeting her halfway anymore.

"We're friends, Ashley!" Spencer exploded, quickly following. "You and me, we're friends. That's the only label we have. You agreed."

"You weren't supposed to mean it!" Ashley turned to respond. She hadn't stopped crying. "I thought it was something you were saying to be safe. I didn't think you'd make me feel like this." She evaded Spencer's unwanted touch, moving her arm back, out of reach. "And it's-it's not just now, tonight," she spilled, distraught. "It's always. I have to be careful when I talk to you, avoiding anything that's going to make you, what, remember that we were actually together? I mean, I know the ending part... that sucked, but what about the rest? Didn't I make you happy?"

"It's not about that! This isn't to hurt you, none of it is. I'm just trying to figure things out."

"But you're hurting me."

"You hurt me too," Spencer replied. "More than anything, in ways I didn't know you could. So, believe me, I get it."

"You've never had to share me," Ashley countered.

Spencer saw the wretched expression on the brunette's face and walked closer. "Everything's a mess and way too complicated...but it's going to get better," she promised.

Ashley shook her head, eyes clouded with emotion. "It's not," she stressed. "It's so simple."

"Not for me, it isn't." Spencer didn't like the way she was being looked at. It made her feel very small. "And it's not like I get some sick kick out of hurting you."

"I think part of you does."

"Then you have no idea how I feel about this. You don't know what I think about every night before I go to sleep, and you don't know because I don't tell you! God, how can I?"

"Easily! It doesn't have to be eloquent or even make sense, just tell me," Ashley begged. "Need me how you used to need me."

"I do need you!"

"Then show me." Her eyes closed through a crushed sigh. "For five minutes, just drop the guard." When, once again, no response or subsequent action came, Ashley looked at her. "I'm not walking away," she said, "but I can't stay here."

/

Spencer stayed by the lake for a while, sitting with her legs hanging off the edge of the dock while she skimmed the sole of her shoes against the cold water of the lake, occasionally dipping them just underneath the surface.

She thought of Ashley, and she cried.

Christine opened the front door with some surprise. Ashley had been home a little over half an hour; clearly upset judging by the surly behaviour and red-rimmed eyes. She'd been in her room just as long, with orders for everyone else to keep out.

Now Spencer was there, in the same state. Christine opened the door wider and stepped to the side without a word, allowing the blonde inside.

Ashley was lying down, facing away from the door when Spencer entered her room quietly. Once she reached the bed, Spencer lay down and curled into her, holding her arms close to her heart. The pressure in her chest eventually returned, so she closed her eyes.

"It didn't," she began quietly. "It didn't help to be away from you, not in the way I thought it would, and it didn't feel the same kissing him. Not even close." Spencer sighed softly, opening her eyes to the darkness around them. Her tears made them shine.

With some deliberation, Spencer held her; one arm smoothly sliding over a small waist as she moved as close to the brunette's back as possible. She didn't say a word when Ashley placed her hand on top of hers. She didn't want to.

They remained as they were for some time, equal parts content and dissatisfied.

Having Ashley's body so close, feeling her touch while she pushed everything that had happened since summer from her mind allowed Spencer to accept the way her body was reacting. It allowed her to lower her guard even further, just as Ashley had asked hours earlier.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"I know."

Eventually, Spencer lowered her head and kissed the top of Ashley's arm as means of goodbye, getting two steps away from the bed when the bedside light was switched on and her wrist was captured by a delicate hand. Ashley held on with full knowledge of her limited options, not wanting to push too hard but the feeling of anguish that came from the blonde's departure was too difficult to overlook.

"Spencer..."

Without a sound, Spencer turned and kissed Ashley; an unmistakeable manifestation of desperation and intent.

When they pulled apart, Ashley took one look at her and was swept up in a sea of desire. Eyes never leaving hers, she reached to the blonde's head, fingers effortlessly sliding through soft hair to pull her closer and crush their lips together. Without protest, Spencer's right knee fell somewhere on the bed next to the brunette's legs, though Ashley remained oblivious until the left came to rest on the other side and Spencer lowered herself down on to her lap.

If she was surprised by the blonde's lack of protest, Ashley didn't show it. Her hands moved to Spencer's hips, manipulating them closer to her body.

Their lips parted and Spencer pressed the advantage, deepening her kiss to feel every passion-infused sweep of Ashley's tongue against her own; until their soft moans encouraged Ashley to fall back against the mattress, taking Spencer with her.

It had been driving her crazy for weeks, so Spencer pulled her mouth away from Ashley's and lowered it to her neck, kissing and biting wherever she went. Her tongue brushed across sensitive skin as her hand brazenly travelled down the brunette's torso and under her shirt, cupping the gentle weight of her breast, massaging and tweaking until the attention turned Ashley's groans and breaths uneven.

Ashley pulled Spencer's slight frame tighter against her hips, rejoining their mouths. It was easy to get caught up in one another, to evoke the kinds of reactions they'd both been dreaming about for months. Ashley's hands slid underneath Spencer's top as her teeth took her bottom lip between them and tugged back, soothing it with a sweep of her tongue.

Spencer shivered when Ashley's lips and tongue got to work on her neck. Nobody kissed her the way Ashley did.

When Ashley pushed into her, attempting to switch their positions, Spencer braced herself on the mattress, one leg still slung across Ashley's lap. She shook her head. "Wait."

It was the red light of warning signs.

"Not yet," Ashley begged, running her hand up Spencer's leg. "Please, don't go yet."

"We spent the day together," Spencer said, running her tongue over her lips when her eyes stubbornly refused to leave Ashley's mouth. "We had a fight. We yelled and cried."

"And we kissed."

Spencer detached herself from Ashley's body. "So, I think we could use some time."

"For what? A cold shower?"

"Do you need one?"

Ashley looked unsure. "Do you?"

Spencer brushed an errant lock of hair behind Ashley's ear. "I really am sorry about earlier," she said. "I'll call you tomorrow."

/

Inside one of the town's busier coffee shops, Spencer sat down and passed two packets of sugar across the table. "Thanks for meeting me. I didn't want to talk at home because Glen has friends over, and your house is..."

"Of course," Christine said with a warm smile. She stirred her coffee. "I'm glad you called, even if it was a little unexpected."

"I'm sorry if I ruined your plans for lunch."

"Don't be silly, I'd choose you any day."

Spencer smiled, and looked down to the table as she rotated a full packet of sugar. "I actually just wanted to ask you something. The only thing is... it's kind of personal."

"Are we in sex territory?"

"Gross. No, I'd never ask you about that." Spencer laughed, mildly embarrassed. "At least not in a crowded coffee shop, anyways."

Christine smirked at the palpable discomfort the blonde was feeling. "I didn't imagine the reason for meeting here was down to your curiosity of sex."

"It's about Raife cheating." She heard the sentence echo inside her head. "In the past, not now." Spencer looked over at Christine, incredibly young and more naive than she'd ever admit to being. "If it's not too personal, I was wondering how you forgave him for hurting you like that."

"Over lots and lots of time."

"That's all? Time?"

"Well, therapy certainly helped." Christine smiled, and then turned serious. "I made him suffer, made him rebuild the trust again and make me believe he'd do anything for me, no matter what I threw at him. He may have cheated, and I don't condone that in the slightest, but we both had to change after that. You can't be with someone for as long as Raife and I have been together and not change a little in order to make things work. There were cracks long before his affair. We were in a rut and we'd been fighting a lot, spending less time together because of it."

"So, change?"

"Are you talking about you and Ashley?"

It had been obvious from the beginning, yet the question made Spencer's face heat up. Christine had known of her relationship with Ashley for a long time but this was the first time Spencer had been brave enough to approach the subject head-on. "Yeah," she admitted.

Sensing her anxiousness, Christine reached across the table and placed her hand over Spencer's. "You're a lot younger, so no. It's the hardest thing in the world to forgive someone who hurt you so deeply, Spencer. You don't have to change to forgive her; you just have to realise that people make mistakes, and then try to make it work again in whatever form you can manage. Over time, if it's meant to be, the hard work will pay off. You'll look at her and for once you won't think about how much she hurt you, you'll just see Ashley and think of the, hopefully, many reasons you still love her; as a friend or..."

"But it's different for everyone?"

"It can be."

/

Ashley sat on the edge of her seat, shovelling popcorn into her mouth. "This is the sickest thing I have ever seen!" she exclaimed. "I can't believe I've wasted my afternoon watching this."

Spencer looked away from her notebook and smiled. The other girl had, in fact, been extremely willing to spend the afternoon there. "What'd you say? I couldn't hear you with your face pressed against the glass like that."

"Very funny."

"I just thought we could hang out and get an education at the same time," Spencer said. "Don't be rude to the Chief next time, either. He's nice to you when you're nice to him. Tick him off and—"

"Flying scalpel's, I know."

Ashley dropped her popcorn when the middle-aged man in the operating room below flat-lined. "Holy shit." She held her breath in suspense, eyes fixed on Dr. Carlin and her team below as they worked quickly to get their patient's heart beating.

"He's okay," Spencer assured calmly.

"His heart's not beating. That's the opposite of okay." Ashley sprung to her feet. "Should we do something?"

"You're right; let's scrub in."

"You don't have to be sarcastic. Quick, let's pray."

Spencer rolled her eyes. "Now who's being sarcastic?"

"What? I believe in God... sometimes."

"And I believe in my mom. She's got this."

Ashley chewed on her lip anxiously, gazing down to the scene below where an ever-composed Paula increased the joules and shocked her patient with the internal defibrillator paddles, sending a definite reading on the scariest monitor Ashley had ever seen.

"See?" Spencer was usually right when it came to her mother's work.

"Your mom is such a fierce bitch," the brunette rushed out, in awe.

"Don't call my mom a bitch."

"Whatever." Ashley bounced over to the intercom. "You're on fire today, Paula!"

Underneath her mask, Paula smiled. "Thank you, Ashley."

"Seriously, if I'm ever in a car wreck or whatever, I want you to operate. You're like God with that scalpel."

"Don't jinx yourself, and thank you. How's Spencer doing?"

"Fine!" Spencer shouted her response.

Ashley's lip curved in disagreement. "I'm not sure. She's doing something called homework. I'm not familiar with it, but I'm concerned. Have a talk later, yeah? Do the mom thing."

Spencer giggled. "They're notes from the surgery!"

"Did you hear that, Paula? She's taking notes." Ashley turned to the blonde. "Since when do you take your own notes?"

"Since I wanted to have a thousand journals like my mom's some day. I want her to be part of them."

"Aw, that's...actually kind of sweet." She pressed the intercom button again. "Paula, Spencer's being cute."

When she was sent a knowing look from the surgeon below, Ashley went back to the chairs, sitting down next to Spencer.

"You didn't mean to say that, did you?"

Ashley propped her feet up on the chair in front. "Nope."

Spencer gazed at the side of her face, an adoring smile slowly appearing.

/

Spencer sat down next to her father, feeling his arm lower from the back of the couch to her shoulders as he watched highlights of a football game from the nineties.

"Why do you watch these?" she asked.

Arthur swallowed a sip of beer. "The same reason you watch your favourite movies over and over again."

"Valid point." She looked up, directing a bright smile towards him. Looking back to the screen where a player intercepted the ball and was taken down by a particularly aggressive tackle, Spencer winced. "Whenever we watch football, I always feel like I'm doing it wrong because I don't burp or scratch a part of anatomy I don't possess."

Arthur father laughed. "Not every football fan is like that."

Spencer just smiled at his defensive response. "Now that I'm done generalising all of you, can I ask your permission for something?"

"No tattoos."

"I don't want a tattoo."

"Okay, ask me."

"Can Ashley stay over tonight?"

Arthur's reply didn't come as quickly as Spencer had hoped. He had another sip of beer. "You haven't asked that in a while," he noted aloud.

"Yeah..."

"Any particular reason for that?"

"A few," Spencer admitted. "But, um, it's a long story and your game is on."

"But you'll tell me one day?"

Without warning, there was a certain look in her father's eyes, almost begging her to open up to him, to trust him. She nodded. "Of course," left her lips softly. Spencer leaned up and kissed his cheek. "I promise."

He tightened his hold of her. "Ashley can stay if you watch the rest of this game with me."

She laughed. "I was going to anyway, but okay, deal." Her hand was held out expectantly. "I can at least burp with you. I'm not shy. Come on, I have Glen as my brother."

"Valid point," he recited her earlier words, handing his bottle of beer over for just one mouthful.

/

Ashley had been over at the Carlin's for hours. She and Spencer had just finished listening to a CD Ashley had brought over for them to listen to.

"What do you think?"

"I loved it," Spencer responded eagerly. She liked the music but showed extra enthusiasm because she could tell it was a CD Ashley wanted her to like.

"Yes! I knew you would love it," Ashley gloated.

Spencer laughed. "You know me well."

"Well, yeah." Ashley nudged her. "And it'll be good for you to listen to something other than bargain bin music every once in a while. You'll see the world differently, I promise."

"I'll get a copy of it when I go to the mall."

"Duh, what do you think that CD is?"

"Your copy?"

"Yours."

Spencer wanted to offer something in return. "You can have a copy of any Shania Twain CD you want. Name it."

"That's so generous." Ashley pretended to think. "Okay, I want the one where it's just, like, white noise." Her shoulders shrugged innocently when Spencer's stare hardened. "Okay, the one that's been scratched."

"It doesn't matter."

Ashley smirked at the blonde's nonchalant attitude. "No, I want the 'Come Over for Dinner' CD."

"Come Over for Dinner?" Spencer was aghast, until a loud laugh made her tip her head back. "Oh, my God, it's 'Come on Over'!"

"Is it?" Ashley asked, full of feigned ignorance.

They spent the next fifteen minutes talking about Emily and the way her behaviour towards Ashley had changed, yet not totally. Neither of them were the kind to back down first in a heated discussion, both were extremely opinionated about almost everything.

When they were both changed and ready to get into bed, the atmosphere changed. Ashley looked uncertain.

"Won't this be weird?"

"It's just two girls innocently sharing a bed."

"Yeah, no, I didn't mean to assume anything." Ashley shifted her weight to the other foot. "But after the other day, I don't know... kinda mixed signals when we still haven't talked about it."

"Ashley, the other day was... I was doing what you wanted me to do."

"Yeah, but you wanted it too."

Spencer nodded carefully. "I don't regret it, if that's what you've been thinking."

"I haven't known what to think. One second we're making out, and the next we're back to being friends who look at each other for longer when the other isn't looking."

"I don't do that," Spencer denied.

"Tell that to the hole in the side of my face."

"You are such an egomaniac."

"But I don't embellish."

"Please, Ash. I don't want to have this talk until I'm all figured out. It's not fair on either of us."

"But you don't regret it?"

Spencer shook her head. "I don't regret any of it." She sat down. "And I know me being like this isn't fair to you either. I'm sorry."

"I'd rather you figure it out with me than without me."

"But I don't ever want to hurt or use you for anything. I mean, you get it, right? You know that always, no matter what?"

Ashley nodded. "I know." Sometimes she could forget when her emotions ruled, but she knew.

Once they were settled in bed, partly shrouded in the darkness, Ashley said, "I wouldn't totally hold it against you. I know I did a lot of stuff to make you hate me."

Spencer had her eyes closed, facing the other way. "You know, the thing about hating someone is that eventually that person always turns into you."

It was enervating at best.

"Ouch, you just hit me on the head with your hammer there." She looked at the back of the blonde's head. "Do you ever think about how I was back then?"

"Sometimes," Spencer was honest. "Not as much as I used to. It's weird, but when we've been hanging out and you've been normal, I have these bad dreams about you being the way you used to be."

Ashley made a disgruntled sound. "Your subconscious is sabotaging my attempt for redemption. How can I compete with that?"

"You're doing okay."

A comfortable silence stretched on, and when sleep evaded Spencer after nearly half an hour, she turned over. She could tell by the brunette's breathing that she was still awake. "What are you thinking?"

"Don't ask unless you really want to know."

Spencer propped her head up on her elbow. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that as much as everything has changed, it's stayed the same." Ashley looked over to her. "It's quiet."

Spencer moved one hand to Ashley's head, brushing the hair behind her ear and then slowly traced her fingers across her cheek, rediscovering the softness that had always been familiar territory, and perhaps more real to her than her own skin.

She looked into dark eyes; her gaze eventually dropping to Ashley's full, waiting lips. Spencer leaned in to kiss her, lips barely making contact when she stopped, her fingers pressing against Ashley's mouth to stop temptation. When her hand slid down, she rested her arm across Ashley's torso.

Spencer didn't pull away completely; instead hung her head, keeping her eyes away from the pull Ashley's lips had over her. "Tell me you love me as your friend."

Ashley's hand came to rest on Spencer's arm, running her fingers upward until they came into contact with the back of her hand. She stroked the skin, and pushed her fingers underneath Spencer's to have a loose hold of her hand. "I love you as my friend."

No space remained between their bodies as Spencer lay flush against the brunette's side and lowered her head to meet Ashley's mouth.

Their movements were unhurried, raw with the need to kiss instead of touch; where the only time their bodies moved was to turn or push into each other. Hands remained in their previous positions, dormant, perfectly and awkwardly trapped between their chests.

And so they continued to kiss, for a long time each brush of the tongue and press of lips spiking the girls' drive to never stop.

Spencer felt a shiver, and then the near overwhelming urge to devour Ashley with just her mouth. It only heightened when Ashley moaned, this time decidedly lower.

Her brows creased and she pulled away, just barely, enough to beg, "God, make me stop." Spencer's voice had a breathy quality to it, and she bunched up Ashley's shirt in a slight grip, squeezing her fingers in the process. "Tell me to stop."

Ashley's eyes were an intense shade of brown, dark with unrelenting desire. "Never."

When she was pulled on top, lips re-captured, Spencer's thigh finding its way between Ashley's legs, she knew that innocently sharing a bed with her was impossible, and would still always lead to more. The spark she used to feel had reignited into a blaze.

With Ashley's hands tangled in her hair, Spencer kissed her harder and faster, the sound of Ashley's verbalised pleasure making the ache grow between her legs. She pushed her thigh firmer against Ashley, tearing her mouth away to kiss a path down her neck, and felt the brunette's hips rise up to meet the pressure.

With the demand coming from Ashley less than a minute later, she had Spencer's mouth back against her own, swept up in a sensual kiss when she felt the blonde's hand slip underneath her vest, and then over her oversensitive skin, inching upward to her breasts.

Home from work, and informed by her husband that Ashley was staying the night, Paula knocked on Spencer's bedroom door.

She waited for an admirable five seconds until she slowly pushed on the door and peeked inside her daughter's bedroom. The lights were off and they appeared to be fast asleep, yet the lack of exhaled breath she could hear suggested otherwise.

As natural as the scene was, Paula thought new rules for them sleeping in the same bed wouldn't hurt. It would be double standard of her to ask Glen's girlfriend, Brooke, to sleep on the couch when she stayed over, and not Ashley. But there was also a lot of history. She'd have to talk to Arthur about it —eventually.

She left quietly.

Ashley released the breath she'd been holding and turned to Spencer, brows knitted. "Bad timing. Really bad timing," she muttered. She was uncomfortable, and she bit her lip, trapping any noise that was threatening to escape when Spencer's hand was placed low on her stomach.

"I can't be in bed with you," Spencer admitted softly. "I'm gonna sleep on the sofa."

Ashley held her thumb. "You don't have to."

"I do."

Without knowing how, Spencer's mouth was back against Ashley's. It was when she heard herself moan that she was snapped out of her trance. She forced her body away from the brunette's, grabbing a pillow as she got out of bed.

"Please stay the night," she asked of Ashley. "I want to have breakfast with you."

"You could stay with me."

"No... no, I can't. I can't be in there with you and not," Spencer trailed off. It was too hard. "It clouds my head," she explained, touching it while she frowned. "It's like, when you're that close, something takes over my body and I can barely even think. I need to think."

Ashley shrugged. "Okay," she accepted.

"Night, Ash."

Inside Ashley's head, Spencer wasn't leaving, she was pinned to the wall, trapped between her body with the desperate need to touch and kiss her.

"Goodnight," Ashley said in return, back in reality. Alone.

/

"Where do I begin?"

Spencer looked confused. "At the beginning?"

"Oh, that's nice," Paula said. "You know what else is nice?"

"These pancakes?" Spencer had another mouthful. Ashley had left the house less than five minutes ago after having breakfast with her. It wasn't as awkward as it could have been, and they made plans to meet up later that day. "These are my seconds, but Ashley came back for thirds. She's such a pig."

Paula raised an eyebrow at the taken look covering her daughter's face. She was stunned. "Okay, whoa, let's rewind. What did you say?"

Spencer sipped at her juice. "Ashley, pancakes, pig."

"Uh huh, uh huh. And why exactly do you look like that when you're slurring an offensive term?"

"Offensive?" Spencer laughed. "Mom, please, we've called each other worse."

"Did your face look like that all those other times, too?"

"Like what?"

Paula shrugged. "I'm just saying, it would have been nice for a warning the next time you invite Ashley over. Why did you? I have to be honest; your behaviour is a little inconsistent. You can't have her look at you a certain way —and ask her to stop, but you invite her to sleep next to you in the same bed?"

"Nothing happened!" Unfortunately, her pink cheeks didn't scream the truth. "I was trying- it was just to see something."

"How long I'd be grounding you for?"

"What? Mom, look at me, it's Spencer: the responsible kid."

"Oh, it's written all over your face!"

"I slept down here!"

"You expect me to believe that?" Paula was outraged. "I may have a face like a baby's bottom, but I wasn't born yesterday, Spencer."

Spencer went from defensive to confused. "You're comparing your face to an ass?"

"Forget about mine, yours is bright red."

"My ass?"

"Your face! It's always bright red when you're lying to me."

Busted, Spencer ate an exceptionally large piece of her pancake. "I slept down here," she eventually said. She mumbled the next sentence, "After we kissed."

Paula slumped down on to the next chair. "Excuse me?"

"It was just a...peck." Spencer's face heated up again. She cringed. "I slept down here, I swear. That's why, because I couldn't be in bed with her and not feel the way I used to."

"How long have I been out of the loop?"

"Earlier this week when we had that fight about Kyle... it just happened, and then last night. She said something and I couldn't help it."

"What did she say?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Well, it does. I mean, was it to do with how she felt? Or was it more along the lines of 'so, what book are you reading?'"

Spencer frowned. "I don't know what you and dad talk about in bed, and I'd happily die never finding out, but...no, that's not what I talk about with Ashley." Her mother gave her the 'mom' look. It was like a super power in itself; forcing her to answer. "She was being... has dad ever said something to you and it's unexpected and perfect, and so you kind of just melt? Your heart starts beating really fast and you can't help but kiss him?"

Paula nodded. "Your father can be very romantic," she said. "But, Spence," she laughed at how obvious it was, "if you feel that way about Ashley, there's nothing in the way anymore."

"I'm still scared," Spencer revealed. "I know she's sorry, I do. I know how hard she's worked to make things better. But there's one thing missing, and I don't know what it is."

"Are you scared of how people are going to react to you both?"

"I'm scared of Ashley's reaction to everyone else's reaction. I know we don't have to announce it or make it obvious until we're ready, but eventually people will figure it out, and when they do, I know it's not going to be anything how you or Ashley's parents have reacted. It's going to suck, and Ashley didn't exactly take it well the last time things got hard."

"You have to have faith in her, Spencer. That's all there is to say; you have to trust her the way you have to trust anyone you're serious about. You won't get far without it."

/

Several days later, Ashley read a note sitting atop her pillow and frowned. It was obviously a joke, so, still in her coat from spending the past three hours with Zach, Ashley turned on her heel and made her way next door to Spencer's house.

But nobody was in.

She rang Spencer's cell-phone and spun around when she heard it ringing close by. Her eyes bulged, and she darted to the front of her own house, stepping backwards to have full-view of the roof.

Spencer was exactly where she'd asked Ashley to meet her: on the roof.

"What the hell?" Ashley shrieked. "I know what R. Kelly's been telling you, but you can't fly and touch the sky!"

Spencer giggled. "Come up here." When Ashley looked unimpressed, Spencer tried again, "Please?"

"Throw your hair down."

Spencer leaned forward, flicking her blond hair forward. "Can you reach?"

"Don't move." Ashley pointed a finger. "I mean it."

Spencer had to wait all of thirty seconds until Ashley got upstairs to her room and climbed the ladder on her balcony, taking her up to the roof. She carefully lowered herself down next to the blonde. They rarely climbed up on the roof, despite it being safe enough to.

"Why are we on the roof?"

"I like the view. Everything is clearer, you know?"

Ashley offered a slow nod. "I'm surprised Sheriff Pete hasn't been by considering he's holding off retirement for another year. Again." She smiled at the thought of him. "So, how long have you been up here?

"A while," Spencer replied, smiling at Peter Dalton's tendency to accept retirement gifts and then miraculously have a change of heart.

It felt simple up there.

Minutes later, struck speechless by Spencer's unexpected weary sigh and the way her shoulder was suddenly supporting the weight of her head, Ashley was unsure how to respond. Every time they'd had a moment like this in the past ten days, she'd pushed too hard, or so she thought, because Spencer had made a swift exit each time she was out of her comfort zone.

"Ash?"

"Yeah?"

Spencer adjusted her head to find a more comfortable spot. She found it quickly. "Do you miss me like this?"

"Always."

She closed her eyes. "I miss you too."


	25. With You

**You deserved a huge apology for the delay, so instead of uploading an author note telling you what you already knew, I decided to wait until I had an apology with some weight behind it (in the form of an update). I hope you enjoy it.**

* * *

Ashley reached underneath the spare pillow for her phone when she heard its muffled alert to a new message. She replied to the question —that she was, in fact, awake, and pressed send, waiting mere seconds to hear back. When the reply came through and Ashley read it, a brow was arched. She read Spencer's text twice, and then three times before she sent: I just lost my eyebrows. I think they're in my hair somewhere...

In her own bedroom, safe and warm in her own bed, Spencer smiled. She called Ashley's number and waited for her to pick up.

"You're this town's worst candidate for the subtlety award. You know that, right?"

"I meant next to you!" Spencer clarified her question of asking if she could sleep with Ashley. "Send the ladder over if you want to."

Ashley's voice carried a different quality to it so late at night, but it sounded lighter when she said, "Okay."

When Spencer was making the climb over the railing, she reached for Ashley though she was perfectly capable of making it over without her support. Feet firmly planted on the floor, she wrapped her arms around her and held Ashley's body close, hugging her because it had been a long time since they'd just hugged.

In her pyjamas, Spencer didn't wait for another invitation into Ashley's bed and got under the covers quickly. The temperature outside had been harsh against her bed-warmed skin. She put Ashley's presents under the bed, careful not to let her see with the light on.

"Happy birthday," Spencer said once she was in bed beside her. She saw a smile almost right away.

"Thanks."

"Was I the first one to say it?" she asked, similarly to the way she'd always asked if she was the first one to wish her best friend a happy birthday.

"You're always the first one to say it."

The times she wasn't, if Spencer had been beaten to it by her mother or father, Ashley would still tell her she was first.

Spencer leaned over and kissed Ashley's cheek, closing her eyes when her lips touched soft skin. Ashley leaned in to her touch, and turned to face her when she pulled away. Dark, penetrating eyes pierced through Spencer as soon as they landed on her.

Ashley was awake at just after midnight on a school night for two reasons. The first one was because originally she'd been anticipating a call or message from Spencer to wish her a happy birthday, and the other was because she'd been trapped in a daydream for over an hour. It was more than sufficient timing to get worked up thinking about Spencer and what they could be doing in the bed they were both lying in. The persistent ache between her legs throbbed when she thought of Spencer's head between them.

Spencer stretched her leg forward and stopped when her skin came into contact with Ashley's. "Why were you up so late?" she asked, reaching to play with Ashley's fingers that were resting on the curve of her hip.

It was distracting, and Ashley stumbled over her words, eventually settling on, "Thinking."

"About what?"

Ashley hesitated when Spencer stopped playing with her fingers and interlocked them, holding her hand. "Uh... I don't know if you know, but you're holding my hand."

Spencer wasn't oblivious. From the look in Ashley's eyes and the loose hold of her hand, with the added bonus of having their legs pressed against each other's, she had felt her pulse accelerate. It was either hold her hand or attack her mouth with her own, and that seemed too predictable though not out of the question. "I tried not to."

She hadn't tried at all, and they both knew it. Spencer couldn't be in bed with Ashley and not touch her.

"It's not still too soon?"

Spencer held on tighter. "No."

"I was thinking about you," Ashley said.

That's all Spencer needed to hear before she smiled and moved her head to the edge of her pillow. "Happy birthday."

"You said that."

"Come here, let me say it again."

Ashley did as she asked. "I'm listening."

"Close your eyes."

"So you can draw on my face?"

"Yeah."

Spencer watched Ashley's eyes fall shut, and leaned in, pressing her lips against Ashley's in a soft, closed-mouth kiss.

Despite wanting nothing more than to pull her on top, Ashley didn't push for more, simply returning the kiss until Spencer pulled away. There was something about the way Spencer looked at her when she opened her eyes, something familiar that hadn't been as overt in a long time. It made Ashley's heart beat faster.

Before she could say a word, Spencer leaned in to her body, reaching behind her to switch the light off. Then, much like seconds before while Ashley was still reeling, Spencer turned over and pulled Ashley's arm with her, securing it around her body until she could feel the other girl's front pressed against her back. It was safer like this. They couldn't go as far as last time unless she was ready to be with Ashley completely. It wouldn't be fair to either of them, no matter how easy it would be to turn over and be with her the way they both wanted to be.

At one point in the night when their bodies had separated, unable to get comfortable even after turning the pillow over to the cold side and placing it at an angle, Spencer moved down the bed and draped her leg over Ashley's, pulling her top down to cover her skin before resting her head halfway down the curve of her back.

She woke early the next morning, so much so that she was able to sneak back into her own house and take a shower, getting ready for school in half the time it usually took, and be back in Ashley's bed before seven a.m.

Ashley's alarm was set for one minute past seven —not one to get up exactly on the hour. The first thing she saw after groping for the snooze button was Spencer sitting up next to her, wide awake as she tapped a birthday balloon to keep it in the air. She was sent a bright smile.

"Happy birthday," she said excitedly, gently tapping the balloon in the birthday girl's direction.

It bounced off Ashley's face, falling down to her shoulder. "I didn't think you'd be here this morning."

"Where else would I want to be?"

"In Kyle's bed?" Ashley joked.

Spencer gasped. "Low blow!"

When Ashley got out of bed with an amused snicker, she had to kick her way through the mass of balloons littering her bedroom floor. She noted Spencer's perfect appearance. "You wake up looking like that?"

"Yep," Spencer stretched back down the bed while she waited for Ashley to get ready. "And smelling like this."

When Ashley had cleaned up and made her way back to her room, there was a knock at the door and, unlike Paula; Christine didn't wait a polite few seconds before entering her daughter's bedroom.

"This isn't what it looks like," Spencer was quick to say, forgetting that she'd already seen Raife downstairs and was fully clothed underneath the covers.

"It looks like you came up to wish Ashley a happy birthday before anyone else."

Relief. "Then it's exactly what it looks like."

Christine smiled and rushed across the other end of the room where Ashley was choosing an outfit to wear, sweeping her up in a sudden hug with repeated wishes of happy birthday and kisses to her face.

When Christine urged Ashley to hurry down for breakfast and started towards the door, Spencer echoed the orders.

"I'll get something before class," Ashley said. She hated a fuss.

"You're not leaving unless we've all had breakfast together," Christine said, her voice light but still carrying a tone of authority.

Ashley's shoulders slumped. "Then I guess I'm not going to school. Damn."

Spencer smiled at her reluctance to attend school. It was a common theme for her birthday; occurred annually, followed by a comment about wishing her birthday was during summer instead of February.

"You have to eat," she urged, knowing Raife had made a start on every breakfast item on record. She'd be full till dinner time. "I helped," she said, hoping it would influence the brunette's decision. "And I mean, I don't set a fancy table but the kitchen's awful homey," Spencer cited.

A spark of recognition passed through Ashley's eyes and she bit back a smirk. "Okay!" she said to her mother still stood in the doorway, waiting for an acceptable answer. "I'll hurry up."

"You won't listen to me, but you listen to Spencer?" Christine questioned with a shake of her head. "It seems old times are new again."

Once the door was closed, Ashley looked over to the blonde still in her bed. "You know, to get dressed, I have to get undressed."

Spencer reached under the bed for the gifts she'd hidden last night. "Come here, first."

Ashley didn't protest; crawling up the bed until she was sat in front of her. She opened her concert tickets with glee, informing Spencer she was to have the other ticket —to which she had already called mental dibs on. Opening a jewellery box, Ashley looked at the new guitar pick with a smile.

"I couldn't help but notice Kris forgot to include one at Christmas. What a moron," Spencer deadpanned.

Ashley laughed, turning it over in her hand. "Yeah, it did keep me up that night."

Before she could thank her, Ashley noticed there was still a weight to the box, like it had something else in there. She picked out the sponge to reveal a key underneath, and bit her lip. It was the key to Spencer's house, the one she had reluctantly given up several months ago.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

Spencer nodded.

"Thank you," Ashley said quietly.

Spencer leaned in and kissed Ashley's cheek. "You're welcome." She slapped her leg. "Hurry up!" she said suddenly, jumping out of bed to let Ashley get dressed in private.

/

"Hey, Ash!" Anton, the quarterback of the football team yelled from the top of the next flight of stairs. "Happy birthday, baby girl!"

With her mouth full of a smoothie Spencer had given to her, Ashley raised her hand in acknowledgement until she could shout her thanks.

"You need some birthday lovin', you come to me, you understand? Nobody's gonna make you feel the way Anton will make you feel, right?"

Ashley laughed politely. "I don't know about that."

"Don't think you could handle me?" he asked with an air of cockiness, teasing her.

She scoffed. "You couldn't handle me."

"Is that right?"

"Yep," Ashley confirmed. She looked to Spencer standing next to her, looking amused. "As your best friend in the entire universe, tell him he couldn't handle me."

Spencer shrugged. "It's true."

Anton sighed. "Well, what if I wanted to try anyway? How about a birthday kiss?"

"Oh, God," Spencer muttered, turning away in embarrassment.

"You know what? The fact that a guy as cute as you offered to give me a kiss on my birthday is more than enough," Ashley dodged.

Anton straightened up, eyeing her sceptically. "Some punk beat me to the birthday kiss? Who?"

"Why?"

"I gotta know whose face to look for when I break his legs."

Behind him, Emily frowned, unable to get past. "Excuse me!" she barked.

He looked around, unsure over her sudden outburst. "Don't be trippin'. We're just talking."

"Whatever," Emily dismissed, sliding past him to get to Spencer. "Hey Spencer."

"So, how many guys have asked you out today?" Anton asked.

"Three, including you," Ashley answered. "It's embarrassing or maybe a little flattering if they didn't look like they want just one thing."

His friend called him from the next floor up, hanging over the railing. "Find me if they get outta hand, right?" he said upon stepping back up the stairs. "Not Glen. As nice as the guy is, he ain't no match for me. I got no problem beating pushy, wannabe Casanova's."

When he left, Ashley turned to an amused Spencer. "Why couldn't my birthday start out with gifts and then segue right into the weekend where I could actually celebrate?"

"And miss out on seeing Mr. Purdy this afternoon? Unthinkable."

After saying hi to a distracted Emily, Ashley had a sip of her smoothie. She chewed on the straw before she leaned into Spencer's ear. "I should just tell everyone I'm really, really gay, then maybe I'd be left alone."

"Yeah, that's exactly what all the guys —and maybe even some of the girls in this school would do," Spencer remarked dryly.

Emily observed the girls' behaviour curiously. "What are you whispering about?"

"You," came Ashley's response.

"Well, do it in class. Mr. Riley will give me detention if I'm late again."

The hallways were crowded and when they reached their classroom, Emily chose one of the back corners for the three of them to sit, looking over to the right corner which was occupied by Ramona and her minions. She turned her nose up at the mindless girls.

The class filled quickly, and half an hour passed before they knew it. When Mr. Riley had instructed his students to begin work on their essay, Ashley turned around in her seat and plucked the pen out of Spencer's hand as she was in the middle of writing her introduction.

"Distract me. We're by the windows on the second floor and I just remembered I'm in school on my birthday."

Spencer burst into song without hesitation, singing until her teacher asked her to quieten down and a screwed up piece of paper was thrown at her head. She laughed it off, leaning forward to take Ashley's wrist who had taken it upon herself to stand up on her seat, looking over the heads of the tallest guys in the class.

"Ashley, it was paper, not a bomb."

Ashley continued to glare at the Ramonettes. "Which one of you has the death wish?"

In the middle of the class, Lisa looked up from her notebook. She'd been suspended for a week and back at school for two. So far she'd kept to herself. "I think she goes by 'Spencer' these days."

"Suck my dick, trailer park," Ashley snapped, jumping down from her chair.

"Hey!" Mr. Riley raised his voice. "Sit down. I don't care if it's your birthday, I don't want that talk in here. Take it up after school."

Lisa pursed her lips, looking smug. She turned to her teacher. "Can I get my notes from last week? They're in my locker."

"Go ahead, Lisa."

She rose from her seat. "I bet you wondered if you'd even get to this day, right, Ashley?" she taunted.

Spencer saw Ashley's face darken and put a hand on her arm, telling her to ignore her. Ashley had to be on her best behaviour for her parents to allow her to go to the concert out of town in a few weeks.

When Mr. Riley's head was down grading assignments from another class, Spencer picked up her spare pen, flinging it out of the door Lisa had just left through. It missed her.

"Mr. Riley, I dropped my pen."

He didn't look up, distracted. "That's fine, Spencer."

She followed Lisa halfway and stood around the corner to the foot of the stairs, waiting patiently for her return. Once she saw Lisa reappear, notes in hand, Spencer stepped out from where she'd been hiding.

"Hey," she called out.

Lisa turned back with surprise. "Miss Goody two shoes is sneaking out of class now? What is the world coming to?"

Spencer stepped closer to her. "What do you think you're doing, Lisa? All this crap with Ashley, what is it going to prove, other than how sad and lonely you are without a boyfriend? People aren't going to pity you."

"I don't want pity," Lisa denied. "I don't want anything from anyone anymore. Ashley pisses me off, end of story."

"You need to back off."

"Give her a birthday tip from me, okay? Tell her to get some swimming lessons."

Before she'd fully turned her back on Spencer, Lisa found herself shoved face-first into the wall.

Spencer wrenched a fistful of the girl's hair, pushing against her. "If you joke about it again, I'll make sure you never step foot back in this school."

Lisa struggled against her, wincing from her face being forced against the wall and the grip of her hair. "What are you going to do, Cinderella?" she asked through gritted teeth. "Throw a glass slipper and tell Ertman I did it? Please. You and Ashley aren't that close if a little fight got between you two for months."

Spencer leaned in closer. "I think you have no idea what I would do for her."

Upon observing Spencer casually stroll back into class, Ashley dropped her head into her hands. She could manage until lunch time, tops.

"I'm going to die if I have to stay here all day," Ashley uttered with disdain. Despite her over-expressed contempt, a smile reached her covered face when Spencer's mouth was next to her ear, voicing a Goonies reference just for her to hear.

"Maybe this will cheer you up," Emily said, coming to lean on the edge of her desk beside Spencer. She handed Ashley a birthday present. "It's only a little something but it'll help with your rage."

"What rage?"

"Seriously?"

Ashley smirked, impatiently tearing into her gift. It was a CD, and she couldn't help but quirk a brow at it. "Tibetan Incantations?" She looked up. "How are chanting Buddhist monks expected to do anything but turn me on?" Ashley said. "I think you should keep this one. I'm a big bitch when I'm sexually frustrated."

Emily looked horrified. "You're giving it back; the gift I spent good money on? Do you know how long it took to find this?"

Ashley glanced to Spencer for an appropriate response, and then held the CD close to her chest. "Just kidding." She flashed a smile. "I love it, thank you."

"I'm so glad you like it," Emily gushed excitedly, throwing her arms in the air. "First hug?" she squealed.

Ramona observed their hug from across the room and a smirk tugged at her lips. "Oh, man, I wish it was _my _birthday. Why doesn't anyone ever buy me meditation CDs?"

Emily spun around. "When is your birthday?"

"July."

"Hmm. Who knows, maybe you'll get the entire collection."

"You just got me all excited, Cooper."

"Don't be. I think of it as community service. The nicer you are, the less others will suffer."

Ramona shrugged. "I'll still cross off the days on my calendar."

/

It had started with a brush of their hands, innocent for all intent and purpose until, with the rest of the Carlin clan in her living room, Ashley felt the atmosphere shift to something a little thicker and spotted a subtle difference to the way Spencer was looking at her while she opened presents from Paula and Arthur, dodging questions from Glen about who had asked her out today.

"I don't know, Glen." Ashley couldn't think of an appropriate response when a blue gaze was raking over her body, consuming her.

"Not even one guy was worth your time tonight? You're that special?"

"So I don't feel like spending the night with a guy I don't know, what's the big deal?"

Glen shrugged. "Nothing, it's just that you could have any guy at that school and you're always single. I find it weird," he said.

"And I find it weird when I see you slobbering all over your girlfriend in the hallway," Spencer interjected on Ashley's behalf. "Nobody cares what you think, Glen. Leave her alone."

"I didn't mean it in a bad way!" he insisted. "I'm glad I don't have an ass to kick tonight. That is unless you've broken your streak of no dating, too?"

Paula sighed, looking to Ashley's uncertain face before finding her son's. "Glen, why are you interrogating them? I, for one, am happy if the girls are happy. You should feel the same way."

Arthur glanced to his wife and then the girls. He sported a warm, dopey smile. "I couldn't agree more."

Spencer's eyes found a captivating spot of fabric in her lap. Her face was warm with embarrassment. "Thanks, guys."

Glen didn't care anymore. He'd come over for a very specific reason. "Where's the cake?" he asked, heading into the kitchen anyway.

Arthur and Paula followed to make sure Glen waited for Ashley to distribute the cake and not scoff down half in one sitting like a rabid dog.

"So," Ashley prolonged the word, "wanna eat my face?"

Spencer's smile widened until she forced it away, shrugging nonchalantly. "Maybe."

Christine and Raife had ordered the cake from the oldest bakery in town. The owner, Margaret, was in her late eighties and had decades of experience to make the perfect cake. Ashley often professed her undying love for the woman. She'd even sent her an anonymous valentine's card once.

When cake had been eaten and the plates washed by an insistent Arthur, the Carlin family —minus Spencer left. With Christine and Raife still at work, Ashley flopped down on the sofa next to Spencer, their thighs touching.

It had caught her off-guard; Glen's sudden inquisitiveness. It also made her think, and it seemed to cause the same reaction for Spencer if their shared silence was anything to go by. Spencer had been quiet for the past ten minutes, even before they were alone.

"It doesn't matter what today is. There's no need to cushion it, but I have to know... do you want to be with me?" Ashley asked.

There it was, the question that had been headed her way for months, the past few weeks especially. Ashley sounded vulnerable, and Spencer made the mistake of looking at her. Fear and hope burst through dark eyes and rammed through her chest.

"There's no-one else I'd rather be with. I mean, I think I forgave you a long time ago, Ash," Spencer said, her voice quiet. Despite suddenly getting a little upset, she continued, "And I trusted you enough to be my friend when I asked, but there's just—there's one thing missing and I don't know what it is. I just know I miss you more than anything."

In a show of comfort, Ashley leaned forward and pressed her lips to Spencer's, one arm going around her shoulders where Spencer's head came to rest upon her own shoulder. She placed a kiss to soft hair.

"Do you think you'll figure it out soon?"

"I'm counting on it."

Ashley ran a tongue over her lips. They were quiet for a while until she asked, "You know what's funny?" Spencer's silence allowed her to continue. "As people, we forget things every day; to call someone back, birthday's, to turn a light off when we leave a room, words that have hurt us or used to haunt us, faces and voices of people who leave too soon, to rsvp... Time passes and we forget pain and the people who aren't in our lives the way we once wanted them to be. Time heals and scars fade, right?"

"Why are you saying this?"

"Because I think that's where we go wrong. As human beings, how are we expected to learn from mistakes when time heals and scars fade? There's nothing to learn from. We go around in some stupid fucking circle like a carousel. Like when you're not careful opening an envelope and you feel that sting that lets you know you were careless again; too eager, your skin splits and it hurts more than it should because it's so small. But a week passes and there's nothing there anymore. There's no reminder, so you just do it again and again and again, to the point where it's actually pathetic.

"Switch a paper cut with heartbreak and most people will notice you have a cut on your finger rather than the fact you've never been in so much pain in your entire life. I mean, you literally feel like you're dying, but there's never a wound or a scar. At least not physically, not unless you're looking at yourself in the mirror or someone you've known your entire life. When it's you or someone you've known since the beginning of time — or at least your time, you can actually see it. The difference is so evident that you wonder how nobody else has noticed.

"I look at you and sometimes you look so different that it makes me feel sick. And I don't mean that to sound like some sort of a dig because I've always thought you were the brightest light in this stupid town. But it's like you look harder, you know? You're less innocent and naive, and I hate that what happened with us did that to you. I hate that I did that to you when I didn't even realise what I was doing."

"Ash," Spencer cut in, "you don't have to say this. You don't have to do anything more than you've already done."

"I want to." Ashley continued. "I had this dream last week where you were just smiling at me, and you looked like you did before. It made me so happy but so sad at the same time because I knew you wouldn't look at me or anyone else like that the next time I saw you. And it was my fault. I did that."

"Why is any of this funny?" Spencer asked.

"I guess it's not. But as much of it applies to me that doesn't."

"What?"

"I don't forget. I never forget. I feel it every day and I see it every day, and I know that if you could ever give us another shot, I'd make you smile again. I'd make you smile and laugh and cry good tears, and I'd probably make you frown and scream and cry bad tears sometimes too, but I'd hope it wasn't often. And more than that, I'd hope you'd know I was sorry and let me make it better because no-one loves you the way I do and tomorrow you could do the same to me."

Spencer bit her lip.

Ashley cleared her throat. "And I could have said that in so many less words," she admitted with a smile of regret. "I know I've said it before, but so you know again, I'm sorry. Truly and completely, with everything I am, I'm sorry." She shrugged. "I don't know if it's too late now, but without actions or other people getting in the way, I still want you to know that. I want you to know I loved who I was whenever I was with you and I hope someday soon you smile like you used to. I don't even care if I'm not the one who does that for you, just that you do."

"Thank you." Spencer said, as if coming out of a brief trance. Her heart was beating wildly inside her chest.

/

"Why isn't anyone else here?" Spencer asked, hushed excitement seeping into her voice. She ran the blade of her left skate across the ice. This time, three days later, it was her turn to celebrate her birthday and part of Ashley's present was to take her ice-skating.

"It's closed for refurbishing," Ashley said. "The guy who runs this place, his daughter had leukemia and he owed my dad a favour for getting her a really good hair piece at an awesome price, so I dropped his name and it turned out I could have whatever I wanted."

"What did you want?"

"The place to ourselves," she said, like it was obvious. "I wasn't really listening after he'd said yes, but he mentioned something about Friday being opening night. I didn't want it to be packed when you fall on your ass more times than you can count."

"Thoughtful," Spencer laughed, adjusting the gloves on her fingers. "Hold out your hand."

Ashley did. "You're not going to fall. We're not even skating yet."

Spencer pushed a glove onto Ashley's outstretched hand. "But I might pull you with me. I don't want you to hurt your hands on the ice." She took a deep breath. "So what do you consider a success tonight? I'm excited to see if the lengthy break in skating has had a positive effect, but I don't know if I'll be up to Michelle Kwan's standard any time soon."

"No broken bones?"

That seemed reasonable.

"Zero broken bones can be considered a success," Spencer agreed. "Ready?"

"Are you?"

"Yeah." Spencer held Ashley's hand as she stepped one foot on the ice. "But you can't let go."

It was a good thing that Ashley had no intention to.

After almost two hours, it came to no great surprise that Spencer's body hurt from the amount of times she'd fallen down to the ice or strained a muscle from her many attempts at keeping herself and Ashley upright. But it was fun. She felt alive and free and happy, the way she always used to feel around Ashley. These days Spencer didn't have any reason to take Ashley's teasing so personally or have her retort be anything more than light-hearted or sarcastic.

It wasn't about getting one up on the other anymore, and the thought of more apologies at this point made both of them want to roll their eyes. It was time to move on completely.

The music playing was fast and upbeat and the beams shooting from the roaming coloured lights sparkled against the polished ice as Spencer managed to slow to a stop without falling.

She watched Ashley skate with ease, like it didn't require any effort at all.

Spencer thought of some of the things that plagued her thoughts when she was in bed most nights, going over the million things she wanted to do with Ashley again, and all the things they could do when they were older and the way they would continue to challenge and learn from each other, discover new sides to themselves that they didn't know were there.

Spencer's thoughts turned to the physical aspect of being with Ashley. Those kinds of thoughts usually kept her up way past her bedtime, especially lately. But mostly, they were of how much she couldn't imagine her life without Ashley as the most important part of it.

While Ashley was busy trying to invent the next big move in ice skating, Spencer recalled the dozens of times she'd been advised how to skate and smoothly slid one foot in front of the other until she was where she needed to be, all without slipping over.

It was a miracle.

It was almost time for the manager to come back from the pizza place next door. He had promised to make himself scarce until it was time to close up again and collect their skates.

"Hey," Ashley called out once she'd spotted Spencer off the ice, "what are you doing? I thought we agreed you weren't leaving the ice until you pulled off a triple axel."

Spencer's hand rummaged around inside her bag until she found what she was searching for. She shoved it inside her coat pocket and turned around.

"I was preparing."

Ashley gestured that the ice was hers.

It was like Spencer was on her balcony all over again, praying that no bones would be broken when she jumped down to the grass. "Prepare to be amazed."

They used to watch figure skating sometimes when they were younger, so she pulled visual of the jump inside her head and put her right leg forward, blade back to the ice.

Ashley's entertained smile was forgotten as she watched Spencer skate closer, gaining speed as she bent her knees slightly in preparation from the jump.

"Wait, Spence, I was kidding! You'll never be ready for that."

It was too late to stop and Spencer felt confident. She pushed her weight off both feet and pointed her elbows outward, twisting in the air once before she crashed down to the ice. She landed in a heap, sliding across the ice with surprising momentum until she slammed into Ashley and took her down with her.

Spencer's expression switched from surprise to pain to concern.

Once they'd slid to a stop in the middle of the rink, Spencer rolled on top of Ashley and pushed the hair away from her face. "Are you okay? I'm so sorry. That failed...spectacularly," she said with a wince. God, that had hurt.

"Ow," Ashley laughed.

"Are you okay?"

Spencer shifted, leaving Ashley painfully aware of their current position. "Been worse."

Finally, Spencer smiled. "That hurt."

Ashley nodded, moving them into a sitting position with Spencer's legs around her. She ran her hands over Spencer's back. "Anything broken, cracked, or sprained?"

"I'm not crying, so."

Ashley's fingers locked at the small of Spencer's back and watched as she took her gloves off, dropping them to the ice. Ashley was about to ask if she was sure when her hands were removed from Spencer's back so that her gloves could also be removed. Her hands were freezing.

"You want them to drop off?"

"That wouldn't be practical," Spencer said with a private smile. She pushed her fingers through Ashley's. "I want to feel your skin."

"Why?"

"Because I've missed you, and this, doing it whenever I want."

Ashley had waited a long time to hear her say that. "I missed you."

"You haven't given me a birthday kiss," Spencer said.

"I didn't know if I could."

"Ash, can I— can I ask you something?"

"Yeah," Ashley said, forcing her eyes to stay away from Spencer's mouth.

Spencer's grip tightened on Ashley's hands. "Do you love me as your friend?"

Ever since she could remember, Spencer Carlin was the only person in the world to make Ashley nervous like this. She didn't really understand why when it was a question she'd answered before. Maybe because this time it was asked with bright lights all around.

Ashley's reaction was crystal clear, everything about her in that moment screaming sincerity. "Of course I do."

Spencer nodded, saying it back without actually saying it. Her voice came out much softer this time. "Do you still love me more than that?"

"I'll always love you more than that."

Ashley's shoulders sagged slightly because _God_, what a relief it was to finally have that weight breathed out after so long. When Spencer looked over long lashes to smile at Ashley the way she always used to, it took approximately two seconds for tears to spring to her eyes.

"It's been so hard not to say it when I wanted to."

"But you still haven't said it," Ashley smiled.

Their hands separated and Spencer reached inside her pocket, extending one back with the grape Ringpop inside. She tipped forward until her lips brushed against Ashley's ear with each word. "I love you too." Spencer pressed them against Ashley's cheek and leaned back.

It was everything Ashley had needed to hear for months. It was why she also needed the answer to one more question. With one hand holding the Ringpop as well as Spencer's fingers, she asked, "Why?"

"Because underneath everything, all the crap we've brought upon ourselves, I still don't know how to call you anything other than my best friend. And I don't know how to lie to you and say you aren't the only person I want or need to be with in every sense of the word." Spencer kept her eyes intensely fixed on Ashley's. "I can love you and I can hate you, and there have been days where you've made me want to die, but there have been more where I've been so glad to be alive with you, to know you better than you know yourself. I know we have a lot to face —telling people is going to be fun, but we can do it if we have each other."

Ashley nodded, tears welled in her eyes. "You have me."

"You have me, too."

"You didn't hit your head tonight, did you?"

Spencer half-heartedly shoved Ashley's shoulder and then her expression sobered. "What you said the other day, that was it. I didn't know until you'd said it but that was all I needed to hear."

"Your head's not all over the place?" Ashley had to make sure. She needed to be absolutely certain.

"My head isn't all over the place. It's here, with you." Spencer's hand cupped Ashley's face. "It's always been with you."

The ice really didn't feel as cold when they had their arms around the other, kissing thoroughly.


	26. Breathing In Lightning

**Author's Note:**I'm so sorry for the delay. I know it's been a while but hopefully there's still one person out there who would like to read an update to this dusty old fic.

As fiercely as I love the Faberry fandom, I think I will always come back to Spashley at some point. If I feel it, I'm always going to write it. This past week I've been slapped in the face with Spashley feelings over and over again so I decided that it was a good time to actually finish a chapter when I was properly invested in the characters again. I love the story and I love the characters and I will definitely finish the fic at some point, I promise.

This is an incredibly late dedication but this chapter is for Emma, who I met (sort of, right? :D) at the L9 convention last year. Hope you enjoy it!

* * *

Spencer didn't like thinking of actions being now or never. She hadn't really understood it all that much because if something was truly worth doing or saying it would kill her from the inside out if she didn't follow it through at some point. Never was never an option for her.

It had been a weekend both too long and too short. Now Monday morning was here and it was like every other time that was both the end and the beginning of something; she was excited yet nervous.

Glen came to a stop in front of her and tugged at his shirt. They spoke over each other.

"Can you tell I wore this all weekend?"

"Can I talk to you about something?"

He gestured to his shirt. "Yes or no?"

"Yes."

Spencer stood by the front door as she waited for Glen to change upstairs. She hadn't slept much last night. There were several ways she wanted to approach this but a hundred ways things could turn out. The signs had already begun pointing in one direction.

"Better?" Glen asked, this time wearing a freshly ironed shirt.

Spencer nodded. "I need to talk to you about something."

"I'm broke."

"When have I ever asked you for money? This is serious. Can we sit—"

Glen had the decency to look apologetic when an obnoxiously long honk cut Spencer off. "Can it wait until after school? My ride's here."

"No."

"Great. See you later."

Spencer dug her heels into the mat when she was pulled away from the door so Glen could pass by her. "Stop it, I'm serious."

"You're okay, right?"

The concerned tone to his voice threw her for a second. "Yeah. Yeah, Glen, I'm fine but this is really important."

"And I care, I do, so don't forget what it is you need to tell me and I'll see you at four o'clock."

Spencer sighed and watched him walk to the car waiting for him. "Glen!" she tried again.

Glen waved in exchange for what he couldn't distinguish between a frown and a pout from the street.

Ashley watched the scene as she walked over to the Carlin's. She didn't know if that had gone well or not but there was that little hint of frustration on Spencer's face and that always made a sight for sore eyes. And it was before eleven, Ashley's eyes were unquestionably sore.

She tried for a supportive smile. "How'd it go? Should I be high-fiving you, kissing you, or both?"

"I didn't tell him."

"No," Ashley whined. "Why not?"

"He was too busy running out the door." Spencer's irritation was beginning to fade into nothing, replaced with determination. "But he said to tell him after school so I'll tell him after school. I gave him the chance. Twice."

Ashley nodded, ever the permanent fixture in Spencer's corner. "Is today still on or do you want to wait until tomorrow?"

"No more waiting."

The words pulled Ashley's lips upward. "Really?"

"Full steam ahead."

Ashley stepped into Spencer's personal space until she could shut the door behind them. Her arms locked around Spencer's waist and held her close. "Okay good, because I really need a kiss. I had a bad dream."

Spencer kissed Ashley's neck. "What was it about?"

"I don't want to scare you Spencer, God."

Spencer smiled into their first kiss of the day. She loved these kisses when her parents were both at work and they didn't have to sneak their quick moment alone before school, where Ashley kissed her slowly and full of purpose.

They weren't even halfway down the street when Spencer was sending a very stern text message to Glen, reminding him that they needed to talk after school and he was dead if he blew her off. She was tapping the appropriate keys on her phone for a smiley face when Ashley slipped a Ringpop into Spencer's bag for her to find during the day.

"Look who it is," Ashley gasped all of a sudden when she spotted Ms. Whitbeck's car driving up the street toward them.

Spencer shoved her phone away and turned into Ashley.

"Be sure! You can't take it back," Ashley rushed out when Spencer grabbed her and pulled her forward.

Ashley's right eye peeked open as Spencer kissed her chastely but enough to get the message across. She couldn't be sure if Ms. Whitbeck was having a stroke or if she'd driven too far past for her to see the other side of her mouth. Maybe that was hanging low too?

Spencer held Ashley's hand the entire way to school. They both needed to hold onto something real, to feel the other still there. Two weeks had passed with dozens of conversations on how today would go. Some ideas were obscenely over the top and unnecessary and so they'd settled on a subtle yet effective approach.

Public displays of affection had always been natural to Ashley and Spencer, but kissing was always one of those things they did in private when no-one was looking, judging.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Spencer asked once they were through with homeroom and was walking down the hallway walking to their lockers.

"I was sure the first six times you asked."

"I'll understand if you're too scared now that we're here."

Ashley first responded with a lift of her eyebrows. "I'm not scared anymore, Spencer. I want this. I'm ready for it. Are you?"

Spencer's voice was confident. "I'm ready too. I just don't want you to think that I'd be disappointed if you change your mind. I want you to be so sure that you can't imagine doing anything else today."

"I can't imagine not being with you. It's time, okay. We're both ready. We've already dealt with the comments before, only this time you can kiss me into submission when I want to go all karate kid on whoever is out of line."

Spencer was getting pretty good at self-control these days but there were still times where she either wished to every higher power that they could be alone, or thanked every higher power that they _were _alone. Mind elsewhere —Ashley's bedroom last night before they heard Raife's car pull up on the driveway, Spencer didn't notice Emily's presence until she was exchanging concerned looks with Ashley.

"Hi," Spencer opened with as soon as her mouth connected back to her brain.

"Hi," Emily replied slower. "You okay?"

Spencer nodded. Was it convincing? Well, that was debatable. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, you look weird." Emily gave Ashley a once over. "And you always look weird."

Ashley smiled. "Has it really only been two days since I last saw you?"

Angela and Maria shouting Emily from down the hall distracted her enough to forget teasing Spencer. Emily turned to let them know she was on her way. She held her phone up to Spencer. "If you need to talk before lunch, text it."

Spencer weighed up her options for all of three seconds. "Hey, Em."

Emily turned back. "Yeah?"

"You remember when Ashley and I weren't talking for a while?"

"Um, duh?" Her eyes rolled. "You're not fighting again are you, because you guys need to find a new theme in your friendship, okay?"

Spencer looked down to the floor for a second. "We're not fighting. We're the opposite, actually."

Ashley nodded. "Unless she's being annoying."

"Unless you are."

Emily looked between them. "Why is this important? The girls are waiting."

Spencer's body leaned to the side, feeling Ashley's arm pressed more firmly against her own. "We weren't talking because Ashley broke up with me."

"I was an idiot," Ashley shrugged.

"But we're back together now and everything is going great, so we decided to..." Emily's face was frozen in shock and Spencer looked to Ashley for strength. "We'll, um, give you some time to process," she said to Emily. "But nothing has changed. I'm still me, Ashley is still Ashley, and we're still best friends. We just— we make out a lot more and we've—" Ashley's shake of the head killed the remainder of _that_. "There'll be a seat next to us at lunch if you still want it."

Ashley steered Spencer away from a dumbfounded Emily until they were able to talk. She smiled at Spencer's face, looking like she couldn't believe she'd just done that. "You holding up?"

"I hope she doesn't freak out."

"She'll be fine, don't worry."

"What if she's mad at me for keeping it from her for so long?" Spencer asked nervously.

Ashley lifted a shoulder. "I'll threaten her."

Spencer cast a half-smile in her direction. "You promise?"

"I promise."

"Seal it."

Ashley looked understandably surprised at the request. This was ahead of schedule by a few hours. That was a lifetime when people are talking to or about you for the wrong reasons. They also didn't share the next class, but if Spencer was sure...

"Are you sure?"

"If you are," Spencer replied. "Meet me halfway?"

So she did.

It wasn't much more than a peck at first. It was almost like a platonic kiss. Spencer could feel eyes on her and shifted her feet forward, the fingers of her right hand extending to hold on to the curve of Ashley's hip. Her lips were pressed against Ashley's more firmly; kissing her longer and with more intimacy than any two friends would share.

Spencer's lips had barely left hers when Ashley leaned forward to recapture them.

It was a tie between, "Oh my God!" and "Pay up, bitches" for the first response from the students in the hall.

The first thing Spencer saw when she opened her eyes was Ashley's, fixed on her own. She smiled softly, offering comfort with her promise. "See you in second period?"

"I'll save you a seat."

Spencer leaned close to Ashley's ear. "Don't get detention."

Ashley gave a casual shrug of her shoulders. "I can't promise miracles, you know that."

"Okay, but try really, really hard not to."

She gripped the tips of Spencer's fingers when they threatened to separate from hers. The next hour would be the slowest of her life if they had to stay there. She wouldn't stop worrying. "It's not too late to skip today."

But despite worrying how Ashley would cope with any opinions on their relationship, Spencer didn't agree with her at all. Her voice was gentle. "Yeah, it is."

# # #

It was expected now. People found plenty of excuses to discuss Ashley's personal life. She and Spencer had both gotten comments on the nature of their relationship in the past but they had been less equipped to deal with it in a healthy way. Instead, Ashley would usually be the one to bite back a retort and hate the way it would nag at her all day.

Now Ashley didn't care to waste her breath to most of them. Spencer had kissed her in front of the entire school —well, part of the student body but that hardly mattered. It was still huge. They'd moved on from the past, Spencer found endless ways to show or tell her that she loved her, and they each had an arm and a leg out of the closet.

Ashley had never been happier. She was proud of herself and Spencer.

So far, halfway through first period, the reaction had been much tamer than they'd anticipated. Neither one of them entertained the idea that the entire town —besides those old enough to be naive again— already knew of the nature of their relationship. It had always been something that people knew and accepted for the most part, excluding comments from those who didn't agree and weren't afraid to say it. But Ashley could handle the taunts as long as there was never any violence.

Ashley checked her phone in case Spencer had text with bad news. There was nothing but the message from earlier when she'd thanked Ashley for the Ringpop and to say that everything was fine (even if she left out the fact that one of the girls had been particularly bitchy).

It was only mild annoyance that Ashley felt when she was poked in the back with a ruler.

Ramona leaned forward in her seat, voice hushed. "Hey, did you know there's a rumour going around that you and Penelope Pitstop were sucking face before class?"

Sucking face? Honestly, how people embellished. There wasn't even a hint of tongue.

"I had heard that."

Ramona's eyebrows were pushed upward. "Well?"

"Well?"

"Were you?"

Ashley eyed her for a few seconds. "What's it to you?"

Ramona didn't answer that, she was too busy laughing. Ashley was so easy to read when it came to Spencer. "Holy shit."

"Whatever it is you feel you have to say, get it out of your system before this class is over."

But Ramona didn't have anything else to add. Every now and again, when the class was relatively quiet, she would burst into another fit of laughter. The time Ashley whirled around in her seat to bark out an order to shut up, well, the water Ramona had been about to swallow went down the wrong hole.

# # #

Paula had been distracted during surgery. She'd been distracted from the moment she walked inside the hospital and changed into her scrubs. It was a big day for her daughter and the girl she's loved like her own since the moment she saw her.

As soon as surgery had finished, before she had even touched her lunch, she had been on the phone.

Spencer nodded as she listened to her mother talk. "I know, mom. No, nobody has threatened me!"

Some snide remarks and mean jibes had been sent her way but that was hardly unexpected, much like the one request to use a video camera the next time she was alone with Ashley and the way the boy looked away when she made eye-contact with him. There had been a handful of girls who couldn't believe it (Spencer had looked at them like they were crazy) and then asked her how it was different kissing a girl compared to a guy. That had been a conversation she never thought she'd have in class.

Ashley watched Spencer's attention fall on the girl across the cafeteria.

"No, she hasn't said anything," Spencer said quietly prior to a sigh.

Emily looked around in search of her friends. She had plenty she could sit with, that wasn't the problem. It was how _awkward _she felt now. Why did they have to tell her? Was it really necessary? Now she would be a permanent third wheel.

She was so distracted that she didn't notice someone standing next to her at the end of the lunch line, stealing her fries two by two.

"Ertman should get you a plaque engraved if you're going to stand there like a statue for the foreseeable future," Ramona said.

Emily's eyes flickered to Ramona. "What?"

"You're like a robot without a command."

Ramona gave her one when she went back in for more fries. After slapping her hand away, Emily delivered a cold stare that melted without her knowledge when she noticed how green Ramona's eyes really were up close.

Ramona's expression was lazy but her eyes were sharp, astute with the goings on around her while that smirk, the one that made Emily want to slap it off her face, took up residence on her mouth.

"Go away," Emily ordered.

"Then you'd be all alone, looking more pathetic than you already do." Ramona saw the way Emily was nervously holding on to her lunch tray and followed her line of sight until she spotted Ashley and Spencer at a table. "Looks like the freaks are waiting for you, ginger snap."

Emily's expression hardened against the slur. "They're not freaks." She shifted her weight to the other foot and groaned. "I feel so awkward going over there," she admitted. Emily turned to her and looked up. "I don't know why I'm crying to you about it. I hate you, you're a bitch."

There was a split second that Emily wondered when she was going to react, but eventually Ramona bit her lip; letting those few words bounce off her shoulders. There was no shift to her voice.

"So are you."

"Not like you." No, Emily thought, she would never be like her.

"You're still standing here, avoiding the not-freaks," Ramona pointed out. "Maybe you're not as different from me as you like to think."

Spencer was in the middle of assuring her mother, again, that nothing had happened so far that she and Ashley couldn't handle when Emily dropped her tray to the table. She said a rushed goodbye and thanked her for her parting words. It meant a lot hearing that her mother was proud of her.

"God, I hate her," Emily griped tersely.

"Who?" Ashley asked.

"Ramona."

"That's a headline from the archives, isn't it?" Spencer said.

Emily watched Ramona sit down next to the girls who followed her around all day, letting some boy kiss her cheek while she looked like nothing had happened. "She said you were freaks."

Ashley rolled her eyes. "She's always said that."

"But this time she was obviously referring to your..."

"Sexuality?" Spencer offered after a lengthy pause. Their news probably came as the biggest shock to Emily than anyone. She was innocent and sheltered when it came to that. "Thanks for sitting with us, Em."

"Well, yeah, I mean, who else would I rather sit with?" Emily looked at Ashley. "I guess you were never sleeping with any of those guys."

Ashley laughed. "Ah, no."

"I'm sorry." She'd said it before but felt like it needed repeating.

"Water under the bridge," Ashley shrugged. "But to be crystal clear, I wasn't sleeping with any girls either."

Emily laughed, feeling her face heat up. This was so weird to talk about. She wasn't sure she was ready for that. "Shut up."

"She didn't say anything."

Emily was distracted by what was left of her lunch now. "What?"

"Ramona. She didn't say anything to me in first period."

# #

Spencer was trying to recall a time where Ashley had looked more indignant, pacing the carpet in her bedroom over like someone had a remote control to her movements.

Ashley's muttering was too low for Spencer's ears to pick up on. Maybe it would have done not to be smothering herself with Ashley's pillows but she couldn't pull herself away yet. Everything was freshly washed and smelled exactly Ashley. It was like a drug.

Ashley complained and ranted for another minute or two, so, with reluctance, Spencer raised up enough to put the pillow behind her head, propping it up to see her girlfriend. "Why are you making this into a big deal?"

"Because I lost sleep on how those idiots would react and they barely had anything to say."

"That's not true."

"I was expecting pitchforks, Spencer. There wasn't even a spork!"

Spencer's shoulders jerked with her laugh. "Let's celebrate. High five."

Ashley ignored Spencer's raised hand. "Maybe we should make out in class tomorrow? During lunch? It's lasagne day. Right? I mean, who would rather eat that rubbery shit than watch two hot girls—"

"I'm not making out with you in front of everyone. We don't have anything to prove."

Their chaste kiss earlier said all that needed to be said.

Ashley wrung her hands, shoulders tense. "I just hate worrying for no reason." Her arms dropped to her sides while she stared over to Spencer, brows arrowed downward. "What if their reaction is delayed or they're waiting until we don't expect it?"

It felt like winter would be staying a few extra weeks this year and Spencer couldn't ignore the cold draft sweeping through Ashley's bedroom anymore. Her hands and face were cold to the touch because Ashley got hot when she was venting. But she would have to be hot because Spencer couldn't freeze any longer.

The handle was cold when she closed the balcony door, and so was Ashley's gaze.

"I'm listening," Spencer said as she closed some of the distance between them. "But you're making a mountain out of a molehill, Ash. We came out."

"I know," Ashley said.

"No, I said, we came out!" Spencer jumped up and down, shaking Ashley's shoulders.

It was the recipe for success because now Ashley was laughing, feeling the way she was supposed to feel now that they were public with their relationship. She was even happier when Spencer leaned in close, bringing their lips close together. Ashley's head tipped forward but Spencer withdrew at the last second, dragging Ashley over to the bed instead.

It wasn't something Ashley would be complaining about now that Spencer was topping her.

Spencer's eyes glittered with fondness and pride as she looked down at her, running her hand down Ashley's front between her breasts and down to her stomach. Fingers travelled over the creased lumps of soft material on her way over to Ashley's side, just feeling her, even if it was over her clothes.

Ashley's hands roamed Spencer's hips in return, sliding up and down until she grew impatient and pulled on both of Spencer's arms, her body the perfect pillow to crash into.

Spencer's eyes closed lightly with the first brush of their lips, almost weightless like the careful stroke of a paintbrush. They were less delicate with each kiss, craving more of each other as their softness and warmth began to bleed into each other, clouding senses and filling hearts.

The soft press of weight from the girl on top of her was something Ashley had missed inexpressibly during their break-up, the physical presence and reassurance that she was there.

Ashley's mouth opened under Spencer's, tongues meeting mutually, kissing deep and drifting through tangible places like desire and love and promise. Spencer's body melded to hers, bending her arms to hold Ashley's head in place so that she could continue doing that dance with her tongue and lips that was heating her body up.

The worry and anxiousness lingering in their bodies from the reactions they'd receive for today didn't stand much of a chance when they were together like this.

Spencer didn't offer any resistance when Ashley forced their bodies upright, using the time to break away from her mouth to pull her own top over her head. She stripped Ashley of her sweater and then bra, falling back to the bed.

Ashley's request for Spencer to remove her own bra didn't make it past her lips when Spencer's head dipped down to her breasts and wrapped her lips around an uncovered nipple, her hand going to the neglected flesh as her tongue swirled and sucked.

It was so easy for them to go from soft kisses to pressed together like magnets, unable to separate.

Ashley's body arched into the touch, Spencer's name spilling out between uneven breaths every so often. Now that her sweater was off and she had nothing —literally, nothing— to complain about, she should have been cold. The bedroom was freezing, so were Spencer's hands at first, but she couldn't feel it at all. She could feel Spencer. Impatient to feel her lips again, Ashley pulled her up, mouths joining heatedly. Unselfishly, she pressed a thigh up firmly between Spencer's and was rewarded with a muffled groan against her lips.

"What time did Glen say he would be home?" Ashley asked after unclasping Spencer's bra. She had to say it again for the words to be registered.

Mouth stilling at Ashley's neck, Spencer craned her head to read the time from the clock. The red digits made her sigh.

"Any minute."

"I hate time."

Spencer only had to feel Ashley's fingers stroking over her bare back to lean over and throw the alarm clock to the floor, content when the battery cover and batteries bounced along the carpet.

"I killed it." Spencer's mouth reattached to Ashley's.

Ashley returned her kiss and continued to run her hands over the smooth skin of Spencer's back. She didn't stop until slim fingers drifted down to unbuckle her belt.

"God, I don't want to say this—"

"So be quiet," Spencer whispered.

"You have to tell him, Spencer. If he didn't skip school entirely, he probably knows. But you need to say it."

Spencer collapsed back down against Ashley, breathing her in when she had her head buried against her shoulder. She couldn't go home and talk to Glen worked up and this was her favourite place to pull herself together. Ashley's arms encircled her without question.

# # #

It was gloomy and blustery outside, so Spencer switched one of the lamps on in the living room as she waited for her brother. The moving pictures on the television flickered over her face as she checked her phone again. No new messages. She'd sent Glen two and left a voicemail.

Spencer was moments away from going back over to Ashley's house when the front door opened. She walked into the hallway and was relieved to see her brother hanging his coat up. She folded her arms against the chill.

"You're back."

Glen barely met her eyes. The only indication that he'd heard her came in the form of a quiet, non-committal noise.

"You're late," Spencer said. "It's after five."

"I'm gonna grab a shower and head back out, so..."

Spencer took it personally this time. With his back to her, she stepped forward and touched his hand. "I wanted to talk to you about something. This morning you said we could talk about it tonight, and it's tonight."

Glen pulled back and shrugged. "I don't know what to say. I made plans."

"And I'm the last to know?" If Spencer looked disappointed it's because she was. "It was important, I told you that. It _is _important."

"I thought that was the running theme for us today."

Spencer wasn't an idiot; she caught the implication to his tone right away. Her suspicions were confirmed the second Glen turned around and she saw his eyes. She shook her head. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Glen replied steadily. "Just tell me it isn't true."

"I tried to tell you this morning. I've wanted to tell you for so long, Glen."

Glen remained composed like he hadn't heard her. "You know the kind of things you've been called today?"

It wasn't elementary school; Spencer didn't care about name-calling so much at the moment, she cared about the way her brother was acting and the way it was making her heart spike with worry. She took a deep breath to ground herself.

"I don't care about that," Spencer said softly.

"Well I do, so tomorrow you're going to fix it," Glen ordered.

"There's nothing to fix."

Spencer's stubbornness got under Glen's skin almost as quickly as the anger swam to the surface. It seeped out in his tone. "Tomorrow, you will fix it."

"This isn't your decision to make," Spencer said neutrally. "It's mine and it's Ashley's."

"Yeah, let's not say her name around me right now." He was so angry with his sister that he didn't know what to do with himself. "I know you've always been close, I know you come as a pair, but that doesn't mean—"

"For us, it does."

"And I know you love each other," Glen pressed on, a little more bite to his tone, "but not like this. Not how you think."

Spencer wasn't defensive this time. No, now she was downright pissed off. How dare he? She raised her eyebrows, quirking her mouth at him. "Now you're inside my head?"

Glen shrugged, his posture shifting to display how short-tempered he felt. He stared right back. "Someone has to be. Clearly you've lost it."

"You have no idea how I feel about her, Glen. Don't pretend to."

"I know this is bullshit," he stated, his voice carrying no trace of an apology.

Spencer straightened her shoulders. "You're wrong."

"No, I'm right and you know it."

"Don't say that," she warned.

"It's true!" Glen shouted.

Spencer stared at him in disbelief, like an imposter had taken her brother's place. She'd worried in the past, agonised even, on how he would take the news. She never thought he'd insult her like this. Her resolve remained strong. "It's not."

Glen took a step towards her, face flashing with anger. "Mom is going to freak, Spencer! You can't just do this on a damn whim."

"Do you really think I'd do that, Glen? Believe what you want to believe —you already do, but this isn't a new development. It's been a long time coming. Do you want to know the first time we kissed?"

"I don't care."

"We were thirteen," Spencer revealed. "Even when I was with Bobby. It was why things didn't work out for longer or at all with him. I was never into him or anyone else the same way." Glen's deep-rooted shock found a temporary home in his eyes and Spencer softened. "You remember the time you kicked Bobby out of my bedroom?" There had been more than one occasion so she narrowed it down. "I asked you how you'd feel if you were in love with someone. That's how I felt about Ashley. It's how I've always felt."

Glen shook his head, losing his composure again. "Spencer, don't do this. Don't fuck up this family because of something I said to you when I was probably high."

Spencer recoiled at his harsh tone, pressure building in her chest. It spilled out in the form of large tears. "I'm not trying to hurt anybody. I'm trying to be honest."

Glen's voice came out tight and restrained. "You don't have to cry."

"I need you to be cool with this," Spencer implored. "More than anyone, I need you to accept me."

"Don't act like I'm being a dick," Glen said roughly.

"But you are! Glen, please, be my big brother and protect me."

"I'm trying to!"

Spencer closed her eyes against his words, her chin trembling through a weighted sigh. She shook her head and Glen regarded her resentfully. He looked away when her eyes opened, her big blue eyes wounded because of him. Spencer had never looked at him like that, not once.

"I'm trying to," he repeated, this time softer.

"I love her."

"Spence..."

"I love her so much," Spencer cried. "She's so good to me, Glen. She makes me feel like—"

"Stop it! Jesus, Spencer, just fucking stop." He steeled his jaw when he watched her chest catch. It was too much. All of it was too much. He stormed away in the same direction he'd entered. "Think about what I said." And with that, Glen left.

The gush of bitter wind that rushed in when Glen opened the door felt like a manifestation of physical violence as it sent Spencer back several steps. Her brother had walked out on her when she needed him more than ever. She tried to ground herself again, taking slow, deep breaths to slow the tumultuous drum of her heart. When it wasn't working, she panicked, swiftly working her way towards hyperventilation.

She stumbled in the direction of the only person who had ever fixed her.

Ashley was sat at the kitchen table with her laptop, halfway through a bar of chocolate and watching a guitar tutorial video. Her head jerked towards the door when she heard the rattle of the handle. Ashley knew there was a chance Spencer would be upset the next time she saw her, but not like this. This was worrying. She was out of the chair like a canon.

Spencer held on to Ashley as soon as she was close enough, letting her lead them back outside. Ashley stood in the freezing cold and brushed the hair back from Spencer's face.

"Look at me. You're fine, everything is fine," Ashley said calmly, her own hair being moved around by the wind.

"Ash, I can't breathe."

Ashley pulled Spencer into her arms, holding their bodies together in a secure hold while her hands steadily rubbed over Spencer's back. "I've got you, it's okay."

Spencer's fingers dug into Ashley's shoulders, anywhere she could reach as she tried to break free from the hold the panic had over her. She focused on the unmistakeable feeling of Ashley's body against hers, her voice in her ears, the feel of her hands, and gradually the trembling to her own stopped. Spencer went from ragged, unsteady gasps to controlled breaths in less than a few minutes.

It wasn't supposed to happen like that. Glen wasn't supposed to attack her like that. He wasn't supposed to tell her that what she and Ashley had was less than pure, because Spencer knew it was. She had never had a sliver of doubt about that, even when they weren't together.

Spencer pulled back from Ashley enough to see the concern in her eyes and then pressed forward, claiming her lips in a desperate kiss. An intense longing had developed inside Spencer's body in a matter of seconds; the frantic urge to feel Ashley's mouth against hers, feel her breath expelled against her skin until it was damp. She wanted to feel Ashley inside her.

Ashley's body betrayed her at first, kissing Spencer back with equal enthusiasm. It was too difficult not to when Spencer was there, clutching at her like she was smoke and would fade out any second.

"Wait," she said carefully after a minute, kissing her once more. "Talk to me."

Unshed tears warmed Spencer's eyes when Ashley didn't immediately comply with the unspoken need in them. Her fingers hurt from the grip she had on her but she couldn't loosen it. Ashley had to stay right there.

Spencer's forehead pressed against Ashley's, eyes closed as she voiced her plea and wish in one. "Don't leave me again."

A stab of anguish plagued Ashley's chest, tightening it to a crushed mass for a long moment. How could Spencer entertain that idea for even a second? Didn't she know how being apart ruined her?

Ashley's hand moved to hold Spencer's face, her thumb smearing the wet track of tears as she tried to dry them. "I won't," she whispered, brushing her lips over Spencer's forehead. They dropped to her face, her chin, her mouth. "I won't, I won't, I won't."

It was that promise that ultimately lead them upstairs to Ashley's bedroom where Spencer had Ashley's top over her head as soon as they were through the door. This was what she needed; Ashley, the mattress bumping against the back of her legs a moment before she fell against it, pulling Ashley with her.

After years of practice, endless hours of research, they knew how to kiss each other. Nobody kissed Ashley the way Spencer did, and nobody kissed Spencer the way Ashley did.

Spencer's arms were locked around Ashley's neck, mouths joined together while everything but Ashley faded to the back of her mind. She was exactly where she needed to be. Ashley's arms were bracing some of her weight, fingers stroking over Spencer's hair as traces of desire began to settle low in her body. She ran her tongue over Spencer's and the arms around her tightened.

The few people who had commented negatively about their relationship were mistaken. What they had wasn't wrong or untrue, it was pure. Spencer's need for Ashley, especially now, was visceral. She couldn't kiss Ashley enough, touch her enough, grip her hard enough. Spencer always needed more.

Ashley's hand worked its way underneath Spencer's top to her breast and her breath tickled Spencer's neck until her lips and tongue worked against the skin well enough to draw a hand against her head. It was always there that Ashley flared her up.

It was when the dizzying touch of Ashley's lips slowed to press an innocent kiss to her skin, right next to her ear, that Spencer's breaths hitched.

"I love you." Ashley's voice was soft, carrying warm undertones with it. It sent a torrent of heat through Spencer's body, settling in no one place. She felt it all over.

The switching of their positions was smooth; Spencer rolling on top to cover Ashley's torso with her hands and mouth. Ashley responded to Spencer like a puppet, arching into her touch, her mouth. When Spencer's eyes weren't closed they roamed over Ashley's skin with almost reverence. Her hands stripped Ashley of her belt and jeans and settled on top of her, swiftly being guided into a kiss as she slipped her thigh between Ashley's.

"I used to think about this every night before I went to sleep," she said. "I still do. It makes me so—"

"Me too," Ashley agreed, pulling Spencer more firmly against her. She kissed her hard and Spencer returned it with equal passion, groaning in time with the press of her hips.

The rest of their clothing was shed impatiently.

Everything about the way that Ashley's skin smelled and tasted drove Spencer's need into desperation. The way her body looked and felt, the way it reacted to hers and how her own reacted in turn. Her hands and mouth on Ashley felt like it was doing more to her than Ashley but of course that wasn't true. Uneven gasps and moans were traded; kisses filled with unbridled desire and intent, journeying hands until they were both certain of insanity should they have to stop now.

It was Ashley who first slipped her hand between Spencer's legs, finding her as soaking wet as she'd been on her thigh, rubbing in slow, tight circles.

With some difficulty, Spencer reached down and grabbed Ashley's hand, stilling any more movement. She pulled it away and kissed the back of it. "After." Then she was moving down Ashley's body, kissing wherever she pleased until her mouth was against the soft, sensitive skin of Ashley's thigh. Her tongue flicked over it and then her lips parted, sucking eagerly. She always thought part of her would be nervous about this but she wasn't at all. There wasn't a single ounce of self-doubt or nervousness when Spencer finally moved to take Ashley in her mouth. She needed to be with her this way, show her how much she was loved and craved in every way.

Ashley's breath whooshed in and out, quick and shallow every time Spencer would lick or suck; not shy to let her know when she was doing something particularly amazing, turning the lower half of her body into a throbbing mass of nerves. The times she'd imagined this were nothing compared to how it felt to really be with Spencer this way. She wanted to do it, too. Ashley wanted to inhabit every part of Spencer like she had done to her.

She moaned louder, more gutturally when Spencer's fingers filled her and began to move in and out; leisurely at first and then Ashley's hips were working faster, driving up harder, so Spencer increased her efforts and was rewarded with a half-strangled moan. She felt an immense sense of pride and love when Ashley finally cried out a few minutes later, her body turning into a rigid, trembling mess as she pulsed into her mouth.

When Ashley's body started to relax, Spencer wiped her mouth and kissed a way back up her body, stopping to press a gentle kiss against her mouth before dropping down to the bed, eyes to the ceiling as she waited for Ashley to catch her breath.

When she did, Ashley slipped her hand into Spencer's and laughed a few seconds later when she was asked if she was okay.

"Pretty great. Are you?"

"I am now." She rolled her head to the side, just looking at Ashley. Spencer looked at her and could list what could possibly be an endless amount of reasons she loved her right there on the spot. She turned on her side. "Do you remember that day when you said that it gets quiet when I'm with you?"

Ashley nodded. "It still does." She sounded perfectly willing to confirm that and it smoothed out the remaining tension on Spencer's face.

"It's not always quiet for me when I'm with you. It's like elements of the worst storm in however many years. Like right now, lying here with you, everything feels so still and quiet," Spencer told Ashley with a quiet, content quality to her voice. "But when you're kissing me or touching me, that's when things get loud and scary because you don't know how much I never want to stop."

"I do," Ashley said. "Believe me."

"When you love me—really love me, I feel all of it, all the time. You're like lightning and all I can breathe when we're together is you. It makes me feel alive and powerful, like I can do anything."

Ashley smiled. "You can."

"I'm sorry I freaked out," Spencer said. "Glen matters... he's so important. But this, how I feel when I'm with you, how much I love you and how much that inspires me and drives me, that matters more. And I can't pretend to anyone anymore that I don't feel it. I'm not ashamed. I've never been ashamed. Glen, he'll come around, right? It's just shock and soon he's not going to care?"

"It could be," Ashley said.

"I can deal with that."

"And if it's longer, that's okay. You can deal with that, too."

"Do you think he hates me? Shock does things to people. I'd get it."

One of Ashley's hands mindlessly roamed over Spencer's back. "Shock or not, I don't think Glen knows how to begin hating you. Me, on the other hand..."

"You hate me?"

Ashley's eyes flickered with something warm and then she nodded, moving onto her side. "So much," she said, dragging her hand down Spencer's body until it was between her legs.

Her eyes never left Spencer's face as she stroked over her, watching blue eyes trying to stay open until Spencer groaned and leaned forward, eyes falling shut the moment their heads touched. Then Spencer's hand was against the back of Ashley's head, their lips crushed together, pressing and sliding until she shifted further on top of Ashley until she was on her back, moving harder against the hand inside. Spencer's breath left her in short, heavy bursts and she groaned at the pressure of Ashley's fingers pushing in deeply.

They moved together slowly and quickly, sharing deep and shallow kisses, and when Spencer eventually sighed —more desperately than the other times, and Ashley felt the way her fingers were being squeezed tightly she pulled out. Ashley moved her hand away completely, leaving Spencer more than a little put-out.

Ashley didn't give in when Spencer grabbed her hand and tried to guide her back inside, it was when she begged, breathy and certain of what she wanted. As soon as that one word left Spencer's mouth, Ashley switched their positions and crawled down her body, stopping between her thighs.

# # #

It was with understanding that Ashley looked at Glen.

Sitting on the steps to her porch, she watched him pull up on the driveway. His expression did nothing to hide his reluctance to see her but she had to look past that. There was no way she could let this opportunity slip through her fingers, not without trying.

Ashley stood up, meeting him by the car. "I know I'm probably the last person you want to see." The way Glen walked by her without looking at her confirmed that.

Glen pulled away the moment he felt Ashley's hand on him. There was an apology flittering through his eyes when he saw her surprise, however, it failed to make it past his lips. "It's not a good time."

"I know," Ashley said. "And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not giving you the time that you need, but I have to say something. It's important." Glen was paying attention for now. "You really hurt her earlier, you know."

"That's nothing compared to what other people will do."

"Spencer doesn't care about other people right now, she cares about you."

Glen closed up as soon as his sister's name was mentioned, heading towards the house. "You know what, it's been a really long day and I just need to forget it ever happened, okay?"

"You're an idiot if you think Paula would ever treat Spencer the way you have."

"What?"

"She knows, Glen," Ashley said as Glen turned to face her again. "And she's great. She's accepting and supportive, and you know what? So are my parents. Maybe it wasn't exactly what they imagined for us and I'm sure it took a lot of time to get used to it, but they got there. So my advice is to—"

"Get over it? That's a great suggestion, Ashley."

"To not say anything you're going to regret when you're still processing. Think about what you say before you say it. You know Spencer; she's going to do everything she can to help you adjust as soon as she sees you. If you don't think you can handle that, if you're not ready, tell her. She'll understand as long as you're not being a dick. I know people talking about Spencer can be tough to deal with. Trust me I get that. But she wasn't just crying when I saw her earlier. She was shaking, she couldn't breathe. I understand that you need time to deal with this but don't forget that you owe her an apology." Glen sort of laughed at that, and Ashley raised her hands passively. "Hey, I'm just trying to help you. I'm not the person about to lose anything here if I screw up. That would be you."

Glen was shaking his head. "I love you like a sister. And Spencer, she..."

"And Spencer doesn't. It's that simple. I know it might be hard to believe, but I promise that it's not always going to be so weird to hear."

He didn't really believe her but he didn't say anything. Glen could barely process it. "Is that it?" he asked.

Ashley shrugged. "That's it."


	27. Echo

AN: Thank you so much for the thoughtful feedback. It's always good motivation to get back into a story and I was finally able to finish this chapter a week or so ago. It's been murder to get it to actually upload to the site, so at least part of the blame should go to website, right? Right.

A word of warning, as always, I don't know when the next chapter's going to be up so read this one with caution.

I hope you've all had a great holiday season and hopefully this has been worth the wait :)

* * *

Spencer and Arthur were nestled in a corner booth of a diner, the sky steadily creeping past an indigo blue that they were both using as a timer. So far their conversation had been easy and flowing, both politely avoiding a topic they knew would be discussed soon when the sky was dark.

Spencer sipped the last of her soda through the straw and smiled at the crackle, feeling like a child. It made her think of her mother, all those times Paula had broken her promise to count to three before ripping a band-aid free from her skin as a little girl. Of course, a fine drama queen, each and every one of those times had left Spencer outraged and in agony for all of ten seconds. The potential impending discomfort was already her own doing but it seemed appropriate now, to stop waiting for a later time. She'd waited long enough to have this conversation. Too long. She'd counted to three over and over again.

"Dad, do you ever really look at me?"

"Is this a trick question?" he asked around a bite of pie. Strawberry Surprise.

Spencer didn't like it when her father asked her that. She was always a straightforward kind of girl when she spoke. Her head shook and she looked down to Arthur's plate where one half of a large strawberry was hanging out of the pastry. Perhaps that was the surprise; that the strawberries were honest to God fresh fruit and not the frozen shit that turned to tasteless mush.

She supposed it was a pretty good surprise for her father. He always found joy in the smaller things in life. It was a diner pie, what could be considered smaller?

"Not a trick question. Do you?"

"Spence, you would have wandered into the middle of the road a thousand times as a little one if I never looked at you," Arthur answered.

"But I mean now, when I have more sense than to walk into oncoming traffic."

He smiled, looking to her startlingly blue eyes. This wasn't a trick question, not even a silly one. It was his daughter asking him if he saw her.

"Of course I do."

"Is that something that people —parents just say?" Spencer wondered. "Do you look at me and see me, or do you look at me and see the little girl who apparently had either a sincere death wish or superhero complex?"

"Some parents," Arthur said. "Not me. I see you, Spence. You're my daughter. There's nothing you can hide from me and nothing I ever want you to."

Spencer knew he meant every word; she just needed to hear them. Part of her regretted not telling him about her relationship with Ashley before anyone else but part of her believed that this was the right decision.

Her father was a safety net. He always caught her when she needed him to.

"Does this have anything to do with your fight with Glen?" he asked.

It wasn't exactly a fight with Glen but of course her father didn't know that. Ashley had kept telling her to lower the ranking from a fight to a disagreement. It felt better that way, Spencer agreed. It wasn't as if Glen had raised his voice to her in the few times they'd spoken in the past week, anyway. In fact, he'd barely spoken to her at all unless it was to tell her to back off and give him space or if they were around their parents at the same time.

Her head shook nervously and she reached forward, stealing the strawberry from the pie. She grinned and chewed it over and over again; a brief delay to prepare for the inevitable, of why she had brought her father to a quiet diner in the first place. It was a place she could depend on. It always had customers but was never crowded. She needed faceless people in the background but not so many that it would turn into an audience. What she had to say tonight was for her father's ears only.

"I still don't like pie," Spencer said. "But that was good." Her heart was beginning to thump with sickening force. "Dad, things with Glen are... complicated."

"Okay."

"But the important thing is that it's not a fight. I mean, it looks like a fight and there's not a lot of talking going on right now so we haven't made up, but it's not a fight. I would argue that it's a level 3 disagreement."

"Okay. What's this disagreement about?"

"I think that's the complicated part. It's one thing but then it's a dozen things."

Arthur nodded seriously but a slow smile appeared. "Do you want to explain?"

"I need to apologise first," Spencer said. "I love you. Okay? I love you and I trust you and I believe in you. Not even just as a parent, but as a guy, as a person; I trust you. And I think that's a big part of why I trust and believe in myself. I'm sorry that this conversation has taken so long when I do trust and believe in you. I want you to know that it was never about feeling afraid. It was about feeling safe."

"And now I'm starting to feel nervous."

Spencer held one of his hands. "The only reason my heart is beating out of my chest is because I don't want you to be hurt. Please don't be."

"Don't worry about me, tell me about you."

Spencer's thumb was stroking over the back of his hand and she looked right into his eyes. "You remember that time I asked if Ashley could stay over and you wondered if there was a reason I hadn't asked in a while?"

Arthur nodded, instantly clued in to what this was about. His hand tightened into a secure hold. "Your burp-fest," he said seriously.

Spencer laughed unexpectedly, a pink hue painting her cheeks. "My burp-fest? Uh, no, I believe that was yours."

"Ashley?" Arthur asked patiently. He watched her take a deep breath.

"I love her, Dad. And not like a sister or just as a friend. I'm in love with her, everything she is and who she's going to be. I have been for a really long time. I love knowing her and being with her and making her laugh. I love making plans with her, being serious or stupid. I love her body and her voice, the way she doesn't flinch at a scary movie unless someone's feet are being broken or an animal is killed. I love how she sees things. She's so black and white and I can't stand that on anybody else but I love it on her. She's so sure of what and who she believes in and I know I've always been one of them. I know I've always believed in her the way I believe in you. And this...it's not a joke or a phase. We're sure of ourselves and each other and what we have. It's special and we take it seriously. I want you to know that. And I want to share that with you."

Arthur now grasped Spencer's hand with both of his, raising them to press a kiss to the back of her hand. His eyes were bright when they finally settled on Spencer's, a little more colour to his face. "I love you so much, do you know that?"

Spencer's tears were instant and she nodded.

"Thank you for telling me, honey," he said.

"Did you know?"

Arthur smiled. "For years. Now, stand up, I'd like a hug."

Spencer laughed and stood to hug him tightly. She felt him kiss the top of her head. "I love you."

It was when they were seated again that Arthur turned serious. "This disagreement with Glen, it's about you and Ashley?"

"He didn't take it too good. I mean, he was pretty shocked. I think you could still knock him down with a feather. Unless I was holding it, then maybe he'd set fire to it."

"Spencer, some people just need time. This is just his adjustment period, that's all it is. Glen doesn't hate you and he doesn't hate Ashley. He's shocked and doesn't know how to react. This is just his way of trying to figure things out."

"He doesn't get a free pass to be a jerk just because he's having trouble adjusting to my life," Spencer said.

"I agree."

"But I don't want him to shut me out either. I want him to talk to me so I can help him understand." She ran a hand through her hair. "I don't get why he's so surprised. I couldn't have been more obvious."

Their conversation halted when the waitress refilled Arthur's coffee and smiled at his polite thanks, resuming as soon as they were alone.

"This can't be about you. I know you have the best intentions but you made a decision to be honest with Glen, right? He had no idea; this was out of the blue for him. He needs time. It's important that you give it to him."

"I didn't die, Dad. This isn't the five stages of grief he's soldiering through. He's being weird and that makes me feel weird."

"Give him time," Arthur said again. "Give him everything he needs and then it's his problem, not yours. None of this is your problem, Spence. I'm going to help Glen, okay? There's no room for any more worry here."

"It feels like there's plenty."

"Glen has always been protective over you, Spencer. Ashley too. For a long time he's been prepared to threaten potential suitors for you both in the name of sibling love. Somehow I doubt he was picturing either of you. Some people in this town are closed-minded. I think he's afraid of how it's going to affect you, not giving a second thought to the possibility that it won't. He's your big brother, he gets even a sniff of you getting hurt and his mind goes to the worst possible place. No matter what he's said or how he's said things, I promise you, Glen loves you. And I promise that I'm going to do everything I can to help him process everything, okay?"

It was then that Spencer began to feel a burdened weight fall off her shoulders.

The past week had been a slow one at school. Aside from the odd muttered comment or dirty look, neither girl was subjected to any hate-filled rants like they had expected on some level. It was Ashley who was much more prepared that sort of behaviour, always had been. Spencer was no longer as naive as she had once been but she was like her father in the sense that she saw the best in people. And if she didn't see it right away, then she would keep looking until she found it.

It was the reason why Ashley was puzzled to sit opposite Spencer and watch her pierce her fork into her tuna pasta salad, eyes occasionally blazing a path across the cafeteria where Caitlyn, one of Ramona's so-called friends was sitting.

God, Spencer had a glare on her. The nicest girls always had the best glares, Ashley thought. It looked like Spencer could burn the place to a cinder if she wanted to.

Ashley's phone vibrated on the table and she smiled when she read the message. It was Emily, asking what had happened to Spencer's face and was it Ashley's doing. She was three tables away and Ashley found her easily, shrugging her innocence. Emily widened her eyes and gestured her head.

Spencer brought her fork down roughly, furiously stabbing through the pasta and chewing with only a little less passion.

"Are you mad?" Ashley asked.

"Nope."

"You're mad."

"No, I'm furious. Sickened. Outraged. Mad doesn't begin to cover it."

Ashley looked down to what was left of her chilli fries. "I'm sorry. I have gum."

"It's not about your lunch, Ash," Spencer said.

Ashley's chair creaked when she twisted around to see what Spencer saw. She spotted Ramona and rolled her eyes. "Okay, so what'd she say?"

"Nothing original," Spencer said irritably. "Just running her big mouth in class, as usual."

"I thought you said things were cool."

"They were."

The lines began to converge with the dots. The only reason Spencer would react like this was if it was about her, Ashley knew. Spencer didn't stand up for anyone the way she stood up for Ashley, even herself. There was a bothersome atmosphere all of a sudden and Ashley wanted it gone.

"Ramona can bite me. I don't care what she says."

"Yes you do, and it was Caitlyn. Bitch." Spencer mouthed the last word but it didn't go unnoticed.

"Ignore her. I don't care enough for it to make you so mad that you resort to using the b-word."

"Well, maybe you should."

Ashley sighed. "What'd she say?"

Spencer averted her eyes and swallowed. "I used to think that all of that talk couldn't bother me more. I used to get sick to my stomach to hear idiots who didn't know the first thing about you tell me who you were sleeping with. But now that it's me you're sleeping with, now that we've been together like that, I'm— It's different. It feels different and it makes me mad when you tell me to forget about something that hurts me."

"Don't make this about us," Ashley pleaded gently, her hand covering Spencer's. "I don't want to fight. You've been telling me for weeks that if we don't react to anybody they'll move on and forget about us. You shooting fire from your eyes is as adorable as it is scary but I don't think a Kara Kent impersonation is going to do any good."

"But it is about us. People know we're together now. What they're saying about you, they're saying about me. It's exactly the same."

"You have to let it go. It's the only way people like her are ever going to get bored."

Spencer stared at her, hard enough to make Ashley worry about what was going to come out of her mouth. "Really? Let it go? That's your natural state of mind any time Mr. Foster even looks in my direction?"

Ashley smiled a little. "Okay, since when did some stupid little girl spreading a rumour compare to that freak show?"

"Since you started defending the enemy."

"I'm not defending that troll, I'm just saying—"

"Mr. Foster's a creep, but that doesn't prove he'd really hurt anybody," Spencer said flatly, shrugging her shoulder like her interest in this conversation was low, though everything else screamed the opposite. "Being a creep doesn't mean he's a bad guy, it just means that you don't invite him over for dinner."

"This conversation is heading in a direction I really didn't see coming, so... halt. Let's turn the car around. You're mad because you love me. We'll focus on that."

"We're not in a car."

"Spencer," Ashley dared to smile some. "Can we drop this before it gets ugly? I'm sorry those girls piss you off and I'm sorry there's nothing I can do about it without getting into serious shit with Ertman, but that doesn't mean I don't care if it hurts you, you know that."

"Do I?" Spencer asked. She knew she was being difficult on several levels but this was a situation that had been bothering her greatly for a long time. It was more important than having Ashley mad at her.

"I'm telling you I do."

"Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I don't need you to tell me."

"And what, if I go over there and throw down with her you'll be sold? You know as well as I do that it will make things worse." Ashley looked at Spencer in quiet speculation. "What's the matter with you? You never want me fighting."

Spencer's face softened slightly. That was the last thing she wanted for Ashley to do. "I don't want that, Ash. I don't want you to react because of me. I want you to do it because you want to. I want you to believe in yourself enough to do that just once."

Ashley frowned. "You think I don't?"

"I think you take what people say to heart."

"Oh, that's right; I forgot I fucked all those guys. Thank God I have people like Caitlyn to remind me." Ashley's eyes had darkened. Apparently a nerve had been touched. "Don't tell me what or who I believe in, Spencer."

"Fine, you tell me," Spencer said. "Tell yourself. Then prove it."

A realisation swept over Ashley like a cloud, the absurdity pulling her mouth into a smile. "My dad says that an important skill of being in a relationship is knowing when to walk away from a ridiculous fight. Pretty sure I'm being strangled by that vibe right now."

Spencer's eyes drifted upwards as Ashley rose from her seat. "This isn't stupid. And it's not like it's come out of nowhere. I'm tired of you sitting back and letting people crap all over you. Challenge them. Challenge someone."

"I challenge you that this is a ridiculous conversation," Ashley said, her tone much too light to be natural and Spencer watched her walk away, struggling to keep her face neutral.

It had been a while since they'd had a fight and Spencer's first inclination was to do as she had done with Glen and consider it as a disagreement rather than a fight, but it went deeper than that. With a sigh Spencer pushed herself up and walked away from her half-eaten lunch, following in the same direction Ashley had left, throwing a sharp glare towards Caitlyn on her way past.

Emily watched it happen and directed her own glare to that particular table, though at a different person. She wondered what Ramona had done this time.

She knew from months ago when it was a bad time to bring Ashley up around Spencer, so as soon as she had sat down next to her friend in their only shared lesson of the day, Emily had simply asked Spencer if she was all right and left it alone when she nodded and thanked her.

When it was finally time to go home Emily had seen Ashley waiting outside of the school for Spencer but she couldn't tell what kind of mood Ashley had been in. That had been hours ago. There could have been another fight, this time worse than it looked in the cafeteria. She'd tried to call both girls but neither picked up.

Now that she didn't hate Ashley, Emily abhorred the thought of having to split her time between each of them. She found herself hating Ramona more than that. Ramona ruined everything, was good for nothing. It was time Ashley and Spencer were reminded of that and stop letting her come between them.

Dark grey clouds were scattered about the sky and Emily glanced up to them distastefully, wondering when spring would finally arrive.

"You're Spencer's friend."

The voice seemed to come out of nowhere. For a second Emily wondered if she'd imagined it, but then she turned her head and located the source. She'd been on her way to Spencer's house and didn't even realise she'd made it to her street though the length of the walk wasn't exactly extensive.

It was Mr. Foster.

Emily could count on one hand the times she'd seen him in the past year. Even more unusual was a random conversation, which had never happened even once before. Was he really going to try this? She looked up to him, a searching look crossing over her face as if to say, 'Yes, what of it?'

"Yes?"

"You must be a lovely person to have such a wonderful friend," he said.

"I'm a gem."

Mr. Foster smiled. "It appears so."

He was a tall man, taller than her father. Emily's father stood at five-foot nine, a mere three inches taller than her. Mr. Foster was six-foot two, perhaps even three if she had to guess. His hair was beginning to silver around the sides and was combed back neatly. He shaved and trimmed his facial hair the same way. Neat and precise.

Emily stumbled over an appropriate goodbye.

"I have to—"

"Were you passing through, or are you here for Spencer?" Mr. Foster asked. "It may not be my place to say so but she looked like she could use a friend when I saw her this afternoon. Big frown. Lots of pouting."

"She's fine, we're just hanging out."

"You're sure?"

"I am."

"Perhaps you should double check, just to make certain," he said.

Emily was unsure why he was pushing it but she didn't like it. "I know my friend, so." She was intending to smile, kind of bitchy like she knew she could absolutely be, but she couldn't bring herself to. Emily eyed him strangely, looking like she was preparing herself to bolt. It was not unfamiliar body language to the older man.

"Yes, well, like I said, this probably isn't my place," Mr. Foster said, "but all the same, it's much nicer to see her wearing a smile."

The one Mr. Foster wore —gentle, to go with his eyes, had a curious effect on Emily. Instead of being comforting it made her skin itch like ants were scuttling all over. "Why do you care?" Emily couldn't prevent herself from asking. It happened often. She didn't mean to say a lot of things she'd said over the past few years. "Some people might find your fixation on Spencer strange. You should stop whatever it is that you're doing before they get the wrong idea."

The calm and pleasant expression Mr. Foster wore didn't seem to falter even once. Emily looked to Spencer's house which was just about in-view from this angle, though she couldn't see inside. She wished now that she'd had the forethought to leave a voicemail or send a text message to either Spencer or Ashley before leaving her house.

"You find me strange?"

"I didn't say that. I said some people might," Emily said.

"But you don't mean that, do you? You know for a fact that they do."

"I was trying to be nice."

"So you do find me strange."

Emily looked to Ashley's house now. There was a car in the driveway and she could see that the lights were on in the living room but the curtains were drawn. "I'm late," Emily said. "My friends are going to wonder where I am."

Mr. Foster pressed his lips together. "Why, you're right here in the street. Anybody could find you."

Emily stepped away and swallowed when he moved with her. "I should go inside. Spencer's a real worry wart when she wants to be." Her voice had wavered slightly and she wanted to slap herself.

"Correct me if I'm wrong Miss Cooper, but you don't know me, do you?"

Emily frowned. "You're..."

"By all means, go ahead. I did ask, after all."

"You're Mr. Foster, the town creep."

He didn't seem upset by that depiction. Aside from a blink there was no physical reaction at all. The early March wind was sharp against Emily's face the way it had been in January and she felt it seep underneath her coat, chilling her skin. It took only a few seconds of silence for the chill to percolate down to her bones. It was like cold water sinking through fabric.

"I should go," she said.

"And where did you hear that?"

"What?"

"Who taught you that I was the town creep, as you so ingeniously put it?"

His hands were deep in the pockets of his slacks but Emily kept glancing down like they were going to shoot out and grab her. She shrugged. "I don't know."

It was Ashley. Emily had overheard one of Ashley and Spencer's conversations in the classroom. They'd all been in the fourth grade and Emily had been waiting weeks for the perfect thing to talk to Spencer about. All she had to do was listen for any time that Ashley spoke about the redneck vampire until she had enough information that she could carry a conversation with Spencer. It was a few days after that she heard Spencer telling Ashley that he was not a vampire, but every time after that Ashley would call him, amongst other things, a creep. Over the years Emily had heard Ashley refer to Mr. Foster as more than a creep, using words far less ladylike than she'd care to.

"You don't know?" Mr. Foster's mouth twisted into a smile. "'Course you do. Young girls like you got memories like elephants."

"I'm an old soul."

"It was the Davies girl."

Emily shrugged again. "Town chatter."

"Really now? You're certain?"

"Yes."

His eyes lit up. "Isn't that funny? Just a second ago you had no idea."

"You must have triggered a memory."

Mr. Foster stared down at her. "Are you always late, Miss Cooper? Nobody seems to care that you're tardy."

Emily opened her mouth to speak, not knowing what it was that she was going to say to that, but someone beat her to it.

"I care."

Emily had to turn her head and see with her own two eyes to believe it. Ramona Castro was standing next to her, so close she felt the press of her shoulder against her own, holding steady eye-contact with the man opposite them.

"Sorry to break up the party, but we should get going," Ramona said. "Let's go, Cooper."

There was a clear message in her voice not to argue, but Emily would have never dared to. Not tonight.

It was more than ten minutes later when Emily stopped looking behind every time they turned a corner and another five until they were at the park. Ramona sat on a swing and waited for Emily to sit next to her to pull out a packet of Winston. Aside from their footsteps, the scratch of the lighter sparking was the first sound either of them had made since leaving Mr. Foster. Ramona took a long pull of her cigarette and turned her head away to exhale. She raised her hand several seconds later but her mouth touched the back of Emily's fingers instead of the cigarette.

Emily hadn't ripped it out of Ramona's hand, but taken it carefully, much like the way she was examining it. Emily was going to drop it to the floor and crush it under her foot. It was cancer in a stick. What Emily was going to do and what she actually did first were two very different things.

Ramona was grateful that her lungs were empty of smoke; otherwise she might have choked upon the sight of Emily Cooper raising a cigarette to her lips. Emily didn't cough but she did frown and blow out a steady line of smoke from a tight mouth.

"Bad?" Ramona asked.

"Worse." Emily saw that Ramona was reaching to get her cigarette back and so she dropped it to the floor and crushed it under her foot. "You shouldn't smoke."

"Maybe I'll stop."

Emily smiled. "Doubt it."

Ramona instantly felt awkward with Emily looking at her the way she was, like she didn't want to slap her face off. There was a long beat of silence until she asked, "What?"

Emily turned away, facing ahead. "Nothing, I just... it wasn't so long ago that I was thinking awful things about you, and now I should be thanking you." She looked confused. "Don't quite know why the words won't make it out of my mouth."

"Shock," Ramona said. "Who would've thought we'd ever be _here_?"

It took a few seconds, almost like she was inebriated and needed those few extra seconds for the light to come on, but then Emily blinked slowly. "God, I know. Maybe I'm dead. Maybe he killed me and I'm dead."

"You do tend to be dead when you're killed."

"Yeah."

Ramona sucked her bottom lip behind her teeth for a second. "So is this heaven or hell?"

"Duh."

"What?"

"Hell."

She smiled. "Are you okay?"

"No, you're being nice. It's weird."

"I didn't say I cared, I'm just asking."

Emily looked thoughtful and then like she was going to correct the girl next to her. In a split second it was decided that now was probably not the time so Emily offered a nod instead. "Need some gum," she said. "But yeah."

"You always look this white at night?"

"I have red hair."

"Yeah, but usually there's some colour to your cheeks."

"How would you know?"

"Because I'm not Stevie Wonder."

"I'm fine. Mr. Foster is just a big creep." Emily sighed, adding a smile on the end. It failed to lighten her mood.

That was putting it mildly, Ramona thought. She didn't want to frighten Emily any more than she'd already been so she settled on a nod. "People talk. Doesn't mean it's always true," she shrugged.

No, it did not. But it didn't mean it was false either.

Emily nodded and was now aware that her hands were trembling something silly. She watched Ramona look down to them. "Look, I'm more afraid to be alone with you than I was with him."

"We should get you home," Ramona said, her voice unrecognisable the way it had been in the classroom months ago when she told Spencer that Raife had cheated on Christine. Soft was different on Ramona, Emily thought. Very different.

They were halfway to Emily's house when Ramona passed over a stick of gum.

/

It took a long moment for Ashley to process what exactly her mother was telling her. It had been a long day, perhaps she'd misheard. She'd once been told that selective hearing was hereditary. She'd also been told, more than once and by both parents that they each had it. Ashley had considered herself screwed ever since.

"What?"

Christine swore her daughter did this to her on purpose, just to test how many times she would repeat herself before giving up entirely. Well, not this time. "Peter is retiring. His party is this Friday and we're invited."

"Peter... Pan?"

"Ashley."

"Peter Dalton, aka fossilised Sheriff Pete?" Ashley asked. "I thought he put off his retirement until next year?"

"He changed his mind. As citizens of the United States of America, we are allowed to do that. It's not a crime." According to Paula, Peter had recently had a health scare and no longer believed that having himself as sheriff was in the town's best interest. Christine wasn't sure whether or not to disclose that information to Ashley and ultimately decided against it. "Anyway, now that you know, I thought you'd like to go shopping after school tomorrow. I'm buying. I trust your opinion so you can help me choose something in return."

"I'll go shopping with you, but not for him. I'm not going to his party."

"Your company is not a request, Ashley."

"You can't force me to go."

Oh, Christine loved when her daughter said that. "I think you'll find that I can. Now, you are going and you will thank Peter for his service to our town and community, and wish him well. You will also congratulate him for—"

"Knocking up his wife forty years ago?"

Christine rolled her eyes. "Ashley, please, let's not go there. We are supporting Pete. He's as innocent as you and me. Well, me. You're a terror."

"Hey, I had a good teacher!"

"We have to go," Christine said, looking slightly unsure this time. "Peter has always been wonderful to us, so we shouldn't penalise him for his daughter's behaviour. We'll go and we'll probably see Carol there, but we will be civil. We will be adults."

"Adults who are secretly plotting her death," Ashley added. If she couldn't successfully do that, she supposed she would settle for saying something to Carol that would cut her to the core, ruining her forever. She just didn't know what exactly what that was.

Christine smiled. "Yes, exactly. Please don't make me do that alone. I need you there."

Ashley felt that one in the chest; an intended reaction from her mother, she was sure. However, she could hardly say no. "Can I be civil and glare at the same time?"

"If you think you can manage it."

She wasn't sure if she could do that, so to be on top form she considered asking Spencer for pointers in that area. According to yesterday in the cafeteria she had Ashley beat in that department. Maybe Spencer would be able to tell her that the anger she still felt towards Carol Dalton was perfectly normal. All anybody had to do was mention Carol's name and something snapped inside Ashley. It was like a dam that broke, leaking venomous rage into her body that spread with each beat of her heart.

Things were still strained between her and Spencer. Ashley still resented her for suggesting that she didn't believe in herself and she was still annoyed at herself for being so defensive, an emotion she no doubt shared with Spencer.

"Is Spencer going?"

"They've all been invited, even grandma and grandpa Carlin. But I don't know if Spencer is going."

Well, that was potentially a situation to be rectified immediately. There was no way Ashley was going to trust herself around Carol Dalton without Spencer by her side. She wondered if asking Zach to be Carol's bodyguard would be wholly unnecessary or a smart consideration.

"So, the whole town's going to be there?" Ashley asked. There was a nod from her mother.

"Everyone. I'm sure that once we've been down memory lane and the drinks have been flowing we'll have lots more to talk about. Scandals and secrets always come out at times like these."

"I should have waited to come out to you. This would be such a better story."

"I can forget, if you'd like? You can really set the scene. I used to want to be an actress, you know?"

Ashley smirked. "It would only work if you threw a glass of red over me and screamed at me to move out. Are you ready for that kind of drama, Meryl Streep?"

Christine slapped at Ashley's arm. "Where do you get this from? Honestly."

It was a blessing that the Davies family had no major secrets from one another or apparently Friday would be the day to dread. But even without secrets, Ashley had a twisting feeling in her gut that wouldn't go away.

With Raife home from work, Christine left to get ready for dinner. He was taking her to some restaurant in town and Ashley would have the house to herself. Generally that would be cause for celebration but of course not currently when things were still strained with Spencer.

Ashley would apologise. She'd apologise and graciously accept Spencer's apology so that they could move on. She'd meant to all day, anyway. Nobody appreciated her humour the way Spencer did and she could never stand to go too long without making somebody laugh or smile. It was always better when that person was Spencer.

She'd barely opened the front door when she heard a familiar but unanticipated voice. Ashley walked further outside to see Ramona on Spencer's doorstep.

"Next time, take an eye off your girlfriend and maybe pay some attention to your friends," Ramona said.

"What are you talking about?"

"See? You're so annoyingly selfish that you don't even know why I'm here right now."

Spencer looked impressively confused. She scratched the back of her head. "Am I supposed to know what this is about?"

Ashley had walked up behind Ramona and moved to stand next to Spencer. "Want me to get the Winchester, Spence? Bigfoot's just invaded camp."

Ramona didn't take her eyes off Spencer but she did raise a hand, putting it up in front of Ashley's face. "Take a walk. I came here to talk to Spencer."

"Am I stopping you?"

"Is Emily okay?" Spencer asked.

"No thanks to you." Ramona wasn't sure if she resented Spencer more for her apparent genuine concern for Emily despite what had happened last night, or the fact that she had no idea what went on right under her nose.

"So if Emily's okay, why are you here squealing to us?" Ashley wondered aloud.

"This really has nothing to do with you."

"Emily is my friend, so yeah, I think it does."

"Ash." There was gratitude in Spencer's eyes but also an unspoken request in the infliction to her tone. Back off until we know what this is about.

But Ashley knew what it was about. Nothing. It was Ramona using any excuse to be a bitch and make them feel awful about themselves, that's all. It was all she'd ever done. After the news Ashley had heard just minutes ago, that she would soon have to be in the same room as Carol Dalton and act like a civil human being for her mother's sake, Ashley wasn't in the mood to brush off Ramona's presence there. And now Spencer was siding against her.

Ramona gritted her teeth. It was more than a little inconvenient that Spencer and Ashley lived next door to each other. You could never just get one of them alone without the other butting in. They were a team, always. She knew she had to act quickly, so she stepped closer and pulled on the front of Spencer's top at the same time, tipping her head down to the other girl's ear. "Your neighbour is a—"

The ground rushed towards Ramona.

"Ashley," Spencer said irritably.

Ashley ignored her and looked down to Ramona instead. "Are you serious? You're really gonna come here and start something by yourself?"

Ramona bit back the dull pain in her shoulder and swung her leg out, kicking Ashley off her feet to even the score. Now that they were on the same level she didn't feel so stupid. Unfortunately the way Ashley had fallen meant that she was awkwardly sprawled over Ramona's legs. In pushing Ashley away from her, taking the necessary space she needed to get up from the ground, Ramona was on the receiving end of a blind backhand.

It wasn't coordinated particularly well but it was enough to catch the side of her mouth. She hoped she didn't look as shocked as she felt. Ramona glanced up to Spencer and hoped she didn't look even half as surprised as that. Her face heated with more than a little embarrassment and she pushed hard against Ashley to force her underneath, hitting out in retaliation. It was a slap. It stung her hand but she could have done worse. She'd wanted to do worse.

Ashley was shorter but that didn't seem to matter because they were rolling around equally matched, doing nothing more than scrapping and grabbing each other.

Spencer got close enough to nearly be knocked off her feet and grabbed Ashley's arm, pulling her away. She gripped her shoulder and carefully turned Ashley's face to expose the angry red skin of her cheek.

Ashley's eyes bugged seconds later when Spencer turned to ask Ramona if she was okay, an expression which soon turned into a grimace when she caught sight of Paula at the door. Great.

Paula's first instinct was to look Spencer over for any obvious signs of injury, and then Ashley. Her eyes took on the same look that Ashley's own mother had, the one that could express both sympathy for her obvious pain but be equalled with the same amount of disappointment. Ramona was the last to be looked at but Paula was more surprised to see the small trickle of blood at her mouth.

"Does somebody want to tell me what's going on?" she asked.

Ramona was all too eager. "Fucking Cujo over there. She practically mauled me to death."

"Oh, you were practically mauled to death?" Ashley stretched over Spencer's shoulder, who had turned around to stop her from charging forward. "_Chewbacca_ throws down and somehow I'm the animal?"

"Okay." Paula had heard enough. She gestured towards Ramona. "Come on inside, let me take a look at that cut."

For the second time in the same amount of minutes, Ashley's eyes widened. "Seriously, Mrs. C?"

"Forget it." Ramona gave Spencer the glare. "I'd rather bleed out." She didn't stick around any longer than she had to and she could feel the three of them watch her walk away.

Paula shook her head. "Inside, Ashley."

"I'm fine."

"Now."

Ashley charged inside the Carlin house with an exaggerated sigh. This was bullshit and she said as much to Spencer when they were in the kitchen. She was clued in to Spencer's anger with her as soon as their eyes met. They would have only seconds alone, so she spoke quickly.

"You know that wasn't me, right? She started it. I thought she was going to tear your face off with her teeth."

"Thank you for rushing to my defence, but next time—"

"There's a 'but' here?"

"You made her bleed for no reason, Ashley," Spencer said. "You can't do that."

Paula caught the end of that as she entered the kitchen. "At least one of you has some sense."

"You both know what she's like, so why the hell am I about to get the lecture?" The right side of Ashley's face had darkened to an even harsher red. It stung like a bitch and she tried in vain not to hiss in pain when Paula held her face and touched around the abused area.

"Because of this. Seeing you like this hurts me and I'm sure it hurts Spencer. And when I tell your mother—"

"Please don't tell her," Ashley cut in. "She has enough to deal with right now. Sheriff Pete is turning in the badge and gun this week and you know that hag will be there. I don't want her worrying about me."

Spencer felt very out of the loop. She held up her hand. "Wait, Pete is retiring? Really this time? I thought it was next year."

"I thought you knew?" Ashley said.

"No."

"I meant to tell you weeks ago. I know it's extremely short notice, but it's this weekend," Paula explained, leaving out the reason for Peter Dalton's spontaneity.

"Weeks? Why did you wait so long?"

"Chris and I weren't sure that it would be fair to ask either of you to go. But this night is going to be about Peter, and he's been such a sweetheart. If that isn't enough, he's your grandfather's friend. It would look rude if at least your father and I didn't go." She looked at Ashley with sympathy. "I know it doesn't seem like it, but this will be good for you."

"You and Dad?" Spencer shrugged. "So I don't have to go? What about Glen?"

"Yes, you do," Ashley insisted. "That's why I was on my way over here. Please go," she said. "I know we're both kinda mad at each other now but I need you there."

She was irked with Ashley but that didn't seem to play a part in Spencer's decision. If she'd had any reservations, the fierce desperation in Ashley's eyes would have knocked them down in a second anyway. "I'll be there."

Paula was grateful for that particular conversation going so smoothly. She didn't know that she had the energy to convince both of her children to attend a party they had no interest in attending. Now it was just Glen to talk to, and she would ask Arthur to handle that.

"You won't be the only person to want Carol to trip and fall, honey," Paula said, hoping she didn't need to tell Ashley that. Paula was civil to Carol because she had to be, not because she wanted to be. Part of her felt like a teenager in the way that she still wanted to slap and publically shame the woman who had been partly responsible for her best friend's heartbreak last year.

"No, but I'm the only one imagining a volcano."

/

As it turned out, every member of the Carlin's went to the party.

The town hall was packed less than an hour after the party began and many cars lined the street since the parking lot had never been extended since the refurbishment in 1965. It led Arthur and Raife to pat each other on the back over suggesting that they all walk to the hall. It was a chilly night and would no doubt sober them both back up on the way home.

Christine nudged Paula as they walked, gesturing towards a brand new Honda sedan parked up between two older cars. "This is their new car. I told you, didn't I? They have three children and go to Europe twice a year, how can they afford this on top of that on their income?"

"Obviously their parents are chipping in because there is no way a teacher and a secretary are making enough to afford this," Paula said.

"Who?" Ashley demanded. If she knew who was being discussed, she could add her valuable opinion in.

"Nobody, just a woman we used to go to school with." It was a clear brush off.

"Yeah, who?"

Spencer was walking beside Ashley, the wheels quickly turning in her head. The only person she could think of in town whose father was a teacher was Mia Sherbinski, a quiet girl in some of her and Ashley's classes. Her mother worked the desk at one of the doctor's surgeries.

"It's Mia's parents," Spencer whispered to Ashley.

"Your cousin?"

"No, Sherbinski, from school."

Glen glanced to his sister. He knew who she was talking about. Craig, one of Mia's older brothers was on the basketball team. Glen had been walking slower so that he didn't have to walk in line with his mother or little sister, hanging back with Arthur and Raife, but he didn't particularly want to be back there either so he increased his pace to pass all of them.

"Cards." He didn't look at either of the girls. "Locker room talk that I wasn't supposed to hear, but Mr. Sherbinski's supposed to be really good at it, hardly ever loses a hand. Big league stuff."

"I wonder if he'll teach me how to play." Ashley looked up to her mother and Paula and spoke loudly. "That's how they afforded the car?"

They both spun around. It was Christine who asked the questions. "What? How?"

"What?"

"What?"

Ashley shrugged. "What?" At the sight of her mother's challenging squint, she relented. "If you slip me a glass of wine, I'll tell you." A sigh signalled Ashley's triumph. "Apparently it's cards."

"Cards?" Christine echoed, turning to Paula. "Well then it's clear he has a problem. You don't get a brand new car if you're putting a five dollar bill on the table."

"Scandal number one," Ashley announced. She wondered how many more secrets would be revealed tonight.

The room was large but tables were positioned close together, either to encourage friendly interaction between the attendees or make it easier to eavesdrop on a private conversation. Christine did say that secrets and scandals had a habit of being revealed at events like this. Maybe this was why.

Arthur and Raife had looked at the cars pulling up outside the hall before they went inside and immediately pushed two tables together, leaving a larger gap between theirs and the one next to it. There were still plenty of tables left to choose from but the last thing Arthur wanted was Cindy Hill and her family to sit so close next to them after Cindy had underhandedly beaten Paula at a promotion at the hospital five years ago. There was still bad blood between them.

Ashley was looking around, searching for something. She turned to her father as they took their seats. "Where's the rest of the food?" All that was visible were nibbles, hardly enough to sustain a budgie.

"Give Betty and her friends a chance," Raife said.

Betty was Peter's older sister. She'd been a caterer for most of her life, and at eighty-seven years-old her habits had turned into stone.

"Betty?" Ashley shrugged her jacket off. "So glad I fasted since breakfast. I can't wait for the rest of the quiche and cheese on sticks."

"Be nice. I'd like to see you feed this many people and not have that sour scowl on your face the entire time."

Ashley crossed her legs and looked over to the corner of the room where Arthur had gone to join his family. Paula was giving Peter a hug and Spencer was quick to step in when her mother backed away. Glen and Arthur each offered a handshake and words of thanks. Stood next to them, dolled up to the nines, was Carol.

"I'm on my best behaviour, trust me."

Across the room, Carol smiled at Spencer. "You look beautiful, sweetie. It really means a lot that you came tonight. I'm so glad you could make it."

Spencer turned so that she had her back to Pete. The friendly approachable look she usually seemed to have vanished without warning, replaced now with impressively controlled scorn. "You don't really believe that anybody is here tonight for you, do you?"

"Of course not. Tonight is about my father."

"That's right, and I'd prefer it to be kept that way."

Carol frowned. She'd been under the impression that Spencer was the weak link. It did not bode well for even Spencer to look at her like she was garbage. "I am so sick of shouldering all of the blame. Raife was forgiven, why can't I be? Is it because I'm the woman? Well guess what, we make mistakes too. None of us are perfect."

"I don't care what mistakes you make, just don't make them with Ashley's dad," Spencer said. "The difference between you two is the fact that he's shown how truly sorry he is and has tried to make up for all of that. What have you done besides parade around town like butter wouldn't melt?"

"You listen to me right now, young lady—"

Paula had appeared at Spencer's side, wrapping an arm around her daughter. She kept her voice hushed to not attract any unwanted attention. "No, you listen to me, you piece of trash, the only reason any of us are here tonight is because of your father. That is the only reason. Nobody is interested in what you have to say, and my daughter certainly isn't. If I see you anywhere near her or any other member of my family tonight then we're going to have a big problem, do I make myself clear?"

Raife looked up to see Carol walking away from Paula and Spencer and rubbed Ashley's arm. The coast was as clear as it was ever going to get. "Ashley, I think you should come up there with me. Give Pete a hug. You haven't spoken to him since what happened and I think that's hurt him. He watched you grow up, you know, you can't punish him for the mistakes that his daughter and I made. That's not fair."

"You know what else wasn't fair? You asking me to forgive you," Ashley said. "But I did. Do you know how hard that was for me? So now you'll have to forgive me that I don't feel like going over there to hug an old man who seemed to brush his daughter's affair under the rug like it meant nothing when it was everything to me."

"You don't know that," Raife said. "You can't possibly know that when you haven't even spoken to the guy. He is a good man, Ashley."

"Yeah." Ashley's voice came out flat and disinterested, ending the conversation. She remained alone at the table and watched her father approach Peter with an awkwardness that was to be expected under the circumstances. They skipped over the handshake and their exchange of words was brief but was appreciated on both sides. It was the polite thing to do.

Ramona Castro's idea of a good time was not standing in a function room at the town hall that had smelled the same since ever since she could remember; stale cigarettes and booze from god knows how long ago to accompany the distinct aroma of fust. It was also not spending a night with her mother, but the added punch of it being a Friday didn't help matters either.

Her father would probably show up soon.

Ramona wished she wasn't in a room full of cops because a drink sounded appealing. She'd have to make do with a soft one until she could discreetly ask one of the guys from school for a flask.

She looked around and saw The Carlin's and Davies' at the opposite end of the hall. From what she could tell, Ashley looked pissed. It was difficult not to acknowledge some level of respect for her even turning up at all. She knew how difficult it had been to follow her own mother out of the house knowing that her father and his partner would probably be in attendance.

Ramona pulled at her dress a little. She hadn't seen him in almost eighteen months.

Her mother, Lana, noticed the action with an air of disgust.

"I don't know why you're trying to fix it, look at the state of you. You're beyond that, baby."

Ramona pitied her with a look. "And it looks like you're already beyond sobriety. You might want to tone it down in front of the town. Can't have them thinking ill of the sad divorcee."

"You look like a whore."

"You're drunk."

"You still look like a whore." Lana watched her daughter make the same expression her ex-husband made when they were fighting and he was doing his utmost to remain unaffected. Ramona failed, as she often did. A gifted actress she was apparently not. It made her sick. "It's no wonder your father left."

"Get a grip mother, we're in public," Ramona said. She'd had enough and reached for her mother's glass, grazing their fingers in the process.

Lana tensed, her shoulders drawn up tightly as she pulled away. "Don't touch me. Don't you lay one _finger_ on me."

"Mom, please, not here." It was impossible but it felt like all eyes and ears were on them. Ramona couldn't help feeling embarrassed.

"You make me sick. Looking at you makes me feel sick, Ramona. You're not like your sisters, you're exactly like him and I hate that. Do you understand? I hate it, can't stand it, and for you to be touching me—"

"I didn't ask to be. I didn't ask for any of this either."

Lana thought of Christine Davies who had arrived with her family —husband included— and felt another pang of jealousy stab through her. "Oh, please, with your behaviour at school, and your attitude everywhere else? We're lucky your father stayed as long as he did."

"Maybe it was because of you," Ramona accused.

"No, it was you, always getting into trouble, always wanting his attention when he was busy. Why would anyone stick around for you?"

"I don't know mom, but as this is a special occasion and you could almost pass as lucid, let me ask you a question. Why would daddy rather fuck a woman who looks like an emu than stick it in you? Is it because he finally stopped loving a mean control freak or was it because he realised he never loved you to begin with?"

The strike to Ramona's face was sharp.

People saw. It would be discussed at almost every table before the night's end.

Lana didn't feel anything until she saw the betrayed eyes of her daughter, and then she felt like she'd been punched in the stomach. The shame should have burned her skin off. She gasped. "Ramona..."

Ramona wrenched up her purse from the table they were standing in front of and left in a storm, leaving her mother to rush after her. She didn't care; she just had to get out of there as quickly as possible. Somebody bumped into her, or maybe they bumped into each other but she wasn't in the mood to shoulder any more responsibility for pain, so she spun around with a glare.

It was Spencer.

"Are you blind?" she screamed.

"Um, sorry?"

"Get in my way again and you will be."

Spencer watched Ramona stalk off with her mother close behind and laughed. God, what was it with everybody being tense? Maybe it was something in the water. Even the two women who had been in the restroom with her seemed tense, talking about something work-related that Spencer didn't understand.

After she had been steered away from Carol Dalton, Spencer had been pulled into a conversation with a group of people from school. It was only ten minutes later when she found Ashley again but it might as well have been an hour because she seemed to be struggling to keep a lid on things. A pitcher of water was on their table. But she knew that Ashley had a good reason to be tense. She just didn't know what had made it worse and Ashley hadn't been forthcoming in her explanation. At least she hadn't been so angry that the supportive rub to her back wasn't shrugged off.

Spencer found her by the punch bowl this time.

"Is it spiked yet?"

"No," Ashley grouched.

"Give it time."

She turned around and leaned against the table, watching people filtering in. The hall was still only half full. She felt Spencer looking at her. "Bobby says hi."

Spencer smiled. "He's here?"

"Somewhere."

"Oh, my God. We hardly see him at school... did you ask how he's doing?"

"It was kind of awkward, Spencer. Even if you were like twelve when you were together..."

That made Spencer smile again. She rolled her eyes. "We were not twelve."

"Whatever, he's fine, says he's all about college plans right now."

"That's good."

"Isn't it?" Ashley's voice was dripping in sarcasm. "He's also eight feet tall. If you stand next to him tonight people are going to want to take pictures."

"Have you seen Pete? As long as we've shown our faces, I don't see why we can't just leave," Spencer said. "Let me get my jacket and we can get a coffee and take a walk."

"I don't want to go yet."

"Why not?" Spencer grasped one of Ashley's hands and looked hopeful. "It'll make you feel better."

"I might see one of the guys that people say I slept with. Maybe seeing their faces will bring back all the memories."

"I didn't say I believed any of that crap!" Spencer hissed. "All I said —all I _meant_— was that you act like nothing can touch you but I know it does. And you never say anything to the people who trash you and I just don't understand why when you've always been on at me to do the same when it's me it's happening to. I said it because I love you."

Ashley lifted her head higher. "You're distracting me. I might miss someone."

Spencer looked as irritated as Ashley now, moving next to her to lean against the table and watch people filtering in. "You're being a freak."

They watched the Sherbinski family arrive and knew Paula and Christine would be over at their table at some point during the evening, never directly asking about their financial situation but doing their best to steer the conversation in that direction anyway.

The man behind them made Ashley's face twist.

"On second thought, maybe the punch was spiked."

"What?"

Ashley inclined her head forward and Spencer leaned closer to her to see around a group of people standing talking. She tried not to wince when she saw Mr. Foster. She didn't want Ashley to get herself worked up over him on the best of days, never mind a time when Ashley's fuse was at an all-time low.

"Pete was his sheriff too."

"He has no right being here."

"Well, if he does or he doesn't, it's not our business so why don't we ignore him? Or better yet, leave."

"If you want to go, go. I'm not stopping you."

"I want to leave with you, Ash," Spencer said. "Or I want to stay with you, either one as long as you snap out of it. I know tonight sucks but you've won. You see that, right? You see how coming here united, as a family, is the biggest slap in the face to her. You're stronger now. Don't paint her the wrong picture."

It was twisting Ashley up knowing that Spencer had spoken to Carol. She was the most forgiving person that she knew but there was no way she could handle Spencer forgiving that woman, talking to her like nothing had happened.

"What were you talking to her about?" she asked quietly.

"Ashley, I wasn't nice to her if that's what you're worried about. I was kind of a...bitch."

"This place is making me crazy," Ashley admitted, running a hand through her hair. "I can't get away from her. I feel like she's everywhere, and everyone is staring at me."

"Because you look amazing tonight."

"No, don't be all sweet to me when I'm being like this. It makes me feel worse and—"

"Okay," Spencer shrugged. "Silent treatment starting in three, two, one..."

Ashley abruptly turned to look at her. "No, I hate silent treatment. Just call me a stupid bitch."

"No, thanks."

"Please. It'll make me feel better."

"You are so weird."

Ashley was hurtling towards a smile when she caught sight of Mr. Foster at the end of the long table they were leaning against, guarding the punch that (unfortunately) had yet to be spiked. She was sent off-course to a glare. Why had he gone straight over there if not to annoy the shit out of her? It was clearly a ploy in her opinion. "Look at him," she seethed. "God, why is he here? Nobody likes him."

Spencer sighed. They'd been so close. "How is that weird? Ooh, he's eating cubes of cheese off a toothpick. Scary."

"Uh, so he has a weapon?"

"For the grapes?"

"Eyeballs!"

"And you call me dramatic?"

Ashley clenched and released her hands against the edge of the table. "I'm gonna kill him."

"Simmer down."

"I can't, he's baiting me. The only reason he's here is to piss me off."

Spencer's hand covered Ashley's and she rubbed the skin. "Mr. Foster is not going to make a scene in a room full of cops, Ashley. God. All he's done is show up. I don't want him here either but let's not aim the hatchet at his head just yet."

"I swear to God, if you keep taking anyone's side but mine..."

"I'm here tonight because you asked me to be. And if you hadn't have asked, I'd still be here because I know you need me, so don't stand there and say that, especially if you don't mean it. There are no sides to me other than yours, even when I think you're being an idiot."

"It didn't look that way when Ramona came over the other day."

"Because you can't just sock someone in the face when you're stressed about your current situation."

"Why not, Spencer? It's Ramona."

"I know, but... look, you're better than that. You don't have to lash out. And I know part of it was because you thought she was going all Night of the Living Dead on me, and I'm still grateful to have skin on my face." She tried to catch Ashley's eyes. "Really."

Ashley grunted and then added, "You'd look hideous without it."

"You'd still kiss me."

"Only on Halloween."

Spencer looked behind Ashley and twisted her hand underneath to hold it properly. "I'm declaring this funk over, at least for five minutes. Come dance with me."

Ashley let Spencer pull her along. "I don't really feel like busting a move."

"Shuffle your feel awkwardly, I don't care. You won't embarrass me."

"Hey."

The voice came from behind and Spencer squeezed Ashley's hand in a silent plea, continuing towards the stage where several couples and some girls from school were dancing. She was just going to ignore it. "God, this song could have been played in the Mesozoic era."

If there was a God, he was certainly testing Ashley tonight. She supposed there had to be because by his grace, she was able to keep her mouth shut.

"Hey, Spencer."

She squeezed Ashley's hand again. "Did you see what happened with Ramona and her mom? When I was on my way to find you, I wasn't looking where I was going and I bumped into her. She freaked out. Her mom was chasing after her like they'd been fighting though. Did you see anything?"

"No."

"If it did, I'm sure we'll hear about it."

"Spencer." The voice was louder this time, no way avoidable.

Ashley stopped walking and whirled around. Mr. Foster was behind them. "Do you know how to take a hint?"

"I was just stopping to say hello," he said.

"Hello." Spencer made an effort to be polite. It was the best she could manage when there was a time-bomb next to her. She tugged on her girlfriend's hand. "That dance?"

"Goodbye," Ashley added, staring up at him.

"How's the punch, Spencer?"

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I didn't have any. Ash, come on."

"It's over there," Ashley said helpfully. "Why don't you get a cup and choke on it?"

Spencer skipped right over the verbal request and pulled Ashley away.

In the end, Mr. Foster didn't end up going anywhere near the punch bowl. He walked across the hall and endured many stares and whispers as he passed. He always found it funny that none of them actually opened their mouths to say anything to his face. Yes, that was always a side-tickler.

He ended up at the bar sipping a scotch. The ice swirled and rattled inside his glass as he tipped it upright and placed it back on the bar. Someone stood beside him. All he saw at first as a white sleeve, and then he glanced upward.

Raife smiled politely prior to ordering two bottles of beer and two glasses of red wine from a female bartender. She left to get his order and that left the two men alone.

"I thought I told you to stay away from my girls," Raife said.

"From my understanding, you're only father to one of them."

"Make no mistake, Spencer is still my girl. I don't want you near her." When his order was complete, Raife handed the money over and waited patiently for his change. He slid it into his pocket and then picked up his drinks. "Let's not have this conversation again."

/

After their run-in with the bane of Ashley's existence (her own words), she didn't much feel like dancing so Spencer suggested some fresh air being good for them. She'd been right, of course. The crisp air had a sobering effect on Ashley even if she was still furious that she had to spend an entire night around two people she couldn't stand.

When they saw Mr. Foster leave the building, Ashley's little smirk was victorious.

She absolutely felt like dancing now.

They practically collapsed on their seats six songs later. Ashley called dibs on the entire pitcher of water after pouring Spencer half a glass —and apologising about her need being greater because being a bitch was thirsty work. Spencer had shaken her head and leaned over her father to reach or the pitcher on her family's table instead.

There hadn't been a single time Spencer had looked at the main entrance in the past five minutes and not seen people arriving, waiting to greet Pete before taking their seats. Lydia had walked past her table and smiled, uttering a simple greeting as she passed, and Spencer had been amused to see a glint of jealousy in Ashley's eyes from the time Ashley had worked herself up enough to imagine Lydia whispering intimately to her during a movie. Spencer felt pretty good about herself.

It lasted long enough to see a dark-haired girl saunter over to their table and fix her eyes upon Ashley.

"Hey, Ash," the girl smiled.

Ashley's mouth curled unpleasantly without much thought "Hey, Megan," she sighed. They hadn't seen or spoken to each other since Spencer had caught Megan kissing her outside her house. Spencer looked cute when she was jealous, as was evident by the long face she was wearing, looking anywhere but there.

"Been a while," Megan said, looking considerably more hopeful than her opening words. "How've you been?"

"Not long enough."

Megan directed a scowl towards Spencer and lifted her head in the air, walking away with what little pride she had left.

A slow smile was working its way onto Spencer's face and only widened when she saw Emily standing in line next to her father, flailing an arm in the air.

"Hey, Spencer!"

Glen looked unimpressed at the way Emily's voice had travelled so well from across the hall. "Why are you still friends with a banshee?"

"Shut up, Glen," Spencer said, waving her friend over.

Emily hobbled over like one leg was considerably shorter than the other. "Hi, guys," she said, smiling politely at Ashley and Spencer's parents. "You look great."

"You look beautiful."

Ashley's eyes bugged when she saw her. Apparently Emily had a figure when a dress was painted on. She whistled and laughed at Emily's roll of the eyes. "Wow. You look...different." Ashley leaned sideways to see around the table. "But what's wrong with your leg?"

"Oh, it's my stupid shoes. I got them on sale and the heel snapped on the way from the car."

"That's what you get for being cheap," Glen said.

"Glen," Arthur warned while something caught Emily's eye across the hall.

"And sitting over here while your girlfriend sits across the hall with another guy, that's what you get for being a jerk."

Actually, that was Glen's reward. Brooke hadn't been able to deal with her boyfriend's sister being gay and did not hesitate to insult both her and Ashley at the drop of the hat ever since she'd found out. Glen had called it off last week.

"Must be," he said.

Spencer looked apologetic and her voice was soft. "I didn't know you broke up."

"Why would you?"

Emily felt the tension and was uncomfortable. She spoke to Ashley. "Find me later?"

"Might be sooner than that," Ashley muttered.

"I guess I wouldn't," Spencer shrugged. "But I'm sorry, Glen. I know how much you liked her."

"Maybe you can ask her out when you and Ashley break up. She's a bitch with a big mouth. That's your type, isn't it?" He shot an icy look towards Ashley as he got up from his chair and headed over to the corner of the hall where most of his friends were held up.

Spencer caught the beginning of Paula's apology to Ashley and Christine before she was out of her seat, following after Glen in quick strides. Her hand reached out for his arm when hers was taken and she was pulled away, led in another direction.

Ashley led them outside of the main room, walking down the hallway for some privacy.

"What are you doing? I have a brother to slap."

"Stopping you from making a scene that you'll only regret," Ashley said.

"Did you hear what he said?"

"Yeah. I don't know why you look so mad; I am a bitch, and I do have a big mouth. It's this hole in my face that gets me into so much trouble, remember? And is also why I'm apologising for earlier. I'm sorry I was a brat."

It had always been a little confusing for Spencer to be peeved at some of Ashley's behaviour and yet still feel the need to shield her from Glen's —or anyone else's— equally as big mouth. "I don't want him talking about you like that."

"So tell him. Say, 'hey, you, don't talk about my girlfriend like that. She's awesome and hot and so thoughtful sometimes I could die, and she won't think about going easy on you the next time you're playing videogames, so keep your cake hole shut.'"

"I can imagine his response."

Ashley smiled when Spencer's shoulders relaxed. "Isn't it fun? I love that game."

"Look, Ash, I meant it when I said the only reason I said what I did in the cafeteria and at my house was because I love you. I know you're still mad at me for even suggesting it but I think it needed saying, so I'm okay with that. But I am sorry if it hurt you. And I know we still need to talk —this so isn't the place, but we're in this together tonight. Foster's gone, and Carol's just a cockroach. Mom already stepped on her when she tried to speak to me earlier."

"Really?"

"It was so cool. My mom was like ice, it was amazing."

"Tell me she cursed her out."

"She called her trash."

It figured. Paula Carlin was a lady, after all. Ashley was still grateful for her support. There would have to be a tight hug before the end of the night. She leaned in to give Spencer a kiss and then they made their way back. Arthur was gone, probably talking to Glen, and Christine was sat talking at the Sherbinski table.

Ashley and Spencer's reappearance halted Paula and Raife's conversation.

Ashley's hand was on Paula's shoulder as she walked around her to get to a seat. "Heard a thank you is in order."

Paula's confusion didn't last very long. She smiled. "That's not necessary, Ashley."

"Sure it is. Should we hug it out, or do you wanna go high?"

Paula lifted her hand in the air to slap against Ashley's. She also wanted a hug, because it wasn't very often that Ashley was physically affectionate and Paula cherished every time she was.

When Ashley and Paula were occupied, Raife put his arm around the back of Spencer's seat. "Everything okay?"

"I'm a little bored," Spencer admitted with a smile, "but everything is good." The night was always going to be a yawn-fest. It was a retirement party.

"What did Foster want?"

"I don't know. Nothing. He said hi..."

"That it?"

Spencer nodded. "Pretty much, before Ashley told him to choke on the punch."

Raife smiled. That was his girl.

/

Emily felt uncomfortable in her dress.

She didn't dress up often and she wondered why she'd even brought a new dress anyway. There were plenty in her closet that she could have worn. But it was nice to be complimented, she conceded. And who would have ever thought Ashley Davies would sincerely compliment her?

There weren't many people there from school that she, Spencer or Ashley knew yet but hopefully Angela and Maria would hurry up and get there soon. Or any of the people that they knew and spoke to casually. They were always a life-saver at times like these.

Her father put his hand on her back. "I'm going to the bar, do you want something to drink?"

"I'll just get some punch," Emily said. "Hopefully nobody's spiked it yet."

He headed off towards the bar and so she did another sweep of the hall to see who was sitting where. There were three little old ladies sipping sherry in the corner that she could have sworn died at least two to three years ago. How surprising. Then again, the elderly always soldiered on, didn't they? Always more resilient than they were given credit for.

She turned to sit down and was startled to see her mother standing behind her.

Emily had thought about this moment many times before but still remained unprepared and blindsided. She was forced into a situation where she was the deer in the headlights, without even her father there to shield her.

"Hi, sweetie," her mother greeted cautiously. "You look so grown up." She watched Emily's eyes be drawn to where her arm was linked with her partner's. "You... you remember Nigel."

Nigel extended his hand. "It's good to see you, Emily."

Emily turned to leave but her mother stepped forward and touched her arm. "Emily, wait. It really is good to see you. I've missed you so much."

"Well, if you couldn't tell from the way I haven't replied to any of your letters or e-mails, I haven't missed you, Valerie, so if there's a point to this then you should get to it before dad sees you." She looked up to Nigel. "You can stay. I can watch my dad can punch your lights out."

Valerie swallowed that comment with difficulty. "If you'd like to come over to our table later... when you've had time to—"

"No. If you have something to say, say it now."

"I wanted you to know that Nigel and I... we're engaged. We wanted you to hear it from us rather than anywhere else."

It was the strangest thing, hearing one of your parents announce an engagement to someone other than each other. Emily stared back at them blankly as it sank in. Her eyes were the only part of her face that indicated how angry she felt. She looked to Nigel.

"You have my condolences," she said, not meaning it at all but saying it anyway. Emily didn't wait around to hear anything else her mother had to say and made a beeline for the exit.

She needed some air.

It didn't matter how ridiculous she looked storming away with one leg shorter than the other, thanks to her snapped heel. The main thing was getting outside. It was almost like she'd been holding her breath for the entire conversation and as soon as the first blast of fresh air hit her face she could finally breathe.

And when Emily could breathe, she could feel the pain as prominent as the betrayal.

It felt worse than hearing her mother's broken apology the day she'd come clean to her, because now there was no chance in hell of things ever going back to how they'd once been. She hadn't talked to her mother much since that day. Emily avoided her as often as she could because she'd betrayed her, broken apart their family, and she could just as easily do it again if given the right amount of power. There was no way Emily was giving her that. Not ever.

And there was no way she was going to spend one more minute walking like she had a wooden leg. She hobbled over to the closest bench and sat down heavily, slipping one of her heels off. The ground was cold underneath her foot so she rested it on top of her other foot. Her shoe was repeatedly and violently slammed against the ground.

"What're you doing?"

Emily had no need to glance upward.

Ramona had asked one question but her tone asked another, wondering if Emily had lost her mind.

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Trying to wake the ants, or to make yourself look stupid. I'm not sure which one you were aiming to achieve first but congratulations on both, since I'm pretty sure I just saw an army of ants scuttle away from you like you were a can of Raid."

Emily continued to thrash her shoe against the floor. "Like I care what you think."

"Seriously, what are you doing?"

"I'm trying to break it!" she answered impatiently, annoyed with its durability. "You'd think it'd snap like a piece of spaghetti like the other one did, but no, things can't be that simple. Emily can't look nice for more than five minutes at a time."

Ramona went to sit beside her on the bench and held her hand out for the shoe. It wasn't handed over. "Give it."

"No."

"What, am I going to steal _one_ shoe? Give it to me." Ramona groaned when Emily refused, and took off one of her shoes. She extended it. "You're so stupid. Swap."

Emily reluctantly swapped shoes and watched Ramona lean down and put force on the heel at an odd angle, trying to snap the heel for her. It was a weird sight to see and she came to the conclusion that the reason her eyes moved from Ramona's hands to look at her over from head to toe practically, was because it wasn't every day that this sort of thing happened to her.

Emily wondered why Ashley called Ramona any variation of Chewbacca or Bigfoot because it was the most absurd accusation she'd ever heard in her life. Ramona's hair was long and thick but it hung loose and glossy, curled lightly around the bottom as it fell around her face, and the purple dress she wore clung to her body in a way that was still shy of being tight. Emily envied her figure so much.

Ramona moved her foot and used her leg as an added force. Something snapped several attempts later.

"Was that your shoe, or mine?"

Her mouth twisted into a reluctant smile but only for a second. She handed Emily her shoe back, sans the heel, and put her own back on. "Don't bother thanking me."

"Wasn't going to."

"It's still going to be weird to walk in those."

"Yeah," Emily sighed, not caring. Anything would be better than how it felt before. "So why are you here tonight? I thought the cool kids avoided this sort of thing?" Her choice of words was not pleasing.

"Don't call me that."

"Why not?"

"It's stupid."

"Appropriate, then."

"Are you always like this with people who help you?"

"Only with people who attack my friends," Emily said. "I didn't think you'd have the guts to show up here after that. Is that why you're hiding outside?"

"No," Ramona replied with a small shake of her head. "I just felt like some air." When Emily made a small sound, she asked, "What?"

"I figured you'd be used to not being able to breathe, that's all. Aren't you from the east wing of Hell?"

"South." Emily just gave her a dirty look and Ramona gave up trying to figure out why. "Did someone piss in your cereal this morning, because it wasn't me, I swear."

"You have to ask?"

Emily couldn't stand that. Her mother acted like that all the time. She didn't know how it was possible for someone to hurt another and then act like they had no idea what they'd been doing. Even if people were stupid, nobody she knew was dumb enough not to know how their words and actions could tear a person apart inside.

The news that her mother was getting married again had torn through her.

"I thought I'd made a mistake. I thought I owed you an apology as well as thanks. Then I hear from Ashley and it turns out to be the biggest joke I've ever heard."

"That's me."

"Yeah, it is."

Ramona frowned. "So, that's it? That's why you've been giving me evil's, because you think I went to your friend's house looking for a fight?"

Emily shrugged. "I think you've been quiet lately, probably waiting for an excuse to pounce."

"I hate to discredit your hypothesis Cooper, but if I wanted a few bruises to go along with a sore body my first thought would not be the Siamese twins."

"They're not even related. Besides, it's conjoined, not Siamese."

"Okay?"

"Look, Ashley and Spencer being together the way that they are... it was such a shock. I almost died when she told me. But Spencer is one of my best friends, and Ashley, well, she's not as terrible as I used to think. So when I hear that, one, you've been talking about my friends again, and two, that you used one of them as a punching bag, I get upset. It's human nature, not that you'd know anything about that. You don't choose who you fall in love with, okay. That's the point. And if you and your stupid hoard of minions find that something to ridicule then I feel even more sorry for you than I already do."

"It wasn't," Ramona said after a minute.

"What?"

"Shocking. I always knew."

"How?"

"Something in my gut?"

Emily shook her head. "I know you hate them as much as they hate you, but at least they don't always find ways to attack you. Lay off them."

"You're out of order, ginger snap."

"Don't call me that and no I'm not."

Ramona frowned. "What do you keep talking about? I haven't said anything about Ashley or Spencer."

"You don't have to deny it. I know you'd love the credit. But you should know that all you're doing when you make fun of them is make people hate you more." Ramona was looking at her strangely. "What, is that a shock? You think just because you're one of the most popular girls in school that people don't hate you? In this town it pretty much means the opposite even though they're too afraid to say it."

Ramona breathed out a laugh. "Lucky for me you're fearless." She got to her feet. If she'd ever deluded herself into thinking that they could have more than one civil conversation, the spell had been broken. "While you're stranded up there on your high horse, do me a favour and make a list of all the times you've seen or heard me make fun of your friends over their not-so-shocking announcement. When you're through with that, make a list of the times I ever brought up Ashley's dad getting his leg overwith that Magda wannabe."

Emily leaned forward, the tips of two fingers touching to her chest. "I'm the bad guy? That's rich."

"No," Ramona said, "you're just an idiot. But maybe you're right, I don't know. I haven't been feeling myself lately, no doubt due to some sort of withdrawal from not making Spencer and Ashley miserable. I'm sure I'll be feeling like a new person come Monday morning at school. I'll make sure Spencer has the most memorable day to date."

Emily's glare was something fierce. "You're a bitch," she spat out venomously. "You're a loser —no, you're _the_ loser. You're a coward and a sheep, and I bet underneath all of that you're the saddest, loneliest girl in this town."

It was said before she could stop herself.

The words were registering all over Ramona's face and there was no possible way Emily could look away from the resolve beginning to crumble or the tears making her green eyes shine. Emily's face fell, and when Ramona looked at her again, wounded, she jumped to her feet. It didn't make her feel any taller.

She reached out to catch Ramona's wrist a she turned away. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that."

It was hardly a surprise that Ramona left anyway.

/

An important announcement had been made.

As soon as she heard it —over Spencer telling her that Mr. Purdy had just arrived with his wife, Ashley stopped mid-laugh. She stared at her with wide eyes. "Yes!" she exclaimed, and then joined their hands, taking off to the food tables.

The biggest surprise had been a slight variation in Betty's usual menu. Ashley figured it was the special occasion but didn't dwell on the why for long when she could focus on the how. How much could she eat in one go?

She'd had to double her paper plate up and hold an open hand underneath as she piled the food on.

Spencer's was getting full too. She looked to a woman next to her and saw her plate only half full. Fastest way to feel like a pig. She transferred some of her dinner over to Ashley's plate. "Can you look after these for me?" she asked.

Ashley nodded even as her plates were bending further against her hand. She hadn't heard what Spencer said because she'd just spotted what looked suspiciously like a spiced layer cake with pecan frosting. It was Margaret's signature cake from the bakery.

The night was looking up.

When it became a chore to keep the food on the plate each time she made a move, Ashley granted it time to put that plate down at her table and begin with another. She walked with her free hand held in front of her plate like a shield.

"Ash, do you have room for one of these chicken wings?"

As if she had any dignity left anyway.

Ashley twisted around and opened her mouth, letting Spencer shove it into her mouth to be clamped by her teeth.

They made it to their table and Spencer took her chicken wing back gratefully.

"Did you see that cake?" Ashley asked, followed by a groan. "I can't wait."

Christine spotted the mountain of food on her daughter's plate. "Jesus Christ, Ashley."

Spencer laughed. "She's going back for more."

"Only when she finishes that plate first."

Ashley considered it as sort of a challenge; one she knew would be passed. It had been a long day and she was starving. She was left alone at the table with Spencer while their parents went to fill their own plates and her teeth had just sunk into a finger sandwich when Emily walked up to the table looking anxious and contrite.

Spencer noticed first. "Are you okay?"

"No."

Something about her tone made Spencer go from looking concerned to sympathetic. "Is your mom here?"

"No. Well, yeah, but that's not why I feel like this —even though she did corner me and tell me about her engagement, leading me to storm out and act like a big bitch."

"Oh, my God. Em, I'm so sorry."

Even Ashley felt sorry for her. "That sucks. Do you want some chicken?"

"No." Emily looked between them both. "I went outside and I was mad. I was trying to fix my shoe. Ramona was there." Ashley made a disgusted sound and Emily was eager to stop her from saying anything. "No, but she didn't say anything to me. Nothing bad. But we ended up in a fight anyway. I was a bitch, and—"

"You? No."

Ashley's mocking didn't even register. Emily continued. "Spencer, either the wind was blowing into her eyes or I made her cry."

"Ramona doesn't even have tear ducts." Except for that one time when they were children but that didn't exactly count. Kids were stupid. They cried at anything.

Spencer shot Ashley a silencing look.

Emily sagged in the seat. "Ashley, I don't suppose you'd do me a favour now that we're friends?"

"After my dinner."

"Can't it wait? She looked really upset. Can you just find her and make sure she's not alone?"

Ashley looked amused. "Willingly leave all of this to go find a girl I can't stand?"

"Please, Ash," Spencer added. She didn't know what had happened but if Emily was this upset, it was important to her.

"Later."

"If you go now, you have more chance of finding her. Maybe you can both apologise about the other day, too? It can be a fresh start on both sides."

"And then the pigs will fly."

"Please?"

Ashley had devoured another mini triangle sandwich. She leaned over to wrap her arms around Emily. "But we have a friend in emotional anguish. How will I sleep tonight if I leave her right now?"

Spencer smiled. "I'm sure you'll manage."

This time Ashley's hands carefully held food she would be taking on her pointless journey. She heard Spencer and Emily's grateful thanks and walked around the table, leaning down to talk quietly.

"Will you get me some cake?"

"The biggest piece," Spencer said, kissing her on the cheek until Ashley turned properly to kiss her on the mouth. "Unless you want me to go with you?"

"No, I'll be ten minutes. The cake could go."

Spencer nodded seriously. That was her mission.

Ashley added a mini pizza to the pile of food in her hand and accepted a slice of cucumber from Spencer (she ate her greens every day to balance out the junk). "And I want a gold star tonight," she told her before heading off.

Emily took that at face value and added her opinion that it was a little childish for a young woman of Ashley's age to be bribed into good behaviour for a shiny sticker, but she hadn't noticed the slight blush on Spencer's face.

Emily shouted out to Ashley's retreating figure, "She left like she was going home!" She watched Ashley raise her arm to let her know she'd been heard, and then a thought sprang to mind. She turned to Spencer after a moment. "You know, you just talked about how they both owe an apology but I didn't ever hear you offering one for when you bulldozed into Ramona that one time in P.E," Emily said.

"That was..."

"Different?"

"No, not different." Spencer's face began to contort. Eventually she sighed. "I hate being a hypocrite. Do you think we should catch up? I can tell my mom to get the cake and we could all go together. Can you imagine the look on Ramona's face if we all did? She'd probably die."

"In a few minutes? I need to think about what to say... I was really mean, Spencer. I was awful," she sighed. "What happened that day with you and her, anyway?"

"She was talking about Ashley," Spencer explained. "I heard them fighting and I was going over to break it up but Ramona said something that I couldn't help but react to. I shouldn't have, I know that. It's weird because Ashley's one of the strongest people I know, she always has the perfect retort and knows exactly when to say things, but when someone talks about her... it twists me up inside. It's like she's the sweetest, most gentle girl in the world and it's my job to protect her."

"Sweet and gentle? You've met Ashley, right?"

Spencer swatted Emily's arm. "She is with me."

"You really love her?"

"I do."

"That's so weird," Emily said.

"Because we're girls?"

"Don't insult me like that. No, because you're so sure. I've never even come close to feeling anything like that. Sometimes I think I never will."

"Yeah, it's time to start worrying. You're seventeen, for god's sake."

"Are you being sarcastic?"

"Very."

"The boys in this town act like I have leprosy."

"There's a whole world out there, Em. You'll meet your perfect guy when the time's right."

Emily blinked. "Thanks, grandma."

"My grandma would never say that. She says that most boys don't know what they want, all you have to do is tell them."

Emily snorted. "Right. I'm going to go up to the next cute guy and say, 'you don't know this, but you want to date me."

Spencer nodded. "And that they have medication for leprosy these days, so he doesn't even have to worry."

Her arm stung where Emily slapped her.

/

Ashley manoeuvred the streets quickly, heading in the direction of Ramona's neighbourhood. It wasn't all that far from her own. There were few things she'd be more reluctant to do than spend time alone with Ramona Castro but she admitted —reluctantly and only to herself so far— that Spencer was right. She didn't mean to hit her the other day, it was just her reaction given the sour mood she'd been in and thinking that Ramona was starting a fight.

The sky was heavily clouded and looked minutes away from raining. Her jacket was back at the hall and she bit into her mini pizza while contemplating turning back but there was really no point. This wouldn't take long. Plus, talk about the perfect excuse to go back in a few minutes. Emily could come across as a little heartless sometimes but Ashley had confidence that even a sharp-tongued Emily would find it difficult to send her back out into the rainy night.

She exaggerated a moan as she chewed the last bite of pizza. "Mmm."

Ashley was looking down to the food in her hand, trying to make a decision between the two finger sandwiches she had left.

She never did get chance to make it.


End file.
